"In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story." - Ben Bova [ more quotes ]
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Saturday Night Live - Slumber Party
Written by the brilliant Marilyn Suzanne Miller, (who later went on to write for "Murphy Brown") this script excerpt from season #1 (episode #19) showcases Madeline Kahn, Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman and Gilda Radner as slumber party girls discussing where babies come from.

SNL - Slumber Party [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 101 - Cartman Gets An Anal Probe
Written by Matt Stone & Trey Parker

"...While the boys are waiting for the school bus, Cartman explains the odd nightmare he had the previous night involving alien visitors abducting him from his bed..."

This is the first episode of the television series.
South Park - 101 - Cartman Gets An Anal Probe [.TXT]

South Park - 102 - Weight Gain 4000
Written by Matt Stone & Trey Parker

Eric Cartman wins a national essay contest which brings a special treat to South Park--a visit by Kathie Lee Gifford!
South Park - 102 - Weight Gain 4000 [.TXT]

South Park - 103 - Volcano
Written by Matt Stone & Trey Parker

Stan's Uncle Jimbo and Jimbo's war-buddy Ned take the boys for their first hunting trip in the nearby Rocky mountains. Their simple trip becomes a life-and-death situation when it is discovered that the mountain they are on is an active volcano, ready to erupt at any moment.
South Park - 103 - Volcano [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 104 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boatride
Written by Matt Stone & Trey Parker

When the boys make fun of Stan's new dog Sparky (George Clooney) for being gay, Sparky runs away and finds himself at the doorstep of Gay Al's Gay Animal Sanctuary.
South Park - 104 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boatride [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 105 - An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig
Written by Matt Stone, Trey Parker and Dan Sterling

The boys experiment with genetic engineering when they try to cross-breed an elephant with Cartman's pet pot-bellied pig "fluffy."
South Park - 105 - An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 106 - Death
Written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker

Stan's 102 year-old grandfather tries to trick the boys into killing him.
South Park - 106 - Death [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 107 - Pinkeye
Written by Matt Stone, Trey Parker and Philip Stark

Kenny causes most of the town to become zombies after he is accidentally embalmed with Worchestershire sauce.
South Park - 107 - Pinkeye [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 108 - Damien
Written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker

Satan comes to South Park after his son, Damien, is enrolled in school with the boys.
South Park - 108 - Damien [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 109 - Starvin' Marvin
Written by Trey Parker

The boys decide to sponsor an Ethiopian child so they can get a free Taiko Digital Sports watch, but a mix-up sends the Ethiopian child to South Park instead.
South Park - 109 - Starvin Marvin [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 110 - Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo
Written by Trey Parker

The gang learns the true meaning of Christmas from Mr. Hankey, a singing, dancing piece of poo.
South Park - 110 - Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 111 - Tom's Rhinoplasty
Written by Trey Parker

South Park Elementary School hires a pretty new substitute teacher when Mr. Garrison leaves to have plastic surgery.
South Park - 111 - Tom's Rhinoplasty [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 112 - Mecha Streisand
Written by Trey Parker, Philip Stark and Matt Stone

While on an archaeological dig, the kids discover an ancient artifact that unleashes the evil power of Barbra Streisand on the world.
South Park - 112 - Mecha Streisand [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 113 - Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut
Written by Trey Parker and David Goodman

Eric scours the town to discover who his father is.
South Park - 113 - Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut [.TXT]

South Park - 201 - Terrance & Phillip In "Not Without My Anus"
Written by Trisha Nixon and Trey Parker

Terrance and Phillip try to save Canada from Saddam Hussein.
South Park - 201 - Terrance & Phillip In Not Without My Anus [.TXT]

South Park - 202 - Cartman's Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut
Written by Trey Parker and David Goodman

Mephesto is shot before he can reveal the identity of Eric's father.

South Park - 202 - Cartman's Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut [.TXT]

South Park - 203 - Chickenlover
Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and David Goodman

Officer Barbrady resigns from the South Park police force when it is discovered that he can not read. Meanwhile, the town is thrown into chaos when they discover a serial chicken "lover" is on the loose.

South Park - 203 - Chickenlover [.TXT]

South Park - 204 - Ike's Wee Wee
Written by Trey Parker

Kyle tries to save his little brother, Ike, from his Bris when he thinks it means they are going to chop off his wee wee. The school counselor, Mr. Mackey, loses his job when Principal Victoria thinks he has a drug problem.
South Park - 204 - Ike's Wee Wee [.TXT]

South Park - 205 - Conjoined Fetus Lady
Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone, David Goodman

After suffering a dodgeball injury, Kyle is sent to the school nurse, a seemingly normal woman who just happens to have a conjoined fetus sticking out of her face.
South Park - 205 - Conjoined Fetus Lady [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 206 - The Mexican Staring Frog Of Southern Sri Lanka
Written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone

The boys learn all about the horrors of Vietnam from Uncle Jimbo and Ned.

South Park - 206 - The Mexican Staring Frog Of Southern Sri Lanka [.TXT]

South Park - Episode 207 - City On The Edge Of Forever
Written by Trey Parker and Nancy Pimental

The boys recall some of their past adventures while their school bus hangs precariously over a gorge.

South Park - 207 - City On The Edge Of Forever [.TXT]

South Park - 208 - Summer Sucks
Written by Nancy Pimental & Trey Parker

The boy's hopes of a explosive 4th of July celebration are dashed when the state of Colorado bans fireworks.
South Park - 208 - Summer Sucks [.TXT]

Star Trek: The Next Generation - 101/102 - Encounter At Farpoint
Written by D.C. Fontana and Gene Roddenberry

Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) takes the newly re-built U.S.S Enterprise-D and its crew on its first mission -- to discover the mystery of the creation of Farpoint Station.

SCRIPT NOTE: This script was split in half and aired as two episodes, 101 and 102.

STTNG - 101 - Encounter At Farpoint [.TXT]

The Stone Tape
Written by Nigel Kneale

An electronics company, investigating new forms of recording media, moves their research division into a derelict old house. Renovations to the house are almost complete except for one room which the workmen refuse to enter. When division head Peter (Michael Bryant) and computer programmer Jill (Jane Asher) inspect the room, they discover the "ghost" of a Victorian chambermaid, repeatedly enacting her death.
Stone Tape, The [.TXT]

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