"In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story." - Ben Bova [ more quotes ]

"MYSTERY MEN"

Screenplay by

Neil Cuthbert

Based on the Dark Horse comic

created by Bob Burden

Revised June 6, 1997



THEME AND CREDITS...

FADE IN:

EXT. ERIE HOSPITAL FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY

CAMERA MOVES THROUGH a tangled jungle of razor wire, finally
COMING INTO VIEW of a foreboding, fortress-like old
institution, surrounded by towers and gun turrets. Screaming
and horrible laughter is heard from within...

CLOSE ON a sign that reads "Erie Hospital for the Criminally
Insane"

...This is where the worst killers and psychos go.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

THE CAMERA PANS THE EXPRESSIONLESS FACES of the REVIEW BOARD
as CASANOVA FRANKENSTEIN sits across from them. Dressed in
an immaculately tailored prison smock (with "Casanova"
exquisitely embroidered above the pocket), he sits contritely
as DOCTOR EMMET BIERCE, the hospital's fatherly Chief of
Psychiatry, presents his case.

BIERCE
No one can deny the horrendous nature
of Mr. Frankenstein's crimes, but in
the twenty years he has been with
us, I have never seen a patient turn
his energies to more productive use.

CASANOVA, the picture of remorse and repentance.

BIERCE
Just look at his accomplishments...
three volumes of poetry, two rock
operas, a sculpture garden, four
romance novels... and who can forget
his touching portrayal of Billy
Bigelow in our all-psychotic
production of "Carousel"...

ON SEVERAL OF THE BOARD getting misty eyed at the memory of
that brilliant performance...

BIERCE
Directed by our own Doctor Anabel
Leek.

ON DOCTOR ANABEL LEEK, the hospital's icily beautiful, ultra
cool, top shrink.

A moment later Casanova addresses them... His manner is
charming, sincere, his voice soft, filled with emotion. He
is a master of seduction.

CASANOVA
Twenty years ago I was a lost soul.
Loveless...
(with a son-like glance
at Doctor Bierce)
Fatherless...
(chokes on the word)
A... psycho!
(breaks down sobbing)
Oh! How could I have done it? The
murder... the mayhem... all of those
lovely young girls!
(weeping, a brilliant
performance)
I'm sorry! I'm SO SO SORRY!

Doctor Bierce wipes the tears from his eyes. Reactions from
the board, moved, as Casanova weeps convulsively. Doctor
Leek shows no reaction.

CASANOVA
(pulls himself together)
But my deeds have been done, and my
youth is gone, and we can only go
forward in this cruel world... and
if I have learned anything from my
wretched life it is that... When you
walk through a storm, keep your head
held high...
(singing)
And don't be afraid of the dark...

Tears plop dawn the cheeks of the review board as the FULLY
ORCHESTRATED STRAINS OF "WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH A STORM"
SWELL...

SERIES OF SHOTS - AS THE MUSIC CONTINUES

A hand stamps Casanova's file "CURED"... Casanova shakes
hands and embraces the tearful members of the review board,
finishing with a paternal hug from Doctor Bierce.

In his cell a guard delivers Casanova his favorite old disco
suit (that's been waiting far him for twenty years).

Casanova, dressed in the suit, walks down the central aisle
of the lock-up... A moment later he steps out of the massive
gates of the hospital, and takes his first deep breath of
freedom... while in an office window high above Bierce and
the members of the review board stand watching, very proud...

But suddenly THE MUSIC CHANGES TO SEVENTIES DISCO as a black
Ferrari drives up, and Doctor Leek, now dressed very sexily,
gets out... As the review board watches in stunned silence,
Casanova and Anabel perform a nifty little disco twirl,
finishing with a very lewd kiss...

Bierce, watching, realizes he's been duped... as Casanova,
grinning up at him, puts a long gold chain (his favorite
weapon) around his neck...

Bierce, horrified, picks up the telephone... as Casanova and
Anabel get in the car.

INT. THE CAR - A MOMENT LATER

Casanova and Anabel drive off. The massive old hospital is
seen through the rear window behind them, as Casanova calmly
looks at his watch...

CLOSE ON HIS WATCH -

as the second hand just swings toward the twelve. It is
exactly twelve noon...

BACK ON CASANOVA -

CASANOVA
(almost wistfully)
Boom.

And the hospital EXPLODES in a HUGE FIREBALL that completely
consumes it.

CASANOVA
Those gas leaks can be murder.

EXT. THE ROAD - DAY

The Ferrari drives past and the CAMERA HOLDS ON a sign that
reads "We1come to Champion City, home of Captain Amazing".
The city itself, a crumbling rust belt metropolis (ala
Detroit) can be seen stretched out along the shore of Lake
Champion off in the distance...

INSIDE THE CAR - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA

CASANOVA
I'm home.

BACK ON THE ROAD - CONTINUOUS

The Ferrari drives under a much larger billboard that looms
over the road, showing a picture of Captain Amazing himself,
a square jawed classic superhero, staring fiercely into the
camera. The caption reads "Crime. Don't even think about
it."

EXT. TRAIN YARDS OF CHAMPION CITY - NIGHT

Letters read "Six months later"... as the CAMERA EXPLORES
the desolate muddy terrain of the train yards, CRUISING past
piles of tires and abandoned train cars...

CAMERA PICKS UP a battered van as it drives through the yard,
then pulls up beside an old boxcar. The back of the van is
thrown open, a ramp is thrown down, and THE RED EYES, a gang
of vicious small time thieves (all of whom wear sunglasses
with red lenses) start unloading their night's haul... RED
EYE 1 drives a golf cart, with clubs, down the ramp.

RED EYE 1
Golf anyone?

Several more Red Eyes emerge carrying a sawn off bike rack
with bikes still attached, a barber pole, a Virgin Mary lawn
statue, and a top of the line baby stroller... while their
leader, BIG RED, stands in the door to the boxcar, watching
approvingly.

RED EYE 2
Not a bad night's work.

BIG RED
Who said crime don't pay?

The Red Eyes laugh... as Red Eye 3 takes the cover off the
baby stroller and sees... that there's a BABY still in it.

RED EYE 3
Hey, Boss, we got a stowaway.

The crooks gather around the baby, a jolly little kid who
just laughs at them.

RED EYE 4
(about to slug him)
Who you laughin' at, punk?

RED EYE 2
He's just a tyke. Lighten up.

RED EYE 5
He's kinda cute.

RED EYE 3
If you like drool.

RED EYE 2
Hey, why don't we sell him back to
his parents? For a million bucks!

The others think that's a great idea, but Big Red doesn't.

BIG RED
And what if he rats on us?

The others hadn't thought of that.

RED EYE 3
So what should we do with him?

BIG RED
Stick a brick in his Pampers and
dump him in the lake.

The others think that's a good idea and look around for a
brick.

RED EYE 3
Come on, kid, you're goin' for a
swim.

But suddenly there is another presence... A man in a blue
turban and cape with the initials "BR" on his chest has
appeared... He is THE BLUE RAJA.

RAJA
Not so fast, gentlemen -- and I use
the term loosely... Unhand that
youngster...

Another man steps into the light. He wears a construction
helmet and mask. There is an "S" on his chest, and he carries
an old shovel. He is THE SHOVELER.

SHOVELER
Or you're mulch.

He brandishes his shovel for effect. The Red Eyes look at
these two, highly amused.

BIG RED
What are you guys supposed to be...
superheroes?

A third man steps out. His costume is less dramatic than the
others.

He wears only an old leather jacket and a faded, torn shirt
with flames on it, but the fierce look on his face and the
atrociousness of his haircut make it very clear that he is
the craziest and most dangerous of the three. He is MISTER
FURIOUS.

FURIOUS
We ARE superheroes!

BIG RED
Really? Did you mother make those
costumes?

The crooks howl with laughter.

BIG RED
This is our territory. Beat it.

FURIOUS
Over YOUR dead body.

Big Red turns to the others and shakes with pretended fear.

BIG RED
0ooooo, he's scary.

The Red Eyes laugh, but suddenly, a small silver projectile
whizzes through the air and implants itself in Big Red's
backside. He howls with pain, pulls it out and examines it...
It's a silver dessert fork.

BIG RED
A fork!

The Raja holds up his hands, each of which hold a spread of
silver forks.

RAJA
And there's plenty more where that
came from.

Big Red gives a shrill whistle, and a dozen more Red Eyes
step out of an old caboose... including MIKEY, a four hundred
pound behemoth. He is eating a container of Ben and Jerry's
like it was an ice cream cone, taking huge bites out of it,
container and all.

RAJA AND SHOVELER, reacting... Gulp. This was more than they'd
bargained for. But Furious just growls; he's game.

BIG RED
GET 'EM!

The Red Eyes attack... Mister Furious goes into a furious
face; his hair stands out straight and he rushes right into
the oncoming crooks...

A Red Eye takes a swing at the Shoveler -- but he simply
puts up his shovel and lets the crook slug the shovel's pan.
The crook yelps with pain and shakes his battered hand... as
the Raja fends off crooks, poking them with salad forks...
and the baby sits in his stroller, watching and laughing,
really enjoying the show. (There's no real martial artistry
or teamwork here; this is a classic back alley brouhaha.)

But there's too many of then... The Raja goes down under
swinging fists... and so does the Shoveler...

Furious holds his own, taking out crooks with powerful lefts
and rights -- until Mikey runs him down like a truck, falling
right on top of him and crushing him under his massive weight.

RED EYES
Crush him, Mikey!... Mash him!...
Mush him!

FURIOUS
(barely audible under
all that meat)
Is that all you got?

RED EYES
He wants more!... Squish him!...
Finish him off!

FURIOUS
(faintly)
Your mother!

Mikey, sweating, bears down... but suddenly, a calm, very
authoritative voice is heard.

VOICE (O.S.)
Is there a problem?

Everything suddenly stops, as the Red Eyes look up and see...
CAPTAIN AMAZING standing on tap of the boxcar, hands on hips,
framed in the light at the moon, his biceps bulging, his
state of the art physique sculpted body armor gleaming in
the moonlight, his cape wafting heroically in the wind. He
is superhero perfection incarnate.

ON THE RED EYES as their viciousness turns instantly to
panic...

RED EYES
IT'S CAPTAIN AMAZING!

Big Red and a couple others try to run for it, but Amazing
leaps cat-like off the boxcar and is on them in a flash. As
the baby claps his hands in delight, and our three heroes
watch in beat-up awe, Amazing deftly takes out the crooks
with expert punches and effortlessly delivered elbows and
kicks. He is the consumate superhero, and he doesn't even
break a sweat.

The remaining Red Eyes drop to their knees and throw up their
hands in surrender.

RED EYES
We give!... We're sorry!... We had
terrible childhoods! (Etc.)

Police cars and a TV truck come screeching into the train
yard... and the scene is suddenly flooded with light and
swarming with cops and reporters...

Our three heroes try to approach Captain Amazing (who still
looks fresh as a daisy).

RAJA
Nice work, Captain.

But Amazing just walks past them, ignoring them completely,
as if they didn't even exist. He goes to greet DAWN WONG
(Champion City's answer to Connie Chung).

AMAZING
(turning on the old
superhero charm)
Hi. Dawn.

DAWN
(putty in his hands,
pudding in his bowl)
Looks like you've done it again,
Captain.

AMAZING
It's what I do.

Our heroes just watch, feeling ignored, humiliated. Furious
growls. Suddenly, TWO COPS are accosting them.

COP 1
Okay, show's over. Move it. On your
way.

RAJA
Wait a minute, Officers. You don't
understand -- we're superheroes, and
we just busted up this gang.

COP 1
Really? Let me guess -- you're Towel
Head and he's...
(meaning the Shoveler)
Captain Pooper Scooper!

The cops crack up. Furious growls at them. The cops yank out
their nightsticks.

COP 1
Hey! Move it!

COP 2
Get a life!

COP 1
And leave crime fighting to the real
thing!

Shoveler and Raja pull Furious away before he gets into real
trouble...

The cops watch as our three heroes disappear into the night.

COP 1
Wannabes.

COP 2
Pathetic.

EXT. THE LAKESIDE DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

An inner city greasy spoon.

INT. THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN

on which Captain Amazing, the laughing baby in his arms, is
being interviewed by Dawn Wong. He's playing the cutsy photo
op for all its worth, gootchy-gooing the kid, etc. Dawn is
creaming.

Our three heroes sit at a booth in the back of the diner,
watching the tube...

RAJA
(nursing a sore jaw)
He doesn't miss a trick, does he?

FURIOUS
What a jerk -- and like nobody knows
who he really is!

SHOVELER
Oh don't start that again --

FURIOUS
LOOK!

Furious picks up the newspaper on which there is a photo of
a good looking guy in a tux at a benefit... The headline
reads "Lance Hunt Hosts Benefit." He holds the picture up
next to the television, so the faces of Lance Hunt and Captain
Amazing are side by side. It is obviously the same guy.

FURIOUS
He's Lance Hunt! Just take off the
glasses -- and it's him!

RAJA
There's a vague similarity.

FURIOUS
A vague similarity? IT'S THE SAME
GUY!

SHOVELER
(downing some aspirin)
Oh, who gives a damn who he is? I
can't take this anymore. Night after
night we're on the streets, busting
our humps -- and for what?

RAJA
We take the licks and he gets the
chicks.

SHOVELER
How long do you have to chase a dream
before you realize it's not gonna
happen?

FURIOUS
We need a break, that's all! Nobody'd
ever heard of him until he busted
Casanova Frankenstein!

RAJA
But look at him... and look at us.

SHOVELER
The camera loves him.

A depressed silence. Furious turns his attention to the napkin
dispenser.

FURIOUS
(furious)
Why do they always fill stuff these
things so full you can't pull 'em
out without ripping 'em!
(rips one out)

RAJA
I lost another fork tonight. She's
getting suspicious, I know it.

FURIOUS
So why don't you just tell her!

RAJA
I can't.

FURIOUS
Why not?

RAJA
(upset)
Because I can't! Okay? She wouldn't
understand!

SHOVELER
Leave him alone. She's his mother,
not yours.

FURIOUS
We had an off night, that's all.

SHOVELER
So when are we gonna have an on night?

A WAITRESS is standing at the table.

WAITRESS
Hi.

They look at her, taken aback. She's very pretty.

RAJA
You're... new.

WAITRESS
It's my first night. My name's Monica.

CLOSE ON FURIOUS, smitten by her, but almost afraid to look
at her. Under all that rage, he's in fact shy.

MONICA
You guys going to a costume party?

RAJA
We're superheroes.

MONICA
Really? Like Captain Amazing?

Furious growls.

MONICA
Are you famous?

RAJA
Not yet.

MONICA
So you're like... struggling
superheroes?

RAJA
We prefer to think of ourselves as
unsung... I am the Blue Raja, Master
of Silverware...
(does a very impressive
little flipping thing
with his place setting)

MONICA
Wow.

RAJA
And these are my associates, the
Shoveler.

SHOVELER
Hi.

RAJA
And Mister Furious... His anger is
his power.

MONICA
(intrigued by Furious)
Really?

RAJA
Usually a superpower is a magical
endowment or a great skill. In his
case, it's entirely emotional.

MONICA
So what can I get you?

RAJA
Burgers all around.
(meaning himself)
Medium.
(meaning the Shoveler)
Rare.
(meaning Furious)
Raw.

A moment later as Monica walks away, Furious can't help but
watch her. The Raja replaces the diner's dinnerware with the
good stuff from his coat.

RAJA
She likes you.

SHOVELER
Definitely.

RAJA
Ask her out.

FURIOUS
Nah.

RAJA
Roy, when was the last time you had
an actual date?

FURIOUS
(getting very pissed
off)
What does it matter? Women just want
to control you -- and talk about
their feelings. They want to know
why you're angry all the time -- and
what can they can do to help -- so
you tell them there's nothing --
nothing -- just leave me alone --
but they bug you and they bug you
and they bug you -- until you just
can't stand it anymore! -- so you
finally open up -- you pop like a
blister -- and it all comes spewing
out -- all your emotions -- your
feelings -- your fears -- all of it!
(after a beat)
And then they dump you.

RAJA
So you're chicken?

FURIOUS
(fiercely)
Who's chicken?
(gets up)

Monica stands at the counter placing her order. Furious
approaches her, leans against the counter. For a moment he
just stands there, fuming, unable to think of anything to
say. She isn't sure what to make of this.

FURIOUS
Doesn't it piss you off the way the
when you really want to talk to
somebody you can't think of anything
to say!

MONICA
I guess... Are you always so angry?

FURIOUS
Only when I'm awake... You busy after
work?

She shrugs.

FURIOUS
Want to go out and get drunk?

She's visibly turned off by that.

FURIOUS
Or talk?

MONICA
Not tonight.
(picks up an order
and walks away)

EXT. OUTSIDE THE DINER - LATER

Furious, the Raja, and the Shoveler step out.

RAJA
Maybe you should try a more romantic
approach.

FURIOUS
(gets on his old Harley)
Like what? Cutting off my own ear?

RAJA
Or flowers.

FURIOUS
See ya tomorrow.

Furious kicks his engine started and speeds off into the
night as the Shoveler opens the door of his battered Ford
Esquire station wagon, and the Raja gets into his ancient
Datsun.

EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT

The Shoveler pulls into the driveway of his very modest house.
The front yard looks like a battle zone. Bikes and kids'
junk are everywhere.

LIVING ROOM - A MOMENT LATER

as big a disaster area as the front yard. His kids, EDDIE
JR. (15), LENORE (12), BUTCH (10), TRACY (7), and ROLAND (5)
are all sprawled in front of the television. The Shoveler
enters, and his kids don't even bother to look up from the
tube.

SHOVELER
Hey, when are you guys gonna clean
this place up?

TRACY
When you're on TV.

EDDIE JR.
Right -- like that will ever happen.

LENORE
Save any babies lately?

ON THE SHOVELER, silent, hurt.

TRACY
Faster than a speeding turtle --

BUTCH
More powerful than a deodorant --

EDDIE JR.
Able to eat twelve donuts in a single
sitting --

LENORE
Look, snoring in his chair --

EDDIE JR.
Sitting on the john --

ALL
It's... Supergut!

The kids all laugh (in that derisive way that kids do so
well) as the Shoveler dejectedly walks into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - A MOMENT LATER

The Shoveler enters, dejected. His wife, Lucille, is doing
the dishes. She looks up, sees him.

LUCILLE
(feels for him)
Rough night, Eddie?

He nods.

EXT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

The Raja's Datsun is parked in front of a neat as a pin little
Victorian house.

INT. THE DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The room is dark. Someone is sneaking around. A drawer is
quietly opened, and we hear the gentle clink of silver.
Suddenly, the light goes on and we see the Blue Raja, now
dressed in a sport shirt and slacks, with his hand in the
drawer. His MOTHER, in her nightclothes, stands by the door
where she has just switched on the light.

MOTHER
Jeffrey!

RAJA
Oh hi, Mom.

MOTHER
What are you doing in the silver
drawer?

RAJA
Looking for... the TV Guide.

She just looks at him, very suspicious.

MOTHER
It's on the television.

RAJA
Of course. I'm such a fool... Thanks,
Mummy.

Go to bed.

He kisses her and goes into the next room. CAMERA HOLDS ON
MOM; she doesn't trust him.

EXT. HILLTOP - NIGHT - ANGLE ON

A billboard overlooking the city. Captain Amazing is posed
wearing a pair of bright blue Nikes. The caption reads. "It's
a nice world. Somebody's got to save it... The Nike Supershoe.
It's Amazing."

Furious sits on his Harley, taking long hauls from a pint
bottle of cheap bourbon and gazing up at the sign.

FURIOUS
Amazing? What's so amazing about
him? I'd be amazing, too, if I'd
inherited two hundred million bucks...
or two bucks... or two cents...
(hurls the empty
bottle, smashing it
against the sign)
Who am I kidding? Dreams don't come
true.

A moment of despondency, and then he hears a strange sound
overhead and looks up...

HIS POV -

as something suddenly flies across the star filled night sky
above him...

It is Captain Amazing, wearing a high tech rocket pack on
his back...

FURIOUS
Where's he going?
(kicks his Harley
started)

SERIES OF SHOTS - WITH MUSIC

as Furious, following Captain Amazing, rides roughshod down
the steep hill, skidding onto a road and then speeding through
a residential area...

He cuts onto some railroad tracks, hops his bike up on a
rail, and rides smoothly along it, following Amazing... He
turns off the tracks, rides roughly through some woods, then
emerges from the trees and sees..

A foreboding looking old mansion... Captain Amazing lands on
the highest part of its roof... Furious pulls up, gazes at
the front gates of the mansion...

HIS POV -

Letters across the iron gates read... "Frankenstein".

EXT. ON THE ROOF - CONTINUOUS

Captain Amazing abandons his jet pack and moves across the
old slate roof like Spiderman, leaping nimbly from gable to
gable and walking along a high ridge like a tight rope walker.
Finally he approaches a skylight, looks down and sees...

A huge old library with an iron catwalk running around it.
Casanova Frankenstein sits in a club chair by a roaring fire.
Anabel perches on the arm of his chair. In the other chair
sits a once good looking, now paunchy guy, with a meticulously
coifed haircut. He is TONY POMPADOUR, head of the infamous
Disco Boys.

ON CAPTAIN AMAZING

AMAZING
(just as he suspected)
Uh-huh.

He sees that the skylight is open, and quietly lets himself
in...

INT. THE LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS

Casanova and Tony P savor glasses of brandy and puff on big
cigars.

CASANOVA
I hope you enjoy these cigars. I had
to kill a dozen Cubans to get them.

TONY P
Ummm.

CASANOVA
Have you considered my offer?

TONY P
You know, Mr. F, me and the boys
always loved workin' for you. You
had such style: the clothes, the
dancin', the elegant way you'd snuff
a babe. You were the King...

Casanova accepts this graciously.

TONY P
But times have changed, and you been
in that bug house a long tine. I can
see you still got the style, but I
dunno for sure you still got the
edge.

CASANOVA
I got it.

TONY P
What about Captain Amazing?

AMAZING (O.S.)
Good question.

Casanova and Tony P look up and see Captain Amazing, posed
noncalantly on the iron catwalk, gazing down at them. Tony P
jumps out of his chair, scared. But Casanova just smiles at
his ancient rival, cool as a cucumber.

CASANOVA
I knew you'd come. I left that
skylight open for you.

AMAZING
I know you did.

CASANOVA
I knew you'd know.

AMAZING
I know you knew I'd know.

CASANOVA
But did you know I knew you'd know
I'd know?

AMAZING
Of course.

Tony P makes a move for his pistol, but Captain Amazing
instantly whips out his pistol, getting the drop on him.

AMAZING
I'd hate to waste a good bullet on a
piece of scum like you, Tony.

Tony freezes.

AMAZING
The jig is up, Casanova. I've spent
six months watching you, and know
exactly what you're up to.

CASANOVA
Really?

AMAZING
I know that you're recruiting your
old henchmen...

Nervous reaction from Tony P.

AMAZING
I know who your girlfriend really
is...

Icy reaction from Anabel.

AMAZING
And I know the terrible revenge that
you plan to inflict on this city.

CASANOVA
I guess you know just about
everything, don't you, Lance?

AMAZING
Um-hmm.

CASANOVA
Except for one little thing.

AMAZING
(supremely confident)
And what's that?

CASANOVA
That I've hot wired the city's entire
power supply through that catwalk.

AMAZING
What --?

Casanova suddenly throws a secret breaker switch, and the
ugly hum of a million volts instantly fills the room...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS - ON FURIOUS

still watching... as all the lights in the house go out,
except for a frightening orange glow in an upper room...

Off in the distance Furious sees... the lights of the entire
city flicker and then black out... A moment later the mansion,
and the city's lights return to normal... as Furious watches,
not sure what to make of this.

EXT. STREET CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY

Traffic is snarled. Horns are blasting. Tempers are frayed.

CLOSE ON A HAMMERING JACKHAMMER... CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL
that it is being operated by the Shoveler, dressed in work
clothes. Wiped out from the night before, the vibrations of
the hamer are lulling him off to sleep... He nods out... as
his BOSS whacks him on the arm.

BOSS
YO! CAPTAIN SOMINEX! Get your shut-
eye at home, or you'll be a full
time superhero!

EXT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING

INT. THE RAJA'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The Raja lies sprawled on his bed, depressed, still in his
pee jays, as he watches... an ANTHONY ROBBINS infomercial ON
THE TV.

ANTHONY
It's all within your power. The only
thing that's in your way is YOU!

RAJA
Easy for you to say.

EXT. SALLY'S AUTO DEMOLITION - DAY - ESTABLISHING

An auto junkyard and demotion yard.

EXT. THE YARD - DAY

A giant press mashes an old car... while nearby Mister Furious
does the job by hand, demolishing an old Grand Prix with an
iron bar. He does it as easily as a normal guy would tear
apart a corrugated box, ripping off the doors, then tearing
off the bumpers and the hood and tossing the pieces onto a
big pile... His big boned, red faced boss SALLY is calling
out to him.

SALLY
Hey, Roy!

EXT. THE BACK OF THE YARD - A MINUTE LATER

In a weedy overgrown far corner of the junkyard Sally and
Furious stand looking a big old hunk of a military vehicle.
It is a Herkimer Battle Jitney, a heavily armored, windowless,
soundproof, personnel carrier

(designed by the Pentagon in the fifties to take congressmen
on battlefield fact finding tours). Overgrown with weeds,
home to an extended family of pigeons, its fighting days (if
it ever had any) are over.

SALLY
How many times I gotta tell you about
this?

FURIOUS
Sally, that's a Herkimer Battle
Jitney! They don't make 'em like
that anymore. It's a classic!

SALLY
It's a hunk of junk. I want the iron.
Do it!

She walks away. Furious growls. He picks up his iron bar and
is about to wedge it under the front bumper of the Herkimer...

HIS POV -

But the big old headlights and the sad old grill seem to be
looking at hint, imploring him for one last chance...

And he just can't do it. He throws away his iron bar and
climbs inside the cab of the Herkimer...

IN THE CAB - CONTINUOUS

Furious sits behind the wheel and tenderly touches its beat-
up old dashboard, then turns on the radio, which, miraculously
still works.

He tunes in a local station, puts his feet up on the dash.

RADIO ANNOUNCER
...and continues to deny any knowledge
of the incident... In local news,
millionaire Lance Hunt has apparently
disappeared...

ON FURIOUS, taking immediate notice.

RADIO ANNOUNCER
Members at his household told police
that the playboy philanthropist failed
to return home last night after "going
out for a walk". Police say they
have no reason yet to suspect foul
play, but a search is under way...

INT. THE DINER - NIGHT

Furious, the Shoveler, and the Raja all sit at their booth.

FURIOUS
I saw him go in -- and he didn't
come out!

RAJA
But we don't know for sure it's the
same guy.

Furious groans.

SHOVELER
Hey, look.

ON THE TV -

Casanova is being interviewed by DON STOUFFER, the local
Mike Wallace.

CASANOVA
Well, Don, I've done some terrible
things in my life, but now I'm cured,
and I just want to give back something
to my old home town... That's why
I'm using what's left of my fortune
to build...

CLOSE ON A MODEL of a huge concrete bunker-like institutional
structure (i.e. the Getty).

CASANOVA (O.S.)
The Frankenstein Center for the Arts.

DON
You've changed, haven't you?

CASANOVA
Oh yes.

BACK ON FURIOUS, RAJA, AND SHOVELER -

FURIOUS
No he hasn't.

EXT. FRANKENSTEIN MANSION - NIGHT - ANGLE ON

the wall of the estate... as our heroes' three heads rise up
over it... and survey the grounds.

FURIOUS
(about to climb over)
Let's go.

RAJA
(in a whisper, holding
him back)
Wait!... Look!

THEIR POV -

A group of men are hanging around the door to the house,
smoking, chatting, and laughing. A CLOSER ANGLE REVEALS that
they are all dressed in the height (or depths) of seventies
disco fashion. One of them is showing off some steps.

Our heroes fall back behind the safety of the wall and confer.

RAJA
This is bad.

SHOVELER
Who are they?

RAJA
The Disco Boys.

FURIOUS
The who?

RAJA
The most vicious gang of thugs this
city ever produced. Twenty years ago
they were Casanova's personal
bodyguard. But after he was busted
they crawled into the woodwork.

FURIOUS
Well they've crawled back out.

SHOVELER
We may be getting in over our heads
here.

RAJA
This looks like a job for Superman --

SHOVELER
Or Batman --

RAJA
Or both.

FURIOUS
Don't you guys get it? If Captain
Amazing is still in there, we can
rescue him -- and get on TV!
(goes right over the
wall)

They share an exasperated look, then scramble over the wall
after him.

INT. CASANOVA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Casanova and Dr. Anabel Leek are preparing for bed. Anabel
sits in front of a huge mirror, brushing her long hair as
Casanova moves up behind her and puts his hands around her
throat, massaging, squeezing, just barely resisting the
temptation to strangle her. (She loves it).

CASANOVA
Everything's going exactly as we
planned.

ANABEL
(puts the sharp point
of her comb handle
under his chin)
Not quite. You haven't announced our
engagement yet.

CASANOVA
It must have slipped my mind.

ANABEL
Your mind is so slippery.

CASANOVA
Don't worry, Pootchkie. My womanizing
days are over. You're my Lady Macbeth,
my Imelda... my Nicole.
(pulls her into his
arms)
We're such an incredible team. Who
could possibly stop us?
(kisses her)

CUT RIGHT TO:

EXT. THE LAWN - CONTINUOUS - ON OUR THREE HEROES

as they crunch their way non too stealthily across the
backyard.

RAJA
Don't crunch the leaves.

SHOVELER
Sorry.

RAJA
Be a Mohican.
(bumps into a lawn
chair)

FURIOUS
Wait.
(They all stop.)
I hear something.

They all listen; there is a low rushing sound... It is the
sound of water rushing through pipes. Suddenly, the lawn
sprinklers all pop up... and our heroes get drenched. They
duck off the lawn, behind the cover of a large tree.

RAJA
I'm soaked.
(sneezes)
Oh great.

FURIOUS
Shhh.

SHOVELER
Be a Mohican.

RAJA
Shut up.

Furious sees a pair of French doors, off a small patio. One
of the doors is slightly open.

FURIOUS
Come on.

They start sneaking toward it, but as they cross the patio...
they trip the automatic security lighting, and suddenly find
themselves bathed in light.

RAJA
Uh-oh.

As our heroes look around as a dozen Disco Boys, armed with
pipes, chains, brass knuckles, step into the light and
encircle them... The French doors open and Tony P steps out.

RAJA
Oh I'm sorry. We must have the wrong
house.

TONY P
You sure do.

The Disco Boys attack. The Raja is instantly clubbed down.
The Shoveler deflects only a blow or two with his shovel
before he goes down, too... These guys are not the Red Eyes.

Only Furious holds his own. He grabs a pipe away from one of
them and swings fiercely, keeping the others off. Suddenly,
the Disco Boys pull back. Furious doesn't know why, until he
turns and sees...

Casanova, standing right behind him, smiling.

CASANOVA
Hi there.

With a cat-like move Casanova slashes his gold chain viciously --
and repeatedly -- across Furious' face. Furious, stunned
with pain, lunges at Casanova, who neatly steps aside, then
catches him with a fast combination of spinning disco kicks.
Finally he lassos the chain around Furious' neck, and pulls
it tight, strangling him.

ON THE DISCO BOYS, watching, snapping their fingers with
admiration...

Casanova releases Furious, who slumps to the ground. Casanova
steps away, and the Disco Boys gather around Furious and
kick him viciously... as Casanova and Tony P watch, amused,
chuckling.

CASANOVA
Superheroes.

TONY P
Should I kill them?

CASANOVA
(completely disdainful)
Why bother?

EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE MANSION - A MOMENT LATER

The Disco Boys drag our heroes through the gate and throw
them like bags of garbage into the street... where they lie
in a moaning, agonized, semi-conscious heap.

INT. THE DINER - LATER - CLOSE ON

Furious, rubbing his neck; a thin red mark runs around it.
The three of them are sitting at their usual table, in very
bad shape, moaning and groaning... Monica approaches. She's
made them ice packs and cold compresses.

MONICA
Here you go.
(sits with them,
applies a compress
to the Raja's head)

RAJA
Ow.

MONICA
Maybe you guys ought to forget this
Superhero stuff and join Kiwanis or
something.

A FUSSY CUSTOMER is calling out from another table.

FUSSY CUSTORER
Miss!

She moves off.

RAJA
Maybe she's right.

FURIOUS
(still furious)
Are you serious? This is the break
we've been waiting for!

SHOVELER
What are you talking about?

FURIOUS
What have the famous superheroes got
that we don't?

RAJA
Agents?

FURIOUS
Archenemies! Casanova isn't just a
criminal -- he's a supervillain.
Stopping him could be our ticket to
fame, fortune -- and babes!

SHOVELER
And it would be the right thing to
do.

FURIOUS
(dismissively)
Yeah yeah -- and that, too.

RAJA
But there's only three of us, and
he's got the entire brotherhood of
evil at his disposal.

FURIOUS
Then maybe it's time for us to form
our own brotherhood... a brotherhood
of righteous, crime fighting, skull
cracking, Disco Boy bashing, warriors
of the night!

SHOVELER
I'm liking this.

FURIOUS
I say we send out the word -- and
summon all of the unsung superheroes
we know!

RAJA
(after a moment)
Yeah, but... who do we know?

They take a long moment to ponder this.

FURIOUS
Well... there's the Spleen.

Shoveler and Raja make disgusted noises.

RAJA
Do we have to?

SHOVELER
I got this cousin. He's a real doofus,
but he claims he can become invisible.

FURIOUS
Have you ever seen him?

SHOVELER
How could I see him if he's invisible?

FURIOUS
Good point.

RAJA
And there's the Sphinx.

SHOVELER
The who?

RAJA
He's a legendary masked Mexican crime
fighting superwrestler and master of
the machete.

FURIOUS
Sounds good.

RAJA
No one's sure that he actually exists,
but they say he can be contacted by
leaving a message on a crumpled up
napkin at the Tacky Taco down by the
bus station.

SHOVELER
Get outta here.

EXT. TACKY TACO - DAY - ESTABLISHING

A funky Mexican restaurant by the bus station.

INT. THE RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes, in normal clothing, have just finished a taco
lunch. Furious is writing a message on a napkin with a
ballpoint pen.

FURIOUS
You sure that's how you spell it?

SHOVELER
Yeah.

CLOSE ON THE NOTE -

which reads "Spinks, we need you."

They crumple up the napkin and leave the restaurant... A
moment later a shy looking MEXICAN MAN busses their tray...
but in A CLOSE ANGLE we see him secretly pocket the napkin.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING

A little brick house.

INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - DAY

A teenage boy's room, decorated to the max with models and
posters of the great superheroes: Batman, Spiderman, Captain
Amazing, etc. INVISIBLE BOY, about fifteen, is being
interviewed by the Raja, Mister Furious, and the Shoveler.

FURIOUS
So, let me get this straight. You
have the power to become invisible.

INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.

RAJA
But... only when no one is looking.

INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.

FURIOUS
If someone looks at you, you
immediately become visible again.

INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.

RAJA
So you're only invisible... to
yourself?

INVISIBLE BOY
No.

OUR HEROES
(hopefully)
No?

INVISIBLE BOY
If I look at myself, I become visible.

RAJA
So you're only invisible, when
absolutely no one is looking at you?

INVISIBLE BOY
Yes.

FURIOUS
So how do you know that you've ever
been invisible?

INVISIBLE BOY
I just know.

Our heroes are less than impressed.

FURIOUS
Look, kid, we've got a lot of heroes
to interview --

INVISIBLE BOY
(desperate)
I know I haven't got it entirely
worked out yet, but I've always
dreamed of becoming a superhero...
Weren't you guys ever a kid? Didn't
you ever need someone to just give
you a chance?

ON OUR HEROES, looking around the room... and softening up.

INT. THE DINER - NIGHT

Our heroes sit at their usual table along with Invisible Boy
and a weird looking guy in a greasy, stained yellow superhero
outfit. Across his chest in falling off stick on letters it
reads "THE SPLEEN", and that's exactly who he is. Furious,
the Raja, and Shoveler sit as far away from him as possible.
He is a totally noxious, hyperactive person... and he is
thrilled to be there.

SPLEEN
Boy I can't tell you how thrilled I
was when you guys called -- You gonna
eat that pickle?
(sucks it in)
I've always dreamed of being a member
of the a real superhero team -- and
to have friends -- real friends -- I
mean guys I could live with -- sleep
with -- die with -- eat with...

He puts the mustard dispenser to his lips and squeezes it
straight into his mouth.

SPLEEN
I love mustard.

Furious, Raja, and the Shoveler react; they can't believe
they've actually invited this guy to join their group.

INVISIBLE BOY
So what exactly is your superpower?

SPLEEN
Well, when I was a kid I grew up on
Love Canal -- remember that? -- and
my brothers and I used to go swimming
in it -- make Kool-Aid out of it --
stuff like that. Anyway my brothers
all died, but I lived, and I grew
all these like weird organs that
have never been seen in humans before.
So now I can do things like this!

He leans over the table and lets just a little tiny drop of
spittle dribble onto the table...

CLOSE ON THE TABLE -

as the spittle burns a hole in the Formica.

SPLEEN
Cool, huh?

The Spleen inadvertently gives the tiniest little burp, and
our three heroes duck out of the way or under the table.

FURIOUS, RAJA, & SHOVELER
Watch it!... Look out!... Whoa!

The people in the next booth give a cry of revulsion, put
their hands to their mouths, and immediately leave.

SPLEEN
Sorry, sorry.

SHOVELER
Hey, why don't you just put a cork
in it?

SPLEEN
I tried that once. The cork melted.

THE SAME - AFTER DINNER

Our heroes mull their situation over coffee. Monica freshens
their cups. The Spleen squirts mustard in his coffee.

SHOVELER
There's just not enough of us.

FURIOUS
But we know they're out there.
Hundreds -- maybe thousands of lonely,
unknown superheroes, who desperately
need a cause...

RAJA
And a social life.

SHOVELER
Yeah, but how do we get to them?

SPLEEN
Obscene phone calls?

They ignore that suggestion.

MONICA
Why don't you throw a barbecue?
(moves off to another
table)

ON OUR HEROES, realizing that's it.

INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - NIGHT - WITH MUSIC

Invisible Boy sits at the desk in his room, writing immaculate
little notes on small file cards. (He's made a whole pile of
them.)

CLOSE ON THE NOTE -

which reads "Got superpowers? Want to fight evil? Then JOIN
US and let's PARTY HEARTY! Beer! Burgers! Babes!"

SERIES OF SHOTS - MUSIC CONTINUES

as our heroes post these notes all over the city, in places
where lonely superheroes night find them...

The Raja posts a note on the door of a comic book store...

The Shoveler posts a note on the bulletin board at a bowling
alley...

Mr. Furious tapes the note to the cracked glass of a
vandalized phone booth...

At an abandoned drive-in movie theater... Invisible Boy walks
through the empty lot, taping a note to each of the old
speaker posts...

A White Castle hamburger joint... Inside the pay toilet Spleen
is scratching something on the wall with a nail. He stops
and admires his handiwork, and we see that he has engraved
the entire message on the wall...

END MUSIC.

EXT. SHOVELER'S BACKYARD - DAY

A small, typical working class backyard. A round, aluminum
above ground pool. A Weber grill with burgers on it. Unopened
packages of hamburger rolls. An old Vic Damon record plays
on a boom box. The Spleen floats around on a rubber raft in
the pool.

SPLEEN
Come on in! The water's great!

In fact, the water is turning a yellowish green... The rest
of our heroes sit around on cheap folding chairs. No
superheroes have shown up. The Shoveler, at the grill, serves
burgers to his kids, who stand in line waiting for them.

BUTCH
(heavy on the sarcasm)
Great picnic, Dad.

EDDIE JR.
Big turnout.

ROLAND
Are these guys real superheroes?

LENORE
They think so.

The kids scoff... A moment later they head back to the house
with their burgers.

ROLAND
But where's Captain Amazing?

EDDIE JR.
He wouldn't be caught dead here.

They go into the house. No one says anything. The Shoveler
just stares at the burgers on the grill. Vic Damon sings.
Furious chugs his beer; he's working himself into a really
morose mood.

ON THE SPLEEN, munching on a chlorine tablet.

SPLEEN
Hey, these pool mints are delicious!

Raja looks at his watch.

RAJA
Maybe there was traffic.

FURIOUS
Who are we kidding? No one's gonna
show. We're living in a fantasy!

INVISIBLE BOY
Come on, guys -- we're fighting
against evil.

FURIOUS
Good or evil, what's the difference?

SHOVELER
There's a big difference.

FURIOUS
I used to believe that. Now I'm not
so sure.

RAJA
Roy, remember, it is all within your
power. The only thing that's in your
way... is you.

FURIOUS
Oh shut up.

Suddenly, there is a knock at the gate. Everyone immediately
perks up.

INVISIBLE BOY
They're here!

A moment later they open the gate and see... HALF A DOZEN
BURLY GUYS wearing various superhero outfits.

THEIR LEADER
Hey, man, is this the superhero
wingding?

RAJA
This is it. Come on in!

SUPERHEROES
All right! Party! (Etc.)

At first glance these guys seem promising... but their outfits
are decidedly improvised: weird goggles and sunglasses, shower
curtain capes, baseball caps with beer cans on them. Their
leader holds a squeegee with a long handle... Furious is
suspicious.

RAJA
I am the Blue Raja, Master of
Silverware.

THEIR LEADER
I am Squeegee Man, and these are my
compadres, the Invincible Dudes!

The Invincible Dudes spot the keg.

INVINCIBLE DUDES
Whoa! Brews! Party! (Etc.)

They go immediately to the keg and start filling beer cups
and guzzling them down. The Raja tries to hand out some forms.

RAJA
Would you mind filling out these
forms; names, addresses, description
of superpowers, that sort of thing.

INVINCIBLE DUDES
Sure, dude. No problem. (Etc.)
(but they just toss
the forms away)

ON FURIOUS, watching, starting to get pissed off.

INVINCIBLE DUDE 1
Hey, man, like where are the babes?

INVINCIBLE DUDE 2
It said on the card there'd be babes!

RAJA
Actually we lied about the babes,
but there's plenty of burgers.

INVINCIBLE DUDES
That's false advertising!... We came
all the way from South Champion,
man! We coulda gone plinking!... We
coulda gone bunqee jumping!

SQUEEGEE MAN
No babes. No peace.

INVISIBLE DUDES
(chanting)
No babes -- no peace! No babes -- no
peace! No babes -- no peace!

SQUEEGEE MAN
Let's trash the place!

INVINCIBLE DUDES
Yeah!

Furious, fed up, confronts Squeegee Man.

FURIOUS
If you're a superhero, what's your
power?

SQUEEGEE MAN
I am Squeegee Man.
(holding it out
threateningly)
Touch my squeegee... and you die.

The Invincible Dudes are cracking up.

FURIOUS
Can you fly?

SQUEEGEE MAN
No.

FURIOUS
Wanna bet?

EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE YARD - CONTINUOUS

as Squeegee Man comes flying -- and screaming -- over the
fence, landing none too gracefully in the front yard.

A beat and his squeegee come flying out after him. Another
beat and the Invincible Dudes come running out the gate in a
panic.

INVINCIBLE DUDES
Let's get out of here!... That dude's
crazy!

They take off down the street, running right past a woman,
carrying a bowling ball bag and dressed in a faded, threadbare
old rayon superhero costume with a decidedly fifties flavor.
She is THE BOWLER.

EXT. SHOVELER'S BACKYARD - A MOMENT LATER

Our heroes sit around the patio, dejected, miserable.

BOWLER (O.S.)
Who died?

They look up, see her standing there, and aren't quite sure
what to make of her.

RAJA
Who are you?

BOWLER
I'm the Bowler.

SHOVELER
The Bowler? I remember him from when
I was a kid. He was killed years
ago.

BOWLER
I'm his daughter.

Our heroes share a look.

SHOVELER
Look, honey, being a superhero...
it's a guy thing.

BOWLER
Really?

She takes her bowling ball and spins it on the tip of her
finger (like a Harlem Globetrotter). For a long moment she
just looks at them, smiling.

ON THE OTHERS watching, almost mesmerized by the spinning
ball...

Suddenly, she gives an ear splitting battle cry and starts
swinging the ball around her in wide ferocious arcs, like a
cannibal with a war club -- or a twirler on meth, going so
fast she almost becomes a blur...

Then, just as suddenly, she stops, aims and rolls her ball...
It shoots straight through Invisible Boy's legs...

ON A NEATLY PLACED COLLECTION OF PLASTER LAWN DWARVES -

as the ball smashes into then, pulverizing them... It goes
into a reverse spin, passes through Invisible Boy's legs
again, and returns to the Bowler who is holding its bag open
for it... The ball rolls in.

BOWLER
Good ball.

ON OUR HEROES, left absolutely speechless.

BOWLER
If it could zip up its own bag, then
you'd be impressed, right?

She turns and walks out. Our heroes share an amazed look,
then run after her...

JUST OUTSIDE THE GATE - ON THE BOWLER

walking away... as Furious catches up with her.

FURIOUS
Hey... Can I buy you a beer?

BOWLER
I thought you'd never ask.

She takes his arm and they all start to walk back into the
Shoveler's backyard... but the CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE STREET
to the dark place between two houses, where a MAN WEARING A
STRANGE STEEL MASK with a frightening, impassively powerful
expression stands in the deep shadows, watching them in
motionless, predatory silence. We do not know who he is, and
we cannot tell if he is good or evil.

BACK AT THE BARBECUE - A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON

A FADED OLD SNAPSHOT of the original "The Bowler" holding a
little girl in his arms.

BOWLER (O.S.)
He was more than just a superhero...
He was my father...

The others, touched by this, have gathered around the Bowler,
who is holding the old snapshot in her hand.

BOWLER
And then one day, he didn't come
home. The police said it was an
accident. But cargo containers don't
just fall on people. He was
murdered... After that I fell apart.
I dropped out of school, became a
mud wrestler, married and divorced a
jerk. When my mother died I hit
bottom... but then, when I was
cleaning out her attic, I found my
father's old bowling bag and costume,
almost like he'd left them there for
me... and I knew what I had to do.

SHOVELER
So who killed him?

BOWLER
The Disco Boys.

FURIOUS
You know something? Those guys are
really starting TO PISS ME OFF!

SHOVELER
But there's still only six of us.

FURIOUS
SO WHAT?

BOWLER
That's two more than the Fantastic
Four.

FURIOUS
Half a Dirty Dozen!

SPLEEN
Twice the Three Stooges!

INVISIBLE BOY
And only one short of the Magnificent
Seven.

RAJA
And you can't count Horst Buckholtz
anyway.

BOWLER
He was cute though.

RAJA
But they all had one thing we haven't
got.

SPLEEN
Girlfriends?

RAJA
A name. All the great superhero teams
have got a fabulous name.

They all think about it for a moment. You can almost smell
their brains overheating.

BOWLER
How about... the Savage Six?

RAJA
The Inscrutable Six?

SPLEEN
The Six Pistols?

SHOVELER
The Exterminators!

INVISIBLE BOY
The Obliterators!

RAJA
The Eradicators!

BOWLER
The Emasculators!

SPLEEN
Wait -- I got it!... The Spleen Team.

He gets beaned by a couple of empty soda cans.

FURIOUS
To hell with a name. Let's get to
work.

MUSIC UP as Furious stands and starts out. The others stand
and follow him... as our heroes form up for their first HEROIC
GROUP SHOT.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT

MUSIC CONTINUES as A LITTLE OLD LADY crosses the street,
when suddenly she looks up and sees a pair of headlights
coming on fast. An immaculately maintained seventies limo is
heading straight for her.

INSIDE THE LIMO - CONTINUOUS

Disco Boys sit in the front. Casanova, Anabel, and Tony P
sit in the back, dressed for a night on the town...

There is a thud as the limo hits the old lady, and everyone
in the car explodes into laughter.

TONY P
Little old lady. That's a hundred
points!

INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE LIMO - A FEW MINUTES LATER

as the limo drives past a billboard with an ad for "MILK"
with a milk mustached Captain Amazing looking at the camera...

TONY P
He knows your every move.

Tony P imitates a massive electrical convulsion, and the
villains crack up.

But as they pass the billboard, a pair of headlights
illuminate in its shadows, and the Shoveler's Ford Esquire
pulls out and follows.

INSIDE THE ESQUIRE - CONTINUOUS

The Shoveler is driving. Mister Furious sits in the front
seat next to him, and our other heroes are packed into the
back.

FURIOUS
Let's say hello.

INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE TWO CARS - CONTINUOUS

As the limo stops at a traffic light... and the Esquire pulls
up alongside it. For a moment good and evil stare each other
down.

TONY P
Not these guys again!

The Disco Boys howl with laughter.

CASANOVA
Nice car.

The D Boys laugh. Furious stares at Casanova, and Casanova
stares right back at him, as cool as a snake.

FURIOUS
What did you do with Captain Amazing?

CASANOVA
Captain who?

TONY P
(spots the Bowler)
Hey, in the backseat, who are you
supposed to be, the Bowler?

BOWLER
I'm his daughter.

TONY P
His daughter? Well guess what,
sweetheart? I'm the one who squished
your Daddy. And he squished real
good!

The villains laugh, and Mister Furious EXPLODES INTO RAGE.
He swings open his car door, mashing it into the limo and
leaving a big dent.

TONY P
HEY!

FURIOUS
'SCUSE ME!

He starts punching the limo like it's a punching bag --
putting big dents in it.

TONY
Waste him!

Tony and the boys all reach into their coats for their pistols --
but as they yank them out, the Spleen sticks his head out of
the station wagon, puts his face right up to the open window
of the limo and lets loose with a TREMENDOUS BELCH...

As the villains choke and gag in the noxious fumes, Mister
Furious goes on a DEMOLITION RAMPAGE, working his way around
the limo, punching big dents with his fists, breaking the
windows with his head, flattening the tires by kicking them,
knocking off the rear view mirror with the back of his hand...

Then he leaps up on top of the limo...

While inside the villains gasp for air as big dents are
stomped into the roof above them...

ANGLE THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD as Furious leaps down onto the
hood, and gazes in at them.

FURIOUS
Shall I check your oil?

He plunges his hand through the metal of the hood, pulls out
the car's dip stick, and checks it.

FURIOUS
Looks fine.

He tosses the dip stick away, then leaps off JUST AS Tony P
gets off a shot, EXPLODING the windshield of the limo.

Furious lands safely on the hood of the station wagon. As
the Shoveler throws the Esquire into gear, Furious shouts...

FURIOUS
NICE CAR!

And our heroes streak off into the night... Casanova and the
others stagger out of the demolished limo, sucking in the
clean air.

CASANOVA
(impressed by Furious)
That boy's got talent.

TONY P
And I'm gonna nip it in the bud.

ANGLE ON A DARKENED ALLEY -

where the man in the strange steel mask can be seen...
watching.

EXT. A BAR - LATER THAT NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

A very typical, nondescript neighborhood place...

INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes stand at the bar, celebrating their first victory.

SHOVELER
To us!

RAJA
Whatever our name is.

They toast and drink.

THE SAME - LATER

The Spleen is passed out at a table, snoring. Shoveler and
Invisible Boy sit next to him.

SHOVELER
Even his snores smell bad.

Raja and Bowler sit at the bar, deep in it.

BOWLER
But she's your mother. You gotta
tell her.

RAJA
I can't.

ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY

INVISIBLE BOY
Dad thinks all this superhero stuff
is a stupid waste of time.

SHOVELER
But he plays golf, right?

INVISIBLE BOY
Yeah.

BACK ON RAJA AND BOWLER -

RAJA
I'm her only son, and she always had
such high hopes for me. Medicine.
Law.

BOWLER
But you're a superhero.

RAJA
The cape. The turban. She wouldn't
understand.

BOWLER
I know... My girlfriends all dumped
me after I put on the mask. They
thought I'd lost it.

RAJA
But in fact... you'd found it.

They clink their glasses and drink.

BACK ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY -

SHOVELER
This is your dream... and you can't
ever give it up.

The Spleen makes weird noises in his sleep.

INVISIBLE BOY
I wonder what he dreams about?

SHOVELER
We don't want to know.

Mr. Furious sits alone in the corner, brooding, lost in his
own angry thoughts..

OUTSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

A black van drives slowly past the bar.

INSIDE THE VAN - CONTINUOUS

The van is packed with Disco Boys. Tony P sits in the front
seat.

TONY P
There.

HIS POV -

He has spotted the Ford Esquire parked in the lot.

BACK IN THE BAR - A LITTLE LATER

ON THE BOWLER AND RAJA -

BOWLER
It's late. I'm headin' home.

RAJA
Me, too.

BOWLER
(to Invisible Boy)
Come on, Junior, it's a school night.

JUST OUTSIDE - A MOMENT LATER

As our heroes, carrying the Spleen, leave.

FURIOUS
Anybody up for a little White Castle?

But suddenly the world is a whirling sass of chains and clubs
as they are bushwhacked by the Disco Boys...

EXT. AN ALLEY - A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON FURIOUS

as he comes to with a groan and sees... the Bowler and
Invisible Boy tied up and gagged, with the Raja, Shoveler,
and the Spleen trussed up right next to them. Furious looks
up, sees Tony P standing over him.

TONY P
Hi, cutie.

Furious struggles, but he has been secured with some very
heavy tire chains. Tony P takes out a large caliber revolver,
flips it open to make sure it's loaded.

TONY P
Six losers. Six bullets. Perfect...
Got any last words, Angry Boy?

FURIOUS
Disco sucks.

TONY P
Disco sucks. Very good. You know
what I'm gonna do, Angry Boy, since
you're so colorful? I'm gonna save
you for last.

He turns and points the pistol right at Invisible Boy's head.
Furious struggles against his chains -- to no avail.

TONY P
Sweet dreams, punk.

Invisible Boy closes his eyes... Tony P cocks the pistol...
But suddenly, there is the ring of steel -- a broad blade
sweeps through the air, and Tony P's pistol is sliced neatly
in half.

TONY P
(holding half a pistol)
HOLY...

The man is the strange steel mask is standing there, the
drawn machete still in his hand.

MAN IN MASK
Buenos naches.

TONY P
Get him!

The Disco Boys rush the newcomer, but he slices through their
baseball bats with his machete, and sends them reeling and
crashing into each other with expert forearm blows, whacks
with the flat of his blade, and head butts with his mask.

Furious struggles to break free and join the fight, but the
chains are too strong... and the stranger doesn't need any
help.

Tony P flicks open a big switchblade and lunges at the
stranger, who sidesteps him like a matador and swings his
machete at him. Tony P turns, about to charge again.

MAN IN MASK
(Mexican accent)
Would you like me to trim the sides?

TONY P
What?

Tony P feels the top of his head, and realizes that the blow
from the machete has neatly sliced off the top his disco-do,
leaving only stubble on the top of his head.

TONY P
(freaking out)
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

Tony and the Disco Boys run for it...

Furious and the others study their masked savior, who stands
before them, machete in hand.

FURIOUS
You're the Sphinx.

SPHINX
And you are a fool.

He raises his machete above Furious' head... and then slices
clean through the chains.

EXT. AUTO DEMOLITION YARD - LATER THAT NIGHT

Our heroes have gathered around a scrap wood fire in a steel
drum. They sit on the ground and on old car seats, feeling
like schmucks as the Sphinx chews them out, his mask looking
very frightening and magical in the flickering light.

SPHINX
You call yourselves superheroes? A
rooster fights more intelligently
than you! You have shown yourself to
your enemy and revealed your powers
to him -- and what have you
accomplished for this? You have
destroyed his car. Brilliant! If you
want to survive you must fight like
a wolf pack -- not like a six pack!

Furious sulks, but the others get the point.

SPHINX
The wolf is cunning. He knows that
stealth is his greatest weapon, and
he always fights as a team...
(at Furious)
Not like some drunken Tejano on
Saturday night.

Furious grunts.

SPHINX
Casanova Frankenstein is a a master
of evil. You will need more than
shovels and dessert forks to stop
him... What else have you got?

They are silent.

FURIOUS
(angrily)
So what else has Superman got?

SHOVELER
He's got the fact that he's Superman!

BOWLER
Bullets bounce off him!

Furious sulks again, feeling that the others are turning
against him.

RAJA
Firepower costs money.

INVISIBLE BOY
Anybody got any?

A silence.

SHOVELER
We didn't think this through very
well.

BOWLER
(after a moment)
My father had this friend... He was
an inventor...

EXT. DOC HELLER'S FARMHOUSE - DAY

Our heroes stand looking at an old farmhouse. The place is
an absolute wreck. It hasn't been painted in twenty-five
years. Windows are boarded up. Half the shingles are gone.
There's visible fire damage around the kitchen window.

SHOVELER
Are you sure he's still lives here?

RAJA
Are you sure he's still alive?

BOWLER
He was the last time I saw him.

SHOVELER
When was that?

BOWLER
I was eight.

She is about to knock, but the door is suddenly yanked open,
and an eighty year old guy is standing there. He's got a
wild head of white hair (that looks like a living explosion),
and he wears a stained old lab coat with stickum messages to
himself stuck to it, non-matching slippers, and a pair of
thick glasses with frames that have been composited of half
a dozen different old pairs all taped and welded together
into a fantastic concoction. He is DOC HELLER.

HELLER
Yes!

BOWLER
Doctor Heller?

HELLER
(doesn't recognize
her)
Yes!

BOWLER
It's me... Elizabeth.

HELLER
Elizabeth! Little Elizabeth! Why
you're so... middle aged!

BOWLER
Thanks.

HELLER
How's your dad?

BOWLER
He's dead.

HELLER
Oh that's right -- they squished
him... Heck of a guy.

Furious throws a look at the Shoveler and Raja. This guy's
out of it. They're wasting their time.

BOWLER
Doc, these are my friends. We're
superheroes, and we need your help.

HELLER
Well, I give to the United Way, and
I feel that sort of covers --

SPHINX
Doctor, we need your weapons.

HELLER
(ecstatic)
My weapons? You need my weapons?

EXT. BEHIND THE HOUSE - A MINUTE LATER - MOVING ANGLE

as Doctor Heller leads them all briskly across his overgrown
yard toward... the barn.

HELLER
The military establishment has never
understood me. They won't return my
phone calls, much less field test
anything. But I knew that someday
I'd get my chance, and now... here
you are!
(pulls open the barn
door)

INT. THE BARN - CONTINUOUS

As our heroes step into Heller's laboratory/arsenal. A stack
of small aluminum cans lines one wall. There are weird looking
sprayers, tubes, and strange homemade toy-like devices...
but there isn't a firearm in sight.

RAJA
But, Doc... where's the machine guns?

SHOVELER
The bazookas?

INVISIBLE BOY
The lasers?

HELLER
You don't need that junk! You see,
for thousands of years mankind has
been immolating, disemboweling, and
exploding itself. Why? Because we
have this built-in screwed up need
to go to war! So as a young man I
thought, why not have the fun and
excitement of war, without all that
unnecessary bloodshed. That's why I
have devoted my life to developing
an arsenal of highly sophisticated
non-lethal military weapons.
(points to a hand
held tube)
Air cannons... Blame throwers...
Feet seeking missiles... And perhaps
my ultimate invention...
(picks up one of the
small cans)
The canned tornado.

Furious groans, and the others share a look. This guy's really
a nut.

HELLER
Now here's a beauty!
(picks up a purple
and orange sprayer
that looks like a
suped up water gun)
I call it the Shrinker! I developed
it after years of studying the worst
dry cleaners I could find. It
instantly shrinks fabrics to half
their size. Anyone caught in its
spray is immediately immobilized by
their own clothing!

FURIOUS
Let's get out of here.

Furious turns and goes out, and the others start to follow.
But the Bowler picks up a canned tornado.

OUTSIDE THE BARN - CONTINUOUS

as Furious walks away, the Bowler steps out of the barn.

BOWLER
Hey, Mister Bad Mood.

Furious stops, turns back.

BOWLER
(pulls the ring on
the can)
Catch.

She tosses the can to him. He catches it -- just as a small
angry tornado FUNNELS out of the can. It catches Furious and
lifts him high in the air... then dissipates to nothing...

A beat later Furious lands on the ground with a painful thump.

ON THE OTHERS, amazed.

Furious gets to his feet, unhurt, but really pissed off. He
starts back toward the barn, violently kicking the empty
can. The others get out of his way, as, muttering angrily to
himself, he goes back into the barn...

And emerges a moment later, toting the air cannon.

HELLER
He's got the air cannon!

The others think he's going to use it on them and scatter
for cover. But Furious steps out into the yard, looking for
a suitable target... He sees an old abandoned outhouse, puts
the air cannon to his shoulder, aims, and fires...

There is a loud WHOOOOMPH of compressed air, and the huge
recoil of the cannon instantly flings Furious back against
the wall of the barn. But the big rush of air hits the shed
dead center... and BLOWS IT TO PIECES, leaving only the old
seat.

Furious gets up, dusts himself off, and moves to Doc Heller.

FURIOUS
Doc, you're a genius!
(hugs him)

HELLER
I know.

FURIOUS
(turns to the others)
Okay! We got the firepower! I say we
throw it into the car, drive over to
Casanova's house, and kick some ass!

SPHINX
No.

The others ignore Furious and listen to the Sphinx.

SPHINX
We are not yet ready. Now we must
learn to fight together... as one
thing.

The others nod in agreement... while Furious fumes.

MONTAGE WITH MUSIC - TRAINING AT THE FARM

CLOSE ON DOC HELLER aiming his air cannon... CAMERA PULLS
BACK TO REVEAL our heroes (minus Furious) standing in a pack
right behind him, holding him down. HE fires, and the recoil
jolts them all violently, but it doesn't knock them over...
as half a dozen scarecrows are blown to pieces... Our heroes
cheer and shake their fists... while Mr. Furious sits alone
on the sidelines, drinking bourbon, and feeling very
alienated.

VARIOUS SHOTS as our heroes learn to fight as a team...
crawling across the grass together... charging in a line...
hurling canned tornadoes... while Furious sits it out,
brooding, drinking, and getting very jealous of the Sphinx.

Shoveler, Bowler, and the Sphinx stand shoulder to shoulder,
as Invisible Boy, Spleen, Raja, and the Doc throw small stones
at them...

They deflect the pebbles with shovel, bowling ball, and
machete...

Theyre having fun. They're becoming a team...

EXT. OUTSIDE THE BARN - EVENING

Furious drinks alone, while the rest of our heroes sit around
an old picnic table, feasting on sodas and pizza (like a
football team after a great practice.) Raja explains the
history of the situation to the Sphinx.

RAJA
Twenty years ago all the major
hoodlums of this city were united
into one great brotherhood of evil,
and Casanova was their king.

SHOVELER
Crime was rampant. It wasn't safe to
stay in your home.

BOWLER
Much less go outside.

SHOVELER
Then Captain Amazing appeared.

RAJA
He busted Casanova and sent the crooks
packing.

SHOVELER
And this has been a pretty nice place
to live ever since.

FURIOUS
(pissed off)
But now Casanova's back! And we're
gonna sit around here all night eating
pizza and telling stories! Hey, lets
toast some marshmellows!

SPHINX
The wise snake coils before he
strikes.

FURIOUS
(lunges at the Sphinx)
And a skunk stinks!

Furious and the Sphinx square off, their faces only inches
apart.

SPHINX
You drink too much.

FURIOUS
When are you going to take off that
mask?

SPHINX
(pointedly)
When I am sure I am among friends.

RAJA
Roy --

FURIOUS
(snapping at him)
Go dance with your mother, Jeffrey!

ON THE RAJA, hurt.

SPHINX
Your rage is a very great power, but
it blinds you to your heart.

FURIOUS
My heart died a long time ago.

SPHINX
It is not dead. It is hiding.

FURIOUS
Blow it out your bean hole, Pancho!...
And to hell with the rest of you!...
Look at you. Bunch of rejects. I
didn't need you before -- and I don't
need you now!
(jumps on to his
motorcycle)
The great ones RIDE ALONE!
(kicks the engine
started)
Adios, muchachos!
(and he rides off
across the field)

ON THE OTHERS, watching him...

BOWLER
Has he always been like this?

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON FURIOUS

the wind whipping against his face, as he rides his Harley
at about a hundred miles an hour... The languorous sound of
an OLD DEAN MARTIN SONG is heard as we...

FADE INTO:

MEMORY SEQUENCE - DAY - CLOSE ON FURIOUS

as a little boy, sitting in the backseat of the family car.
It is thirty years ago, and Mister Furious is a sweet, very
shy, well behaved, perfectly normal three year old. His MOTHER
and FATHER sit in the front. Dean Martin is playing on the
car radio. Little Furious looks out the window and sees the
Mohave Desert going by. A sign reads "Las Vegas, 120 miles".

MOTHER
(to husband)
Oh this place looks great.

An old sign reads "BAR" as the family car pulls into the
parking lot of a single adobe building out in the middle of
nowhere. They park.

MOTHER
Now honey, you just wait in the car.
Mommy and Daddy will be right beck.

They get out, lock the car and head for the bar, leaving the
windows up. Little Furious watches them go, never suspecting
that his entire life is about to change. He sits quietly in
the backseat and plays with the little superhero figurines
that he's brought with him.

LITTLE FURIOUS
Pow! Bang! Wham!

INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

as the parents enter. A very Western motif. An old Gene Autrey
song is playing on the juke. The air conditioning is on.
They're the only customers in the place.

MOTHER
It's nice and cool in here.

FATHER
(as they sit at the
bar)
Barkeep, a couple of cold ones.

CUT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN CAR AND BAR -

ANGLE ON THE MIDDAY SON - blazing down on the car...

as Little Furious still plays with his superheroes, but the
interior is starting to bake, and the sweat begins to pour
off him. He looks out at the bar, getting worried. He tries
the windows, but they're automatic and won't open...

Back in the bar his parents down shots of bourbon with their
beers, as the BARTENDER finishes telling them a joke.

BARTENDER
And here's a banana for your monkey.

Mom and Dad have a good laugh.

BARTENDER
Couple more?

FATHER
You bet.

ANGLE FROM OUTSIDE TUE CAR as Little Furious, sweat and tears
pouring out of him, his hair wet and sticking out (and
starting to take on that familiar look), pounds on the window.

LITTLE FURIOUS
Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!

as back in the bar his parents, now very drunk, down more
beers and chasers as they play a spirited game of pinball.

ANGLE ON THE MOHAVE SUN - BEATING DOWN MERCILESSLY

barely able to breath, Little Furious flops back onto the
seat, his face a mask of heat and terror... But suddenly, a
change begins to take place in him, as some primordial defense
mechanism kicks in... and his fear begins to give way to
rage... His teeth bare.

CLOSE ON HIS HANDS -

as they CRUSH the superhero figurines in their grasp...

While back in the bar his drunken parents dance a slow two
step to Hank Williams "Your Cheatin' Heart"...

EXT. THE PARKING LOT - NIGHT - HANK WILLIAMS CONTINUES

as the big desert moon shines down on the family car, still
parked there.

INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

The parents are asleep in a booth. Furious' mother wakes up,
looks around groggily, and in a moment of horror suddenly
remembers...

MOTHER
OH MY GOD!

THE PARKING LOT - A BEAT LATER

as she runs toward the car, hysterical.

MOTHER
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

She unlocks the door, throws it open, and sees something
that makes her pull back in horror... Little Furious sits in
the backseat. His hair sticks out wildly, his face has become
that now familiar mask of primordial rage. Another OLD DEAN
MARTIN SONG is heard as we...

FADE INTO:

INT. THE DINER - NIGHT - CLOSE ON FURIOUS

sitting alone in the booth, a look of profound pain and
lonliness on his face; he is still that little boy. The Dean
Martin song is playing on the juke.

MONICA (O.S.)
Hi.

He looks up and sees Monica.

FURIOUS
Hi.

MONICA
Alone tonight?

FURIOUS
Every night.

She smiles.

EXT. THE FRANKENSTEIN MANSION - CONTINUOUS

Armed Disco Boys guard the front entrance...

While on the hillside above Invisible Boy (looking through
binoculars) and the Spleen lie together on their bellies in
the weeds, keeping the mansion under surveillance.

SPLEEN
(in a whisper)
Adolescence was the worst -- The
other kids made fun of me, so I'd
spit on them and they'd scatter --
I've never had a girlfriend -- unless
you count that night with my cousin --
She recovered fully though -- We
exchange cards every Christmas --
Well, I send her one, and she sends
it back...
(spritzes something
into his mouth, then
offers it to Invisible
Boy)
Bug repellent?

Suddenly, the gates of the mansion open and several sedans...
followed by a truck, drive out...

POV THROUGH BINOCULARS -

Casanova and Anabel sit in the front of the truck.

INVISIBLE BOY (O.S.)
Where are they going?

Invisible Boy hesitates for just a momnt, then gets up and
runs down the hill.

SPLEEN
(runs after him)
Kid!

As the small convoy drives past, Invisible Boy slips out
from behind some trees, runs after the truck, jumps up and
sits on its rear bumper. The Spleen comes running after him,
and Invisible Boy reaches out, grabs his hand and pulls him
up alongside him. Invisible Boy tries the rear gate. It's
open. The two of them pull it up just a foot, squirm inside,
then pull it closed behind them.

INSIDE THE TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Invisible Boy flashes the light of his key chain flashlight
around the inside of the truck. There is nothing in it, except
for a large pile of packing blankets.

EXT. WATERFRONT AREA - NIGHT

as the convoy drives through Champion City's seedy waterfront
area and out onto a long pier.

INT. THE DINER - NIGHT - CLOSE ON THE TV

Dawn Wong and Don Stouffer report the night's news.

DAWN
...still no sign of millionaire Lance
Hunt, and now, in an unrelated story,
another one of Champion City's leading
citizens has apparently disappeared.
Captain Amazing has not been seen or
heard from in a week. Authorities
believe that the hard working
superhero may just be taking a well
deserved rest.

DON
Cancun perhaps?

DAWN
Sounds good to me, Don.

Mr. Furious sits in the booth drinking coffee as Monica serves
him his burger and fries.

FURIOUS
(floundering)
Monica... I was wondering if -- uh --
maybe we -- I mean you and I -- could --
uh -- you know -- get a -- I mean
have a...

MONICA
Date?

FURIOUS
Yeah.

MONICA
I get off work in fifteen minutes.
Walk me home?

FURIOUS
Sure.

MONICA
That was easy.
(goes back to work)

ON FURIOUS, feeling a whole lot better.

JUST OUTSIDE THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - UNKNOWN POV

from across the street. Furious' head is clearly visible in
the brightly illuminated window of the diner.

A Disco Boy stands in the shadows, gazing at the diner; he
recognizes Furious.

EXT. WATERFRONT - NIGHT

The convoy has pulled up alongside a rusty old freighter,
docked at the pier.

Casanova's men throw the gate of the truck open, and the
CAMERA MOVES IN. No one is there, but we notice... two large
lumps under the packing blankets.

Casanova holds Anabel in his arms as they watch a large wooden
crate being lowered from the deck of the freighter.

CASANOVA
Honey, our ship's come in.

Casanova's cellular phone rings.

OUTSIDE THE DINER - CONTINUOUS

The Disco Boy is on his phone. His pistol is drawn, and he's
got it aimed right at Furious' head.

DISCO BOY
Just give me the word.

BACK TO THE PIER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA

CASANOVA
(gets an idea)
Wait. I'll be right there.
(hangs up, starts off)

ANABEL
(peeved)
Where are you going?

CASANOVA
Head hunting.

A minute later Casanova and two or three Disco Boys drive
off in one of the sedans... as the crate is loaded onto the
truck, and the gate is pulled closed... and locked.

INSIDE THE TRUCK - A MOMENT LATER

The engine starts up, and the truck starts to move, as
Invisible Soy and the Spleen poke their heads out from under
the packing blankets...

They approach the crate and Invisible Boy shines his
flashlight on it.

The crate is secured with rivets and thick metal bands;
there's no way they're going to be able to get inside it,
but in the light of the flashlight they see...

Faded red lettering, in Russian, and the distinctive old
hammer and sickle of the former Soviet Union.

EXT. DIMLY LIT STREET - NIGHT

Furious walks Monica home.

MONICA
I admire you.

FURIOUS
Why?

MONICA
Being a superhero, wanting to save
the world. It's so... unselfish.

FURIOUS
It is?

MONICA
Most people just want to make money
or be famous or something. But you
risk everything, just to help people.

FURIOUS
(after a moment)
I wouldn't mind being famous.

MONICA
Who wouldn't?

In the shadows behind them... Casanova follows, stalking
them, as silent as a vampire.

MONICA
I've never been able to figure out
what to do with my life, which is
why I guess I'm still a waitress.

FURIOUS
Nothing wrong with being a waitress.

MONICA
What's your real name?

FURIOUS
Roy.

MONICA
Have you always lived here?

He nods.

MONICA
Me too... I love this stupid old
town. It's noisy. It's smelly. It's
falling apart.

FURIOUS
It's home.

MONICA
Yeah.

CASANOVA'S POV

Monica, smiling, looking lovely.

CLOSE 0N CASANOVA; he wants her...

BACK ON FURIOUS AND MONICA -

MONICA
I've thought of leaving, going to
Chicago or New York, but...

FURIOUS
What have they got that we ain't
got?

MONICA
Champion's going to bounce back, and
I want to be here when it does.

FURIOUS
Me, too.

MONICA
You don't seem very angry right now.

He shrugs. And they kiss, very tenderly.

MONICA
You know what? Underneath all that
anger I think there's just a little
boy who wants everyone to love him.

FURIOUS
I just want to be a superhero.

MONICA
That's what I mean... 'Night, Roy.

She turns and climbs the stairs of an old apartment building
and goes inside, as Furious watches, feeling emotions he's
not used to. He really likes her. He starts walking back
down the street, past a man sitting on the stoop. The man
looks up. It's Casanova Frankenstein.

CASANOVA
Going my way?

Furious is caught completely by surprise -- he takes a stand,
ready to fight.

CASANOVA
Take it easy -- take it easy. I just
want to have a little chat... That
was quite a number you did on my
car. You've got a lot of violence in
you... and I like that in a guy.

Furious, silent.

CASANOVA
You know what the difference is
between good and evil, Roy?

Furious reacts to the fact that Casanova knows his real name.

CASANOVA
Evil is more fun. When you want
something, you just take it, and if
somebody gets in your way, you kill
them... You seem like a very
frustrated guy, Roy. Unhappy.
Unfulfilled. What is it that you've
always wanted, always desired? Because
whatever it is, I can give it to
you... Fame?
(snaps his fingers)
Easy. Fortune? Even easier. Women?
(laughs)
The easiest of all.

CLOSE ON FURIOUS as, out of the corner of his eye, he catches
movement in the alley across the street... he knows what it
is.

CASANOVA
I'll let you in on a little secret,
Roy. In two days this entire city
will belong to me, and there's not a
damn thing your little pals can do
about it. It's the perfect time to
switch teams... So what do you say?

FURIOUS
(quietly)
You're nuts.

CASANOVA
(flairs)
They always call the great ones nuts.

FURIOUS
And the nuts always call themselves
great.

CASANOVA
(his psychosis showing)
Are you with me... or against me?

FURIOUS
Against.

CASANOVA
Too bad. PLUG HIM!

Gunfire rings out from the alley as the Disco Bays step out,
their pistols blazing. But Furious has anticipated them. He
leaps right at Casanova, pins his arms in a bear hug and
holds him in the line of fire.

CASANOVA
WAIT!

The Disco Boys stop firing... Furious drags Casanova back
into an empty lot, using him as a shield.

FURIOUS
(to Casanova)
Thanks for reminding me which team
I'm on.

CASANOVA
You're dead.

FURIOUS
So are you!

Furious releases Casanova, then runs for it and leaps over
the wooden wall at the end of the lot... as the Disco Boys
open fire again, and their bullets punch holes through the
wall...

Furious runs down a back street and escapes into the night.

EXT. THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS

The convoy drives up the hill toward an ominous looking
structure (that we recognize from the model on the TV
interview with Casanova earlier.)

A high central tower rises up out of the half completed
bulwarks of featureless concrete. It looks both totally modern
and completely ancient, but a profound sense of evil connects
both themes beautifully.

ANGLE ON A PLAQUE THAT READS...

"Frankenstein Center for the Performing and Non-performing
Arts".

The gates of the center open, and the convoy passes through.

INSIDE THE TRUCK - A MOMENT LATER

Invisible Boy and the Spleen stand listening, waiting, as
they feel the truck pull to a stop...

A moment later the gate is pulled opened... Anabel is there
with several thuggy looking SECURITY GUARDS.

ANABEL
Be careful with my baby.

There are two lumps under the packing blankets again.

EXT. LOADING DOCK - A FEW MINUTES LATER

The crate is being carried away by a forklift... A beat, and
then Invisible Boy and the Spleen slip out of the empty
truck...

And run down the road back toward the gates... which are
still open.

They're just about to pass safely through them, when a PAIR
OF ARMED SECURITY GUARDS, step in their path, their guns
pointed at thern.

GUARD 1
Freeze!

GUARD 2
Hands up!

They freeze, their hands held high.

GUARD 2
What are you two doing here?

Our heroes are mute.

GUARD 1
Not talking, eh? That can be fixed.
Turn around, start walking up the
hill --

GUARD 2
And no funny business.

Invisible Boy and the Spleen turn, hands in the air, and
start up the hill, the guards right behind them.

SPLEEN
(after a moment, to
Invisible Boy, in a
whisper)
Pinch 'em.

Invisible Boy pinches his nostrils -- and the Spleen lets
out with a horrendous fart. The guards gag and choke violently
in the fumes as our heroes turn and run for it... escaping
out the gates.

INT. DOC KELLER'S LABORATORY/BARN - A LITTLE LATER

Invisible Boy and Spleen report to the others.

INVISIBLE BOY
Whatever was in that crate... is
from Russia.

The others consider this, then hear a familiar voice.

FURIOUS (O.S.)
Is there room in the pack for one
more wolf?

They look up and see that Furious has just returned... The
Sphinx moves to him. For a moment they stand face to face...

FURIOUS
I was wrong... I need my friends.

Sphinx takes off his mask, revealing that he is the busboy
from the Tacky Taco.

SPHINX
Amigo.

They embrace.

A few minutes later. The others are gathered around Furious,
listening to his story.

FURIOUS
Casanova said that in two days the
entire city would belong to him...
and there wasn't a thing that we
could do about it.

BOWLER
What did he mean?

FURIOUS
I dunno.

Through the window the moon is seen rising over the hillside,
the Frankenstein Center silhouetted ominously against it.
Raja, Shoveler, and Furious gaze at it.

SHOVELER
Maybe it's time we checked that place
out.

RAJA
But how do we get in?

FURIOUS
(after a moment,
sounding very Sphinx-
like)
We just become like the wolf... who
wears the sheep's clothing.

MONTAGE WITH MUSIC - THE NEXT DAY

CLASSIC DISCO ("Stayin' Alive" if we can get the rights)

Furious, Raja, and Shoveler (in street clothes) walk down
the street together and step into the doorway of... the
Salvation Army Thrift Shop...

Later. CLOSE ON three pairs of legs, wearing polyester pants
and vintage shoes (ala the classic shot from "Saturday Night
Fever")... CAMERA WIDENS TO REVEAL our three heroes, dressed
in full blown seventies attire (with vintage sunglasses),
doing their best Travolta strut down the street...

MUSIC CONTINUES as our heroes strut their way through the
gates of the art center, right past the security guards...

OUTSIDE THE CENTER - DAY

They climb the long stairs toward the center, which looms
above them... then pass through the big wooden doors and
into...

INT. MAIN HALL - A MOMENT LATER

END MUSIC as our heroes move through a vast, but empty main
hall... A small army of heavily armed security guards marches
about.

RAJA
So where's the art?

FURIOUS
He hasn't stolen it yet.

SHOVELER
This place is built like a fortress.

FURIOUS
Because that's what it is.

They hear a WILD BURST OF DRUNKEN LAUGHTER echoing through
the hall.

RAJA
What's that?

FURIOUS
(following the sound)
Come on.

They approach a doorway. The noise is coming from within.

INT. BANQUET HALL - A MOMENT LATER

as our heroes step inside and see... A big luncheon is in
progress. Casanova, Anabel, and Tony P sit at the head table.
The room is lined with banquet tables, which are filled with
VICIOUS LOOKING CHARACTERS, drunk, eating, laughing, and
giving the waitresses a very rough tim..

RAJA
(stunned)
Oh my God... Every crook in the city
is here.

ON A GROUP OF VICIOUS LOOKING BALD BIKER TYPES...

RAJA (O.S.)
The Bone Heads from the South Side...

ON THREE INSIPIDLY EVIL LOOKING GUYS in hip suits...

RAJA (O.S.)
The Bland Boys from Downtown...

ON A DARK HAIRED WHITE GUY dressed as a rapper...

RAJA (O.S.)
Italian Ice...

ON A GUY with a frightening assortment of metal things
piercing his face...

RAJA (O.S.)
The Stapler...

ON TWO THUGS DRESSED AS ELVIS...

RAJA (O.S.)
The Elvis Brothers.

A more degenerate group of criminals never sat down to lunch.
Furious recognizes one of the waitresses... It's Monica.

Casanova's got his eye on her, too, and he remembers her
from the night before on the street with Furious.

ON ANABEL, noticing his interest.

Our heroes see Monica walking straight toward them. They
turn away, lean against a wail, trying to be totally
inconspicuous...

But as she passes them, not noticing them... Casanova
approaches her.

CASANOVA
Excuse me.

She stops, turns to him, while our heroes listen in, only a
few feet away...

CASANOVA
(reading her name tag)
Monica... Beautiful name. It suits
you.

CLOSE ON FURIOUS, getting jealous.

CASANOVA
I hope you won't take this the wrong
way, but I couldn't help but notice...
that you're a dead ringer for Veronica
Lake in "The Blue Dahlia".

MONICA
Really?

Furious growls. Raja gives him an elbow.

CASANOVA
Are you an actress?

MONICA
Just a waitress.

CASANOVA
You underestimate yourself.

Mister Furious is fuming. The strands of his perfectly coiffed
disco-do start to stand straight up.

CASANOVA
You know I'm writing a play -- it's
just a little Broadway thing, but
there's a part in it that I think
you'd be perfect for.

MONICA
Really?

CASANOVA
I'd love to hear you read it. Could
you stick around after the luncheon?

MONICA
Sure -- I guess.

CASANOVA
Terrific.

She turns and walks into the kitchen.

CLOSE ON CASANOVA, watching her; his intentions are
sinister... He turns and sees... our heroes, hanging by the
wall.

CASANOVA
What are you three doing here? This
is invited guests only. Out.

Our heroes skulk out.

JUST OUTSIDE THE BANQUET HALL - CONTINUOUS

as our heroes step out and breathe a sigh of relief.

RAJA
That was too close.

SHOVELER
But we gotta find out what's going
on in there.

FURIOUS
Hey.

Furious has spotted... a large covered dessert table, waiting
to be wheeled into the hall.

BACK IN THE BANQUET HALL - A FEW MINUTES LATER

as the dessert table is wheeled in... and in a CLOSER ANGLE,
under the table cloth, we see three pairs of disco shoes
creeping along...

A few minutes later, Monica steps up to the dessert table...
Suddenly, she is yanked under.

UNDER THE TABLE - CONTINUOUS

Monica struggles, tries to cry out, but a hand is clamped
firmly over her mouth.

FURIOUS
It's me.

She calms down, and he takes his hand off her mouth.

MONICA
What are you guys doing here?

RAJA & SHOVELER
Shhhh!

The waitresses leave; the big doors to the dining room are
swung closed, and the cigars are lit. The meeting has begun.
Casanova takes the podium.

CASANOVA
Thank you all for coming. I hope you
enjoy the cigars. I had to kill a
dozen Cubans to get them.

Tony P chuckles loudly, but the joke goes over like a lead
balloon with the rest of the crowd.

CASANOVA
Twenty years ago, this town was yours!
AND I WAS YOUR KING!

ON THE HOODS, listening, bored, puffing on their cigars;
this is a sad old story.

CASANOVA
(tragically)
But they called me a psycho, and
they put me away. For twenty years I
rotted in my cell, painting
watercolors, writing haikus -- just
waiting for the day I could take my
revenge. Well, brothers, that day
has come!

ON OUR HEROES under the table, listening. Monica begins to
realize what's going on.

BACK TO CASANOVA -

CASANOVA
They thought I was crazy? Well the
joke's on them -- because tonight at
precisely midnight -- on the twentieth
anniversary of my tragic arrest --
every man, woman, and child in this
city is going to turn into a RAVING
PSYCHOTIC! Mothers will murder their
tots! Old ladies will strangle their
cats! Children will bump off their
babysitters!

The guests think Casanova's completely lost it. Italian Ice
speaks up.

ITALIAN ICE
You're outta your mind!

CASANOVA
I beg your pardon?

ITALIAN ICE
Nobody could drive a whole city crazy.

CASANOVA
Tell you what, Ice. I'll make you a
friendly little wager. It I can't do
it... you can blow my brains out. If
I can, I'll blow out yours.

Now the hoods' interest has been perked.

ITALIAN ICE
Done.

CASANOVA
(to Anabel, with a
smile)
Honey, give the boys a taste.

Anabel puts on a pair of heavy duty sound deadening ear
protectors, then presses a button on a small remote control
device.

ANGLE ON A SPEAKER, placed above the podium... as the air is
suddenly filled with a weird, stridulating, HORRIFIC NOISE
(somewhere between the sound of a fire siren and a hornet
trapped in your ear) and everyone in the room (except Anabel)
goes COMPLETELY BERSERK...

CAMERA PANS the tables as the guests laugh dementedly,
punching, gouging, strangling, and stabbing each other...

Under the serving table our heroes go crazy...

Casanova, in a state of psychotic ecstasy, whips out his
pistol and empties it into Italian Ice... who drops to the
floor, dead.

Anabel presses the button again; the sound winds down and
stops, and everything returns to normal. The entire event
lasted only a few seconds, but the guests are dazzled.

CROOKS
That was great!... What the hell was
that?... How did you do that?

Casanova throws Anabel a kiss.

CASANOVA
Tonight, at midnight, that sound
will be amplified across this entire
city. Murder and mayhem will reign
supreme! And Champion City will be
ours again! This will be our castle!
And I will be our king! And there's
no one to stop us!

Suddenly, a familiar voice is heard.

AMAZING (O.S.)
Not so fast, Casanova!

A pair of curtains suddenly part... and Captain Amazing
(looking a bit singed) is standing there in classic superhero
pose.

CAMERA PANS the crooks, as their criminal ecstasy turns
instantly to terror. They yank out their pistols, dive for
cover under the table, throw up their hands in surrender,
etc... But Casanova just grins.

CASANOVA
Don't worry, fellas...
(moves to Captain
Amazing, and puts
his arm chummily
around him)
I killed him... and I've had him
stuffed.

Casaova reaches behind Captain Amazing's back and pulls a
string (like the ones they used to have on those old talking
dolls).

AMAZING
(in a canned voice)
Isn't my butt cute in these tights?
(pulls again)
Blue is my color.
(pulls again)
Oh, my abs are killing me!

The crooks are beside themselves with laughter.

ON OUR HEROES, under the table, stunned.

ON THE ELVIS BROTHERS -

ELVIS BROTHER 1
The King is back!

ELVIS BROTHER 2
Long live the King!

The crooks fire their pistols exuberantly into the air, as
disco music fills the air and Casanova dances, basking in
their adoration...

And our heroes slip out from under the table and make good
their escape...

INT. DOC HELLER'S BARN/LAB - LATER

Our heroes and Monica pow-wow, sobered by what they have
seen.

MONICA
What could have made such a horrible
noise?

HELLER
(after a moment,
gravely)
He's got the Psychostridulator.

ALL
The what?

HELLER
Ten years ago the Kremlin's top secret
Psychiatric Warfare Division developed
a prototype for a weapon that emitted
a fluctuating alternative frequency
noise that produced a violent
psychotic reaction in any mammal
within hearing distance. But when
the old Soviet Union fell the
stridulator and its brilliant
inventor, Doctor Kopov, disappeared.

SHOVELER
This Kopov, what happened to him?

HELLER
Not him... her.

They react to that piece of news, and then the Bowler opens
up the newspaper.

BOWLER
Did she look like that?

CLOSE ON A PHOTO of Anabel and Casanova, announcing their
wedding engagement.

HELLER
Yes.

Silence; this is bad.

SPLEEN
(hopefully)
Maybe it won't work.

FURIOUS
It works.

HELLER
A village in Siberia was wiped out
when a cleaning woman switched it on
by mistake.

Another grim silence, as they realize how desperate the
situation is. For the first time, they're really scared.

MONICA
We've got to warn the city.

SHOVELER
How?

RAJA
No one will believe us.

BOWLER
They'll think we're just a bunch of
weirdoes.

CAMERA CUTS BETWEEN THEM as they look at each other -- their
frightened faces, their sad, faded costumes. Even the Sphinx
looks scared.

FURIOUS
(after a moment, grimly)
We know what we gotta do.

They look at him.

RAJA
We're outnumbered twenty to one.

SHOVELER
It's suicide.

FURIOUS
Maybe. But this isn't about living
or dying. It's about good versus
evil, and we're good, whether we
like it or not... Maybe we look a
little funny...

ON THE SPLEEN...

FURIOUS
And smell a little funny. We're not
bulletproof and we can't fly. But
we're superheroes -- and that means
doing what's right -- even when it's
impossible... This is our city --
these are our friends, our families --
and if we don't save them, nobody
will! So I say we take a ride up
that hill, blast our way in there,
destroy that Psycho-whatchamabob --
and teach those deviants a lesson
they'll never forget!

SPHINX
Now you're talking.

BOWLER
Sounds good to me.

RAJA
Let's do it.

SHOVELER
And we'll take a bunch of 'em with
us!

They're all with him. Monica steps forward.

MONICA
I just want you guys to know -- I
may not be a superhero, but I'm with
you -- and I want to help!

ALL
Oh that's great... Thanks, Monica...
(Etc.)

BOWLER
We could really use some coffee --

SHOVELER
And some sandwiches --

SPLEEN
With mustard!

MONICA
(her feelings a little
hurt)
Sure.

A few minutes later, Monica serves sandwiches and coffee as
our heroes plan...

RAJA
But that place is huge and we don't
know where this psycho thing is --

BOWLER
Or even what it looks like.

HELLER
And he must have it well hidden.

FURIOUS
We'll just have to get lucky.

ON MONICA as she gets an idea. A moment later she slips a
canned tornado into her purse... as the others put their
arms around each other in a group huddleembrace.

FURIOUS
Go do what you gotta do. We'll meet
back here at sunset... Do or die.

ALL
Do or die.

SPHINX
Victoria o morte.

HEROIC MUSIC as...

EXT. AUTO DEMOLITION YARD - DAY - CLOSE ANGLE ON

THE FRONT GRILL of the Herkimer Battle Jitney... as Mister
Furious hooks it up to the "Sally's Auto Demolition" tow
truck... A moment later he drives the tow truck, towing the
off the lot, as Sally steps out of her office, pissed off...

SALLY
HEY!

EXT. HELLER'S FARM - DAY

ON THE SPHINX, standing as immobile and silent as a statue...
as a falling leaf slowly flutters down in front of him... In
a flash, his machete slices through the air, and the leaf
continues fluttering down, but in two pieces...

INT. LABORATORY/BARN - DAY

Doc Heller fine tunes his Shrinker spray... as the Bowler
sits quietly in the hayloft, studying the old dog eared photo
of her father and herself as a little girl...

INT. INVISIBLE BOY'S ROOM - DAY

Invisible Boy stands in front of his mirror, eyes closed,
concentrating for all he's worth, trying to become
invisible... He suddenly pops opens his eyes and looks at
himself in the mirror... but he's still completely visible.
He flops onto his bed in frustration.

INT. THE DINER - DAY

CLOSE ON A TABLE full of food... Eggplant Parmesan, broccoli,
chili... CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL the Spleen sitting alone
in the booth, stuffing his face, gassing up for battle.

INT. THE SHOVELER'S HOUSE - DAY

The Shoveler, standing in his bedroom, has just put on his
freshly laundered suit. CAMERA OPENS WIDE TO REVEAL Lucille,
his wife, standing there, holding his just polished shovel.
He takes it from her, then takes her in his arms.

SHOVELER
Baby, if I don't make it... find
yourself... a normal guy.

LUCILLE
I don't want a normal guy.

And they kiss.

A few minutes later... In the living room the Shoveler's
kids lie sprawled in front of the television. The Shoveler,
in battle array, steps into the room. He wants to say
something to them, but the kids don't even take their eyes
off the TV look at him... He turns and walks out in silence.

END MUSIC...

INT. THE RAJA'S DINING ROOM - DAY

The shades are drawn. The Raja, in full costume, quietly
loads silverware into the secret pockets of his cape.
Suddenly, the light switches on... It's his mother. She's
caught him red handed.

MOTHER
Jeffrey, YOU THIEF!

RAJA
Mother... it's not what you think!

MOTHER
And why are you wearing that silly
costume?

RAJA
(painfully)
Because... I'M A SUPERHERO!

ON HIS MOTHER, shocked.

RAJA
Oh, Mother, I'm sorry. I know how
much you wanted me to be a doctor or
a lawyer with a family -- but it's
just not who I am!

MOTHER
But... the silverware?

RAJA
I use it... to fight evil.

MOTHER
(after a moment)
Jeffrey... this is wonderful.

RAJA
(stunned)
It is?

MOTHER
I always knew that you were special.

RAJA
You did?

MOTHER
Ever since you were a little boy...
(gets an idea, excited)
Come with me.

INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - A MOMENT LATER

She pulls down the stairway to the attic...

INT. THE ATTIC - A MOMENT LATER

She switches on the light and leads the Raja to a far
corner... where she moves a couple of old hat boxes, REVEALING
an ancient leather bound box with the word "Excalibur"
engraved in gold on the top.

MOTHER
This is for you.

The Raja opens the box and registers astonishment as he
sees...

A FABULOUS VICTORIAN SILVER SET packed with formidable looking
servers, cake knives, ice cream forks.

MOTHER
Your Great Great Grandmother's wedding
silver.

The Raja lifts up and handles a large heavily engraved pie
server.

RAJA
Bitchin'.

EXT. OUTSIDE HELLER'S BARN/LAB - EVENING - CLOSE ON

Mister Furious, wrench in hand, covered with grease and oil,
cussing to himself as he works under the hood of the Herkimer.

FURIOUS
Try it again!

Invisible Boy, sitting behind the wheel, tries the ignition
of the Herkimer, and the old engine grinds as it turns over,
but doesn't catch.

FURIOUS
Come on, baby... Come on, baby... I
SAID COME ON!

Mister Furious SLUGS the engine with his fist, and it sputters
and backfires into life... shaking, rattling, leaking,
exploding, but running... Furious kisses the Herkimer... as
the Bowler calls out to him from the barn.

BOWLER
Mon Captain, it's for you.
(tosses him the phone)

FURIOUS
Hello?

EXT. UNKNOWN LOCATION - EVENING - CLOSE ON MONICA

MONICA
(on a phone, speaking
very softly)
It's me.

BACK TO FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS

FURIOUS
Monica, where are you?

BACK TO MONICA - WIDER ANGLE

REVEALING that she is on a pay phone just outside the art
center. She's wearing make-up and a sexy little dress; she
looks she's dressed for a date. Disco Boys and security guards
go about their business all around her.

MONICA
At the Frankenstein Center.

CUT BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THEM -

FURIOUS
Are you nuts? Get out of there!

MONICA
I'm going inside.

FURIOUS
What are you talking about?

MONICA
Listen, Casanova may be a
supervillain, but he's got a weakness,
and I'm it. Maybe -- just maybe -- I
can trick him into showing me the
location of the whatchamathing.

FURIOUS
He's a psycho! He'll kill you!

MONICA
Just shut up and listen. Hold off
the attack as long as you can. If I
can discover the location I'll call
you --

FURIOUS
And what if you get killed?

MONICA
Then at least I will have died trying,
right?

Furious silent, taken aback by her courage.

MONICA
Roy... We might never see each other
again, so I'd better tell you now...
I think you're wonderful.

FURIOUS
(caught completely
off guard)
What?

MONICA
Bye.
(and she hangs up)

FURIOUS
Monica!

INT. LOBBY OF THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS

as Monica approaches a GUARD standing by the main door.

MONICA
Could you tell Mr. Frankenstein that
Monica is here?

GUARD
Sure, doll.

BACK TO THE BARN - CONTINUOUS

Furious stands by the Herkimer, phone still in hand. He seems
speechless, dazed. Something inside him has changed.

BOWLER
(worried about him)
Hey... you okay?

FURIOUS
Sure.

BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Casanova steps out and sees... Monica, looking very sexy.

MONICA
Hi.

CASANOVA
I thought you'd chickened out on me.

MONICA
Just wanted to... powder my nose.

His eyes roam all over her; he knows she's up to something,
but she looks yummy, and this is just the sort of cat and
mouse game he loves.

MONICA
How 'bout giving me "the tour"?

CASANOVA
Why not?

EXT. COURTYARD - A FEW MINUTES LATER

as Casanova leads Monica across an open courtyard toward...
the sheer walls of the imposing central tower.

CASANOVA
Big, isn't it?

He leads her to a massive archway, the only apparent entrance
to the tower. But just as she is about to pass through, Monica
looks up and sees something that makes her pull back with
fear...

HER POV -

A very sinister looking SECURITY EYE gazes down at her from
the top of the archway.

CASANOVA
Don't worry. It's not activated.

They pass through and into...

INT. ROOM IN THE BASE OF TOWER - CONTINUOUS

which is filled with IMMENSE BRONZE SCULPTURES of voluptuous,
scantily clad females in various poses of bondage. Monica
reacts; these things are scary.

MONICA
Who's the artist?

CASANOVA
Me.

EXT. THE BARN/LAB - NIGHT

The Bowler, Spleen, Invisible Boy, and Doc Heller load up
the Herkimer with Heller's weaponry... as Mister Furious
lies sprawled on the hillside... breathing in the night air,
contemplating a dandelion gone to seed, and listening to the
sounds of the night. The Raja, Shoveler, and Sphinx, stand
nearby, watching, trying to figure out what's wrong with
him. A whippoorwill is heard singing.

FURIOUS
Listen. He's lonely... and he doesn't
care who knows it.

Raja and Shoveler share a bewildered look. The bird sings
again.

FURIOUS
We're all the same really. Our songs,
our dreams, our seeds are all just a
brave attempt to live forever.
(blows the dandelion
seeds into the wind)

SPHINX
He is in love. His anger is gone.

RAJA
Oh no.

SHOVELER
Great timing!

FURIOUS
Has Monica called?

INT. TOP OF THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Casanova leads Monica into... a palatial room, filled with
priceless objects d'art, all of which reflect Casanova's
dark psyche. A Munch painting. Mayan idols. Weird German
furniture. A huge glass chandelier hovers over the room. A
massive bronze sculpture of a wolf (done in the same style
as the other sculptures) is perched in the balcony. It seems
to be howling out over the city which is seen in a spectacular
view, spread out alonq the lakeshore below.

CASANOVA
This is where I come to... be alone.

He turns down the lights and quietly closes and locks the
big door to the room.

CLOSE ON MONICA, sensing her danger.

MONICA
Oh, look at that view.

She moves out onto the balcony... as Casanova slips the gold
chain from around his neck and follows her.

INT. BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes have gathered around Furious, who sits in a chair,
getting the third degree.

HELLER
Snap out of it!

BOWLER
Get on to yourself!

SHOVELER
(shouting right in
his face)
GET MAD!

FURIOUS
But I just don't feel it.

RAJA
He's turned into a completely normal
person!

FURIOUS
Normal. What's normal? Does normal
exist? And if it did, how would we
know it?

The Shoveler slugs him, sending him sprawling.

FURIOUS
You know, Eddie, that was really
uncalled for.

EXT. BALCONY ON FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - ON MONICA

gazing out onto the city, as she senses Casanova slinking up
behind her.

MONICA
I'm chilly.

She turns, elegantly avoiding him, and moving back inside.

BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS

Spleen holds up Furious' favorite sunglasses.

SPLEEN
Look! Your favorite sunglasses!
(snaps them in two)

BOWLER
Your Roy Rogers coffee mug!
(hurls it against the
wall)

SHOVELER
Your Spiderman Pez dispenser!
(breaks the head off
it)

FURIOUS
Okay, you win. I'm pissed off. I'm
seriously peeved.

The others groan with frustration.

BACK AT THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Monica moves nervously around the room as Casanova sprawls
languorously on the bed, toying with his gold chain.

CASANOVA
Come here.

MONICA
I'm not that kind of girl.

CASANOVA
Then why are you here?

MONICA
Curiosity.

CASANOVA
(with a smile)
Remember the cat.

Suddenly, he hears high heels in the hall. A key is put in
the lock -- Casanova leaps off the bed, grabs Monica and
roughly shoves her into the closet. He leaps back onto the
bed, just as the door opens, and Anabel, dressed in a lab
coat (and wearing high heels) enters. Casanova is completely
relaxed, nonchalant.

ANABEL
What are you doing all alone in the
dark?

CASANOVA
Fantasizing... about you.

She crosses the room to the wolf sculpture.

CASANOVA
I thought you were done?

ANABEL
One last tweak.

She opens a secret panel on its back, REVEALING a FLASHING
HIGH TECH INTERIOR... and Monica, watching from the closet,
realizes that she has found the Psychostridulator.

BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS - CLOSE ON

a boom box... A CD jacket tells us that "Kenny G." is
playing...

RAJA
If this doesn't do it, nothing will!

ON FURIOUS, a pair of headphones on his head. The music is
so loud that we can hear it even though it's being played
only through the headphones.

ON THE OTHERS, gathered around him, waiting to see if this
will work.

And then Furious begins to respond... as his face turns into
a contorted grimace.

BOWLER
It's working!

Furious groans and writhes... The others are thrilled; they've
done it!

FURIOUS
This music is just SO BEAUTIFUL!

He starts to weep. The others give a collective groan of
defeat.

BACK AT THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

as Anabel works on the Psychostridulator, Monica looks at a
clock... which reads almost eleven. Time is running out.

BACK TO THE BARN/LAB - CLOSE ON SHOVELER'S WRISTWATCH

which also reads eleven.

SHOVELER AND RAJA -

SHOVELER
It's time.

RAJA
With or without him, we gotta go!

BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER -

as Anabel closes up the wolf... and starts to leave.

ANABEL
Our guests are waiting.

CASANOVA
I'll be down in a jiffy.

She goes out. Casanova listens as the sound of high heels
fades away, then he goes to the closet and lets Monica out.

MONICA
I'd better go.

CASANOVA
You're a spy.

MONICA
(offguard)
What?

CASANOVA
I saw him walk you home.

MONICA
Who?

CASANOVA
Roy.

She makes a sudden try for the door, but he blocks her way,
a cold look in his eye that makes her step back in fear.

CASANOVA
Don't be afraid... I never hit a
lady...

He lets the gold chain drop loose in his hand, then starts
coming for her, a sadistic grin on his face. This is the
real Casanova.

Monica pulls back, then reaches into her purse and takes out
A CANNED TORNADO, which she holds out threateningly.

MONICA
Stay away!

CASANOVA
Or you'll what? CAN ME?

He laughs dementedly as Monica pops open the can and A
SWIRLING FUNNEL OF AIR SHOOTS OUT OF IT and ENGULFS Casanova,
throwing him across the room... Monica grabs the handset of
a cordless phone and runs out the door.

ON CASANOVA, pulling himself together.

CASANOVA
That bitch!

INT. CORRIDOR JUST OUTSIDE - CONTINUOUS

as Monica runs for it, dialing the phone on the fly...

INT. TEE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS - ON THE PHONE

ringing... but no one is there...

EXT. THE BARN/LAB - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes are climbing into the Herkimer, whose noisy idling
engine obliterates the ringing of the phone.

FURIOUS
But she still might call!

SHOVELER
Are you coming or not?

FURIOUS
I'll drive.

SHOVELER
Not a chance!

He shoves him in the back, closing the heavy steel door behind
him.

BACK TO THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON MONICA

hiding behind a large planter... listening to the phone
ringing on the other end.

MONICA
Come on, guys... Pick up...

Suddenly, we hear Casanova's voice on the line.

CASANOVA'S VOICE
What's the matter...

BACK IN THE TOWER ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Casanova is listening in on another phone.

CASANOVA
Nobody home?

BACK TO MONICA - CONTINUOUS

as she moves quickly down the hall.

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

The Shoveler is at the wheel. The Raja sits in the passenger
seat. The others are in the back.

SHOVELER
Here we go!

He forces the stick into gear and the Herkimer lurches
forward.

SHOVELER
We've got lift off!

RAJA
May the forks be with us!

EXT. DOC HELLER'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

as the Herkimer -- backfiring, smoking, clanging -- rumbles
down the driveway into action.

BACK IN THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

Shoveler tries to put the car in second gear, but it won't
go. He yanks and pulls and struggles, until the stick comes
off in his hand.

RAJA
First is good.

INT. CORRIDOR IN FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Casanova instructs three security guards.

CASANOVA
I want her alive.

GUARDS
Yes, Mr. Frankenstein.

CAMERA PANS UP the top of a staircase... where Monica is
crouched, listening.

EXT. STREETS OF CHAMPION CITY - NIGHT

VARIOUS SHOTS as the Herkimer rumbles and smokes down
Champion's main street (in first gear) and the citizens step
out of houses and bars to watch this bizarre sight.

ON A LITTLE BOY AND HIS FATHER -

LITTLE BOY
Daddy, what is that thing?

FATHER
I don't know, son.

A couple of GRIZZLED CHARACTERS stand in front of a bar.

DRUNK
A Herkimer? Those yuppies will drive
anything.

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

ON FURIOUS AND THE OTHERS in the back.

SPHINX
Amigo, we need you.

INVISIBLE BOY
Just GET MAD!

Furious closes his eyes and tries, but it's hopeless.

INT. V.I.P. LOUNGE IN FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

A sumptuous, hotel-like lounge. Anabel is holding court with
all of top crooks from the luncheon, charming the pants off
them... Casanova slithers up behind her.

CASANOVA
Fellas, this is woman without whom I
would have gone sane.
(kisses her neck)

EXT. FRONT GATE OF THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - CONTINUOUS

A pair of security guards (the same two who got gassed by
the Spleen) are on duty, when they see... a strange looking
vehicle chugging up the hill straight for them.

GUARD 1
What the hell is that?

GUARD 2
Looks like... a Ford Dumpster.

They have a good laugh at it, then hold up their hands for
it to stop... But the Herkimer just rolls past them, hitting
the iron gates and snapping them open as if they were made
of match sticks.

GUARDS
HEY!

They open fire.

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

Bullets are heard pinging off the Herk as THROUGH THE
WINDSHIELD just ahead we see the long stairway heading up to
the front door of the art center.

SHOVELER
Hang on!

EXT. ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

Several more guards open fire, as the Herkimer hits the stairs
and starts bouncing up them...

BACK AT THE LOUNGE - ON CASANOVA

checking his watch.

CASANOVA
It's showtime.

But then they all hear... the sound of gunfire.

TONY P
What's that?

BACK ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

as the Herkimer chugs and bounces... toward the entrance of
the center.

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes get bounced all over the place.

INT. JUST INSIDE THE CENTER - CONTINUOUS

as guards close and bolt the big wooden doors to the art
center.

ON A GUARD wearing a headset.

GUARD
Mr. Frankenstein, we're being
attacked.

INT. SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS

Casanova sits at a security console. Anabel, Tony P, and the
top crooks stand behind him, listening.

CASANOVA
By whom?

VOICE OF GUARD
We don't know!

BACK ON THE STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

as the Herkimer climbs to the top, then rams into the doors
with a thud. But the doors hold.

BACK ON THE VILLAINS -

TONY P
They'll never get through those doors.

BACK AT THE FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

But the plucky little Herkimer digs in its rear wheels and
pushes against the doors like the Little Engine That Could...

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

as our heroes encourage the Herk.

SHOVELER
Come on, baby!

BOWLER
Do it, big boy!

ON ITS WHEELS, grinding, chewing up the concrete...

JUST INSIDE THE CENTER - CONTINUOUS

as the Herkimer comes crunching through the big wooden doors
of the center, scattering the guards.

BACK INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

our heroes cheer, pat the Herk.

SHOVELER
Atta, girl!

BOWLER
Atta, boy!

BACK TO CASANOVA -

WATCHING ON A SECURITY MONITOR

VOICE OF GUARD
Mr. Frankenstein, they're in!

CASANOVA
Well kill them.

BACK IN THE HALL - CONTINUOUS

The Herkimer drives into the main hall of the center as a
small army of security guards swarms in, guns blazing.

BACK AT THE SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS

Casanova and the crooks watch the security monitor...

INSIDE THE HERKIMER - CONTINUOUS

The bullets sound like hailstones bouncing off the armor of
the Herk as our heroes grimly prepare themselves for battle...
The Sphinxs puts on his mask... the Bowler unzips her bag...
Doc Heller cocks his air cannon... Spleen and Invisible Boy
load a bag with canned tornadoes... While Mister Furious
watches anxiously.

The Shoveler drives intently, bullets splattering like bugs
on the windshield.

SHOVELER
Where am I going?

RAJA
(pointing to an archway
on the other side of
the hall)
Through there!

SHOVELER
Right.

But suddenly something under the hood blows up; the engine
gives a long groan, and the Herkimer rolls to a dead stop...

INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE HERIKINER - CONTINUOUS

Right in the middle, in the most exposed position of the
main hall.

More guards arrive and open fire... An armored golf cart
with a fifty caliber machine gun mounted on it comes speeding
into the hall, blasting the Herk...

Inside, the sound of the big bullets is deafening as Shoveler
tries to restart the engine.

SHOVELER
No good! She's dead!

ON CASANOVA AND THE CROOKS, watching the monitor and laughing
as bullets pulverize the Herk.

TONY P
Spam in a can!

The crooks laugh.

Butsuddenly, the Herkimer's door is thrown open, revealing
our heroes -- holding down Doc Heller, his air cannon at the
ready. He fires -- there is a WHOOMPH of air -- and the
mounted gun and a dozen guards are sent tumbling...

SECURITY DESK - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA AND THE OTHERS

watching, sobered.

BACK IN THE MAIN HALL - CONTINUOUS

as our heroes come charging out of the Herkimer, using their
various skills to blow through the surprised guards. Mr.
Furious comes out last, not quite sure what to do with
himself.

But suddenly, a withering barrage of machine gun fire is
being laid down on them by three guards firing tommy guns
from a balcony overlooking the floor. Bullets splatter all
around them -- and several unlucky guards are hit -- but our
heroes dive for cover. The Raja tries to get off a fork, but
the firing is too intense. Our heroes are pinned down.

ON MR. FURIOUS as he sees... the bag of canned tornadoes.
He's got no superpowers, and he's scared to death, but he
grabs a canned tornado.

FURIOUS
Cover me!

SHOVELER
With what?

Bullets dancing all around him, Furious runs a desperate
(but impressive) zig-zag pattern across the floor... He
performs a wild somersault, comes up on his feet, pops open
the can, and executes a perfect jump shot, lobbing it right
into the balcony. The tornado funnels out, and the guards
are sent flying.

ON CASANOVA AND THE TOP CROOKS watching...

ELVIS BROTHER 1
Who are those guys?

CLOSE ON CASANOVA, who knows who they are.

WHILE BACK IN THE HALL our heroes rally around a shaken Mr.
Furious.

RAJA
Not bad for a normal guy!

SPHINX
Amigos!

ALL
Do or die!

EXT. COURTYARD - A MOMENT LATER - ANGLE ON

the security eye watching... as the panicking security guards
retreat under it into the main tower.

BACK TO CASANOVA -

as he types something into the security computer...

ON THE SCREEN a computerized image of the eye appears.
Casanova highlights the word "Activate" and then presses
"Enter".

BACK TO THE COURTYARD - ON THE EYE

as it comes to glowing, sinister life...

A hapless guard retreats under the arch -- the Eye instantly
focuses on him, and he is hit by a dozen nasty looking laser
beams... that SIZZLE HIM...

A moment later our heroes arrive at the arch. Furious is
about to run through, but Doc Heller holds him back.

HELLER
Wait! Look!

He points to... a man shaped pile of charcoal, all that
remains of the unfortunate guard.

HELLER
Laser eye... and it's a humdinger.

RAJA
No problem.

The Raja takes out a butter knife, aims, and hurls it straight
at the eye, but laser beams intercept the knife and instantly
melt it into... a formless blob of silver.

BACK TO CASANOVA AND THE TOP CROOKS -

TONY P
We'll take care of these clowns.

ELVIS BROTHER 2
Piece a cake.

BONE HEAD LEADER
No sweat.

CORRIDOR - A MOMENT LATER

as Tony P, the top crooks, and the Disco Boys march en masse
TOWARD THE CAMAERA... They are an ugly, formidable looking
bunch.

EXT. COURTYARD - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes are blocked by the eye.

SHOVELER
Doc, there's got to be a way.

But the Doc is stymied... Suddenly they hear a woman's voice
calling down to them.

MONICA'S VOICE
It's up here! It's up here!

FURIOUS
(looks up)
Monica!

EXT. TOP OF THE FRANKENSTEIN TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Monica leans over the edge of the balcony, the wolf sculpture
looming over her, shouting down at them.

MONICA
ROY! THE PSYCHO THING IS --!

But strong hands suddenly grab her. It's Casanova.

BACK TO FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS

as high above he hears Monica scream.

BACK TO THE BALCONY - CONTINUOUS

Casanova, hand held tightly across Monica's mouth, shouts
down tauntingly to Furious.

CASANOVA
Thanks, Roy! She's just my type. You
can have her back... when I'm done!

BACK T0 FURIOUS - CONTINUOUS

as he hears Casanova's evil laugh and Monica's scream. He is
desperate to find a way up, but the wall is completely sheer.
He feels helpless -- frantic, near tears...

FLASH TO the terrified little boy trapped in the back of his
parents' car, crying, pounding on the windows...

And then... Mr. Furious' hands clench into fists -- his hair
stands up -- and his face turns into a mask of primordial
rage. His button has finally been pressed. Be's MAD! He
reaches up as high as he can...

CLOSE ON HIS HAND -

as his fingers literally dig into the concrete of the wall...
and he pulls himself up.

BACK AT THE TOP 0F THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Casanova throws Monica onto the bed, puts his hands on her
throat and strangles her as she thrashes helplessly against
his immense strength.

BACK TO FURIOUS -

Fifty feet up and climbing. He pulls himself up, one hand,
then another, digging in his fingernails, catching his toes
on whatever tiny cracks he can find... as the others gaze up
at him.

HELLER
He'll never make it.

BOWLER
Think positive.

Meanwhile, Invisible Boy stands staring at the security eye,
a look of fierce determination on his face. This is his
moment.

INVISIBLE BOY
(to himself)
I can do it.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and concentrates...

ON FURIOUS as the fingers of one hand lose their grip and a
toehold gives way... For a desperate moment, Furious is
dangling off the wall by the tips of the fingers of one hand.
Only his incredible rage keeps his fingertips taut.

Suddenly, there is a flash of silver, and a large cake fork
embeds in the concrete not far from his head. Furious grabs
hold of it, and throws a grateful look down to the Raja...

Who salaams up at him...

As Invisible Boy, eyes closed in concentration, walks very
slowly, hands at his sides, in an almost Egyptian pose...
toward the eye... which stares down mercilessly, waiting for
its next victim... we notice that Invisible Boy has become...
just slightly transparent.

AT THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA

a look of pleasure on his face as he strangles Monica. Her
resistance fades. Her hands fall away. She is pale, beautiful,
almost gone, a picture of exquisite death.

CASANOVA
(admiring her)
Some girls just know how to die.

Suddenly, we hear someone cursing Casanova in Russian. He
turns and sees... Anabel standing there, pistol in hand.

ANABEL
You two timing psychotic bastard.

CASANOVA
Darling, you've got the wrong idea.

ANABEL
(aiming at his heart)
Do I?

CASANOVA
I was only strangling her... I've
killed hundreds of women. It doesn't
mean a thing.
(moving toward her,
turning on that old
Frankenstein Charm)
Pootchkie, you're over-reacting.
This is our night. It's what we've
lied for... cheated for... murdered
for. She's just a plaything, a
trifle... You're the only woman who's
ever meant anything to me. I adore
you. I worship you. I want to make
you my bride.

She succumbs to his charms, and he gently takes the pistol
out of her hand.

CASANOVA
There's just one thing...
(with a psychotic
smile)
I don't need you anymore.

A look of terror comes across her face as she sees the murder
in his eyes.

CASANOVA
Don't worry, Darling. I never hit a
lady.

EXT. ON THE WALL - A MOMENT LATER - ON FURIOUS

still climbing as he hears a scream, looks up... and sees
Anabel go plummeting past him.

ON OUR HEROES down below.

BOWLER
Heads up!

CAMERA HOLDS ON OUR HEROES, wincing as Anabel hits with an
ugly thud.

Suddenly they hear Invisible Boy calling to them.

INVISIBLE BOY
Guys, I did it! I did it! I'm
invisible!

They all turn and see... Invisible Boy, totally visible, but
standing on the other side of the arch.

INVISIBLE BOY
Can you see me?

ALL
Yes!

INVISIBLE BOY
Nuts.

SHOVELER
Kid, turn that thing off!

Invisible Boy turns and sees... a computer screen built into
the wall (with the same image of the eye on it that was on
Casanova's computer), but he doesn't have a clue how to turn
it off. Suddenly, he hears running feet, turns and sees...

The top crooks and the Disco Boys rushing towards him through
the giant sculptures. He gets an idea... and stands right in
front of the computer screen.

INVISIBLE BOY
HEY! CREEPS!

He makes a face at them -- and a dozen guns are instantly
fired at him.

He jumps clear behind a pillar -- as the bullets smash into
the wall... one of them demolishing the computer screen.

CLOSE ON THE EYE -

as it goes dead.

ON INVISIBLE BOY, hiding behind the pillar... realizing he's
been shot in the shoulder.

BACK ON OUR HEROES -

SHOVELER
This is it! DO OR DIE!

The villains form a line, bristling with pistols... as our
heroes, led by Sphinx, Shoveler, and Bowler come running
through the arch. The threesome go shoulder to shoulder (with
our other heroes right behind them) as the villains open
fire, laying down a deadly fusillade...

ON SHOVELER, BOWLER, AND SPHINX, standing together, deflecting
their bullets with shovel, bowling ball, and machete... (as
they practiced with pebbles at the farm)... with the Raja
right behind them, hurling silverware...

ON THE VILLAINS, rapid firing... but their own bullets
ricochet back into them, dropping them... They start to fall
back.

BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Casanova is about to finish Monica.

CASANOVA
And the light goes out...

FURIOUS (O.S.)
Frankenstein!

Casanova turns and sees... Furious, standing on the balcony.

CASANOVA
Roy... What took you so long?

Furious starts at Casanova, who aims Anabel's pistol at him.
Furious hesitates.

CASANOVA
Let me guess... Bullets don't hurt
you.

FURIOUS
They hurt... BUT THEY DON'T STOP ME!

Furious lunges at Casanova -- who gets off a shot before
Furious grabs the gun out of his hand. Casanova ducks clear.
Furious tosses the pistol away... then realizes he's bleeding
from a shoulder wound.

CASANOVA
Smarts, doesn't it?... Shall we dance?

He turns on his stereo and the sound of DISCO MUSIC fills
the air...

INTERCUT BETWEEN THE TWO FIGHTS - CONTINUOUS

Downstairs, the villains have regrouped.

TONY P
Let's rush 'em!

They charge en mass at our heroes... who are waiting for
them... pinching their noses closed, the Spleen bent over at
their forefront...

While Casanova dances around Furious like a cat... Furious,
fighting the pain of his bullet wound, lunges at him, and
Casanova neatly sidesteps him...

The crooks and Disco Boys fall back, gasping, choking in the
noxious fumes...

As Casanova attacks...

Advancing shoulder to shoulder, fighting as a team, our heroes
wield machete, fork, shovel, bowling ball, and canned
tornado... forcing the villains back...

Casanova comes at Furious relentlessly, kicking and
spinning... and Furious gets the worst of it.

Suddenly, a squad of Disco Boys comes charging at our heroes
from the flank... but Doc Heller turns to face them, shrinker
spray held Rambo-style on his hip. He lets them have it,
blasting them with a DENSE BLUE SPRAY...

When the spray clears, the D Boys lie squirming on the floor,
prisoners in their now child sized disco suits...

DISCO BOYS
Help!... Get me out of this!
(Etc.)

Upstairs, Casanova pummels Furious...

While, downstairs, the Shoveler dispatches the Elvis Brothers
with some nifty shovel work... But suddenly, the Bland Boys,
pistols blazing, are advancing on him, forcing him back
against the base of a sculpture.

But the Raja suddenly leaps up onto the sculpture.

RAJA (O.S.)
Gentlemen!

The Bland Boys look up and see... the Raja, both hands filled
with silverware... which he HURLS...

A beat later the Bland Boys, bristling with forks and
grapefruit spoons, run screaming through the sculptures...
as Tony P, pistol in hand, skulks out from behind a sculpture
and spots... the Bowler.

Upstairs, Furious goes flying against a wall...

CASANOVA
Roy, you're making this too easy.

As Tony P takes a careful bead on the Bowler.

TONY P
Say hello to Daddy for me!

He opens fire, but she goes instantly into her ball swinging
frenzy...

He fires, missing -- she's too fast to keep a bead on...
Finally, his gun clicks empty. She turns and faces him.

BOWLER
(grimly)
Daddy says hello.

She HURLS the ball at him -- like a fiery softball pitch.

BALL'S POV -

going straight for Tony P's SCREAMING head...

ON THE BOWLER, watching -- as Tony's scream is cut short by
a gruesome thud.

Back upstairs Casanova comes at Furious again... but Furious
ducks the kick, pops back up and smashes Casanova with his
good arm... sending him flying across the room... Casanova
recovers.

CASANOVA
Let's change the tune.

He reaches into his pocket and takes out the remote device
(that Anabel used at the luncheon). He presses a button...

ON THE WOLF SCULPTURE as the jaws open, its eyes glow red...
and the dreadful sound of the Psychostridulator grinds up
and FILLS THE NIGHT AIR LIKE A SIREN.

Downstairs, the foul noise fills the room and our heroes and
the villains all go into a full blown psychotic episode...
The villains start shooting and stabbing each other.

SERIES OF SHOTS - AROUND THE CITY - CONTINUOUS

On Main Street cars slam into each other. Pedestrians start
screaming and fighting... A man and his dog snarl and snap
at each other...

The Customers at the Lakeside Diner go insane, hurling plates
and food...

At the Shoveler's house the kids turn psycho in front of the
television...

ANGLE ON A TYPICAL SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD -

as the sounds of screaming and smashing dishes and furniture
can be heard coming from all the houses...

LONG ANGLE OF CHAMPION CITY -

as a din of collective insanity rises up from the city...

BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS - ON CASANOVA

in full psychotic ecstasy...

CASANOVA
WHAT A RUSH!
(tosses the remote
off the balcony)

ON MONICA, still motionless on the bed...

Casanova and Furious collide in the center of the room and
grapple in a contest of psychotically enhanced superhuman
strength... Casanova gets his hands around Furious's throat
and crushes it... Furious drops to his knees, and Casanova
thinks he's got him. But Furious, grimacing with rage, looks
him right in the eye.

FURIOUS
(raspy voiced)
Is... that... all you got?

Furious grabs Casanova's wrists... and crushes them. Casanova
howls with pain, loses his grip. Furious slugs him, again
and again... then he grabs Casanova by the belt, swings him
around, and HURLS him into the air...

Casanova CRASHES into the huge crystal chandelier -- there
is an explosion of crystal and glass. Furious averts his
eyes as cut glass rains down all around him... then he looks
up and sees...

Casanova's gold chain has hooked onto a fixture of the
chandelier.

Casanova kicks and flails... as he is hanged by the neck on
his own gold chain...

Furious moves to the wolf sculpture. Be PLUNGES HIS HAND
through its bronze casing, and RIPS OUT the heart of the
Psychostridulator, a flashing football sized device that
gives off an unamplified, but higher pitched and more
irritating sound...

Furious HURLS the device hard against the floor, and it
smashes into a thousand pieces...

CLOSE ON ONE OF THE PIECES -

In insect sized device that gives off an even higher pitched,
even more disorienting sound. This is the very nerve center
of the Psychostridulator...

Furious lifts his foot and crushes it hard under his heel...

SILENCE...

Furious drops to his knees, wounded, exhausted... He looks
up... at Casanova, who dangles lifelessly off the
chandelier...

FURIOUS
Nice dancing with you.

SERIES OF SHOTS - VARIOUS LOCATIONS - CONTINUOUS

as our other heroes return to their senses amidst the
vanquished crooks... the traumatized remnants of whom run
for it. Things also return to normal...

On the street...

At the Lakeside Diner...

And at the Shoveler's house...

BACK TO THE TOP OF THE TOWER - CONTINUOUS

Furious moves to the bed, where Monica lies motionless and
pale...

FURIOUS
Monica...

He touches her face, her eyes open, and she looks at him.

MONICA
You're beautiful when you're angry.

He takes her tenderly in his arm... as the Raja, the Shoveler
and the others rush into the room and see... Furious and
Monica embracing.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE FRANKENSTEIN CENTER - A LITTLE LATER

Police cars and news vans arrive... as our heroes, battered,
wounded, but victorious walk proudly down the long stairs...

Furious and Monica hold each other up. Wounded Invisible Boy
has his arm around the Spleen... while policemen and news
people run up the stairs past them into the center, ignoring
them as always...

But this time our heroes could care less. They are
superheroes, and they don't give a damn who knows it.

INT. THE RAJA'S HOUSE - NIGHT

as the Raja opens the door and enters...

RAJA
Mama!

She is there, waiting up for him.

RAJA
I'm home.

They embrace.

INT. SHOVELER'S HOUSE - NIGHT - CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN

Don Stouffer is reporting.

DON
Few details have emerged...

ON THE SHOVELER'S KIDS, on the couch, still rattled by their
psychotic episode, glued to the TV -

DON (O.S.)
...but the Dawn Patrol got this
exclusive interview with two of the
suspects.

ON THE TV -

Dawn Wong interviews the battered, handcuffed Elvis Brothers
as they are led away...

ELVIS BROTHER 1
I don't know who those guys were --
but I never want to see 'em again.

ELVIS BROTHER 2
Especially that big dude with the
shovel...

ELVIS BROTHER 1
(near tears)
He was the worst!

ON THE KIDS' COLLECTIVE REACTION as they realize who it was...
and then they hear the front door open...

In the front hall the Shoveler enters wearily; his shoulder
hurts, his back is killing him... as his kids come running
to him.

KIDS
Dad!... Dad!... You okay?... You
hurt?

SHOVELER
(shocked by this
welcome)
I'm okay -- I'm all right.

EDDIE JR.
Lean on me, Dad.

LENORE
I'll hold your shovel, Dad.

They lead him back into the living room, and give him the
prime spot on the couch.

BUTCH
You want a soda, Dad?

SHOVELER
(stunned)
Okay.

He runs to get it as Eddie Jr. slides a footstool under his
feet and Tracy puts a pillow behind his back. Roland, the
little one, cuddles up next to him, puts his arm around him.

ROLAND
Nice work. Dad.

SHOVELER
Thanks, Roland.

ROLAND
You really are a superhero, aren't
you?

The Shoveler nods. A few minutes later... The Shoveler sits
on the couch, feet up, soda in hand. The television is off.
His kids all huddled around him, hanging on his every word.

SHOVELER
And that's when the engine blew up.

KIDS
Whoa...

BUTCH
What did you do?

SHOVELER
Well...

ON LUCILLE as she comes in and sees... her husband surrounded
by his kids, a happy man at last.

EXT. LAKESIDE DINER - THE NEXT NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

INT. THE DINER - CONTINUOUS - ON THE SPLEEN

sitting between the Bowler and a bandaged Invisible Boy. The
Bowler has her arm chummily around the Spleen's shoulder.
The Spleen finally has real friends. Doc Heller discusses
the art of fork throwing with the Raja as the Shoveler listens
in. The Sphinx sits at the end of the table, silent.

DOC HELLER
So you're never actually conscious
of range or trajectory?

RAJA
Heck no. I just chuck 'em.

Monica (in her waitress outfit) sits close to a bandaged
Mister Furious.

ON THE TV -

Dawn Wong reports.

DAWN
It's been twenty-four hours since
the deadly psycho-sonic attack and
bloody shoot-out that left Casanova
Frankenstein and dozen of the city's
top hoodlums dead... But tonight the
question remains... Who were these
heroic mystery men who saved our
city?...

ON OUR HEROES -

BOWLER
Could have been anybody.

They laugh.

RAJA
Wait a minute... That's it. That's
our name. We're... the Mystery Men.

They all like it, except for the Bowler.

BOWLER
Hey, do I look like a Man?

SHOVELER
Well we can't call ourselves the
Mystery People.

SPLEEN
(singing, ala "Macho
Man")
Mystery, Mystery Man... I want to be
a Mystery Man...

SHOVELER & RAJA
Shut up.

BOWLER
Eat your mustard.

FURIOUS
It doesn't matter what we call
ourselves. We know who we are.

RAJA
Yes, Obie-wan.

INVISIBLE BOY
Hey... he's gone.

The others see... that the Sphinx's chair is empty. Raja
spots a crumpled napkin on the table, opens it up, and reads.

RAJA
"Until you need me again... Adios."

A silence... Reactions from our heroes as they realize that
the Sphinx is gone...

SHOVELER
I miss him already.

Suddenly, somewhere in the night, a burst of gunfire and
screams are heard. THE FINAL MUSIC BEGINS...

FURIOUS
Amigos, duty calls.

The Mystery Men wolf their burgers, then stand and start for
the street...

As Monica watches them leave, a PATRON asks her:

PATRON
Miss... who are those guys?

MONICA
(after a moment)
I don't know.

JUST OUTSIDE THE DINER - A MOMENT LATER

HEROIC GROUP SHOT as the Mystery Men march down the middle
of street, toward the sound of the gunfire... and into the
night.

THEME AND CREDITS...

THE END

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