Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen
Based on a story by
Robert Ramsey, Matthew Stone
and John Romano
BEVERLY HILLS STREET - NIGHT
It is late night, and deserted. Engine noise approaches;
headlights appear; as the car draws closer we hear singing.
It is a Mercedes convertible and as it roars by, the singing --
a sloppy baritone and a giggling soprano -- whooshes by with
We hold as another car approaches. This one is a conservative
sedan, whose occupant does not sing.
INSIDE THE CONVERTIBLE
The middle-aged driver is in a tuxedo with a rumpled shirt
and cocked bow tie. He is flushed, a Rogue forelock bouncing
over his forehead, and he merrily sings "Casey Jones" along
with the passenger, a young woman in a party dress who
squeals, rocks with the motion of the car, and
enthusiastically pipes in on the chorus.
ANOTHER EMPTY STREET
The convertible makes a hot turn onto the street and
approaches with its singing.
The car enters and roars away. After a beat of quiet, the
conservative sedan enters and recedes.
We are at the Malibu Guest Quarters Motel. The singing,
squealing Mercedes screeches into the lot and rocks to a
The young woman staggers out still giggling, and holding a
half-empty bottle of champagne.
The man tosses her a key with a large plastic tag.
She trots away.
The man twists his rear-view mirror to look at himself. He
straightens his bow tie. He puffs his bounding forelock with
one finger, nods his head to make it bounce, grins
approvingly, and cocks a pistol-finger at his own reflection.
The man enters and looks around. The young woman's dress is
tossed onto the bed but she is nowhere to be seen.
The man pulls an imaginary train whistle.
He looks around, in a closet, under the bed.
I'm a locomotive, baby! I'm the Wabash
cannonball! I'm a hunka-hunka
burninnnnn' love! I got fire in my
boiler and a fuh -- a fuh --
He is reacting to a long leg which pokes out from behind the
A salacious smiles spreads across his lips. He pulls on the
cord to draw back the curtain and reveal the young woman in
red panties and a bra and a saucily cocked conductor's cap.
The man is stripping off his clothes.
Excuse me, Miss, is this the train
Pull in your ears, Rexie -- you're
comin' to a tunnel!
Rex lunges at the young woman and they tumble onto the bed
just as --
CRASH -- the door is kicked open and a short stocky black
man built like a bulldog and wearing a porkpie hat rushes
into the room with a video camera glued to his eye. He looks
like Clarence Thomas with a mustache.
I'm gonna nail your ass!
The young woman screams, clutching the sheets to her naked
bosom. Rex leaps from the bed, still clad only in his
chemindefer boxers, and darts around the room seeking egress.
The man with the video charges around the room following Rex
THE VIDEO IMAGE
Rex is stumbling around the room in a panic, looking for his
clothing. The camera swish-pans back to the young woman still
screaming in the bed.
I'm gonna nail your ass!!
We swish-pan back to Rex as he bends over to pick up his
trousers, mooning us.
I'm gonna nail your ass!
PULL BACK FROM THE VIDEO IMAGE
To reveal that we are in the detective -- Gus Petch's --
I nailed his ass.
Faintly, from the television monitor we hear screaming and
Watching the monitor, MARYLIN REXROTH is a sensual beauty,
with intelligence and class. She watches the monitor without
...I thought he'd outgrown trains.
Gus Petch sits behind a desk.
They never grow-up, lady. They just
get tubby. Me, I've always had ample
proportions. But it's all muscle --
I'm hard as a rock. I'm not on of
these cream puff sit-behind-a desk
private dicks; I'm an assnailer
So I see.
Faintly, from the monitor:
I'm gonna nail your ass.
We hear the Young Woman SQUEAL. Marylin reacts.
Hard to believe that's the best he
Probably you're the best he could
Oh. Thank you.
You're takin' it pretty well. I seen
'em weep like they'd hired me to
prove their husbands weren't fooling
around. And I seen 'em celebrate.
Like I just handed 'em a winning
Marylin turns her attention back to the screen.
I'm just enjoying the movie.
All from the perspective of a moving automobile.
The moving shots show mansions, palm trees, boutiques; we
pass joggers, strolling businessmen holding cellular phones
to their ears, male models working as waiters at sidewalk
cafes, young women on roller blades who turn, smile, and
wave at the camera. It is la dolce vita Los Angeles style.
A handsome, fortyish man in a town car talks into cellular
phone. This is MILES MASSEY.
-- hello Marjory, any messages? Yeah?
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Have Wrigley look
up Oliphant v. Oliphant for its
relevance to the Chapman filing. She
took the kids where? Tahoe? Which
side of Tahoe. Great. If the cruise
goes all the way around the lake,
she left the state and she's in
breach. She can't leave the state.
Tell Wrigley to prepare a filing to
attach everything. Primary residence,
Sure. Put him through.
Hello Ross. What? She's sleeping
with the nanny? Well, you're
separated. She can sleep with -- is
this the one you slept with? Oh. A
guy? Interesting career choice. Hmmm?
Yes. I know you want her dead.
Everyone in your tax bracket wants
their ex wives dead.
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSE
Rex is trying his key in the front door of his house. Finding
it doesn't, work he rattles the knob, then leans on the
We hear distant chimes.
Finally, through the intercom:
Rex. Get away from the door.
Look, Marylin, can't we have a
civilized discussion about this?
We are. And it's winding down.
But Marylin, you know a divorce would
ruin me right now. Everything I have --
everything we have -- is tied up in
my business. The business is my entire
Are you forgetting about the Atcheson,
Topeka and the Santa Fe?
Rex. Go away. I don't want to have
to sic the dogs on you.
From inside the house we hear the menacing sound of LARGE
On an interior wall; it says MASSEY, MEYERSON, SLOAN &
A pull back shows that we are in a waiting room, and a
receptionist leans over her partition to chirp at Rex Rexroth.
Mr. Massey will be right with you.
INT. MASSEY MEYERSON CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Miles addresses a group of young Attorneys at the firm.
The problem is that everyone is
willing to compromise. That's the
problem with the institution of
marriage -- it's based on compromise.
Even through its dissolution. One
attorney will try to score some
points, the opposition will try to
impeach. The process will find an
equilibrium point determined by the
skill of the opposing lawyers, and
then each party will walk away with
their portion of the "goodies." Some
say, "Life is compromise." But at
Massey Myerson we believe life is
struggle and the ultimate destruction
of your opponent.
The Receptionist pokes her head into the conference room.
Your eleven o'clock is here.
Ladies and Gentlemen -- we will
continue this at the Associates
Meeting next Friday. In the meantime,
I want you to consider this... Ivan
the Terrible, Henry the VIII, Attila
the Hun -- what did they have in
As he exits.
MILES MASSEY'S OFFICE
You may have seen it in the issue before last of "World of
Interiors." There's a Rothko on the wall, an Elle Bleu humidor
on the desk, peonies in the vase, and the diploma is from
Miles Massey. Please sit, relax, and
consider this office your office,
your haven, your war room -- for the
duration of the campaign.
He leans back in the leather executive chair behind his desk,
makes a steeple of his fingers, and dons his look of deepest
-- Tell me your troubles.
Rex, nervous, laughs ruefully.
Jeez. Where do I start?
Miles gives an encouraging, rueful smile in return.
...Well, my wife has me between a
rock and a hard place.
That's her job. You have to respect
When I first met Marylin -- Well, we
were crazy about each other. Not
emotionally, of course. We just
couldn't keep our hands off each
But then... But then...
Time marches on. Ardor cools.
No. Not exactly. It didn't exactly
cool. Marylin is a knock-out. And
very sexy -- but -- there's a lot of
it out there.
You know what I mean when I say "it."
Gotcha. No need to get anatomically
correct with me, Rex.
Seems like there's more of it than
ever before --
Well, with the expanding global
population -- Let me ask you this --
your wife. Has she pursued the
opportunities which must present
themselves to the "knock-out, sexy
woman" you described?
I don't know. I can assume...
Not in court you can't. Has she
I'm not sure.
And your wife is aware of or has
evidence of your activities?
Mmm... And to cut to the chase,
forensically speaking -- is there a
Rex hangs his head.
Miles sighs sympathetically.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
our stars, but in ourselves. Well,
let me ask you this: what kind of
settlement do you seek? What are,
for you, the parameters of the
That's the problem. I can't afford
to give her anything.
I know that sounds rough but I'm
about to close on a deal to develop
some mini-malls, and I'm mortgaged
up to my ass. If this deal goes south,
I'm ruined -- I'll lose millions.
So, you propose that in spite of
demonstrable infidelity on your part,
your unoffending wife should be tossed
out on her ear?
Well -- is that possible?
Miles smiles at him.
EXT. RUNNING PATH - SAN VICENTE BLVD. - MORNING
Marylin power walks along the San Vicente Bike Path with her
friends SARAH SORKIN and RAMONA BARCELONA. It's early, but
the path is crowded with bikers, bladers, runners, power
walkers, wheelchair racers etc. Ramona pushes her infant in
a baby jogger.
You want to come out to the beach
I didn't know Barry had a beach house.
Neither did I until my lawyer found
it -- quite a paper trail -- he had
it in the dog's name.
So who'd you hire?
She's a legend. Didn't she do Kravis
or a Pearlman? She definitely did a
She did a Harriman.
In the words of my Private
Investigator, we're going to nail
I've been trying to nail George's
for years, but he's very careful.
I'll just keep having children. I
think I'm pregnant, by the way.
Ramona! Don't get Mia Farrow on us.
Three is not Farrow.
Who's Rex's guy?
Of Massey Myerson?
Do you know him?
By reputation. He got Ann Rumsey
that cute little island of George's.
George was so impressed he hired him
when he divorced his second.
Now? She's a night manager at
You should have tried to get pregnant
Marylin -- solidify your position.
You like kids.
I can't have a baby with a man I
don't love... And I can't submit a
child to divorce.
It's not so bad these days. Kids
like joint custody. Two sets of toys.
Maybe next time.
We do have a man for you.
Thorstenson Gieselensen. He just
separated from his third. He's in
fish. He is fish.
She's keeping his name. And one of
his planes. And all seven of his
And only two are hers.
Please. I'm not seeing anyone until
this is over. One husband at a time.
I wish I had your discipline.
We are close on the person on the witness stand, a woman in
Mrs. Guttman, you have testified
that you were your husband's sexual
slave for thirty-six years, ever
since you were married --
Except for two years when he was in
the Navy, in Korea.
Prior to your marriage, what was
I was a hostess. For Trans-World
What is your husband's profession?
He manufactures staples and industrial
brad-tacks. He's very successful.
At the counsel's table in the foreground Miles chats, voice
lowered with WRIGLEY, a boyish, bespectacled junior associate.
Beyond them we see the woman on the witness stand continuing
Wait... He wants to give her...?
And she has...?
What the fuck...?
Miles turns to Wrigley with a look of indignation. He gestures
to their surroundings.
Sometimes I have serious doubts about
I am very sorry.
Am I mentoring the wrong mentee?
No. You're not.
I could be mentoring Kramer. Kramer
clerked for Scalia.
Wrigley looks suicidal.
BACKGROUND LAWYER (O.S.)
Couldn't you simply walk away from
this abusive relationship?
No, he had the videos...
Anyway, I need a challenge. This --
He waves dismissively at the courtroom.
-- is not a challenge. I need
something I can sink my teeth into,
He would invite these girls home
from the staple factory to our
condominium in Palm Springs. He had
a device he called the Intruder.
Mr. Massey! I ask again, if you have
any questions for the complainant.
I'm sorry, your honor, I was just
conferring with my associate...
Now then, Mrs. Guttman. Do you know
a gentleman named Morris Rudnick?
Well, yes, Morris is my accountant.
He reaches back and Wrigley puts a manila file in his hand.
We would like to offer these
photographs into evidence...
WAITING ROOM - MASSEY MEYSERSON
The receptionist leans over her partition to chirp at Marylin
and her attorney Ruth Rabinow. Ruth is a sturdy woman in her
late 60's. If Mrs. Guttman had gone to law school...
Mr. Massey will see you now.
In the middle of the Massy Meyerson conference table is a
large fruit and pastry plate.
The door swings open. Miles rises.
They shake hands.
-- Ruth Rabinow, this is Rex Rexroth.
And you must be Mrs. Rexroth.
And you must be Mr. Massey.
They appraise each other for a beat. They are impressed and,
they are impressive. As they settle in:
Are you alright? You lost weight.
My whole metabolism is -- off.
Miles has been staring at Marylin. She notices this, and
smiles shyly. He snaps out of it.
So, Ruth. How's Sam?
Sam is Sam. He's taking up fly
fishing. He's in a yert in Montana.
Ruth is a living legend, Rex. At a
time when most women are in Boca,
having early bird specials -- she's
working so her husband can be in
Montana. In a yert.
What's a yert?
I ran into your mother at the
radiologist last week.
Oh, just a routine mammogram. She
said to say hello. She's going to
Positano with your brother's family.
A tight, terse smile from Miles.
Positano is beautiful. Remember when
we were there, Rex? We stayed in the
Santo Pietro? That hotel on the cliff?
They drift for a moment.
So, Miles. If you have a proposal,
let's hear it.
At this point my client is still
prepared to consider reconciliation.
My client has ruled that out.
My client is prepared to entertain
an amicable dissolution of the
marriage without prejudice.
My client proposes a thirty day
cooling off period.
My client feels sufficiently
My client asks that you not initiate
proceedings pending his setting
certain affairs in order.
(conceding the point)
What's so goddamn funny?
Miles lays a hand on his arm.
Please -- let me handle this.
He puts the clipboard away and looks carefully at Ruth.
-- So much for the icebreakers.
What're you after, Ruth?
My client is prepared to settle for
fifty percent of the marital assets.
Why only fifty percent, Ruth? Why
not ask for a hundred percent?
Oh brother. Here we go.
Why not a hundred and fifty percent?
Yes. Maybe you're right, Miles. Maybe
we're being too conservative. Seventy
Rex winces. Rubs his stomach. Marylin leans forward and
whispers to him.
Do you need a Tagamet?
You have some?
She removes a pack of the tablets from her purse, along with
several vials of prescription drugs.
These are yours.
Not according to Mrs. Rabinow.
She hands the pills to a grateful Rex. Their hands touch for
Have you been taking your digestive
Sometimes I forget.
She looks at him like a concerned parent. Miles and Ruth
watch the interaction.
(To the attorneys)
I'm sorry. Where were we?
We were about to request the primary
residence, and thirty percent of the
Are you familiar with Kirshner?
Kirshner does not apply. Kirshner
was in Kentucky.
Please -- let me handle this. Okay,
Ruth, forget Kirshner -- what's your
The primary residence and FORTY
percent of the remaining assets.
You're becoming tedious Miles.
Aren't we going in the wrong
Shhh. Please. Let me do my job.
Buy a clue, Ruthie. Have you forgotten
Ruth stands and closes her attaché case.
See you at the preliminary.
Miles calls to Ruth's retreating back.
Fine. We'll eat all the pastry.
Going through the door, Ruth doesn't react, but Marylin
following, glances back -- bemused, but with a trace of a
Rex swallows two more tablets. He sits, looking despondent.
I think that went as well as could
She always looked out for me.
And she had private investigators
She brought my digestive enzymes.
In anticipation of making you sick.
Maybe I should reconsider my...
Miles looks at him. Shakes his head, sadly.
A superficial display of marital
solicitude, and you lose your resolve?
Rex. I underestimated you. But I'm
your attorney, and if you choose to
reward her for that mediocre charade
of spousal concern...
He shrugs, helplessly.
You're right. Screw her.
INT. GYM - CLOSE ON
A woman walking across a gymnasium floor. Suddenly, she's
assaulted by a huge, grotesquely garbed assailant. His sweats
barely cover his massive, overdeveloped musculature. On his
head, a ski mask stretches over a padded football helmet. He
grabs the woman, yanks her back towards him. She reacts
swiftly. With a ferocious "NO," she stomps on his foot, and
smashes him in the face. The mugger raises his hands in a
gesture of submission.
We pull back and see that we are in a Self Defense Class.
Two instructors, two "muggers" and ten women students all
wearing T-shirts with the words IMPACT-Personal Safety.
Marylin and Sarah sit against the wall.
I don't know what his game is. He
dismissed every one of Ruth's
proposals. And Sarah, we weren't
Well what does he want?
I don't know. Ruth kept her cool,
but I could tell she was surprised.
He has a reputation for being tough.
Marylin watches as a new "victim" begin her walk across the
The mugger emerges from his station and makes his way toward
the "victim." She glances over her shoulder, and at the sight
of the monster bearing down on her, screams and runs to the
exit. Marylin and Sarah giggle, but reproachful looks from
the other students force them to affect concerned looks.
Every week --
The two Instructors and the Mugger try to coax the sobbing
woman back into the room. They clasp her in an empathic group
Anyway, even Rex seemed perplexed by
his intransigence. If I didn't know
better, I'd swear Massey had some
personal investment in my ruination.
So where are you now?
Well, if he continues to maintain
this position -- we're in court.
Get this! He called and invited me
The INSTRUCTOR, a vivacious phys ed major, approaches Marylin.
Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure.
Marylin gets up and coolly walks to center stage, passing
the traumatized Lilly.
That's completely odd.
Marylin begins the Victim walk. The Mugger quickly moves up
from the rear.
I know. That's why I accepted. Find
out what's up with this clown.
The Mugger is upon her. He grabs her hair. She stomps his
foot, and smoothly wheels around SMASHING him in the nose
with her elbow, while KNEEING HIM in the groin.
The women Cheer.
That was excellent, Marylin. But you
forgot to yell "no."
(Calmly, to the Mugger)
ELEGANT RESTAURANT - EVENING
Miles rises from his seat as Marylin enters.
Mrs. Rexroth. Thank you for coming.
The Maitre d' is pulling out a chair for her.
I have to admit. I was curious. And
Something to start? Some wine,
Miles glances at the wine list.
Bordeaux? Hmmm. Chateau Margaux '57.
Miles nods at the maitre d' who returns the nod and withdraws.
I assume this is on Rex?
Miles regards her.
Your husband told me you were
beautiful, but I was unprepared.
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned
tears, your flattery, for where a
heart is hard, they make no battery."
Miles leans back, props his chin on one fist, and considers
Simon & Garfunkel?
Do you have a hard heart, Marylin.
Did you see the tape?
See the tape. Then we can discuss my
A waiter appears and pour a taste of wine which Miles sips
and -- He nods at the waiter who pours two glasses.
Tell me Mr. Massey. What was your
performance about this afternoon?
What does your lawyer think?
Ruth says you've been too successful,
that you're bored, complacent, and
you're on your way down.
But you don't agree?
How do you know?
Why would you be here?
I told you. I was hungry.
FLAP a menu enters frame. It is handed to Marylin; another
is handed to Miles.
I'll have the tournedos of beef. And
the lady will have the same?
I assume you're a carnivore.
I know you do.
She addresses the waiter.
Risotto with white truffles, please.
Miles looks at her with appreciation.
"Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at
You didn't ask me here to pick me
up. You could get in trouble for
Not really. You're not my client.
Freedom of association. Big issue
with the First Amendment fans. Want
to go to Hawaii for the weekend?
Have you ever been married, Miles?
You don't believe in it.
As a matter of fact, I'm a huge fan.
You just haven't met the right person.
No. I haven't. Have you?
She regards him for a moment.
All right, Miles. Let me tell you
everything you THINK you know. I was
married to Rex for a long time. I
was an excellent wife, a partner, a
lover, a hostess and a friend. There
was only one thing I did wrong during
the five years we were together. I
got five years older. Think he should
be able to ditch me for that?
He wants a reconciliation.
See the tape. Then we can discuss
reconciliation. Rex screwed up and I
nailed his ass. Now I'm going to
have it mounted and have my
girlfriends over to throw darts at
it. Then I'm getting on with my life.
That's all I'm after.
What is it you're after, Miles?
Oh, I'm a lot like you -- just looking
for an ass to mount.
Well, don't look at mine!
Oyez. Oyez. Family court for the
fifth district of Los Angeles County
is now in session.
A large black woman in judicial robes and raiment enters
from behind the Solomonic Platform.
-- The Honorable Marva Munson
presiding. All rise.
Massey, Wrigley, and Rex Rexroth in between, rise. Rex and
Wrigley remain respectfully standing, facing forward, as
they whisper out of the side of their mouths:
Have you sat before her before?
-- the judge sits. We argue. We argue
before her. She sits before us.
Okay. Has she sat before you before?
You can't sit before her. That's the
rule! She sits before we argue!
Miles glances over and hisses:
A GAVEL CRASHES
We are on a close lateral track of the jurors faces as they
sit, with earphones on, in the darkened courtroom, illuminated
by a flickering TV monitor.
Leaking tinnily through the headsets we hear a very faint:
I'm gonna nail your ass.
The track ends over at Marylin's table, where Marylin also
wearing headphones, looks on with studied stoicism. Ruth
lays a consoling hand on her shoulder.
Marylin Rexroth now struggles to maintain her composure on
the witness stand. She is modestly dressed and her attitude
is one of shocked, wounded innocence.
I was devastated. Of course.
Thank you, Mrs. Rexroth.
Mr. Massey, any questions?
Miles soberly rises.
He paces, hands clasped behind his back, affecting to be
lost in thought.
Marylin watches him.
Finally Miles, still pacing, declaims:
"Dismiss your vows, your feigned
tears, your flattery, for where a
heart is hard, they make no
Marylin looks up from her handkerchief with a look of startled
irritation. Miles stops pacing and turns to face her with a
Do you know those lines, Mrs. Rexroth?
Marylin examines him with guarded eyes. Ruth sensing something
unscripted going on, tries to cut it off.
Objection, your honor!
Uh... poetry recitation.
Let me rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, how
high is that wall around your heart?
Marylin eyes him suspiciously.
Your honor, this is harassment! Arid
frankly it's still a little...
She flutters one hand.
Rephrase. Mrs. Rexroth, have you
ever been in love?
Marylin hesitates, gives a "what does this mean look" to
Ruth. She returns a "beats me."
Yes. I loved my husband, Rex.
And you've always loved him?
Smiles slips out:
"Who ever lov'd that lov'd not at
Miles returns a fleeting smile.
And you hoped to spend the rest of
your life with him?
Yes. Why is that so difficult for
you to understand?
She looks at Rex with tender sorrow.
Rex was -- is -- a very appealing
man. I am sorry I couldn't...
I tried my best.
Miles almost smiles. She's good.
That'll be all Mrs. Rexroth. Please
forgive me for causing you additional
(To the Judge)
Thank you, Your Honor. No further
A Bailiff offers to help Marylin off the stand. She politely
and courageously declines.
Who's next, Mrs. Rabinow.
We rest, Your Honor.
Yes, Your honor. I call Patricia
Kennedy DeCordoba Isenberg.
Patricia Kennedy DeCordoba Isenberg.
Marylin, in the process of reseating herself behind her table,
Ruth notices this and leans in.
An attractive woman in her mid fifties advances to be sworn.
She was a beauty, but her glory days are past and she's not
taking it well. She looks tense and slightly hypo-manic. She
speaks in a breathy, giggly voice, and smiles frequently for
no apparent reason.
Mrs. Banderas, do you solemnly swear
that the testimony you are about to
give shall be the truth, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth so
help you God?
Yes, Mr. Bailiff. I do.
Now, Mrs. Banderas. What is your
relationship to Mrs. Rexroth.
We don't have much of a relationship
anymore. I haven't seen her since
before she married Rex. We had some
very nice times prior to that. We
were quite close.
Is this a lover?
And how would you define your
relationship to Mrs. Rexroth. You
know -- you are her...?
Patricia smiles coyly. Gives Marylin a silly little wave by
way of greeting.
Hard to believe I know. I'm sure you
are frequently mistaken for sisters.
He'll regret this.
Have you ever met Mr. Rexroth?
No. I haven't. But I've been out of
(Little girlish wave)
Hello, Rex. Hello there.
You were never invited to meet your
No. Uh uh. I don't think so. Hmm?
No. Well... no.
Objection, Your Honor. This isn't
about Mrs. Rexroth's filial
Did you know Mrs. Rexroth was married?
Of course. Of course she was married.
What else would she be? Single? I
don't think so.
She laughs merrily at some private joke between her and her
Let me tell you something about Patty.
Oh. That's her name. Patricia. Like
mine. I was Pat and she was Patty.
But she changed it after seeing "Some
Like It Hot." To Marylin. After
I see. And what were you going to
tell us about Patty slash Marylin?
When she was a tiny girl? And people
asked her what she wanted to be when
she grew up? She never said the usual
things little girls say -- like --
nurse -- ballerina -- anchorwoman?
She always said --
(Very Shirley Temple)
"When I grow up, I want to be
She laughs happily at the memory.
Divorce was her childhood aspiration?
Well, not just divorce. She used to
say "I want to be divorced from some
big dumb rich guy..." And I guess
her dream is coming true.
I'm happy for you Patty
INT. SARAH SORKIN'S BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT
Pasta being cooked. Salad being tossed. Wine glasses are
filled. It's Girl's Night at the beach.
It was like that scene in The
Godfather. Frankie Pentangeli is
called to testify against the Family.
And he's in court, and he looks into
the spectators gallery, and sees his
Brother. They brought the brother
from Sicily. And Frankie can't say a
word. He can't testify. That's what
it was like seeing Pat in there. I
couldn't even have Ruth cross examine
Why do you think she did it?
Maybe she wanted a free trip to LA.
Maybe they offered her money. Massey
is very seductive. Who knows.
Maybe they put a horse head in her
That stinks. They left you with
absolutely nothing. It makes you
wonder about the entire legal system.
Like Rodney King.
They bought her speech. If I was
only in it for Rex's money, he
shouldn't have to give me any.
That doesn't make sense. It's like
punishing you for being goal oriented.
Well, you can live here as long as
you want. Do you have any plans?
Nothing specific, but I'll have my
own place soon.
So, Marylin. Is that what you said
when you were a little girl?
Probably. Every woman in my life was
divorced at least twice. What was I
supposed to say. Anthropologist?
I begged you to have a baby!
In the Godfather, after the courtroom
scene, Frankie Pentangeli opens his
veins in the bathtub.
No. I'll see some blood before this
is over, but it won't be mine.
INT. GIANT MOCK TUDOR - BEVERLY HILLS
Miles is at his weekly chess game with his college friend,
DR. KENNETH BECK, a disaffected plastic surgeon. Miles, Cohiba
in hand, studies the board. Dr. Ken sips his Merlot. Moves a
She got absolutely nothing. Zero.
So. I won't be seeing her? Your
clients usually visit me after the
Not this one. Not unless her HMO
covers plastic surgery, which,
incidentally, she does not need.
Everyone needs plastic surgery. You
I don't need it.
You want Botox?
What the hell is Botox?
It's a form of botulism. I just inject
it into your forehead, and it
paralyzes your eyebrows so you can't
Why in God's name would I want...?
No frown lines.
(Notices Miles watch)
It's a LeCoultre Revers. You can
flip the face, and set it for two
Why would you need two time zones?
You never leave Beverly Hills.
It was a gift from a client.
Set one side for Bel Air.
Botox. Christ. We had aspirations
when we were in college.
We did not.
You were going to be a Cardiac
Surgeon. I was going to clerk for
the Supreme Court.
I was going to play golf. You were
going to have Asian girlfriends.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.
Kenneth moves a chess piece.
You're in check.
I should be in therapy.
INT. MILES MASSEY'S OFFICE
Miles addresses BONNIE DONOVAN, a client.
Yes. Your husband did show remarkable
foresight in taking those pictures.
And, yes, absent a swimming pool,
the presence of the pool man would
appear to be suspicious. But Bonnie,
who is the real victim here? Let me
suggest the following. Your husband,
who on a prior occasion slapped you --
beat you --
Well, I wouldn't say --
Your husband, who has beaten you --
Please -- was at the time brandishing
your firearm, trying in his rage to
shoot an acquaintance -- friend of
long standing --
They hate each other --
So he says now! But if not for your
cool headed intervention, his tantrum
might have ended this schmoe's life
and ruined his own... As for the
sexual indiscretion which he imagined
had taken place, wasn't it in fact
he who had been sleeping with the
He stares contemplatively at the ceiling and, after a beat,
responds to the silence:
Am I going to far here?
A squawk box interrupts with a female voice.
Mr. Massey, Mr. Meyerson would like
to see you when you have a moment.
Miles is surprised.
Herb wants to see me?
When you have a moment.
Slatted shades are drawn against the sun. It is dim, gloomy.
We can just make out the shape of an ancient man -- small,
hunched -- seated behind an enormous desk. A gallows shape
next to him is hard to make out; it is tall, rail thin and
fixed with a swinging, glinting appendage.
A voice -- old, dry, rasping, lightly accented of a long-
gone Brooklyn boyhood -- seems disembodied and sourceless,
as if it is the voice of the gloom itself.
Thoity-six objections sustained,
tree overruled; fawteen summary
judgements sought, toiteen ranite,
eighteen movments to voice fuh
respondent's prejudice, eighteen
ranite which is a hunnut pissent
An arm is being extended toward us and the glinting appendage
swings with it: we see that it is an IV which snakes down
and into the hunched man's suit sleeve.
-- Twelve cawt days on the Rexrawt
case alone; tree hunut'n twenty
billable hours paralegal soivicies;
four hunnut'n two billable associate
counsel and consultative; six hunnut'n
eighty billable at full attorney
rate and eightyfive lunches charged.
Miles takes the man's offered hand, withered and roped with
veins, and accepts its clammy shake.
-- Counseluh, you are the engine
that drives this foim --
He leans back in his chair, breathing heavily, and runs a
tongue over his sandpapery lips. He is wearing oversize Swifty-
Lazar style glasses, heavily tinted in spite of the dark.
Thank you Herb.
INT. MILES OFFICE
Miles sits behind his desk, fingers steepled, staring at
nothing, a haunted look on his face.
His intercom SQUAWKS:
Mr. Massey --
Please! No calls! I'm feeling very
I'm sorry, Mr. Massey, but I felt
certain you'd want to know -- Marylin
Rexroth wants to see you.
Marylin Rexroth? When does she --
She's here now.
INT. PRIVATE BATHROOM
Miles runs his fingers through his hair, carefully examining
himself in the mirror. Suavely smiling.
Marylin! How nice.
He clears his throat, begins again with lower pitch, suave
smile still in place
Marylin! How lovely, uh --
He runs a finger across his teeth, which squeak, then puts
back the suave smile
-- Marylin! What a pleasure --
On Miles as he opens the door, suavely smiling.
Marylin, what a pleas -- who the
fuck are you?
Facing him in the doorway is a large roughly handsome middle
aged man in a business suit.
Just behind him is Marylin Rexroth, looking as coolly
beautiful as ever. She smoothly puts in:
Miles, how nice of you to see us --
may I introduce Howard D. Doyle of
I told you we know each other, baby.
Mr. Massey represented my ex-brother-
in law. Martin Reiser?
Oh. Right. Won't you have a seat?
After you, Doll.
Marylin glides into the office. Seats herself on the couch.
Doyle sits next to her, one proprietary hand on her knee.
And how is Mrs. Reiser?
Few suicide attempts, little inpatient
stint. Naturally, she misses her
kids. Six weekends a year and
alternate Yom Kippurs seemed harsh
to us but -- hey -- all's fair.
Anyhoo, she lives with a "nurse,"
takes her meds and goes to
occupational therapy at a local
So she's uh, flourishing?
She makes felt wallets. Got one right
Doyle pulls out a deranged piece of felt stuffed with money.
Most of the contents slip to the floor.
Yeah. I know. Leather would be more
practical, but whatcha gonna do?
Miles, I know you're busy and that
you charge by the hour so I'll come
to the point. Howard and I are
planning to marry.
Miles is stunned.
Muh -- Well, uh -- Huh?
Yep. My divorce just came through.
Shoulda called you. Coulda cut a
better deal! My wife still has health
insurance and gets to see the
children. But, I don't know. Guess
I'm just a softie. After all Amanda
and me were together for -- what --
you'd know better than me, Marylin.
She was your best friend.
Sixteen years? Howard Jr. is fourteen
and Mandy must be what -- twelve?
Here. Got pictures.
He removes a family photo from the felt wallet. It's of Howard
and two fat teenagers. Apparently the former Mrs. Doyle was
cut out, but an ear and part of a hairdo are sill visible in
I... uh guess congratulations are in
Well -- Marylin and Rex broke up
Honey, I don't think this is really
...and one day, this sweet girl calls
me, asks me to lunch. Just a shoulder
to cry on deal. One thing leads to
another and before I know it --
-- we realized we'd always been very
attracted to one another.
I had no idea until after, but --
He looks at her with predatory lust.
Baby. You are so HOT!
He pulls her close to him and plants a massive kiss on her.
What a touching story.
You know, Miles, after my wife --
wife's mastectomy -- things were
never the same. This might sound
cold, well, maybe not to you, Massey,
(man to man)
I like my women with two boobs.
Miles flashes Marylin a "you are KIDDING" look, but she
assiduously avoids eye contact.
Howard and I are here, Miles, because
I have learned through bitter
experience that when it comes to
matrimonial law, you are the very
Miles acknowledges this with a curt nod.
As you are well aware, my previous
marriage ended with an unjustified
strain on my reputation My motives
were questioned. I was slandered in
You did good, Massey!
Therefore in an effort to remove any
trace of suspicion from my sweet
Howard -- I wish to execute a pre-
And -- there's no talking her out of
it. Believe me, I've tried.
They say the Massey pre-nup has never
She said "penetrate." Heh heh heh.
He gropes her. She giggles like a teenager.
Oh, for the love of...
That is true, isn't it Miles? Your
pre-nup is the best there is?
That is correct. Not to blow my own
horn, but they devote an entire
semester to it at Harvard Law.
Harvard? Whoa, Daddy!
I just want to make sure that you
He eyes Marylin.
-- understand what you're asking for
here. The Massey pre-nup provides
that in the event of a dissolution
of the marriage for any reason, both
parties shall leave it with whatever
they brought in, and earned during.
No one can profit from the marriage.
The pre-nup protects the wealthier
Well -- at the moment, that'd be me.
And without it, that party is exposed --
a sitting duck. No wriggle room.
A Wriggle Room! Maybe we should put
that in the Malibu house. Screw the
-- and we are sure...
Eyes boring into Marylin.
-- we are both sure that's what we
Course I can't do much "wriggling"
if you tie me up like that again.
Massey -- this is one bad bad little
We'd better go before we get thrown
Marylin and Howard wait for an elevator as Miles trots out
to catch them.
Excuse me, Mr. Doyle, if I could
just borrow your charming fiancee
for a moment.
I'd just like to have a word with
Why not? I'm going to have her for a
Miles drags her to the side as Doyle checks his Sports Pager.
What are you doing?
She backs up as he tries to close the space between them.
To him? He's a sick freak.
Passionate! He's a pervert. He should
have to register when he moves.
All girls enjoy a little rough trade
from time to time.
Marylin! Listen to me.
No. You listen to me.
(Very quiet and
You busted me, Miles. You left me
with nothing! What did you expect me
to do? Get a degree in counseling?
Write a book about table linen?
Because that's what wives do when
they get dumped, and frankly, I'm
not quite ready for that.
But why him?
We told you. We realized we've always
been in love.
He has backed her against the wall of an alcove which shelters
a flowering ficus.
The Massey pre-nup has never been
pene -- successfully challenged.
So I hear. Is that all?
No, that's not all.
He moves to kiss her.
You fascinate me.
She deftly slides out of the way. Miles watches her as she
heads down the hall. As she gets on the elevator, Howard
grabs her butt with one hand, while giving Miles a high sign
with the other.
INT. HOWARD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Miles stares at the chessboard.
Do you think I'm going to end up
like Herb Myerson, with a colostomy
bag instead of a family?
Got any symptoms?
Yes. The inability to experience
Don't waste time with your queen.
The Center Counter Defense. The thing
is not to move your queen too early.
She can't really love that idiot,
Marylin Rexroth. She came into my
office and signed a pre-nup with
A Massey Pre-nup?
(Miles nods again)
She loves him.
He's the wrong man.
Miles! Don't waste time with someone
else's queen, either.
EXT. A WEDDING BOWER - AKA CHUPPA
From behind the bower, RABBI BOLENSKY emerges, strumming his
guitar and singing:
Parsley sage, rosemary and thyme --
Remember me to one who lives there...
A pullback reveals Howard D. Doyle before the altar with
Marylin. He is in a tuxedo and yarmulke. She is dressed in a
simple, Kennedy-type gown.
-- she once was a true love of mine.
The last arpeggiated chord rings out; birds tweet, everyone
As Miles and Wrigley seat themselves, Wrigley is sniffling.
Miles is irritated.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I can't help it. Even with the
business we're in, I -- it gets me
every time. It's so -- optimistic.
Is she going through with it?
As the crowd quiets with the end of the song, Wrigley murmurs:
If she's not going through with it,
she's cutting it awful close.
Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme.
Ingredients. Spices. Spicy ingredients
for the banquet we call -- life.
Marriage is like a Great Feast.
Courtship is the Appetizer. A small
mixed green taste of things to come.
The Early Years -- The First Course --
a carefully poached fish dish
dependent on freshness and delicate
handling. Or perhaps a light pasta --
a tortellini stuffed with cheese and
(Whispers, to Miles)
You have any gum or mints?
The main course -- Mature Love -- a
hearty stew, cooked slowly in the
oven of companionship until the meat
falls off the bone. And then --
dessert. The reward for years spent
together -- the sweetness of a Life
Well Lived. A sorbet of grandchildren,
followed by the decafe demitasse of
There is silence, broken only by the twitter of birds and
the restlessness of a hungry audience.
Do you Chaim David Doyle, take Marylin
to be the Barbara to your Wolfgang
though the lean years as well as
those that are heavily marbled?
And do you, Marylin Rexroth, take
Chaim to be the roux in your bechamel?
The stock in your sauce?
Heads turn. Miles bites a knuckle. Birds twitter.
Then, by the power vested in me by
the state of California, and as the
maitre'd in the Prix Fixe Four Star
Restaurant of Life, I now pronounce
you -- man and wife...
A kiss. Cheers. Applause.
A RECEPTION ON THE GROUNDS
Rabbi Bolensky strolls through the crowd with a heaping
platter of smoked salmon.
Miles is darkly brooding as Wrigley opens a Tiffany box to
show him the contents.
What do you think?
What are they?
Spoons! Honestly Wrigley, I'm
surprised at you. What is this? Some
Martha Stewart suggestion? Those are
the most cockamamie things I've ever --
Miles -- why so angry?
Miles sounds wistful:
Why couldn't we be the club sandwich?
Ding Ding -- Howard D. is tapping a knife against his wine
glass. The crowd quiets.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls:
I have something to say to my bride.
Howard D. turns to one side to address Marylin, taking one
of her hands between his paws, as she beams up at him.
-- Darling, like the rabbi said...
life is a banquet, A Grand Bouffe,
and Marylin, darling... I just want
you to know that I am IN the kitchen
and I CAN STAND THE HEAT!
Laughter from the gallery.
And I'm going to start this marriage
by EATING MY WORDS. Because the hot
hors d'oerve of this love story is --
He reaches into his breast pocket and withdraws a piece of
Carmine! Bring on the Pesto!
A Caterer places a plate and a bowl of sauce in front of
Doyle. Marylin looks on, surprised and bemused.
-- This is for you, darling.
He starts tearing strips off the piece of paper, dipping
them into the sauce, and eating them. His mouth stuffed with
paper, Doyle repeats:
-- this is for you, Darling.
The crowd is murmuring--the murmurs grow in volume -- a
smattering of applause -- cheers -- more applause -- wild
cheers. Slowly rhythmically, Miles starts thumping his hand
together, nodding comprehension.
Next to him Wrigley is puzzled.
Why is he doing that?
Miles' hand-clapping accelerates.
Brilliant. It's brilliant. He's eating
Wrigley's eyes widen. He looks back at Doyle eating the paper.
This is for you, Darling!
Wrigley bursts into tears.
That's -- the most romantic thing
I've ever seen -- in my LIFE!
THIS IS FOR YOU, DARLING!
Marylin stands at the punch bowl accepting congratulations.
Miles approaches and draws her aside.
I'd like to offer my congratulations.
That was a beautiful gesture of
Howard is a beautiful person.
Yes. He's a diamond in the rough.
And I have a feeling that someday
soon you'll be taking that diamond
and leaving the rough.
Miles. Miles. Miles.
I am thrilled for you, but tell me
this... How'd you get Howard to do
it? I've addressed enough juries to
appreciate the power of suggestion,
but it seemed like he thought it was
his own idea.
It was his idea. It was a gesture of
love and trust. Be happy for me,
Well, when this goes south -- promise
you'll have dinner with me?
(She holds a plate of
food for him)
Have you tried the duck?
I figure a couple of months. That's
how long it should take for the ink
on the settlement to dry.
He takes the plate of food from her.
It has bones. Be sure to swallow
Although knowing you as I do -- there
will be no settlement. This time it
will be complete and total
With a ROAR we CUT TO:
INT. LEAR JET COCKPIT
A uniformed pilot and copilot are cruising the corporate jet
high above a vast ocean of clouds. The pilot is wearing a
headset. After a long moment of listening he shakes his head.
-- I've heard some -- I've heard
some sick things -- in my --
The pilot reaches above his head and throws a small toggle
switch and the cockpit is Awash with the sound of screaming,
laughter and music:
Oh Casey Jones was the rounder's
name, T'was on the 6:02 that he rode
INT. CABIN OF LEAR JET
Screaming with laughter, two naked damsels in conductor's
caps are pushing Rex Rexroth around the cabin on a miniature
locomotive. He is wearing his railroad boxers and bellowing
"The Ballad of Casey Jones."
BACK TO THE COCKPIT
Who is that guy?
Rex Rexroth, the mini-mall king.
Getting to be the richest man on the
West Coast, from what they say.
The copilot shakes his head.
FROM THE SPEAKER
Hup! Come all you rounders if you
Why're they going to Muncie?
The pilot shrugs.
He's thinking of buying Indiana.
WHOOOSH -- the plane roars away.
INT. MILES OFFICE
And of course we shall have to
litigate. Sentence. Paragraph.
A secretary seated by his desk is taking notes.
-- Naturally the first concern for
both parties is the welfare of little
Wendell junior. Nevertheless, we
question whether the continuing
expenses for his special ed classes
are truly justified given the great
I'm sorry I'm late. I was having
lunch with Ruth Rabinow's assistant.
Guess what? Marylin Rexroth is
...and I hear she's richer than
Ah, but is she richer than Mrs.
She could buy and sell you ten times
She deserves every penny. They pay
great athletes a fortune. Well,
Marylin Rexroth is an athlete at the
peak of her power.
He hits the call button.
Get me Marylin Rexroth Doyle.
She owes me a meal.
I'd stay away from her, Miles.
I know you would, Wrigley. But would
We hear the Receptionist Voice:
Mrs. Doyle for you.
INT. FANCY RESTAURANT
We move in on one of the tables where Marylin and Miles sit
as a waiter pours them champagne.
Le Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin, 1982.
Thank you. I'll take care of it.
As he fill Marylin's glass: Raises his own in a toast.
I don't feel victorious Miles. I
feel betrayed, abandoned and
humiliated. I have pictures of him
with another woman...
More pictures? My God, Marylin. You
can open an erotic art gallery.
Did you invite me here to score some
No. Just to comfort you, and
appreciate you --
You really think I engineered the
whole thing. You think the marriage
and the divorce was part of some
scheme. You came here to celebrate
because you think I'm without morality
or soul. You --
sound like my mother.
The Waiter hands Miles a menu.
Should we order?
Yes, I -- well, I'm not really...
Not hungry, huh? Neither am I.
A long pensive moment.
Miles reaches across the table and takes her hand. She lets
him. He strokes it.
Miles drives. Marylin sits silently looking out the window.
Miles pulls up to the huge house.
Thank you. And good-night.
He takes her hand again.
She puts a finger to his lips.
Sadly, Miles relinquishes her hand.
She exits the car and walks up to the front door. Miles
watches her go.
INT. BEDROOM - MASSEY MANSION
We hear Court TV on in the background. Miles alone in bed,
reading Art In America.
ON THE TV
A Witness is being examined by the Prosecutor:
...and he asked you if...?
..if I reckon I could find someone
to keel him his wife.
Who asked you this?
Dean Leonard. Da defendant.
(Points to the
CLAP OF THUNDER -- BOLT OF LIGHTNING
In a boiling night sky.
There are distant, echoing wails.
WOOZY DUTCH TRACK
Along a pointing suitcoated arm.
Eighteen hunnut billable hours. Twelve
hunnut'n twenty-one motions tuh
The woozy track finds the cadaverous hand at the end of the
arm with an IV tube swinging from it. Miles stands next to
the arm. He's holding an assault type weapon.
...five nunnut'n sixty faw summary
judgenents. A hunnut'n twenty-nine
thousand four hunnut'n seventeen
Miles shoots -- Bonnie falls. Then Mrs. Guttman. Marylin is
next. Miles hesitates.
Miles points the gun at Herb.
RING. RING. RING.
He bolts up in bed, sweating.
He gazes stuporously about, reaching for the ringing phone.
You're right about me. I am worthless.
I am nothing. I don't deserve to
Marylin? When did I say...?
I don't blame them for betraying me.
I don't blame Rex, or Howard or my
father. You see, Miles, I'm going to
tell you something about me. Something
you may or may not know. I suck!
We hear the SCREECH of Tires.
(yelling at someone)
Screw you, asswipe!
Marylin? Forgive me but are you --
You get out of the car. That's right,
Fuctard. I'm talkin' to you!
You shouldn't be driving. Where are
I'm on Sunset. Near the Beverly Hills
hotel. Wanna meet me for a drink in
I live right near there. The 800
Block of Maple. Come here. Marylin --
come here right now before -- just
Okay. Should I stop at Starbucks and
pick up a blended for --
No. Don't stop.
INT. DEN - MASSEY MANSION
Marylin sits in the den. She's had some coffee and, although
teary and disheveled, is no longer psychotic.
I just cried when I got home. Somehow,
your disdain for me -- I'm pretty
tough Miles, but I'm human. All my
life people have been ascribing these
terrible motives to me. I used to
think they were jealous, or they
didn't understand, but... I dunno.
Maybe others see something in me.
Something I'm not even aware of.
Anyway, thank you for letting me
come here. I guess I was a little
She takes the coffee cup and has a sip. She looks like a
You have a very nice home, Miles.
You have wonderful art. I love that
Yes. I just got that, actually. It
was a gift.
From a -- girlfriend.
No. No. I don't have a... no. It was
from a client.
No kidding. I'll bet you have some
very grateful clients. What'd Rex
Rex sent me two humidors full of pre-
Marylin looks at a photograph Miles has on a side table.
A WOMAN AND TWO SMALL BOYS.
The Woman has her arm around one of them. The other stands
close to her. Smiling, but awkward and tentative.
Is that you?
Oh. And that is -- mom?
Yeah. Mom. Mom and brother.
You look like you were a very
sensitive child. You have expressive
Miles walks over to look at the picture.
And your mother was very beautiful.
She must be proud of you.
She never particularly cared for me.
She didn't love you?
No. She loved me. She would never
not love her son. She just didn't...
I wasn't her "type." She said I was
a very, colicky baby. You know?
Difficult. Not a good sleeper? Didn't
eat well? We got off to a bad start,
and she never seemed to recoup --
She held that against you?
Apparently she was very disappointed.
Boy. Boy, oh boy.
Marylin looks at the picture again. And yes -- you can see
how hesitant Miles was. Marylin is moved. A flash of something
genuine crosses her face.
And here I thought my mother was...
Your mother was.
Oh right. You met Patricia.
She takes a sip of coffee. Regards Miles.
We're damaged goods.
No, we're not!
We are, Miles. You know I'm right.
There's something "off" about you
and me Miles. And maybe it isn't
because of these women -- maybe they
were just extremely insightful and
recognized our "deficiencies" very
early on. Maybe...
That is bullshit! Mine is a bitch
and yours is a psycho. I can't believe
you're saying this, Marylin! There's
nothing wrong with us. We're
attractive and charismatic and
successful and... I like us.
I'm sorry Miles. You shouldn't listen
to me. I'm sure you have a very
fulfilling life. I'd better go. I'm
Thank you for the coffee. It's very
She stands. Picks up her purse. Walks over to him with an
Don't go. Stay with me for a while.
He doesn't release her hand. Instead he draws her to him,
and kisses her. She kisses him. He kisses her back. She...
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Mile and Marylin -- making love.
They are in post coital wrap.
I have to say -- I'm speechless. No.
I'm never speechless.
I'm a little embarrassed. I'm not
used to losing control with such --
And I'm not used to -- Marylin --
there's something I want to ask you.
What is it Miles?
I want... I want to...
She waits, puzzled.
I want to be your -- your wife.
No... That wasn't right. I want YOU
to be MY wife.
Did you just propose to me?
Yes. I am. What else could those
words mean? I believe we belong
together and we can make one another
happy. And we should be happy because
happiness is better than the
alternative which is -- just jump in
any old time, Marylin. You have more
experience at this than I do.
Yes? Yes, you do have more experience?
Yes, Miles. I accept.
Do you want me to sleep on it?
Do you want to sleep on it?
No ma'am. I have been asleep all my
life up to this moment. Marylin,
will you marry me?
I don't have a ring!
I have a watch.
She laughs. Kisses him.
Miles and Kenneth wait. Dressed in suits. Miles looks nervous.
I'm happy for you, pal.
Is she Asian?
Well... I'm still...
Wrigley, rushes in, carrying a briefcase.
Kenneth this is my associate, Wrigley.
Wrigley this is my friend, Dr. Beck.
The plastic surgeon! I read about
you in LA Style.
Do you have it?
I have it.
You have the pre-nup?
No. I have the ring. Was I supposed
to have a pre-nup?
No. You have the ring. Wrigley has
Oh. I thought maybe --
(He sees someone)
Marylin enters. She looks outstanding. Her friends, Sarah
Sorkin and Ramona Barcelona (who is now visibly pregnant)
Sarah! How are you?
You know each other? Of course you
You're Dr. Beck? I have an appointment
to see you in March. Right after I
lose the babyweight. Which of course,
will be after I have the baby...
Sarah Sorkin. Ramona Barcelona --
this is Miles Massey.
Marylin. You know my young associate,
I do. He was at my divorce and my
wedding. What would a marital related
event be without Wrigley?
It has become a tradition, hasn't
I loved the berry spoons.
I didn't have any. Thank you.
Well, Wrigley brought something else
for you today, darling.
Wrigley pulls a sheaf of papers from the briefcase.
This -- is the Massey Pre-nup.
Wrigley hastily pulls a ballpoint from his pocket and clicks
it. Miles grabs the pre-nup, and as he turns to Marylin, his
Marylin, you're welcome to examine
it, but as you know -- it's iron
It is. It's famous.
I tried to reach Ruth, but we couldn't
We wanted Ruth here for your
protection as well --
The Judge is here. Over here, Judge
Wasn't she the Judge at my divorce
Yes. Short notice you know, but I
think there's nice closure to it.
Hello Judge Muson. A pleasure as
What's up with you two.
We're getting married.
What's the gag?
A gag? No.
Marylin looks at the pre-nup. Then pulls Miles aside.
Excuse me, Judge Muson.
You got it, Patty.
You brought a pre-nup to our wedding?
(She isn't having the
It's for your protection, sweetheart.
You're the one with the -- the...
-- the coin?
Miles. I don't want to sign this. I
want this marriage to be different.
Okay. Judge Munsen and Wrigley are
here, but other than that...
Should I go out for a smoke?
No. Judge -- just a sec. But Marylin,
if we sign it, I can't hope to benefit
from the marriage.
What I mean is, your wealth is
As if a lead veil had been drawn across. She looks deep into
his eyes. Into his soul.
Miles. Listen to me. You are about
to become my husband. I don't want
to be protected from you. I want to
be protected for you.
I want this to be a marriage based
on love, trust and community property.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But Marylin, without this, you're
I want to be exposed.
It's about time.
You're a sitting duck.
(To Miles, with great
Miles and Marylin stand before the alter.
Do you, Miles Herbert Massey of Massey
Meyerson take Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth-
"Doyle", to be your lawful wedded
wife to --
I do, yah I do, uh huh --
Let me finish!
She glares at Miles.
-- Jesus! Haven't you ever been
Chastened, Miles bows his head.
-- To have and hold, to love and to
cherish, till death do you part?
There is a long beat, through which Miles stares at his shoes.
Marylin looks at him.
-- I do.
And do you, Marylin Hamilton-Rexroth
Doyle, take Miles Herbert Massey of
Massey Meyerson, to be your lawful
wedded husband, to have and to hold,
to love and to cherish, till death
do you part?
I now pronounce you man and wife.
Wrigley bursts into tears.
THE MARRIED MASSEY MONTAGE
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - MORNING
Miles and Marylin asleep in bed. The ALARM RINGS. Miles wakes,
turns to his beautiful wife -- kisses her good morning.
She gives him a sleepy Smile.
Miles dressing for work. Marylin, in a Sabia Rosa bathrobe
places a tray with coffee next to him. He holds up two ties
for her-approval. She selects one. He puts it on.
Miles and Marylin reading Newspapers while eating breakfast.
She serves him a bowl of fruit and indicates Wrigley's berry
spoons. They laugh heartily.
Marylin waves good bye as Miles backs drives to the office.
She waves at the gardeners who blow palm fronds around the
He has managed to fill his credenza with pictures of married
life. Due to its brevity -- these pictures are uneventful,
the Massey's wear the same outfit in most of them.
Miles works. He is interrupted by the voice of his SECRETARY.
I have Mrs. Massey on line one for
Miles picks up.
He laughs and laughs. We hear Marylin's laughter coming
through the receiver.
Miles exits a flower store with a bouquet of tulips. Marylin
at the doorway, greets Miles as he arrives home.
As Miles changes into his casual after work outfit, (khakis?)
Marylin sits at the edge of the bed. He's telling her about
his day, and she is rapt with attention.
The Massey's have a candlelit dinner of fish and pasta. The
tulips are in the middle of the table.
Miles and Marylin snuggle on a couch and watch Seinfeld.
Miles in bed on the new Frette Linen. A few too many pillows,
but he's making it work. Marylin enters the bedroom in a
nightshirt that is the perfect combination of innocence and
nastiness. He puts down his book as she gets into bed with
They gaze at one another -- the picture of contentment and
CLICK - LIGHTS OUT
EXT. MASSEY MYERSON - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Miles is addressing the young associates.
For the first time in my life, I
stand before you naked...
vulnerable... and in love. Love. A
word matrimonial lawyers shy away
from. Ironic isn't it -- that I have
been frightened of this emotion which
is, in a sense, the seed of my
livelihood. But today, I am here to
tell you: Love should cause us no
fear. Love should cause us no shame.
Love... is good.
(He lets it sink in)
Let me ask you a question. When our
clients come to us confused, angry,
hurting because their flame of love
is fluttering and threatens to die --
should we seek to extinguish that
flame, so that we can sift through
the smoldering wreckage for our paltry
reward? Or should we seek to fan
this precious flame -- this most
precious flame -- back to loving,
The young associates look confused. Wrigley raises his hand.
Should we counsel fear -- or trust?
Should we seek to destroy -- or to
build? Should we meet our clients'
problems with cynicism -- or with
(another raised hand)
The decision of course, is each of
ours. For my part, I have made the
leap of love, and there is no going
Herb Myserson sits in the back of the room. He watches,
INT. DEN - MASSEY HOUSE
Miles and Marylin watching a cable movie crowded together on
the small sofa.
I'm sorry. I'm squishing you. I'll
move to the...
No. Stay. I want you close to me.
This couch is wrong. It's not a
He surveys his surroundings with a critical eye.
Honey, I could sit...
In fact, this is not a married house --
it's a bachelor pad.
Hardly. You have six bedrooms
I know. But I've converted most of
them into ridiculous "Guy" rooms --
a billiard room, a card room, a gym --
Honey, want you to go out, as soon
as you feel up to it -- and buy
married things. Woman things.
Personalize it. Marylinize it. Make
this your house.
He hands her a credit card.
Here's my card. Spend as much as you
want. We get mileage.
Well, I suppose I could "girly" it
up for you with a little Fortuny,
and some passementerie --
Are those foods?
Fabric and fringe.
Exactly. And then -- maybe -- not
right away -- There's a room right
off the bedroom -- It would be perfect
for a nursery.
(He takes her hands)
It's a walk in humidor right now --
but if I took out the refrigeration
I think a nursery should be right
off the master suite. My parents put
mine in the guest house. Apparently
they did have a Fisher Price intercom,
but my mother turned it off when I
was seven months old because I was
She stops him with a kiss.
You want children, don't you?
INT. QUATRAIN ANTIQUES - DAY
A pricey antique store near Melrose.
You said 'yes' didn't you?
I said yes.
She picks up an antique Chinese bowl.
Is this Ming?
It's not Ming. It's Tong.
Is Tong older than Ming?
I think Ming is older than Tong.
(To the Salesman
What is this?
That is a Chinese Prayer Bowl. It's
Ok. I'll take it.
He sets it aside next to the formidable pile of loot the
girls have accumulated.
I can't do this anymore. Let's get
What about rugs? I thought we were
stopping at Mansour?
And will this be check or --?
She hands him the Platinum Visa.
(Glances at it)
Very good, Mrs. Massey.
He trots off with the card.
Marylin absently fingers an antique guided candelabra.
Well. He said to "make the house
Oh boy. If he only knew.
Yeah. I guess. You know --
He's not what I expected. He's very --
he's so -- happy.
But you're going through with it?
Yes, yes, it's just -- you know I've
never been the first wife. Rex was
married before me.
Miles is different. He's still so
Well, that's about to change big
He has no cynicism or anger. For
once I'm not the repository of rage
at some other woman.
Soon, you'll have your own rage!
INT. FLOWER STORE - EVENING
Miles is buying a huge bouquet of flowers. As he exits he is
stopped by a WOMAN. She is in her 40's but looks older.
Wait. I know you.
You're Miles Massey! You probably
don't recognize me. The drugs made
me put on weight and grow facial
You ruined my life you sonofabitch.
She grabs the flowers. Pulls petal off one of the roses and
But my brother got you. He got you,
A NURSE runs over.
What are you...
(To the nurse)
Is she yours?
Howard Doyle is my brother? You know
my brother, Howard Doyle. You do
know my brother, don't you?
I'm sorry, Sir. Emily. Give the man
Yes, I know Howard Doyle.
He tricked you. With a phony wife
and a fake pre-nup. Howard Doyle. He
got you. You married Marylin, didn't
you? You thought she had money. HA
HA HA. Howard Doyle made you think
that because of what you did to me.
And to Marylin Rexroth. Yeah. I heard
all about it. My brother Howard Doyle
Neener neener neener.
INT. RUTH RABINOW'S OFFICE
Ruth calmly watches Miles ranting around her office.
He divorced his wife -- he married
Marylin -- he divorced Marylin --
and he -- remarried his WIFE? What
kind of sick --
Marylin was friends with Howard and
Amanda Doyle. They don't like the
way you operate. They helped her.
He never ate the pre-nup, did he!
I have no idea what Howard Doyle
eats. I'm not a damn dietician.
Did Marylin end up with money?
She's YOUR wife. Why don't you ask
her? Anyway, I assume she signed the
highly over rated Massey pre-nup.
I don't have a pre-nup
Miles hangs his head. Ruth sighs sympathetically.
...The fault, dear Brutus, is not in
Don't give me that crap. That's MY
And it's good!
I'll have you suspended. I'll have
Don't threaten me, Miles. I did
...why did she do it, Ruth? Why?
That's attorney client privilege.
(As she goes back
into her work)
Sorry, Miles. But as a great and
clever man once said, What's good
for the goose --
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - NIGHT
Marylin greets him at the door.
I have a surprise for you.
She brings him inside. The place has been massively
accessorized. Antiques, rugs, lamps and assorted tasteful
chatchkies. There is a new Biedermeyer couch in the den.
Miles looks at it, expressionless.
You don't like it?
He stares at her -- a very dark look.
You don't like me?
I love you. I want to have your baby.
What's wrong Miles? Did I spend too
She retrieves all the receipts from her purse.
Miles. I have a very good relationship
with all the salesmen. I can return
Can you Marylin? Can you return the
trust? Can you return the hopes? The
dreams? Can you just...
SEND IT ALL BACK FOR STORE CREDIT?
Miles? You're scaring me.
(Pulls himself together)
I'm sorry, Darling. I love it. It's
chic and timeless and elegant and
eclectic and. It's you, Marylin. It
Marylin is on the phone with Ruth.
But Ruth -- things have changed --
yes -- yes I understand. But you see --
I couldn't file, did I? And maybe I
wasn't going to file. Maybe -- maybe
Ruth -- Yes. Okay.
OUTSIDE BEDROOM - MASSEY HOUSE - NIGHT
The bedroom door is closed. Marylin knocks repeatedly.
Miles? Open the door, Miles. Please
open the door. I want to talk to
you. Miles? I'm coming in. Here I
She pushes the door open. No Miles in sight. On the bed,
scrawled on a piece of mMm stationery, taped to one of the
mMm Frette pillows -- a note which reads -- "If you prick
us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If
you poison us, do we not die? AND IF YOU WRONG US SHALL WE
INT. KENNETH'S HOUSE
Kenneth stares at the chessboard. Court TV is on the
COURT TV REPORTER
We are back at the Trial of New Jersey v. Medrano. Mr. Medrano
is accused of killing his wife, Alicia in 1992. He claims it
was suicide. Let's return to the courtroom.
See the action in the courtroom --
The Prosecutor shows the jury an extremely large handgun.
How far would this gun have to be in
order to inflict a wound without
leaving powder burns on the scalp.
Approximately three feet.
And how could Mrs. Medrano shoot
herself in the back of the head from
a distance of three feet?
Really long arms?
He moves a piece.
They won't get a conviction. The
husband called it in as a suicide.
The forensic guys weren't thinking
murder. I'm sure some of the evidence
It's your move, Miles.
I already made my move, Kenneth.
INT. MASSEY HOUSE
A private yoga class. Marylin, Sarah and Ramona are in the
plow position. The yuppie Sikh instructor places his weight
Vishu! Knock it off. That hurts.
Breathe through it.
Sarah tries a few deep breaths. Marylin concentrates hard.
That's good, Marylin.
I don't even know where he is. He
looked so devastated. If I could
just talk to him for a few minutes.
Was that the bell?
It sounded like a bell.
I'll be right back.
INT. HALLWAY - MASSEY HOUSE
Marylin walks to the door. Opens it. Two POLICE OFFICERS.
Yes? Can I help you?
Marylin Hamilton Rexroth Doyle Massey?
We have a warrant for your arrest.
INT. POLICE STATION - MONTAGE - DAY
Marylin is photographed front and profile. She is finger
printed; she is searched and relieved of her jewelry; and
finally, she is throw into a holding tank with several other
women -- trapped. She clings despondently to the bars.
INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
Ruth is admitted to the holding area.
INT. HOLDING TANK - DAY
A Police Officer walks down the hall. Unlocks the door.
You can go now, Mrs. Massey. Someone
INT. RUTH'S CAR
Marylin sits next to Ruth.
Forgery and Fraud?
You used his credit card.
He told me to -- he said he wanted
me to --
Quite a little shopping spree. How
do you spend six figures in less
than six hours? Oh, never mind I've
seen it before. I've seen everything.
Do you think he set me up? Do you
think that was his intention?
Like I know his intention? Or yours
for that matter?
I should join Sam. I'm too old for
He never even asked. He just assumed --
He was right, wasn't he?
So. Now what?
Now? Well, Marylin, now you cut a
deal or find out how Jean Harris
made it work for her.
INT. MASSEY HOUSE - DAY
Miles opens the door. Marylin is standing there.
Well. Well. Well. Look who made bail!
May I come in?
I don't know. Maybe I should grab my
mace. I'm a civil attorney. I have
little experience with "the criminal
I'd just like to pick up a few of my
I don't believe you have "things."
On the contrary. We're married and
we have no pre-nup, so a case could
be made that everything in here is
Marylin walks into the den. Sits on the new sofa.
What do you want?
I want to nail you ass.
Are you threatening me, because I'm
sure that's a violation of the terms
of your bail.
I'm reporting you to the IRS.
The IRS? They owe me. I'm expecting
He laughs. She looks at him, dead serious.
I'm clean with the IRS. I've reported
every dollar I've ever made. Try
I'm not talking about dollars,
studmuffin. I'm talking about --
She opens a humidor and takes out a Cigar.
(Chomping on the Cigar)
Got a light?
What kind of "stuff?"
She reaches into her purse. Pulls out a Dunhill and expertly
lights the cigar.
Arty Farty stuff.
(Pointing to the
Lithographs and pre Castro Cubans.
Watches and mileage on private jets.
Stuff, Miles. Stuff you get from
Those are gifts.
Salary. Unreported income.
(Glancing at his watch)
By the way, what time IS it on
You can't prove anything.
I don't have to. That's what the IRS
guys do. And they do it with great
zeal. See, they work at these tortuous
civil service jobs, and when five
hundred dollar an hour boys like you
take their trade out in luxury
goodies, these saps feel.. well,
they feel like saps. And they feel
bitter and they feel vengeful and
they feel WRATH.
(Puffing on the cigar)
What is this? A Romeo and Julieta?
You're out of your league, Marylin.
Rexroth was a primate. I'm a
I know. So am I, right? And so is
Agent Wilson of the Internal Revenue
Service. He's a dedicated, underpaid
graduate of Southwestern University --
very tenacious, and never more so
than when he's dealing with an
(She stands to leave)
I think it's only fair to warn you:
I'm going to file an action, Miles.
And after a decent interval I plan
to have Ruth seek an injunction that
will forbid your approach within 500
feet of my house.
Meaning my house.
I believe the residence will be part
of the settlement.
Did our marriage ever mean anything
Drop the bogus forgery charge and
I'll forget about your generous
friends slash clients.
She gives him a peck on the cheek. As she leaves:
You'll always be my favorite husband.
Miles sits dejectedly on the new sofa looking at the
paintings. He looks at the watch. And the cigars. And the
picture of his mother.
Pity you can't be here. You'd enjoy
CLOSE ON A BAG OF FLUIDS
We pull back from the milky yellowish bag of fluid to show
that a nurse is unhooking and removing it from under Herb
Meyerson's wheelchair where it collects drainage.
She now places it up on the IV gantry and connects, and swaps
the now empty drip under the wheelchair to collect drainage.
We are once again in Herb Meyerson's gloomy office, its
venetians blocking most of the light and making Herb a dark,
This woman has humbled, shamed and
disgrazed the entire foim.
A reverse shows Miles standing in front of Herb's desk.
Counseluh, this foim deals in powuh.
This foim deals in p'seption. This
foim cannot prospuh... nor long
endowwa. if it is p'seeved as dancin'
to the music..
He waves his free arm to the beat of music unheard.
-- of the hoidy-goidy.
I understand Herb... I just... for
the first time in my career -- I
don't know what to do. I'm a patsy.
A sitting duck. I'm lost.
Lost! I'll tell you what you can do,
you can --
He brings himself up short and turns to the nurse.
-- leave us.
She heads for the door.
-- You can act like a man. Let me
tell you sumpn, smart guy. You tawt
you had it all figgud out. Trust.
Marriage. All ya goddamn love love
love. Well now you lissean me. I'm
gonna talk to you about the goddamn
He climbs unsteadily to his feet and tries to pace,
gesticulating, with the IV swaying dangerously behind him.
-- We SOIVE THE LAW! We HONUH the
law! We make our goddamn bread and
BUTTUH by the law! And sometimes,
counseluh, we OBEY THE LAW --
He pauses to let this sink in.
-- but conseluh -- This is not one a
INT. BEDROOM - MASSEY HOUSE
Miles is in bed, morosely watching Court TV.
Close on NIKKI ROSEN - A COURT TV ANCHOR
We are interrupting our scheduled
weekend coverage because we have
just received word there is a verdict
in the Kentucky v Leonard Case. We
now join the case -- live.
Of the charges of murder in the first
degree, we the jury find the defendant --
Nikki speaks to her Guest Host.
He got away with it.
Simpson started a trend.
An edgy looking gangster, JOE. He is perspiring heavily. He
breathes through his mouth with the rasping wheeze of an
His labored breath rattles as he stares across the table at
someone off. At length, a voice:
...Are you Joe?
Still staring, but perhaps by way of answer, the gangster
raises an inhaler, sticks it in his mouth, and squeezes.
A reverse shows Miles seated across a small round table in a
seedy low-lit clam house. Photos of Ted Kennedy and the Pope
adorn the walls..
I am here representing Mr. Dumbarton,
on a... matter of some delicacy.
Who's the pigeon?
Who do you want me to kill?
Well -- I, uh, that is to say Mr.
Dumbarton -- would like you to uh,
neutralize a, uh, business associate
by the name of Marylin Rexroth Doyle
Massey uh Dumbart -- uh, Massey.
Is that... one person?
Here's her picture...
He is shoving an envelope across the table.
...and the address where she's
staying. It's the residence of a Mr.
Massey. Uh, Dumbarton. Massey. Uh,
it's not Mr. Dumbarton's house. Though
he's not involved. And because of an
impending legal action this needs to
happen within a certain... time frame.
Uh... on an expedited basis.
The gangster stares expressionlessly. He raises the inhaler
again and, with his eyes still on Miles, squeezes. WHUSH.
You're in a rush.
Mr. Dumbarton is, yes.
A long beat. Finally, Miles explodes
She won't suffer, will she?
He bites a knuckle, gazing fearfully at the gangster. The
gangster stares impassively back.
...not unless you pay extra.
INT. REX REXROTH MANSION
An enormous oak paneled room. Furnished with chairs sofas
and a huge circular bed. A fire roars in the far corner. On
the wall above the bed a film loop is being projected --
soft core pornographic images.
On the bed, Rex is surrounded by three naked beauties, smeared
in cola dust and wearing conductor caps.
I've been working on the railroad --
All the livelong day!
I've been working on the railroad
Just to pass the time away!
Can'tcha hear the whistle... the
Rex hunches over, clutching his left arm.
One by one, the girls stop dancing and stare. There is a
somber silence, broken by another.
The girls are all watching now. One of them steps forward.
-- Whatsa matter, Rexie?
INT. KENNETH'S HOUSE
A guest room. Dark, dirty and filled with empty bottles of
expensive French wine.
We hear a phone ringing in a different room. It rings several
The figure on the bed stirs, rolls over, moans, clamps a
pillow over his head.
The ring of the distant telephone is interrupted and we hear
a muffled voice:
Hello. Yes, he's here. Just a minute --
We hear approaching footsteps and Kenneth enters the
background, knotting a bathrobe. He turns on the light in
Miles. It's for you.
The figure on the couch pulls away the pillow. It is indeed
Miles Massey. He blearily takes the offered phone.
Hello. Yes -- what?! Yes -- I see --
After another listening beat he drops the phone away. He
remains staring dully out into space.
That was Marvin Untermeyer.
He was Rex Rexroth's personal
What do you mean, was.
Rex just had a massive coronary. In
the middle of a business meeting.
Kenneth is mildly puzzled.
I'm sorry to hear that. But you
weren't close, were you?
Marvin says that Rex's will is four
years old. He never redrafted it.
Miles voice is still flat, expressionless:
Everything goes to Marylin.
He looks up a at Kenneth.
She's rich. We're still married. We
have no pre-nup.
So, that's good, right?
Miles paces with the telephone. He punches numbers with the
thumb of the hand holding the phone; his other hand holds a
coffee cup from which he takes trembling slurps.
This is Joe. Wuddya need?
Then a beep.
Joe. This is Mr. uh... friend of --
we met. This is to instruct you it's
No Go! Do you understand me?! NO GO
on Marylin Rexroth Doyle -- No Go.
He slams down the phone.
Who was that?
That was -- oh, shit. What if he's
on his way over there?
Consumed with remorse, Miles moans.
Marylin! What have I done?
I don't know, but don't call me
Miles drives, speeding, taking corners hard while punching
numbers into his car phone.
Get her out, buy some time; get her
INT. MASSEY MANSION - NIGHT
In the bedroom, the phone starts ringing. A hand enters to
pick it up. We follow the hand up to reveal
MILES SPEEDING CAR
Miles? Miles! Where have you been?
I've been trying to get in touch.
You have to leave the house
I will, Miles. I will leave. But
No buts. Now. Out.
Just listen to me. I'm sorry, Miles.
It's true that my initial intention
Please! Leave the house.
I fell in love Miles.
So did I. Now pack up a few basics
You do? You do love me?
Marylin hangs up the phone.
She walks slowly around the room, pausing at the mantelpiece
to pick up a framed picture of Miles, which she
We pan with her continued walk to bring Joe into frame. He
stands with his back pressed to the wall. She's started for
a moment, but quickly recoups:
Whoever sent you, I'll pay double.
She shows him the picture of Miles.
Is this Mr. Dumbarton?
She cocks an eye at him.
That's his lawyer.
Who's the pigeon?
We faintly hear a car screeching to a halt.
EXT. MASSEY MANSION
Massey exits the car. He clutches a can of mace.
We hear a key scrape in the lock. The front door swings open
onto a dark foyer as Miles tiptoes in.
Miles tiptoes through, looking warily about. He backs through
the swinging doors connecting to the kitchen. Finds himself
face to face with Joe.
Joe! Thank God you're in time. You're
not in time. I'm in time. Thank God
I'm in time.
Joe stares at him.
It's a no go! Get it? No one any the
He makes a cow-herding motion with his hands.
You can go home now! Goodbye! Thanks
Joe takes out his gun.
No no! No contract! It's all over.
This has no effect on Joe who is unscrewing his silencer.
Miles is exasperated. Suddenly -- Marylin appears.
It's a no go, Joe.
It's okay Joe.
Joe glances at both of them with barely concealed contempt.
Wait! He works for YOU?
Now. But first, he worked for you.
You were going to have this thug...?
Wait just a second there. You sent
him here. You unearthed this
You're calling me a pestilence? That's
I'm sorry. That was unkind and --
but, we changed our minds.
Did you really mean what you said on
the phone. It wasn't because you
found out about Rex?
Nonono. Marylin -- I'm your husband.
I'd be entitled to Rex's money. No
matter what happened to you.
Lemme tell you something. You are
the pestilence. I'm the exterminator.
Oh Joe, be happy for us. I'll pay
you the twenty thousand.
It was fifty for you.
That's cause you're a lawyer. I gave
her the lawyer discount.
(Looks at Marylin)
But I shouldn't of. Cause you're a
whore. A whore who worships the
Well, actually, all whores worship
the dollar, if you want to get
Shut up. I was a lawyer. Just like
you. And my clients? Whores just
Were you with a firm?
Kaplan? I know Kaplan. Wait. You're
Joe Gittelson? I knew you looked --
You were great -- we studied you.
Twenty years in "matrimonial law"
and it made me sick.
I broke up homes and families, never
givin' it a second thought. Till one
day. I had an epiphany. You know
what that is?
Came with a damn stigmata if you can
believe that! I said to myself --
Joe -- everyone you see wants blood.
Everyone wants their ex's dead. So
why jerk around with rest. You wanna
best serve your clients? Kill em.
Joe is raising the gun at Miles. Miles sprays him with Mace.
BANG -- Joe fires blindly, scrunching his eyes against the
chemical, sucking for breath like a jet engine revving for a
SLAM -- Marylin elbows him in the face, breaking his nose.
She finishes with a solid groin kick. It slows him down, but
doesn't stop him.
Joe stumbles a bit, but regains his footing.
BANG -- Joe is rampaging around the room, still firing,
thumping at his chest with his free hand for his inhaler.
Marylin runs to Miles. He takes her hand and they run toward
the door, seeking egress.
BANG -- still firing, he pulls out the inhaler but blindly
Joe reaches with his gun hand to keep the inhaler from
falling. He momentarily bobbles both gun and inhaler.
Miles pops up in front of him.
Marylin. Run. I'll distract him.
I'm not leaving you. I took self
Joe recovers and raises the gun to his mouth as he points
the inhaler at Miles.
He squeezes -- WHUSH -- Miles squints against the asthma
mist and lets out a horrified:
BANG! The off-screen gunshot is followed by the sound of a
body dropping heavily to the floor.
Marylin runs over to Miles. They look sadly down at the floor.
WE told him it was no go...
INT. MASSEY MYERSON CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Wrigley sits bouncing the steepled fingers of one hand against
Miles sits gazing sadly out the window.
The room is empty.
There is the whir of ventilation.
The click of the door attracts both their attention and brings
them to their feet.
Marylin walks in, chic and beautiful as ever, followed by
Ruth, who sits next to her, places her attaché case on the
table top, and snaps its clasps.
Miles and Marylin are looking at each other. Quietly:
Hard to believe this is the way it
will end up for us.
It's not something I wanted either.
But then -- I guess -- something
inside me died when I realized that
you'd hired a goon to kill me.
Yes. I know. It's exactly how I felt
when I realized you'd hired the goon
Now you both wait a minute. Nobody
hired anyone to kill anyone.
There is an uncomfortable shifting in seats. Wrigley looks
Apparently, from what I can gather,
a burglar broke into your house --
became despondent over his lifestyle
and shot himself.
Miles is still looking at Marylin.
Where does that leave us?
We've outlined a settlement...
She pushes a piece of paper across the table.
We think it's more than generous.
Miles ignores the paper, which lies unclaimed on the middle
of the table. He looks at Marylin.
My client is prepared to consider a
Marylin looks a Miles.
How could I trust you, after... after
all of this.
Miles, staring at Marylin, cuts in:
You wounded me first, Marylin.
Your forgetting Rex Rexroth?
You're forgetting Howard Doyle?
Income tax evasion?
I don't see how we can ever find our
way back from...
Miles, with his eyes still on Marylin, reaches into his suit
coat. He withdraws a piece of paper, spreads it flat on the
table in front of him and, still gazing at her:
You know... there's nothing in the
Massey pre-nup that says it can't be
executed after the parties wed.
He decisively clicks the button on a ballpoint pen, looks
down at the paper in front of him and scribbles his name.
He pushes the paper across the table toward Marylin.
Gazing at him, seeking the truth in his eyes, she absently
picks up the paper.
There is a long silence. We hear only the hum of ventilation,
and Wrigley's quiet snuffling.
Ruth is looking down her nose through her glasses -- over
Marylin's shoulder -- at the sheet of paper. Marylin however,
looks only at Miles.
It's the Massey pre-nup --
Marylin rips the paper in half.
O-kay. I'm going back to the office
Wrigley sobs openly.
Come on Wrigley, I'll buy you a drink
and an anti depressant.
No one will ever love me that way.
Not if you're lucky. No.
Miles rises slowly to his feet.
He puts his knuckles on the tabletop and leans forward.
Marylin rises slowly to her feet.
She leans forward.
Let's go home.
EXT. MASSEY HOUSE - DAY
We hear a SMASHING -- BREAKING.
Gardeners look up briefly from the leaf blowing -- but quickly
prioritize and continue blasting sycamore leaves from one
end of the yard to the other.
TRACK THROUGH HOUSE TO
INT. MASSEY BEDROOM
The smashing is becoming louder.
Breaks the beautiful wood panelling in the room next to the
Wait. Just wait for one minute. Sweet
Jesus, are you crazy?
CONSTRUCTION WORKER LOOKS UP
he's the one wielding the axe. His co-worker casts a look in
reaches under the rubble and removes one box of Cohiba
Sorry, Mr. Massey. Thought you cleared
that shit out.
CONSTRUCTION WORKER #2
You know, man... those things'll
kill ya. I know all you old boomer
potheads like em. They're illegal,
and you get to put em in fancy boxes --
but -- shit man! It's still tobacco.
You know, sweets, he's right.
Miles casts a rueful look at the cigars.
Fine. They were created during a
(Placing a protective
hand on her BIG belly)
What if something happened to you?
What would I tell little Gus when he
asked "what was my daddy like?"
Miles looks at the box, then at his wife. He tosses the box
to the concerned construction worker.
Here, buddy. These are for you.
The construction worker gives him a very hostile look.
Great. Now I can die.
Well. You'd say "they devoted a whole
semester at Harvard to your Dad. But
your Mom was the one that ever only
nailed his ass."
I thought so.
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