"In writing fiction, the more fantastic the tale, the plainer the prose should be. Don't ask your readers to admire your words when you want them to believe your story." - Ben Bova [ more quotes ]

"HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES"

Written by

R.W. Zombie

Revised 3-31-00



FADE IN:

INT. OLD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

We see a LITTLE GIRL dancing around in a grainy super 8 home
movie. A LITTLE BOY wearing a monster MASK enters the frame.
He struggles to lift a double barrel shotgun. He points it
at the girl and pretends to SHOOT.

GIRL (V.O.)
(whispering slowly)
Once I had a cat, he was the sweetest
little guy. Then one day he got sick
and died. My heart was broken. My
whole body hurt.

She continues dancing. The little boy imitates her.

GIRL (V.O.)
After that, I saw things differently,
everything could be summed up with
three simple words... fuck the world.

The camera swings over to some ugly, toothless relations
watching the show. They laugh.

EXT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

We open on a dark, lonely stretch of two lane blacktop.

Off to the side of the road we see a rundown gas station.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Hey, welcome back to 93.5 WJRC's
Halloween monster weekend. I'm Jimmy
Ray and I'll be bringing you the
oldies, the goldies and sometimes
the moldies. The good, the bad and
the uglies straight from the WJRC
vaults.

A weathered wooden sign proclaims CAPTAIN SPAULDING'S WORLD
OF MONSTERS AND MADMEN, sits atop the building.

A smaller sign below reads FRIED CHICKEN AND GASOLINE.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Hey, kids still trying to decide on
the right costume? Well why not head
on down to Randall's Penny Save
located on Kimball Rd. just off route
1 in Mackin County. Choose from a
wide array of ghosts and ghouls,
jeepers and creepers...
(scary sound effects)
...everything you need for your
Halloween needs.

SHERIFF HUSTON, a tall southern good old boy, leans against
his dusty cruiser smoking a cigarette, pumping gas into his
tank.

INT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Inside is a poorman's Ripley's Believe It or Not.

Bizarre props and treasures of killers and monsters cover
the dirty walls. Wax figures of JACK THE RIPPER stand guard
before oil paintings by JOHN WAYNE GACY.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Alright let's get back to our monster
music marathon with this classic
called The Teddy Bear's Picnic.

Perched on a stool behind the counter sits CAPTAIN SPAULDING,
a crusty looking old man in a filthy clown suit and smeared
make-up. The word LOVE is tattooed across his right knuckles
and HATE is tattooed across the left.

He is reading the newspaper, crunching on crackers from a
paper bag and halfheartedly listening to a small, nerdy man
wearing coke bottle glasses named STUCKY.

Stucky thumbs through a stack of autographed 8x10 photographs.

STUCKY
(speaking through
voicebox in his throat)
I... I got back a stack today. Some
nice shots.
(holds up a picture
of June Wilkinson)
See, a good topless June Wilkinson...
unfortunately she personalized it...
(looking at the photo)
to Stucky, love June.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Hmmmmm.

STUCKY
Shit, this ain't worth nothing now
that my name gotten all over it. I
was a fixin' on trading it to Jackie
Cobb.

CAPT. SPAULDING
The retard over at Molly's fruit
stand.

STUCKY
Yeah, he's all hot on her after he
found some of his dad's old nudie
books hidden in the basement. He
keeps 'em taped inside his school
workbook.

Spaulding brushes cracker crumbs off his paper and continues
reading.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Fascinating.

STUCKY
That kid is one horny retard.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Christ, ain't they all. All them
retards wanna do is fuck and eat.

STUCKY
Well, yeah... I think that if you
knew him... I mean if you'd understand
his urges, shit the guy's like forty
or something.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Worse than a fucking rabid baboon.

STUCKY
Yeah, I guess, you know next to
wacking his weasel his other favorite
thing is twisting sharpened pencils
in the corner of his eyes.

CAPT. SPAULDING
What?

STUCKY
Yeah, doesn't hurt himself, just
spins it around next to his eyeball.

CAPT. SPAULDING
I'm sure that ain't the only place
he's sticking those pencils.

STUCKY
Naw, he don't do anything else with
'em, but he did get caught once with
a Planet of the Apes doll hanging
out his asshole.

CAPT. SPAULDING
(laughing)
Goddamn.

STUCKY
Had to take him to the hospital. Kid
had Dr. Zaius stuck half way up his
butt, couldn't get it out.

CAPT. SPAULDING
I always loved that mute broad that
Chuck Heston was shacking up with.

STUCKY
Nova, yeah she looked pretty sweet.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Yeah, now there's the perfect woman.

STUCKY
Can I get some stamps off ya?
(slapping down his
money)
Did you fix the toilet yet?

Opens a drawer and tears off five stamps.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Yes, I did... so don't you go stuffin'
any goddamn paper towels down that
hole. I just snaked the shit out of
that thing.

Spaulding SLIDES the KEY attached to a cow skull across the
counter. Stucky grabs it. Spaulding hangs on.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Ya hear me? You bust that crapper
and I'll beat your ass.

STUCKY
I hear ya.

He lets go of the key.

EXT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

From a STRANGER'S POV we watch through the window, Stucky
EXIT for the restroom.

Sheriff Huston finishes pumping his gas, gets in his cruiser
and drives off.

KARL (O.S.)
All clear. Let's go shopping.

RICH (O.S.)
Right.

From this POV we RACE across the highway towards the front
door of the MUSEUM.

SLAM! We BURST through the door.

INT. SPAULDING'S - SAME

The moment of impact. BOOM. The door SMASHES open.
Spaulding's head JERKS up to see: a masked gunman, KARL,
wearing a LEATHER S+M MASK.

Behind him stands a second gunman, RICH, wearing a rubber
CAVEMAN MASK.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Mary fucking Moses. Get the fuck out
of here.

KARL
Hold it, clowney. Keep your paws
where I can see 'em.

RICH
Yeah, don't move or I'll blast a
hole the size of a Kansas City melon
through your ugly-ass Bozo face.

Spaulding obeys and raises his hands.

KARL
Go get that other asshole out of the
shitter and drag his ass back in
here.

RICH
Right.

Rich exits.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Miserable little cunts with guns. I
ought to jump right over this counter
and bash your fucking balls in.

Killer Karl steps up and puts his gun against Spaulding's
face.

KARL
Alright Tippy, hand over the cash
box and I might leave your brains
inside your skull.

Spaulding smiles wide, his teeth are yellow and rotted.

CLOSE UP

Spaulding's foot kicks a red switch, triggering a silent
alarm.

CAPT. SPAULDING
That's what you bitches need. A
reality check courtesy of my boot in
your ass. That'll be a fucking cash
box you can cry to mamma about.

INT. SPAULDING'S - BACKROOM - NIGHT

A silent RED LIGHT FLASHES. In the dim glow, we see RAVELLI,
a large hunched figure, sitting on the edge of a bed. The
figure is heavily bandaged.

Ravelli reacts to the flashing light, he RISES and puts a
huge mask over his head. He EXITS the room.

INT. BATHROOM STALL - NIGHT

Stucky sits on the toilet pasting stamps on large yellow
envelopes.

Killer Rich KICKS OPEN the stall, GRABS Stucky by the neck
and PULLS him out.

RICH
Come on, fatboy!

EXT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

We move around the outside of the building watching the scene
inside unfold. HEAVY BREATHING is heard.

Rich DRAGS Stucky into the main room.

INT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Karl grows increasingly HOSTILE, knocks a candy display over,
raises his gun over his head and fires into the ceiling.

KARL
(screaming)
That's it. I'm gonna count to ten
and you're gonna hand over the cash
or I'm gonna splatter your grease
paint mug across the stateline...
one.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Fuck your mother.

KARL
Two.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Fuck your sister.

RICH
Come on, man. Just shoot him.

STUCKY
(recognizing Rich's
voice)
Hey, I know you. We were in high
school together. Wood shop, right?
...Richard Wick... right?

He looks nervously at Stucky.

RICH
Shut up, shut up, shut up!

KARL
Quiet down... three.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Fuck your grandmother.

STUCKY
Yeah, I remember Mr. Alacard the
shop teacher use'ta call you Little
Dick Wick. Hey, wasn't there a song
we made up to go with that?

RICH
(temper rising)
Shut up!

STUCKY
(singing)
Little Dick Wick, play with his prick
Don't his smell, just make you sick.

EXT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

From Ravelli's POV we watch through the window, as everybody
inside starts SHOUTING at each other.

Suddenly, Rich SHOOTS Stucky. Stucky FALLS BACKWARDS against
the wall, screaming in pain.

We move QUICKLY towards the entrance.

INT. CAPT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Suddenly... CRASH! Ravelli SMASHES through the front door
knocking Karl to the ground. In the light we see that Ravelli
is wearing an OVERSIZED CLOWN HEAD. In his hand is a
sledgehammer.

Rich TURNS toward the COMMOTION. The Captain quickly WHIPS
OUT a GUN and FIRES. Rich falls dead.

Ravelli lunges at Karl, smashing him over the head with the
hammer. Ravelli's clown head comes loose and falls to the
floor. We now see that Ravelli is a bald pitbull of a man
with badly scarred skin that is painted white and red.

Karl hits the floor and begins CONVULSING violently.

Spaulding STEPS DOWN from behind the counter, puts his foot
on Karl's throat and points his pistol at Karl's head.

CAPT. SPAULDING
And most of all... fuck you!

BOOM! Spaulding SHOOTS Karl in the head.

The screen EXPLODES RED, then TURNS BLACK.

CAPT. SPAULDING (V.O.)
God damn it, that motherfucker got
blood all over my best clown suit.

CREDITS ROLL

Strange paintings of demons, monsters and bizarre creatures
fade up and move across the screen.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT

We see a BILLBOARD painted on the side of an ABANDONED TRUCK.
The sign reads GOD IS DEAD.

We turn to face the road as a car drives by.

JERRY
Alright then, out of all of Charlie's
chicks who do you think is the
hottest?

INT. CAR - FRONT SEAT - NIGHT

Fast food wrappers and road maps clutter the car's dashboard,
a swinging monkey head dangles from the rear-view mirror.

Behind the wheel, the driver, BILL HUDLEY, 29, downs the
last sip of coffee before crumpling the paper cup and placing
it among the other trash before him.

BILL
I guess if I had to choose I'd say...
mmmmmm... Sandra Good. She seemed
like a nice girl, I mean in a psycho
kind of way.

Beside him rides, JERRY GILMORE, 30, slumped down in his
seat, reading a magazine with a flashlight, feet hanging out
the window.

JERRY
Really? Huh, I thought for sure you'd
say Lynette Fromme. She's got that
snooty vibe I know you dig.

BILL
Sqeaky! No way, she ain't that hot.

JERRY
She's pretty cute.

BILL
Yeah but, she reminds me of this
chick that I remember from fourth
grade... called a... shit, what did
we call her?
(thinks for second)
Oh yeah, Patty Pee-pee Pants... when
ever she got called on by Miss
Chumski, this chick would piss in
her pants and start bawling.

JERRY
(laughing)
There always one kid with no bodily
controls. We had this dude, Jeff
Baxter, he was a puker. The fucker
would just sit there puke all over
himself.

BILL
Better than pissing... anyway so,
what's your choice?

JERRY
If we're talking cute... like regular
cute, I'd say Leslie Van Houton, but
cute ain't hot.

BILL
Yeah, no shit.

JERRY
As far a hot... goes I gotta go
with... Ruth Ann Moorehouse.

BILL
Oh yeah, I forgot about her. She was
pretty hot.

JERRY
Fuck yeah, she is. I'd join a cult
to get some of that... and the best
part is she didn't try to kill the
President or nothing, so that baggage
ain't hanging around.

BILL
I thought she tried to murder a
witness for the prosecution.

JERRY
I'll let it slide, she was only
seventeen.

BILL
Dude, talk about baggage, that ain't
no carry-on shit, that's some heavy
duty Samsonite shit.

JERRY
Yeah, I guess... hot chicks are always
nuts.

BILL
Hot has got nothing to do with it.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT

A LONE FIGURE in a cheap skull mask and white robe stands
hidden behind a billboard off to the side of the road. Bill's
car drives past.

BILL
(yawning)
Hold on, I've heard this before...
but I can't remember the end.

JERRY
So, the guy goes to Hell and the
devil says, "do you smoke?" The guy
say, "yeah"... the devil say, "great
cause Tuesday is cigar night, sweetest
Cuban cigars you ever had."

BILL
Shit, we really need to find some
gas.

JERRY
(not listening)
Then the devil asks, "do you drink?"
Guy says, "yeah"... devil say,
"wonderful, Wednesday is free drinks
night, best booze you ever had...
all made from the finest stuff."

BILL
Yeah.

JERRY
Then the devil says, "are you gay?"
Guy says, "fuck no"... Devil says,
"Well then, I guess you're gonna
hate Thursdays."

BILL
Oh yeah, I remember now.

JERRY
Yeah, no shit I just told ya.
(looking at magazine)
Hey, you think this place called
Alien Ed's UFO Welcoming Center is
still around? It says, "Where the
Fact is separated from the Fantasy."

BILL
I dunno... we'll ask around as we
get closer. Man, I really don't want
to run out of gas out here in the
middle of Petticoat Junction, man.

JERRY
(sitting up)
Don't panic yourself, way too much
caffeine guy... I see a sign.
(reading the sign)
Captain Spaulding's Museum of Madmen
and Monsters... cool. Also... fried
chicken and... gasoline... next exit.

BILL
Perfect.

JERRY
I hope this place is cool. We could
use something interesting to liven
up chapter 12.

The car drives past. We turn and hold on the billboard. We
see the happy smiling face of a young Captain Spaulding.

EXT. CAPTAIN SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

The car pulls up to one of the gas pumps. Bill and Jerry get
out. Inside we see Spaulding, now in army pants and a hunting
jacket, mopping the floor.

BILL
I'll pump the gas. Go inside and see
if it's worth thinking about.

JERRY
(salutes)
OK, Boss.

Jerry walks inside and immediately comes back out.

JERRY
Holy crap. You gotta see this place.
It's awesome.

BILL
How awesome?

JERRY
Really fucking awesome.

BILL
Wake up the chicks and bust out the
camera awesome?

JERRY
Hell yeah.

Jerry sticks his head back inside the car.

JERRY
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

INT. CAR - BACK SEAT - NIGHT

A dark haired girl, DENISE WILLIS, 27, sleeps curled up under
a blanket.

JERRY
Come on, babe. Me and Bill found a
kick ass place.

She opens her eyes.

DENISE
Huh?

JERRY
Grab Mary and come inside.

Denise shakes a lump of jackets and sweaters lying next to
her. She removes a sweater from the top of the pile to REVEAL
the face of MARY KNOWLES, 29.

DENISE
Come on sleeping beauty, time to go
to work.

MARY
(half asleep)
Sleeping.

DENISE
Rise and shine.

MARY
(groggy)
No please, let me sit this one out.

DENISE
(removing the blanket)
Let's go. You're the one who wanted
to be a photographer.

MARY
I resign.

DENISE
Too late. You're in for life, let's
move it out Private Shutterbug.

MARY
(opening her eyes)
Christ, I hope this isn't more crappy
folk art. It's so quaint... it's so
primal... it's so crap.

DENISE
Aw, it ain't crap... it's... cute.
(sarcastic)
...and really who are we to judge
the artistic merit of the tin-can
Mona Lisa?

MARY
Aw, shit...
(exhales deeply)
I gotta pee anyway.

INTERLUDE

Grainy super 8 footage shows us an OLD MAN standing in front
of a small shack. His name is Lewis Dover. The shack is
painted white and covered with SIMPLISTIC RELIGIOUS WRITINGS.

LEWIS
I ain't no rich man, but I see the
truth. You do not have to go to Hell.
You are in Hell. This is Hell. All
American Hell.
(holds up a gun)
...true heaven in my hands... I'm
gonna blow Satan back through the
door to Hell.

Surrounding the shack are strange sculptures of various half-
human/half-animal creations.

INT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

Spaulding swabs up the last remains of blood from the floor,
he drops the mop into a bucket filled with water and blood.

Bill pays no attention, he is distracted by a strange object
in a glass case over the counter. In the case is a shriveled
up looking half human and half fish figure. It is the size
of a small child. A banner above reads:

AQUALINA - THE MERMAID.

BILL
How long have you been running this
place?

CAPT. SPAULDING
How long is a piece of string? Too
God damn long, that's how long.

Spaulding slides the mop and bucket behind the counter.

BILL
No, really.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Shit, I don't remember exactly. I
took over for my Pa just after the
Duke nabbed the Oscar.

BILL
The Duke?

CAPT. SPAULDING
Yeah, my Pa wasn't right in the head
after that.

BILL
You mean John Wayne?

CAPT. SPAULDING
Hell, boy there some other Duke you
know about?
(rolls up his sleeve
to reveal a John
Wayne tattoo)
A great American.

BILL
Yeah, I was never that big of a
western fan. I like science fiction.

CAPT. SPAULDING
I figured that much. Why the fuck
you asking so many jackass questions
for?

BILL
You see me and my friends are writing
a book on offbeat roadside
attractions. You know all the crazy
shit you see when you drive cross
country.

CAPT. SPAULDING
I don't drive cross country.

BILL
But if you did.

CAPT. SPAULDING
I don't.

BILL
But suppose for a second you did.

CAPT. SPAULDING
(fake hick accent)
Y'all find us country people real
funny like don't ya... well, God
damn pack up the mule and sling me
some grits, I'ze a gotta get me some
schooling.

BILL
No, no I think it's really
interesting.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Well fuck me Side Sally, who want to
read about all that horse shit anyway.

Jerry OVERHEARS Bill's and Spaulding's conversation and joins
in to help.

JERRY
You'd be surprised. Would it be OK
if we took some pictures and included
this place in our book?

CAPT. SPAULDING
Hey, knock yourself silly.

JERRY
You got some really rare stuff here...
(pointing to Aqualina)
...dig your Feegee mermaid.

INT. SPAULDING'S - RESTROOM - NIGHT

The restroom is gray, dingy, a single exposed light bulb
hangs from the ceiling. The peeling walls are plastered with
newspaper clippings and faded photos.

Mary is in the stall, sitting on the toilet, staring straight
ahead at a poster of RHONDO HATTON, a B-MOVIE ACTOR that
suffered from acromegalia.

Denise standing at a tiny sink, splashes water on her face.
She looks at herself in the mirror.

DENISE
(water running down
her face)
I swear I've aged five years since
this trip started.

MARY
Tell me about it.

DENISE
(takes a paper towel
and wipes her face)
God, I hate falling asleep in the
afternoon. Now I'll be up all night...
(stretches)
...ugh, my back is killing me.

MARY
Yeah, hey how far do you think we
are from your Dad's?

Mary flushes the toilet and exits the stall.

DENISE
I don't know. Couple hours I think.
I've got to call him.

Mary washes her hands. Denise ties up her hair.

MARY
It will be nice to have a few days
off to regenerate. This trip is fun,
but it's starting to get brutal.

DENISE
Yeah, I hit burn out mode back at
that old stripper lady's place.
Watching her dance around with those
ratty-looking animals was ridiculous.

MARY
I know, that was some crazy shit. I
never in a million years would have
believed it if I hadn't seen it.

DENISE
A decent meal every once in a while
wouldn't hurt either, this road food
is crap.

MARY
If I never eat at another Waffle
House again, I can die a happy girl.

DENISE
Scattered, smothered and covered.

MARY
Exactly... well, I guess a couple
more photos won't kill me.

INT. SPAULDING'S - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT

Jerry knees over a box of magazines labeled TRUE CRIME $1.00,
he flips through an issue, tosses it back.

Bill leans against the wall next to him, sipping a hot cup
of coffee.

The girls return from the bathroom. Jerry jumps up with
excitement.

JERRY
Great, you're back. Let's go. We
already paid for the tickets.

DENISE
Tickets for what?

JERRY
This isn't everything. Get ready for
this... there's a Museum of Murder
and Mayhem.

DENISE
I don't want to see that.

MARY
How about if we skip it and just
hang out here. I can get some great
shots of this stuff.

Jerry PULLS Denise over and puts his arm around her.

JERRY
Aw, come on. It will be fun.

DENISE
Oh yeah, murder museum... sounds
fun.

Bill grabs Mary by the hand and kisses it.

BILL
(smiling)
We'll need pictures of the inside
too.

MARY
Alright, alright. I know... I wanted
to be the photographer.

Bill and Mary kiss.

Spaulding waits, unamused. He rolls his eyes.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Anytime this year, people. Alright
line your asses up in front of the
black door. The tour is about to
begin.

Spaulding disappears through a curtain behind the counter.
The kids wait.

The black metal door CREAKS open.

They enter the darkened room.

INT. SPAULDING'S - MUSEUM - NIGHT

Darkness. A blue light comes on. Spaulding is standing on a
MOTORIZED PLATFORM. He begins the tour, speaking through a
small megaphone.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Ladies and gentlemen, you are about
to enter a world of darkness. A world
where life and death are meaningless
and pain is God.
(pointing with a cane)
To your left you see the infamous
Albert Fish.

A lifeless wax figure POPS forward with a loud metal CLANG.
Mary jumps back with fright.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Sadist, masochist, child killer and
most of all importantly cannibal.
Born in 1870, Mr. Fish enjoyed burning
himself with hot pokers, spankings
with nail-studded paddles and
embedding needles in his groin. On
the right, notice the X-ray...

CLOSE UP - X-RAY

CAPT. SPAULDING
...showing clearly 29 sewing needles
inserted in to his groin. Mr. Fish
was executed in 1936 at the age of
65.

Spaulding rolls backwards and continues the tour.

CLOSE UP ON: a dummy face of a grizzly looking old man in
hunting attire.

CAPT. SPAULDING
To your right. One of our most popular
crazies, the psycho of Plainfield,
Ed Gein.

Behind the figure of Gein hangs an inverted corpse of a slain
woman.

Mary recoils in disgust.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Murderer, cannibal and momma's little
bitch boy. Mr. Gein found special
pleasure in playing with the dead
bodies of women, especially their
sexual organs. He was quite a handy
little dandy, fashioning lamp shades,
jewelry and human skin suits from
his victims. Mr. Gein was discovered
when the decapitated body of Bernice
Worden was found gutted like a deer,
hanging in his barn.

DISSOLVE TO:

A wax figure of a young man in doctor's scrubs. He is covered
in blood.

CAPT. SPAULDING
And now I would like to introduce a
local hero, S. Quentin Quale, a.k.a.
The Butcher Boy, a.k.a. Nurse Nellie
and most famously a.k.a. Dr. Satan.

Another wax figure, of a bloody corpse, JUMPS up.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Murderer, torturer and most of all
master surgeon. Mr. Quale an intern
at Willows State Mental Hospital,
nicknamed Weeping Willows for its
neverending cries of pain, took great
pleasure in control. Through primitive
brain surgery. Mr. Quale believed he
could create a race of superhumans
from the mentally ill, or so the
story goes. His terrifying experiments
continued until 1952.

Jerry stares fascinated.

CAPT. SPAULDING
At which time he was discovered and
turned over to authorities for
observation. Unfortunately, Mr. Quale
was abducted from his cell by members
of the victims' families. Vigilante
justice prevailed and Dr. Satan was
taken out and hanged. The next day
his body was found to be missing.
Some say he survived, rescued by his
loyal slaves, others say they hung
the wrong man... To this day no sign
of Dr. Satan has ever been discovered.
But who knows? Maybe he lives next
door to you.

KLUNK: A big metal door opens to the outside world.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Please exit through the door.

The kids exit. SLAM! The door shuts.

EXT. SPAULDING'S - PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

Denise leans against the glass walls of the phone booth.
Various flyers are taped to the inside: free kittens, phone
sex ads and a missing poster for a girl named KAREN MURPHY.
A light rain begins to fall.

Denise puts some change in the phone and dials a number.

EXT. WILLIS HOUSE - NIGHT

The camera moves down a quaint quiet little street. We come
to rest at a modest two-story house. The house is decorated
for Halloween.

Parents and their children roam from house to house, trick
or treating.

We hear the sound of a phone ringing.

INT. WILLIS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

A grey haired man sits at a small table eating a ham sandwich
and drinking a beer. This is DONALD WILLIS, Denise's father.

He stands up and walks to the phone hanging on the wall.

MR. WILLIS
Hello...
(brightens up)
...hey Denise... what, what's wrong,
did you break down?

EXT. SPAULDING'S - PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

DENISE
No, nothing like that... yeah, we're
gonna be a little late. We stopped
for gas at this place called Capt.
Spaulding's outside of Ruggsville
and it turned into a whole thing, so
we're kind of behind schedule.

INT. WILLIS HOUSE - NIGHT

MR. WILLIS
Oh yeah, yeah I've driven by that
place before. I seem to remember a
crabby old bastard in a crummy clown
suit running the place.

INT. PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

DENISE
Yeah, well he's still here. I think
him and Jerry are fast becoming
buddies, you know Jerry... yeah,
he's gotta see everything... yeah, I
know... thinks there's some unsolved
mystery around every corner.

INT. WILLIS HOUSE - NIGHT

MR. WILLIS
Well, don't take too long, the kids
are already knocking down the door
demanding their sugar fix... I know,
I know I forgot to mention that
Halloween falls on a school night,
so they're trick or treating
tonight... I got the joint decked
out this year, built a graveyard in
the front yard like when you were a
kid.

EXT. SPAULDING'S - PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

DENISE
Hopefully I can move things along
here and make up the lost time by
speeding all the way home... yes,
Dad I'm kidding.

INT. WILLIS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

MR. WILLIS
Well, just promise me you'll be
careful... alright, alright see ya
soon... good-bye.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Bill, Jerry and Mary wait for Denise.

JERRY
I'm gonna go ask him.

MARY
Aw, come on Jerry. We've gotten all
we're gonna get out of this place
and its starting to rain.

JERRY
Shit, it is only sprinkling and it's
worth the trouble. Hold on for two
seconds.

Jerry goes back inside.

INT. PHONE BOOTH - NIGHT

Jerry knocks on the glass as he passes. Denise waves as he
walks by.

DENISE
Yeah so... OK, expect us more around
eleven or so. OK yeah, I will...
love you, too, bye.

She hangs up the phone, opens the doors and heads back to
the car.

INT. SPAULDING'S - NIGHT

JERRY
I know it's hard to understand, but
I really want to see this tree.

CAPT. SPAULDING
OK, alright I'll draw you a map, but
I still say it is a waste of time.

JERRY
Great.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Through the window we see Jerry talking to Spaulding.
Spaulding draws a map, explaining as he draws.

MARY
Geez, he never gets tired does he.

DENISE
Never. I swear to God he never sleeps,
he goes to bed after me, wakes up
before me. He's always working on
10.

MARY
Maybe he's a cyborg.

BILL
(wearily, sips his
coffee)
I like sleep.

DENISE
Here he comes.

Jerry comes bouncing out towards the car and jumps in.

He is holding a map and a box of chicken.

JERRY
We hit the jackpot! Let's roll, good
buddy. We got ourselves a convoy.

MARY
Huh?

DENISE
Ugh, what's that smell?

JERRY
Fried chicken.
(holds up a drumstick)
Anybody want some?

No one responds.

EXT. WOODS - DAY

An OLD FARMER and his WIFE stare directly into the camera.

OLD MAN
I don't know where that skunk ape
sleeps. Maybe in the trees and all...
all I know is he eats squirrels to
survive and he had impure relations
with my wife.

WIFE
That's true. He performed lurid acts
upon me and my person while my husband
Russell was a fix'n to our hound
Clarence.

OLD MAN
If I see that thing again... I'm a
gonna kill that skunk ape.

BILL
(off screen)
What does it look like?

WIFE
It looked just like that chubby fella
from McHale's Navy... Ernie Borgnine.

OLD MAN
Hold up the picture.

The wife holds up a pencil sketch of a Bigfoot like creature
and a newspaper photo of Ernest Borgnine.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT

Bill's car moves past empty farmlands. A HEAVIER RAIN is now
falling.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Jerry directs Bill from Spaulding's hand-drawn map.

JERRY
Keep straight on this road here.

BILL
How much further?

JERRY
I'm not exactly sure... it looks
close. Did we pass an abandoned school
bus yet?

BILL
I don't know.

Mary and Denise sit bundled up in blankets.

MARY
Let's just skip it. It is probably
nothing anyway.

DENISE
Aw Christ, Jerry. We can't see
anything now, it's too dark. Let's
forget it.

JERRY
Come on, we need something like this.
It could be the real deal. It's too
far out of the way to come back to.

BILL
What's that?

Through the windshield we see a LONE FIGURE hitch-hiking by
the side of the road. It is a girl, BABY, 27, in a worn cowboy
hat and long fur coat. She is soaked to the bone.

JERRY
It's a hitchhiker.

BILL
Way out here?

MARY
Well, don't even think about playing
the good samaritan, there's way too
many psychos wandering loose these
days.

BILL
(looking closer)
It's a girl.

JERRY
Hey, maybe she knows where this is?

DENISE
(sarcastically)
That seems likely.

MARY
Should we stop?

BILL
We can't leave her out here in the
rain... maybe we can just drop her
at the next rest area.

MARY
She looks like a freak.

DENISE
Stick her in the front, if you want
to pick her up so bad. She's soaked.

MARY
She looks like she stinks.

BILL
(imitating Mary)
She looks like she stinks.

JERRY
(makes cat noises)
Cat fight, cat fight.

DENISE
Hardy har, har.

The car pulls over and Baby jumps in. The car moves off.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Once inside the car they see that the girl is a bit odd.

BABY
Whoa, thanks for stopping. I been
standing out there in that toad
strangling rain for like a hundred
million years.

JERRY
Really, that's a long time.

BABY
Yeah, most people just whiz on by
like I was invisible or something...
or else they're creeps who wanna jam
their slimy hands down my pants and
twiddle my naughty-naughty.

JERRY
Yikes.

BABY
Yeah, icky. This one guy stops and I
look in and he's got his thing out
waving it around like a drunk monkey.

DENISE
Well, hitchhiking ain't the safest
way for a girl to travel.

BABY
Yeah, but it's fun.

MARY
Sounds like a magical trip through
the heartland.

BILL
Where ya headed?

BABY
Aw, I was going home to my Mamma's
house... yeah, I was out doing this
thing.

BILL
Where's that?

BABY
Couple more miles up this road.

JERRY
Hey, you might know...
(shows her the map)
...you know where this tree is at?
It's an old hanging tree from...

The Baby PERKS UP at the mention of the tree.

BABY
Yeah, I know where that is, it's
right by my house. It's Dr. Satan's
tree. I can show ya.

JERRY
Really, wow, so it's really a real
thing.

BABY
Yeah, it's a tree. I used to play
there all the time. But, you can't
find it without me. Outsider can't
find no deadwood.

JERRY
Deadwood, is that what it's called?
Cool, will you show us?

BABY
Maybe, maybe, maybe... hey, you know
what word I hate?

JERRY
What?

BABY
Cone.

JERRY
Huh... what cone?

BABY
Any cone, yeah...
(looking out the window)
I hate that word... sounds ugly, I
don't like crumple either.

JERRY
I always hate saying the word cheese,
every time you get your picture
taken... smile, say cheese.

BABY
I know I hate Swiss cheese, the holes
make me nervous.

BILL
What about the tree?

BABY
Oh yeah, the tree.

MARY
This is crazy. She don't know nothing.

Baby turns her attention toward Mary.

BABY
Oh, I know. I'll show you where it's
at, sweetie. Aren't you just so cute
all bundled up like a cinnamon roll
of Christmas love.

JERRY
Cool.

BILL
Which way?

BABY
Go straight up about another mile...
til we hit Cherrypicker Road and
turn right... it ain't far from there.

INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL

The camera FLOATS through the hallways of the Peabody Mental
Institution. It is HALLOWEEN.

PATIENTS wander the stark halls dressed in hospital gowns
and cheap plastic masks. Some are laughing, some are
screaming.

We move into a private room. Where we see DOCTOR SATAN
completely covered except for his eyes, hovering over a BOUND
AND GAGGED PATIENT.

We move off the doctor to a crayon child's DRAWING of a JACK-
O'-LANTERN. Tortured screams fill the room.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER RD. - WOODS - NIGHT

From a STRANGER'S POV we see the car STRUGGLING down a dirt
road.

INT. CAR - SAME

Everyone rides in silence, music plays on the radio.

The song ends and a NEWS REPORTER comes on.

NEWS REPORTER (V.O.)
This is WJRC News at the top of the
hour... Investigators in Clairemont
County are no closer to identifying
the body of a young woman found
crucified to the doors of St. Mary's
Church yesterday morning.

Baby lights up a cigarette and takes a drag.

MARY
Excuse me, could you not smoke in
here?

Baby puts out the cigarette on the back of her hand.

NEWS REPORTER (V.O.)
Local police and State Officials
have released this report...

JERRY
What's that?

BILL
I don't know. Looks like some kind
of animal.

Bill stops the car.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER RD. - WOODS - NIGHT

Sitting dead center in the middle of the road is a HUMONGOUS
DOG. The dog stares straight ahead. Long strands of drool
hang from its mouth to the ground.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

MARY
Why are we stopping?

BILL
There's a dog in the road.

DENISE
Honk at him. Scare him.

BILL
(honking horn)
He won't move.

MARY
Go around him.

BILL
There's not enough room.

MARY
Then run him over, he'll move.

BABY
No! He's one of God's creatures, he
can't help it if he's dumb... I'm
just crazy about animals.

MARY
(to Denise)
The animals have got nothing to do
with it.

EXT. STRANGER'S POV - SAME

A gun barrel is raised and we are looking through the sight
at the car. Pop! Pop! Pop! The GUN fires THREE SHOTS at the
car's rear tire.

The stranger whistles and the dog moves to the side of the
road.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

The SOUND of the heavy rain MASKS the gunshots.

BILL
Hey, he moved.

MARY
Let's get going before that thing
tries to eat the car or something.

As the car moves past, Denise stares at the dog sitting calmly
to the side of the road. The dog blankly stares back at her.

JERRY
That reminds me of a film I saw once
of a guy who got out of his car at
Lion Country Safari to take a picture
of a lion cub and got eaten by the
lions.

BILL
Oh yeah, I heard about that. I always
thought it was bullshit.

JERRY
No... yeah, they ripped him to pieces
while his family watched from the
car. The wife is screaming, the kids
are crying. Some dude in another car
filmed the whole thing.

BABY
I'd like to see that.

MARY
Nice.

JERRY
The lions were totally covered in
this guy's blood... I think they ate
his face off, tore open his rib cage,
pulled his legs off... it was a wild
scene.

BABY
Things like that get a lot bloodier
than ya think.

Without warning the car lunges to one side.

JERRY
What was that?

BILL
Fuck. I think we blew a tire.

MARY
Don't even say it.

DENISE
You got to be fucking joking.

MARY
God damn it, I knew this witch-hunt
was fucking bullshit.

BILL
OK, let's relax. I'll check it, maybe
I'm wrong. Don't everybody freak out
just yet.

JERRY
I'll help ya.

BILL
(sarcastic)
Gee, ya think it wouldn't be too
much trouble.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER ROAD - WOODS - NIGHT

Bill and Jerry stare down at the blown tire sunk in the mud.

BILL
I hope you fixed the spare like I
asked ya.

JERRY
Yeah, I fixed it. Well, I ain't...
um, I can't remember. I think I took
it out to fit the bags and forgot to
put it back.

BILL
Jesus Christ, Jerry.

JERRY
Well, technically I did what ya said.

BILL
You're a real fucking piece of work.

Bill stares at Jerry in disbelief.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Baby is leaning on her chin staring at Mary and Denise. The
car radio plays in the background.

MARY
Can I help you with something?

BABY
I was just wondering.

MARY
Wondering what?

BABY
Are you two gals all funny with each
other?

MARY
What?

BABY
You know... a couple of queers.

MARY
Do you believe this fucking girl?

BABY
(turning her attention
to Mary)
I was just wondering, cause you got
a pissy look about you... like a
real pussy licking bitch.

Denise tries to QUICKLY defuse the situation.

DENISE
No. No pussy licking here, but thanks
for your concern.

Bill and Jerry slide back into the car.

BILL
Well, I got some bad news and some
bad news.

MARY
What?

JERRY
(fake Scottish accent)
Tire's fucking gone crap on us, man.
There's no saving it now.

BILL
And the spare is safely sitting in
Jerry's garage.

DENISE
For fucking sake Jerry, what the
fuck are we gonna do?

Baby starts laughing.

MARY
What the hell are you laughing about?

BABY
I just pictured the tire sitting in
a chair watching TV.

MARY
Oh, wonderful.
(muttering to herself)
Fucking psycho.

BILL
I guess I'll try to back it out on
the rim... at least to the main road.

BABY
If you keep going straight you can
get back on the interstate... it's
easier.

MARY
Just back up.

JERRY
I think we should go straight. I
mean we know for a fact there ain't
nothing back that way, right?

BABY
Oh wait! I love this song!

Baby reaches over and TURNS UP the VOLUME. She loudly sings
along with the song.

BILL
Fine. I'll go straight.

MARY
What!

BILL
(over the loud music)
Fine! I'll go straight!

The car moves forward. After about fifty yards the car HITS
something hard and gets stuck in a deep mud bog.

BILL
Fuck! We are fucked!

DENISE
Turn that fucking radio off!

Bill shuts off the radio.

DENISE
Now what are we gonna do?

BABY
We can walk to my house from here.
My brother's got a tow truck, he can
come get your car.

A silence falls over the car.

MARY
I think I'm going fucking crazy.

DENISE
I can't believe...

BILL
OK, whatever. Let's go get your
brother's truck. Faster we get the
truck, faster we get out of here.

BABY
OK.

JERRY
I'll go. It's my fault.

MARY
You said it, not me.

BILL
Forget it. I'll just go.

MARY
Screw that, no way, I ain't letting
you go by yourself.

BILL
Don't worry, I'll be quick. Just
stay here, no sense everybody getting
drenched.

JERRY
I agree.

BABY
Yeah, it won't take long and besides
you sassy poodle girls will slow us
down.

Baby jumps up and gets out of the car.

BILL
Don't worry, I'll be right back.

BABY
Come on.

JERRY
Don't forget the flashlight, it's
pretty dark out there.

BILL
Thanks.

JERRY
No problem.

Bill kisses Mary good-bye and EXITS.

Mary watches Baby and Bill head off into the WOODS. Baby
turns and makes a kissy face at Mary.

EXT. MISS BUNNY'S HOLLYWOOD REVUE - DAY

A hand painted tin sign surrounded by flashing lights which
reads MISS BUNNY'S HOLLYWOOD REVUE hangs over the entrance
to a small garage.

Movie star portraits of JEAN HARLOW, W.C. FIELDS and CLARK
GABLE adorn the walls of the garage.

An over the hill ex-glamour girl, MISS BUNNY, 55, comes into
frame. She's dressed in a sparkling red gown with feathers
in her hair.

MISS BUNNY
(bad Marilyn Monroe
imitation)
Hi, I'm Miss Bunny and welcome to my
Hollywood Revue...
(she giggles)
...where the stars shine forever.

INT. MISS BUNNY'S HOLLYWOOD REVUE - DAY

Tinseltown lives. Tin foil is wrapped around everything, the
walls, doors and ceiling. Fake cement handprints of movie
greats cover the tiny floor. Badly sculpted statues of MARILYN
MONROE, GROUCHO MARX and JOHN WAYNE stand in the corners.

Dead center is a small puppet show stage.

MISS BUNNY
Hi, this is the place where the magic
happens.

CLOSE UP - SQUIRREL

A stuffed squirrel dressed in a gray skirt and jacket, a
tilted hat sits atop its head.

MISS BUNNY
(holding up squirrel)
This is Jenny, she is our resident
Ingrid Bergman.

Miss Bunny picks up a stuffed white cat wearing a brown
trenchcoat.

MISS BUNNY
This is Ronald J. Perrywinckle...
our Humphrey Bogart... today we'll
be doing a scene from Casablanca.

Miss Bunny begins to make the dead animal puppets interact.
She provides their voices.

HUMPHREY CAT
If that plane leaves the ground and
you're not with him you'll regret
it... maybe not today, maybe not
tomorrow but soon and for the rest
of your life.

INGRID SQUIRREL
But what about us?

HUMPHREY CAT
We'll always have Paris. We didn't
have, we lost it... until you came
to Casablanca. We got it back last
night.

INGRID SQUIRREL
When I said I would never leave you.

HUMPHREY CAT
And you never will.

EXT. WOODS - NIGHT

A single flashlight beam cuts through the darkness of the
dense woods. Bill stumbles behind Baby, she is clearly in
her element.

BILL
How much further?

BABY
Almost there... are you in a hurry
or something?

BILL
Well, yeah, kind of.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Jerry is stretched out across the front seat, reading a book
on Freak Shows. Denise and Mary sit in the back, curled up
under layers of blankets and clothes.

DENISE
Fuck, it's freezing.

JERRY
Hey, listen to this... I think this
is related to our Dr. Satan.

DENISE
Oh, yeah.

JERRY
Yeah, in this book there's a chapter
called Self Made Freaks about how
people would mutilate themselves in
order to work in a freak show. It
mostly talks about tattooed people
and wild men of Borneo and shit like
that, but there is one mention of a
single case where a woman was
suspected of having her arms removed
on purpose to become an arm-less
wonder.

DENISE
Yeah, so how does that fit with the
story of four morons with a flat
tire looking for a dead tree?

JERRY
It says, "records show that Ellie
Thompson was born in 1914 of normal
physical stature and lived a life of
normal bearings, until such time
that she was placed in the care of
the Willows State Mental Facility."

DENISE
So.

JERRY
Now she was put in the nuthouse in
1930 at the age of 16.

DENISE
Why?

JERRY
(scanning the book)
Blah, blah, blah... it doesn't say,
but she was released sometime in
1937, only to reappear as Ellie
Bogdan, the arm-less wonder. Says
she, "criss-crossed the United States
constantly in carnivals and freak
shows until her death in 1946."

DENISE
Yeah?

JERRY
These dates perfectly correspond
with the time frame of our beloved
Dr. Satan working at the looney bin.
I'll bet he amputated her arms.

DENISE
So what?

JERRY
I don't know, I just thought it was
interesting.

DENISE
You know what Jerry, who really cares
at this point?

JERRY
I don't...
(to himself)
...I just thought it was weird.

MARY
(bursting in)
God damn it, I must be fucking crazy
to let him go off with that crazy
fucking bitch.

JERRY
Huh?

MARY
That stupid hillbilly slut.

JERRY
Oh, don't blow everything out of
proportion.

MARY
You didn't see the look she threw
me. She's up to something.

DENISE
Yeah, Jerry, she said some pretty
fucked shit to us.

JERRY
When?

DENISE
When you were outside with Bill.

MARY
She said we look like pussy lickers
or some shit like that.

DENISE
Yeah, she said we looked queer.

JERRY
Aw, get over it, she's just some
dopey redneck, she ain't smart enough
to be up to nothing... I mean
anything... chicks.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

An old Gothic FARMHOUSE stands atop a hill at the end of a
long sloping dirt road. SCARECROWS with pumpkin heads hang
CRUCIFIED on crosses lining the drive. Everything is severely
overgrown.

Bill and Baby enter the gates of the FARM, they walk up the
main drive.

Baby runs forward and begins jumping around in the huge mud
puddles, then runs up onto the front porch of the old house.

The front of the house is covered with strange junk art.
Hundreds of dolls faces are nailed to the walls.

BABY
These are all my dolls. I use to
like to chop their heads off.

Broken bottles and cans are cemented together in weird HUMAN
FIGURES, ANIMAL SKINS stretched over bone armatures form a
makeshift roof.

Glowing down from the upper windows are grinning JACK-O'-
LANTERNS.

BABY
The door's locked. I'll gotta go
around... wait here.

BILL
OK.

Baby RUNS OFF around the side of the house.

Bill stands looking off into the distance at the desolate
farm grounds. The rain continues to hammer down.

From BILL'S POV we see a silhouette of a LONE FIGURE walking
in the distance. The shape of a large dog follows behind
him.

Bill JUMPS, startled by the sound of the heavy front door
opening.

BILL
Christ, you scared the shit out of
me.

BABY
Aw, you ain't seen nothing yet.

BILL
Is your brother ready to go?

BABY
Oh... yeah, he already left. We'll
wait inside, come on.

BILL
He left!

BABY
Yeah, come on.

Baby GRABS Bill by the arm and pulls him into the house.
The heavy iron door slams shut.

INT. CAR - SAME

Denise and Mary sit facing one another, playing cards.

Mary deals from a deck.

Jerry naps in the front seat.

MARY
How long has it been?

DENISE
I don't know... about half an hour.

A metal KLANG is faintly heard.

MARY
What was that?

DENISE
What? I didn't hear anything.

MARY
Wait... quiet. Turn off the radio.

Mary reaches over the front seat and turns off the radio.

DENISE
Now... listen.

They sit in silence.

MARY
I don't hear anything.

DENISE
(whispering)
Shhhhhh, quiet.

MARY
I still don't.

DENISE
Turn on the headlights. See if
anything is out there.

Mary turns on the headlights. Denise lets out a blood-curdling
SCREAM. Jerry bolts up.

JERRY
What... what!

Standing dead center in the road is the GIANT SHAPE of a MAN
holding a heavy chain with a huge hook on the end.

MARY
Lock the doors... quick, quick.

Everybody scrambles to lock the doors.

DENISE
Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.

On closer inspection, Jerry notices the chain is attached to
the back of a TOW TRUCK.

JERRY
Hold on, hold on! Everybody calm
down! It's the tow truck guy.

MARY
What!

DENISE
Jesus Christ.

MARY
I think I'm gonna have a fucking
heart attack.

JERRY
(Scottish accent)
OK lassies, I think it's time you
get to gripping reality.

MARY
Enough with the stupid voices.

The brute man attaches the chain to the car and begins raising
it with his truck.

A SIGN on the side of the truck reads FIREFLY TOWING.

DISSOLVE TO:

CLOSE UP - TV SCREEN

We are watching a scene from THE OLD DARK HOUSE. GLORIA
STUART, RAYMOND MASSEY and MELVYN DOUGLAS are standing in
the rain pounding on a huge wooden door.

GLORIA STUART
Knock again louder.

MELVYN DOUGLAS
I should of thought that was loud
enough to wake the dead... that's an
idea.

RAYMOND MASSEY
What is?

MELVYN DOUGLAS
Wouldn't it be dramatic, supposing
the people inside were dead. All
stretched out with the lights quietly
burning about them.

GLORIA STUART
I'm sure it would be very amusing.

We pull back from the TV to see Bill's clothes drying by the
fireplace. Bill, now wearing overalls and a flannel shirt,
is sitting on an old over stuffed sofa.

BILL
So, you live here alone... I mean
with just your brother?

BABY
(speaking from the
next room)
No. There's a bunch a us 'round
somewhere... I think Mamma's sleepin'.
She sleeps a lot, now... do you want
marshmallows?

BILL
Um, yeah sure, I guess.

BABY
You sure do a lot of guessing.

Baby sets down the tray, making sure to bend over close to
Bill. She hands him his drink and sits down next to him.

BILL
Thank you.

BABY
You're welcome.

Baby moves closer to Bill, he begins to get nervous.

BILL
Hey, um...
(pointing to the
mounted animal head
over the fireplace)
...what kind of animal is that?

BABY
A dead one.

BILL
(sipping his drink)
Mmmmm, this is tasty.

BABY
(scoops out some
marshmallow with her
finger)
Ain't the only thing tasty in this
house.
(licks it off)

BILL
I wonder what time it is. Seems kind
of late.

BABY
Don't worry, sugar. It ain't past my
bedtime... are you flirting with me?

BILL
What? No, I'm was worried that... I
was just wondering what's taking so
long.

BABY
Oh. Maybe R.J. got into a crash and
killed everbody?

BILL
That's not something to joke about.

BABY
(rolls her eyes)
OK, sorry... maybe the Great Pumpkin
ate 'em up.

Finally, the SOUND OF A TRUCK pulling up can be HEARD.

Bill jumps up and goes to the window.

BILL
Hey, great they're back.

BABY
(sarcastically)
Whoopie fucking doo.

TV SCREEN - SAME

On the B+W screen we see DR. WOLFENSTEIN, a local horror
movie host. He looks like a cross between the WOLFMAN and
LON CHANEY in LONDON AFTER MIDNIGHT.

DR. WOLFENSTEIN
(sounds like Wolfman
Jack)
Aaaahooooh, the Doctor is in! Don't
move, don't scream. Stay tuned for
more creature craziness from channel
68's Halloween eve movie marathon.
I'm your host... your ghost host
with the most, baby... Dr. Wolfenstein
and will be with you until the end.
Aaaaaaahooooooh!

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Bill stands on the front porch watching as the truck roughly
jerks the car to a stop.

Jerry jumps out, opens the back door and helps Denise.

JERRY
(looking at Bill)
Hey, nice outfit Billy Bob.

DENISE
Thanks for coming to get us. Little
brother almost scared us to death.

JERRY
(quietly to Bill as
he passes)
Dude, your chick's a little high
strung.

Mary is the last one out of the car. She says nothing as she
walks to join the others on the porch.

Her look says it all as she walks by Bill and into the house.

BILL
Mary, I'm sorry but he left without
me. Mary... come on, you don't think
I'd leave you stranded out there.

INT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Everyone stands around at the fireplace, trying to dry off.

DENISE
Look. I gotta call my Dad and tell
him we're gonna be late. Can I use
your phone?

Baby sits silently watching TV.

DENISE
Excuse me, may I please use your
phone?

MARY
(sarcastically)
Bill, why don't you ask her... she's
your special friend.

A VOICE from upstairs answers.

MOTHER
Ain't got one.

MOTHER comes into view from the darkness above. She is in
her fifties, but looks younger. A sleazy white trash queen.
She slowly descends the stairs.

DENISE
Huh? Oh, hi. You really don't have a
phone?

MOTHER
No, none. I had one once, back in
'57 maybe... I don't know. Really
ain't nobody we wanna be jaw flapping
at around here no more.

JERRY
Hey, maybe the guy with the tow truck
could drive us to a phone.

MOTHER
His name is Rufus, Rufus Jr., but we
all call him R.J.

JERRY
Oh, right.

MOTHER
What do they call you, sweety?

JERRY
Um, I'm Jerry... that's Bill... Denise
and Mary.

BILL
Yeah, maybe R.J. could just tow us
and our car to the nearest garage.

DENISE
I mean obviously we will compensate
you for your troubles.

MOTHER
Oh, you ain't no troubles, no, no,
no fuss.
(claps her hands)
Baby... go see what Rufus Jr. is
doing with these nice folks'
automobile.

Baby slowly rises like a defiant child and walks out of the
room.

MOTHER
In the meanwhile please make
yourselves at home.

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE

Gruesome crime scene photos flash across the screen.

CHILDREN
(singing, off screen)
98 bodies in your bed, Some are green,
some are red. Eat the flesh and pick
the bones, Drink the blood when you
get home. 99 bodies in the ground,
Some are blue, some are brown. Gather
'round the people said, Where do you
go when you are dead?

INT. FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Mother, Jerry, Denise and Mary are all seated on the sofa.
Bill sits in an easy chair.

MOTHER
So, what brings you kids way out
here, ain't you got something better
to do for Halloween than wander around
out here in the sticks?

JERRY
Well, I thought I'd maybe take in a
hoedown.

MOTHER
(flirting)
Oh, really...
(puts her hand on
Jerry's knee and
winks)
...well, I'm a pretty good dancer if
you know what I mean... I bet I got
a few moves you ain't never seen.

JERRY
I don't doubt that.

DENISE
No, he's just joking. We don't really
have any plans other than spending
the night at my Dad's house...
(glances at Jerry)
...which is where we were headed
when our car broke down.

MOTHER
That's nice.

DENISE
Yeah, I guess I'll just help him
hand out candy to the trick or
treaters.

JERRY
And I'm gonna help put the razor
blades in the candy apples.

MOTHER
I'll bet you are... you are a naughty
little thing aren't ya.

JERRY
I was just kidding.

Bill and Mary snicker at Jerry's comments. Denise tries to
keep a straight face.

MOTHER
Oh, I get it... I guess you think
you're too good for the simple
pleasures of Halloween.

MARY
No, just a little too old.

MOTHER
Oh really, well I hope something
changes your mind some day.

Baby returns from the garage.

BABY
Tiny's home.

MOTHER
What about R.J.?

BABY
Oh, he was already gone before I
seen him... but Tiny saw him and
said he said he was going out to the
yard to get a new wheel.

BILL
The yard, what's that?

MOTHER
It's an old auto junkyard out in
Baldwin.

DENISE
How long is that gonna take?

MOTHER
He should be back in a couple hours.

MARY
A couple hours!

DENISE
Can't Tiny drive us to a phone?

Mother and Baby laugh.

MOTHER
(laughing)
Tiny ain't got no car, he ain't even
got a bicycle.

DENISE
How's he get around out here?

BABY
He walks, duh.

MARY
Fucking great.

MOTHER
I know you're my guests and welcome
but I'd please advise you to keep
from cussing while in my house, thank
you.

MARY
Sorry.

MOTHER
Well, even though I know it seems
childish to you all. Tonight is
Halloween eve and it special to us
so you are all invited to stay for
dinner.

Under the circumstances they realize they have no choice.
They grin and bear it.

DENISE
Thank you.

JERRY
(imitates Elvis)
Yes, thank you. Thank you very much.

MOTHER
(Mother touches Jerry's
shoulder suggestively)
You're a strange one, aren't ya honey.
I think you and me are get on like...
(she thinks for a
second)
...like something real good.

Camera moves over to the TV. THE END fades up on screen.
Dr. Wolfenstein appears over the credits.

DR. WOLFENSTEIN
There well, who knew there was love
to be found in The Old Dark House.
Coming up next, do not move a muscle,
an artery or a vein as we venture
into another creepy classic... are
you ready for THE WOLFMAN, baby?

INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM

Bill, Jerry, Mary and Denise are now all seated around a
large dining room table. A thick mountain of candles sits
burning dead center on the table, giving off a warm glow.
Dozens of Halloween decorations dangle from strings over the
table, spiders, bats and black cats.

There is a hand-made PAPER MACHE MASK sitting on each plate.

MARY
(holding up the witch
mask)
I hope to Christ she doesn't expect
us to wear these things.

BILL
Whatever it is just do it. The more
we play along the faster we'll get
the hell out of here.

DENISE
Really, now is not the time to make
waves.

JERRY
Hey, I'm just waiting for Cousin Itt
to show up.

DENISE
Shhhhhh.

Mother walks in holding a covered serving tray.

DENISE
You sure you don't need any help in
there?

MOTHER
No dear, I'm fine. Now what kind of
host would I be if I put my guests
to this kind of work.

She sets the tray and goes back in the kitchen.

BOOM! The sound of the front door SLAMMING shut is heard,
followed by the POUNDING of heavy footsteps.

Mother's and Baby's shouting is heard.

BABY (O.S.)
Ma, Tiny's in.

MOTHER (O.S.)
Go tell him to get your Grandpa.

INT. HOUSE - BABY'S ROOM

Baby is standing in front of her closet staring at her
clothes. The walls of her room are covered with B+W photos
of movie stars.

BABY
(whining)
Ma, I can't, I'm busy getting dressed.

INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM

TINY ENTERS and removes his coat.

Everyone is speechless.

Tiny is over SEVEN FEET TALL and weighs THREE HUNDRED POUNDS.
He is wearing a black sweater with a big red skull stitched
into it. A red knit ski mask covers his face. Black gloves
cover his hands.

Tiny sits at the table, looks down at his plate and says
nothing.

Mother comes to fetch Tiny. She relays a message to him with
strange hand gestures.

Tiny gets up and leaves the room.

MOTHER
You'll have to forgive Tiny, he can't
hear so much.

DENISE
Oh.

MOTHER
Yeah, my poor baby. It's his Daddy's
fault. I mean Earl was a good man...
I mean he never hit me or nothing,
but one day he just got up and went
pure devil on us all.

DENISE
What happened? Oh, I'm sorry, it's
none of my business.

MOTHER
He tried to burn the house down,
said it was possessed by the spirits.
Tiny was sleeping in the basement
where the fire started. I don't think
Earl ever meant to harm us... but
Tiny was badly burnt, his ears were
destroyed and most of his skin.

BILL
Is that why he wears the mask?

MOTHER
Yeah, my baby boy gets shy around
new people, but he'll warm up to
ya... especially the ladies.

JERRY
Great. I thought I felt a certain
attraction between Mary and Tiny
soon as he walked in.

MOTHER
Maybe. He's a real lady killer.

JERRY
Didn't ya think, Mary?

Mary just smiles, then gives Jerry a dirty look.

MOTHER
Well, we'll see... the night is young
and so are you... oh well, couple
more minutes.

Mother returns to the kitchen.

DENISE
(elbows Jerry)
Don't be such a fucking smart ass.

MARY
Yeah, it's really your fault that
we're stuck in this shithole in the
first place.

JERRY
Oh, don't worry she didn't get
offended by what I said. You two got
to lighten up... right, Bill?

BILL
Whatever, at this point all I care
about is food. I'm starving and I
got a fucking killer headache.

JERRY
Hey, I asked you if you wanted some
chicken.

BILL
Didn't look like chicken to me, more
like fried pussy cat.

JERRY
(shrugs)
Tasted pretty good.

INT. FARMHOUSE - GRAMPA'S ROOM - NIGHT

In a cramped, darkened room we see the huge shape of Tiny
hovering over a BED containing the hunched, fragile old body
of GRAMPA.

Grampa struggles to sit, then slowly slides his legs over
the edge of the bed. Tiny helps him to stand.

GRAMPA
God damn it, I can do it. I can do
it myself, ya big monkey. I ain't
dead yet... so don't you and your
sister start counting out my money
yet.

Grampa steadies himself against Tiny. They slowly walk out
of the room.

GRAMPA
God damn, my dogs are barking.

As they move into the light of the hallway, it is clear that
Grampa is in his late 80's.

Grampa quickly grows tired. Tiny picks him up in his arms
and carries him down the stairs to the dining room.

As they move past, the camera comes to rest on a STRANGE
OBJECT sitting on a shelf.

A LARGE GLASS JAR containing a DEFORMED BABY. The pickled
punk looks to have a small second head growing from its
temple. The label on the jar reads STUFFY 1973.

The sound from the TV fades up in the background.

BELA LUGOSI'S VOICE can be heard.

BELA LUGOSI (V.O.)
Your hands, please. Your left hand
shows your past...

DISSOLVE TO:

TV SCREEN

Bela is seen as a fortune teller holding a woman's hands.
This is a scene from The Wolfman.

BELA LUGOSI
...and your right hand shows your
future.

CLOSE UP

We see a tight shot of the woman's palm. A pentagram appears.

INT. DENISE'S FATHER'S HOUSE - NIGHT

We PULL BACK from the TV to find Donald Willis sitting in a
old easy chair. The room is modest, but comfortable.

He reaches over and picks up a small alarm clock, notices
the time, concerned look comes over his face.

The phone rings. He quickly answers it.

MR. WILLIS
Hello, Denise?

Disappointment. He mutes the TV.

MR. WILLIS
Oh, yeah... no, Fred. I was hoping
you were Denise, she's a little late.
(pausing)
Yeah, yeah I'm sure the rain just
slowed 'em down... yeah... uh-huh,
yeah... no, no you can keep it 'til
Tuesday... alright, talk to ya
tomorrow, bye.

Unmutes the sound on the TV.

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The feast is on. Mother, Tiny, Grampa, Jerry, Bill, Mary and
Denise are gathered around the table.

MOTHER
OK, everyone, put on your masks. We
can't very well eat with our everyday
faces exposed.

Mother puts on her mask, Tiny and Grampa follow. Jerry, Bill
and Denise slowly raise up their masks, Mary hesitates.

GRAMPA
(to Mary)
Christ kid, put it on. She ain't
letting any of us touch the grub
'til you're wearing the damn thing.

Mary rolls her eyes and complies.

JERRY
I've been meaning to ask you, Mrs...
Ummmm.

MOTHER
(hesitates)
Firefly.

JERRY
Firefly... mmmmm odd name. Mrs.
Firefly, do you know anything about
the legend of Dr. Satan?

BILL
Here we go.

Grampa shifts his eyes onto Mother.

MOTHER
(nervously)
Well, I'm not much for local gossip
an this and that, but I've heard it
mentioned in passing over the years
but... I mean folks is queer and
they say things, crazy things you
know what I mean?

GRAMPA
It's all talk, yakty yak, like a
bunch of hungry chipmunks... Christ,
Dr. Satan. That takes the bull's
nuts alright...
(starts laughing)
...hey, I hear some genius up north
got a hot line on the Easter Bunny
for ya.

A voice from the shadows interrupts.

OTIS
(slowly)
I know all about what you want to
know about.

A PALE FIGURE creeps forward like NOSFERATU from a dark corner
of the room. This is OTIS.

He stands six foot, but is deathly slim. His skin is
translucent, glowing in the dark. Long thin white hair covers
his head. His eyes are grey. He is an ALBINO.

He is holding a GLASS JAR containing a SMALL FETUS. On closer
inspection we see there are two small bodies joined to one
head. The label reads WOLF.

MOTHER
(happy surprise)
Otis! I can't believe you decided to
come down and join us... and you
brought little Wolf. This really is
a special night... all my babies
together.

Otis sets the disturbing jar of Wolf on the table. He leans
forward onto the jar, resting his chin.

OTIS
Now, I don't know where you heard
all your little fairy fables about
Dr. Satan but...

BILL
From a Captain Spaulding down at
some museum.

OTIS
(laughing)
That old bitch hog don't know shit.
He tells cute little tattle-tales to
sell his junk, but he don't sell no
Yankee boys no truth.

JERRY
But something happened, right? I
mean the story is based on a real
incident, right?

GRAMPA
(mouth full of food)
What are you, Jimmy Olsen cub reporter
for the Daily Asshole?

MOTHER
Grampa... watch the language.

OTIS
I ain't sure that you really need to
know. It's better you go home still
dreaming about your kitty cats and
puppy dogs.

JERRY
I really want to know.

GRAMPA
Hey, the kid wants to know. Enlighten
him.

OTIS
Boy, I bet you'd stick your head in
the fire if I told ya you'd see
Hell... meanwhile you too stupid to
realize you got a demon sticking out
your ass singing, "Holy Miss Moly, I
got a live one."

DENISE
Can we please change the subject?

The CLOCK on the wall strikes TEN.

GRAMPA
(shouting)
Dinner's over.
(pushes his plate
back and stands up)
Ladies and Germs... it's showtime.

Grampa hobbles out of the room.

BILL
What's he so excited about?

DENISE
Yeah, showtime for what?

MOTHER
For the show. It's Halloween eve and
time for our show.

JERRY
Oh, you mean on TV.

MOTHER
No, no, no it's so much more special
than that... you'll see, you'll be
the first to ever see. I think this
is something you'll really love.

JERRY
Great.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - BARN - NIGHT

Billy, Jerry, Mary and Denise stand waiting in front of an
old barn. Tiny unlocks the huge doors of the barn and swings
them open.

Standing inside waiting is Mother. She is all dressed up for
the occasion.

MOTHER
Please, come in... how many in your
party...
(she counts the heads)
...one, two, three and four... right
this way.

Mother hands each of them a folded piece of paper, which
serves as a program book. Hand drawn on each is an orange
pumpkin.

INT. FARMHOUSE - BARN - NIGHT

We follow Mother inside.

Thousands of red Christmas lights hang down, strung through
the rotting wood rafters. Crates, barrels and an odd
assortment of chairs face a large quilted curtain. Filling
these seats are LIFELESS DUMMIES.

MOTHER
Please be seated.

Mother motions toward four empty seats in the front row.

JERRY
(whispering)
This is way too fucked up for words.

MARY
(loud whisper)
I know the words... fucking psycho
fucking bullshit, that's the words.

BILL
Just grin and bear it.

DENISE
That food...
(holding stomach)
ugh, I feel like I'm gonna puke.

Jerry, Bill, Mary and Denise take their seats.

Mary flips open the program. Inside, written in crayon, are
the words: HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA -- starring the Comedy
Legend GRAMPA and the World Famous BABY.

MARY
(to Bill)
Check this out.

BILL
Well, ya can't complain I never take
you anyplace.

The sound of a warped crackling record fills the room. Lounge
music.

A small spotlight hits the quilted curtain covering the stage.
Mother Firefly stands behind the controls.

She is smiling proudly.

The curtain clumsily parts TO REVEAL:

A stage set pieced together from amusement park wreckage.

A giant painted plywood devil looms over the stage, surrounded
by dancing skeletons and demon girls.

A microphone stands center stage.

BILL
(quietly)
I can't believe what I'm seeing.

JERRY
I know, this is fucking nuts.

MARY
This is starting to make me real
uncomfortable.

BILL
Just sit back and enjoy the show.

The sound of CANNED APPLAUSE fills the room. Bill begins to
applaud, Jerry and Denise join in. Mary does not.

GRAMPA (V.O.)
Ladies and gentlemen, straight from
his smash six week sold out run at
Tiki-Ti Club... the Stardust lounge
is proud to present Mr. Sexy
himself... Grampa Hugo.

Grampa walks out to center stage, mic in hand and begins to
speak.

GRAMPA
Hey, let me tell ya a story... so
I'm hanging out with my buddy Hal
Jackowictz and I'm like, hey Hal
let's go get some booze and chase
the chickens... fucking Hal says no,
no the old battle axe at home will
break my balls... I gotta get my ass
home.

The kids stare in shock at Grampa. Jerry begins to laugh.

GRAMPA
So, I tell 'im... Hal, here's the
secret. Go home tonight, crawl into
bed, get under the covers and eat
your wife's pussy... I mean jam your
face right in the bush.

Jerry starts to giggle.

DENISE
(quietly)
What are you laughing at?

JERRY
I don't know, I think he's funny.

DENISE
This isn't funny, it's twisted.

GRAMPA
So, Hal goes home, jumps in, starts
chomping and licking away at her
pussy, she's screaming and howling...
totally passes out from the
experience.

MARY
Dear God, let this end.

GRAMPA
Now, Hal... He's feeling pretty good,
so he goes into the bathroom for a
quick shave...
(pauses)
...suddenly he lets out a horrible
scream. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The recorded crowd chuckles.

GRAMPA
Sitting there on the toilet is Hal's
wife Gloria... and she says, "Quiet
down, you'll wake Grandma!"

The recorded crowd screams with laughter, as does Jerry.
Bill, Denise and Mary look at him like he's crazy.

GRAMPA
Thank you, you're too kind, too
kind... stay in your seats, coming
up next we got something special for
you men out there.

The curtains close and the stage goes dark.

DENISE
Shit, I'm all for being a sport, but
this is ridiculous.

BILL
(looking at his watch)
Man, it's already ten thirty.

MARY
I'm with Denise, can't we just walk
to someplace, this is getting fucking
stupid.

JERRY
Negative. Shit, we are so deep in
the sticks we could walk for hours
and find zero.

BILL
Yeah, I'd say at this point all we
can do is just wait it out. There's
nothing else.

DENISE
I suppose. I mean they're obviously
all bonkers, but I guess they're
harmless.

MARY
I fucking hope so.

The stage lights come up. The recorded applause and music
begin.

Baby enters the stage. She is dressed in a home-made showgirl
outfit. She begins to dance clumsily to the music. She appears
to be somewhat intoxicated.

The vocals come on and Baby begins to lipsync to the song.

DENISE
You gotta be kidding me. This chick
is wasted.

JERRY
Shhhhhh.

MARY
How much is a person supposed to
stand?

BILL
(motioning for Mary
to keep her voice
down)
Quiet.

MARY
(sarcastically)
Oh, I'm sorry, bothering you? Was I
disturbing your viewing pleasure?

Baby makes her way down from stage on to floor level. She
gyrates and seductively TEASES one of the dummy audience
members.

Baby moves over to Jerry. Stroking her hand down his face.
Denise tries to look amused. Jerry smiles uncomfortably.

Baby strolls past Denise and stops in front of Mary.

Baby pauses and pinches Mary's cheek and winks. Mary is
FURIOUS.

Baby moves over to Bill. Mary watches like a mother hawk.

Baby sings and dances with all of her attention focused on
Bill.

Baby puts her arms around Bill's neck and sits on his lap.
Mary BOLTS FORWARD and SHOVES Baby off of Bill.

Baby crashes onto the floor.

MARY
Take that, you fucking slut!
(Mary spits at Baby)
Fucking redneck whore!

BABY
You shouldn't a done that.

MARY
Why? You gonna do something about
it?

BABY
(standing up)
Yeah, I'll do something.

Baby takes out a straight razor from behind her back.

BABY
I'll cut your fucking tits off and
shove 'em down your throat.

MOTHER
Baby! Stop!

Mrs. Firefly runs down from her position behind the spotlight
and intercedes.

BABY
Come on, ma... this bitch's got it
coming.

MOTHER
No, I told you...

SCREECH! The garage door slides open. Rufus has returned.

RUFUS JR.
(interrupting)
Car's done.

DENISE
Thank God.

MOTHER
I suggest you kids leave now.

MARY
Don't worry, I'm gone.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

Bill, Jerry, Denise and Mary climb back into their car.

BILL
Don't look back, just get in the
car.

DENISE
Lock the fucking doors.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Bill begins to pull the car down the long dirt driveway
towards the road. The heavy rain makes visibility difficult.

BILL
(straining to see
through the darkness)
Almost there.

JERRY
Jesus, you think she was really gonna
cut you?

MARY
(leaning her forehead
on the window)
Of course she was gonna cut me, she's
a fucking nut...
(closes her eyes and
takes a breath)
I knew she was crazy from the second
we picked her up.

SLAM! Suddenly, Baby pounds her fist against Mary's window.
Mary jumps back in terror.

BABY
(screaming)
You're in Hell, bitch! You're gonna
die like a dog!

Baby disappears into the darkness.

MARY
Go! Go! Go! Get us out of here!

Bill pulls the car up to the front gate. It is chained shut
with a huge padlock.

LIGHTNING CRASHES, illuminating the crucified scarecrows.

FLASH CLOSE-UP CUTS - of grinning jack-o-lantern faces peer
down from above.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Bill opens the car door, starts to get out.

MARY
(hysterical)
What are you doing!

BILL
I gotta open the gate.

MARY
Drive through it!

BILL
It won't work.

JERRY
Holy fuck, hurry up.

Jerry, Mary and Denise watch through the windshield as Bill
struggles to unlatch the thick iron gates.

SUDDENLY, one of the SCARECROWS JUMPS down from his cross
and SMASHES Bill over the head with a HEAVY CLUB. Bill drops
to his knees.

MARY
Bill! Help him!

Jerry throws open his door to get out. He's SHOVED BACK into
the car by another, larger scarecrow outside his door. This
scarecrow begins smashing the car's windows with a METAL
PIPE.

Bill lays motionless, face down in the mud. His attacker
turns his attention on the car. He also begins smashing the
car's windows.

EXT. CAR - NIGHT

From a distance we see Jerry pulled from the car and beaten.
The girls are helplessly trapped inside the destroyed vehicle.
The scarecrows continue to pound on the car.

As we fade out, the sound of a BARKING DOG can be heard.

FADE TO:

EXT. FARMHOUSE - MAGIC

From a long shot, we see the farmhouse in the early morning
sunrise. All is still.

The sound of an engine starting breaks the early morning
silence. Rufus's tow truck is seen pulling away from behind
the house. The BEATEN REMAINS of Bill's car are towed behind
it.

EXT. WILLIS HOUSE - SUNRISE

Darkness, except for the face of an alarm clock. The time is
7:00 AM. TICK, TICK, TICK... BUZZZZZZ. The alarm goes off.

A hand reaches over and turns off the alarm. We hear a deep
groan. A light turns on.

INT. WILLIS'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Don Willis wakes up, having fallen asleep in his easy chair.
He sits up and wipes the sleep from his eyes. He runs a hand
across his head, smoothing out his thinning grey hair.

He picks up a phone next to his bed, dials a number, waits.

MR. WILLIS
Hi. Lieutenant Broekman please...
Donald Willis.

He holds.

MR. WILLIS
Hey, Phil...
(listens)
Yeah, I'm alright... but I need you
to check on something for me.

Willis stands, walks to the window, opens the shades, morning
sun fills the room.

shelf by the window is cluttered with framed photographs.
B+W memories of Denise at the beach, RUDY the dog. High school
graduations and Donald Willis in uniform with the other
members of 56 Precinct. Donald is a FORMER POLICE OFFICER.

MR. WILLIS
I'm a little worried about Denise.
She called me last night from the
road, out by Ruggsville at some joint
called Spaulding's or something like
that, said she'd be here about
eleven... but she never showed up.

Paces.

MR. WILLIS
Yeah, if you could run a check on up
that way and see about any accidents
or road closing or anything, I'd
really appreciate it...
(listening)
...yeah, yeah, I know... I'm sure
nothing happened but, you know me I
like to worry... thanks... bye.

Hangs up the phone.

INT. FARMHOUSE - OTIS'S ROOM - DAY

Mary opens her eyes, squinting into the light. Sunlight peers
through filth on the windows, fractured by the tattered
remains of rotted curtains. Peeling yellowed newspaper serves
as wallpaper surrounding the window.

Mary's eyes move across the walls to a painting of a BIG
EYED KITTEN. She stares at it and smiles. A look of horror
begins to appear on her face. She begins to scream
uncontrollably.

OTIS
(off screen)
Shut your fucking mouth!

She is hysterical.

OTIS
I said shut your mouth!

ZOOM BACK to see Mary wearing a dunce cap, tied to a chair,
facing a corner in the farmhouse's attic. This is Otis's art
studio.

Otis, standing before a large canvas, sets down his paint
brush and calmly walks over to Mary.

He spins her chair around, clamps her mouth shut with his
hand and leans his nose against hers.

OTIS
(slow and sinister)
Listen, you Malibu Barbie middle
class piece of shit. I'm trying to
work, you got me, work... you ever
work?

Mary's eyes scream with terror, she nods yes.

OTIS
Yeah, I'll bet you did. Scooping ice
cream to your shitheel friends on
summer break... well, I ain't talking
about white socks with Mickey Mouse
on one side and Donald Duck on the
other... shit, you ain't reading no
funny books, mamma.

Otis raises his paint covered hand.

OTIS
This is blood and guts, Suzy Q. Our
bodies come and go, but this blood
is forever...
(pulls a small book
from his breast pocket)
...let me read you something, listen
and learn... you listening?

Otis pulls back his hand, ready to backhand her across the
face with the book. She nods again. He lowers the book.

OTIS
(gesturing dramatically)
And the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm That the
play is the tragedy "Man" And its
hero the Conqueror Worm...
(pauses)
...you get that? Art is eternal, you
get me, mamma?

Mary stares dumbfounded.

OTIS
Now, I'm gonna remove my hand... you
make a sound and I swear I'll slit
you open and make you eat your own
fucking intestines... you get me?

She nods again. He slowly removes his hand from her mouth.
Mary tries to remain calm, but starts to hyperventilate.
Tears roll down her face.

MARY
(whispering)
Why? Why are you doing this?

OTIS
Doing what? Messy up your day? Well,
fuck lady there are some bigger issues
at hand... than your fucking have a
nice fucking day bumper sticker shit!

MARY
Where's Bill?

OTIS
(chuckling)
Well, Bill... he's a good guy, he's
been great help to me... a real
blessing... I couldn't have asked
for a better specimen. I mean you
don't know what a dry spell I've
had, total block...
(slaps his forehead)
...total block... but Bill he's OK.

Mary looks confused, but relieved.

MARY
(softly)
Where is he?

OTIS
Let's go see.

Otis grabs the back of the chair and drags her across the
room towards a curtained off area.

Whoosh! He pulls her through the curtains. From behind the
curtain we hear Mary SCREAMING and Otis LAUGHING.

MARY
(behind curtain)
Bill? No, no, no! What have you done?
Bill!

INT. CURTAIN ROOM - OTIS'S ROOM - DAY

Ugliness. Decay. Pain. Carefully arranged on a model's
platform is the severed torso of Bill sewn to a large homemade
fish tail. He is lying on his ride side posing.

Bill's face is frozen in a death scream.

OTIS
Behold... The Fish-Boy!

MARY
(repeating to herself)
This can't be real, this can't be
real, this can't be real.

OTIS
Oh, it's real... as real as I want
it to be, mamma...
(grabs his canvas and
holds it in her face)
...look, see the magic in my brush
strokes.

Painted on the canvas is the gruesome scene of Bill as the
Fish-Boy.

MARY
(crying)
Fuck you, you fucking freak!

OTIS
Oh, come now... we're all creatures
of God and freaks in our own way...
(twitches and shakes)
...but if you'll notice...
(points to a blank
spot in the painting)
right here, needs a little something,
heh?

Otis slowly puts down the canvas, turns and picks up a huge
hunting knife.

MARY
What are you doing?
(squirming)
...no, stop... please, please.

OTIS
You, my dear worm feeder, are about
to become immortalized.

Otis draws back the knife.

MARY
(screaming)
Noooooooooooo!

Otis swings the knife forward, directly into the camera.

CLOSE UP - CLOWN FACE

Ravelli's clown head bobs back and forth.

PULL BACK TO:

Ravelli, wearing his clown head, stands by the road side
waving to passing cars.

EXT. SPAULDING'S - DAY

A police car drives past Ravelli and comes to a stop. OFFICER
GEORGE WYDELL, 42, a big, slightly paunchy man with a big
mustache and mirrored sunglasses, steps from his car.

Following close behind, OFFICER STEVE NAISH, 29, tall
athletic.

WYDELL
(pauses, looks around,
pulls up his belt)
Well, let's go see if the nut that
runs this place can help us.

NAISH
Right.

They walk to the door.

INT. SPAULDING'S - DAY

The door swings open. Wydell enters slowly, putting on his
best cowboy attitude. Naish follows suit.

Wydell, hands on his belt, struts up to the counter.

No one is around.

A rusted bell sits on the counter, taped to it is a
handwritten note, "ring for service". Wydell rings it once,
waits, no response. Rings it again, waits, no response.

NAISH
(looking around the
room)
Get a load of all this crap... this
is one sick place.

Wydell begins ringing the bell non-stop.

Spaulding shouts from the backroom.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Whoever's a jerking off on that bell
better be gone when I get out there...
'cause I'm gonna rip your nuts off.

Spaulding enters from behind the curtain, angry. He sees the
troopers and puts on a phony grin.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Officers, officers what can I do for
you today? I ain't fried up the birds
yet... if that's what you're ring a
ding dinging about.

WYDELL
(pulls a paper from
his pocket)
What I need are some answers.
(unfolds the paper to
reveal a picture of
Denise)

CAPT. SPAULDING
Well, I'll try but I don't know
nothing 'bout nobody. I'm a guy who
likes to mind his own business, if
ya get what I'm saying.

WYDELL
(holds up picture)
You seen this girl? Say... within
the last 24 hours.

Spaulding reaches out and grabs the picture.

CAPT. SPAULDING
(studies the picture)
Yeah, yeah I seen her. Good looking
kid, but not really my type...
(gesturing with his
hands)
...I like meaty, eh?

NAISH
(losing patience)
Hey ass clown, how 'bout some answers.
He ain't interested in your love
life.

WYDELL
Come on, get with the facts.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Hmmmmmmmmm?

WYDELL
What'd you see, who was she with,
where were they going?

CAPT. SPAULDING
Aw, she was with some nosey, smartass
high-rise kids. They were poking
around... asking stupid questions.

NAISH
Questions about what?

CAPT. SPAULDING
This and that, mostly some tired Dr.
Satan bullshit... they got a gander
at the display back there and thought
they could solve the great Deadwoods
mystery.

WYDELL
And...

CAPT. SPAULDING
And I gave 'em directions out there,
up by the old farm row... I figured
what's the harm. Stupid kids probably
going out to piss up a rope and got
themselves turned around backasswards
and got lost as shit.

WYDELL
Is that all... think real hard.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Yeah, they weren't here but a few
minutes, didn't really have time to
get as up close and personal as I do
with most of the assholes that wander
through here.

WYDELL
How's about you give me those same
directions.

CAPT. SPAULDING
Yeah, yeah, sure. You don't have to
get all True Grit all over my ass...
I'll give'm to ya... you can knock
yourself silly for all I care.

WYDELL
(hands him a note pad)
Enough talk, write.

INT. TOW TRUCK - DAY

We are cruising down the road. A bobbing head skeleton toy
glued to the dashboard wiggles with each bump in the road.
Behind the wheel is Rufus Jr., riding shotgun is Baby, dressed
in her Sunday best. The radio is blasting.

BABY
(screaming over the
music)
We're gonna have fun tonight, bro.

RUFUS JR.
Yeah, fun.

They speed off.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER RD. - WOODS - MIDDAY

The police cruiser maneuvers down the rough dirt road.

INT. POLICE CAR - MIDDAY

Wydell and Naish scan the surrounding woods for any sign of
Denise and her friends.

NAISH
Boss, the way I see it is these kids
probally stop off somewhere, bought
a bunch of booze and are off getting
shitfaced.

WYDELL
I hope you're right, but my guts are
telling me different.

NAISH
Your Spidey senses tingling.

WYDELL
Yeah...
(realizes what he
just said)
...huh, what the hell are you talking
about?

NAISH
You know, your hyper sensitive Spidey
senses... like Spider-man...
(pauses)
...you know, like in the comics.

WYDELL
How old do you think I am? I know
who the fuck Spider-man is. Get to
your point.

NAISH
You know, his senses start tingling...
when he was approaching danger and
shit.

WYDELL
I always favored the Hulk.

NAISH
Hulk was dumb as shit.

WYDELL
Aw, fuck.

NAISH
What.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER RD. - WOODS - MIDDAY

Bill's car is down in a ditch, run off the side of the road.

INT. POLICE CAR - MIDDAY

Naish checks the license plate number with his sheet.

NAISH
Plates match.

WYDELL
Call the chief... We found 'em.

EXT. PINK PUSSY CAT LIQUORS - MIDDAY

A small, crummy liquor store stands next to a sleazy motel.
A filthy looking hooker leads her customer to a waiting room,
a homeless bum stands screaming obscenities in the parking
lot.

INT. PINK PUSSY CAT LIQUORS - MIDDAY

The store is decorated for Halloween.

Off to one side is a curtained room. A sign reads "XXX 8mm
loops", sex noises can be heard inside.

Baby and Rufus stand at the counter waiting for the CASHIER,
a skinny geek with glasses, to total up their purchases. The
counter is loaded with bottles.

The cashier is packing the bottles into cardboard boxes.

CASHIER
You all having a Halloween party
tonight?

BABY
Now, what makes you think that?

CASHIER
You all sure are buying a lot of
holy water for two people.

BABY
Yeah, well we like to get fucked up
and do fucked up shit, you know what
I mean?

CASHIER
Yeah, yeah...
(giggling)
...I like to fuck shit up.

BABY
I'll bet you do... how much we owe
ya...
(looks at his name
tag)
...Goober?

CASHIER
(looking down at his
tag)
Actually it's G. Ober... Gerry Ober,
but the guys drew in the other O,
fucking assholes.

BABY
(uninterested)
Great story Goober, how much?

CASHIER
Ummmm... two hundred and eighty-five
dollars.

Baby throws down three hundred dollars.

BABY
Keep the change and get yourself a
new name.

CASHIER
Holy crap, thanks!

Rufus picks up the boxes from the counter. He and Baby start
to walk away.

BABY
Come on, bro. Let's go.

CASHIER
(holding out a flyer)
Hey, wait take this.

Baby stops and grabs the flyer.

BABY
What's this?

CASHIER
A missing girl. I use'ta go to school
with her, she just up and disappeared
some day... real weird.

The flyer reads MISSING, KAREN MURPHY, 18. The picture on
the flyer shows the smiling chubby face of a young girl.

BABY
Now isn't she a happy little cherub...
oh well
(stuffs it in her
pocket)
...nobody just up and disappears.

RUFUS JR.
(mutters)
Aliens.

BABY
Yeah, maybe it was fucking aliens.

EXT. PINK PUSSY CAT LIQUOR - MIDDAY

Baby and Rufus exit. Rufus loads the boxes into the back of
the truck. Baby sits on the curb and lights a cigarette.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER ROAD - WOODS - MIDDAY

Bill's car is now sitting in the middle of the road. The
back is attached to a police tow truck. An additional police
cruiser arrives on the scene.

Sheriff Huston steps out from his cruiser.

HUSTON
What'd we here, Georgie?

WYDELL
A vehicle registered to a William S.
Hudley.

HUSTON
Holy Jesus, somebody had themselves
a field day beating the shit outta
this thing.

WYDELL
Yeah, no mercy here.

HUSTON
Recover any bodies?

WYDELL
Not yet.

HUSTON
(inspecting the car)
Shit, I wonder what these kids did
to bring this much hell down on 'em.

WYDELL
Just in the wrong place at the wrong
time.

HUSTON
That's the understatement of the
year.

WYDELL
Yep, I suppose it is.

INT. BILL'S CAR - WOODS - MIDDAY

Naish is digging around under the front seat.

NAISH
Hey, I found something.

Naish crawls out of the car.

EXT. CHERRYPICKER ROAD - WOODS - MIDDAY

HUSTON
What'd ya got there?

NAISH
Keys.

HUSTON
Well Christ boy, don't stand there
like a prize dog dick with his
butthole caught up a tree.

NAISH
Huh?

HUSTON
Open up the trunk.

NAISH
Yes, sir.

WYDELL
Toss 'em over here.

Naish tosses them over the car to Wydell. Wydell fishes
through the keys, finds the trunk key and opens it.

WYDELL
(winces)
God damn.

HUSTON
You find something, Georgie?

WYDELL
(disgusted)
Yep, I found something.

We move around the car to see the nude body of Karen Murphy
laying in the trunk. Her arms and legs are hog tied. She is
dead. The word TRICK is carved into her side.

INT. FARMHOUSE BASEMENT - TINY'S ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

Water drips down from the leaking pipes above. Scavenging
rats scurry across the concrete floor.

In a far corner a single light burns, a child's Humpty Dumpty
lamp, illuminating --

Denise is strapped to an old wooden bed. She has been stripped
of her own clothes and is now wearing a blue checked little
girl's dress. Her hair is tied in pigtails.

She is cold and shivering.

BOOM. The basement door opens, heavy footsteps lumber down
the creaking stairs. It is Tiny.

Tiny is wearing an orange T-shirt that reads, "This is my
Halloween costume". For the first time we see the skin on
his arms, it is severely deformed from burn scars.

He is holding a small tray. On the tray is a box of cereal,
milk, a bowl and a spoon.

Tiny goes over to Denise, sets down the tray, and proudly
displays his T-shirt.

DENISE
(hoarse and dry)
Please... Tiny, please. Let me go...
help me.

Tiny sits down on a stool next to the bed, he stares down at
Denise like a confused dog.

DENISE
(crying)
Please, God please.

Tiny begins preparing her food, carefully pouring the cereal
and milk into the bowl. He stirs it with the spoon.

Tiny gently lifts Denise's head and feeds her like a baby.
Denise swallows the food, trying not to choke. After a few
spoonfuls Tiny stands up and walks over to a dark corner of
the room.

He pulls a string and turns on a swinging ceiling light. In
the light we see a rusty cage, inside are three rail-thin
female bodies.

Tiny throws the remainder of the cereal into the cage.

One of the bodies moves to eat the scraps, the others do
not. They are dead.

Tiny turns off the overhead light.

INT. POLICE CAR - LATE AFTERNOON

Wydell and Naish are pulling into a large truck stop parking
lot.

NAISH
You sure this guy's supposed to ride
with us? Seems kind of weird.

WYDELL
(scanning the parking
lot)
Chief said pick him up and take him
with us on our house to house. Guy's
an ex-cop, thinks he can help.

NAISH
Sounds like a bad idea to me, probally
just get in the way.

WYDELL
Yeah, well I guess it's tough to sit
on the sidelines and wait when your
own kid's missing... besides, ain't
no such thing as an ex-cop.

NAISH
I guess not.

WYDELL
That must be him.

EXT. GAS STATION - LATE AFTERNOON

A rundown gas station sits off to the side of the road.

A filthy mechanic works on one of the many junked cars.

Two fat greasy men sit in the hot sun playing cards.

A Chevy Nova sits parked next to the station. Willis leans
against the side of the car, drinking coffee from a styrofoam
cup.

A police cruiser pulls up. Wydell and Naish step from the
car.

WYDELL
Mr. Willis?

MR. WILLIS
Yes, sir.

WYDELL
I'm Wydell... this is Naish.

Wydell extends his hand, they shake hands.

NAISH
Hey.

MR. WILLIS
George Willis...
(to Wydell)
...any leads?

WYDELL
Well, we were on our way out to run
a check on a couple farmhouses out
on the edge of town... closest thing
we got to a lead at this point.

MR. WILLIS
That's it?

WYDELL
Well, all we know is the kids were
headed out to a spot the locals call
Deadwood to play Nancy Drew with
some local legend about this character
everybody calls Dr. Satan.

MR. WILLIS
Dr. Satan?

NAISH
Yeah it's horseshit, just some
boogieman crap that the kids like to
scare each other with.

WYDELL
Anyway, there's not much else out
that way... so, I figure maybe there's
a chance the kids broke down and
found their way over to one of the
farms.

MR. WILLIS
What about the body you found?

WYDELL
(slightly surprised)
Oh, yeah, you know about that? Hmmm,
that's a strange one.

NAISH
Local girl, Karen Murphy, been missing
for a couple months, figured for a
runaway.

MR. WILLIS
Fit the profile?

NAISH
No, not really. Good kid, never been
in any trouble.

WYDELL
Her part in this I can't figure...
but I will.

MR. WILLIS
(wipes his brow)
Christ, you know it's crazy...
(gets choked up)
I lived through so many other people's
nightmares, you know. Always cool
and calm, but... but I never thought
I'd be the one needing help, ya know?

NAISH
Don't worry, we'll find her.

WYDELL
Let's hit the road, sooner we get a
move on sooner we'll find her.

Willis dumps out the remaining coffee, tosses the cup into
the trash and opens the back door of the police car. He gets
inside. Wydell and Naish climb in. The car drives off.

INT. FARMHOUSE - OTIS'S ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

THUMP!

CLOSE UP on a bloody, bandaged face. THUMP!

As we pull back to see Jerry, completely bandaged like a
mummy, strapped to a wall. His arms and legs are spread.
THUMP! Knives stick in the wall next to the body.

GRAMPA
(off screen)
God damn bitch, what the fuck are
you waiting for... Charles Nelson
Reilly don't know shit...

We pull back further to see Otis pacing wildly back and forth
in front of his TV, watching MATCH GAME. Grampa sits eating
a TV dinner.

OTIS
(gesturing at the TV
with a knife)
Watch that bitch, she's thinking
about that Klugman bangin' Brett
Sommers, pick motherfucking Richard
Dawson.

Otis throws the large hunting knife at the wall next to Jerry.

OTIS
He's the fucking slick jack Match
Game man, mamma.

GRAMPA
Where do they find these people?

INT. POLICE CRUISER - LATE AFTERNOON

MR. WILLIS
Christ, four kids couldn't just
disappear.

NAISH
No they couldn't, somebody had to
see something.

MR. WILLIS
My Denise is a smart girl, she
wouldn't do anything stupid, and her
boyfriend, he always seemed like a
good kid.

WYDELL
I'm sure there's a logical
explanation.

MR. WILLIS
I pray to God there is.

NAISH
Turn up this road.

MR. WILLIS
Where we headed?

WYDELL
I seem to remember another farm set
way back off the road where the car
was found. I'm not sure if anyone
lives there anymore, but it's worth
a look.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON

Wydell's cruiser turns up the road to the Firefly farmhouse.
It moves past the scarecrows and comes to a halt. The doors
swing open and Wydell, Naish and Willis get out.

WYDELL
I'm gonna see if anybody's home. You
and Mr. Willis take a look around
the grounds for any sign of anything.

NAISH
Right...
(to Willis)
...come on.

Naish and Willis head off around the back of the house.

INT. FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - LATE AFTERNOON

Dirty dishes overflow from the rusty metal sink onto the
surrounding counters. A large cat walks across piles of food
left to rot on a table. Boxes of trash and old newspapers
are stacked to the ceiling.

Music from a crackling radio is heard.

Mother stands stirring a large pot on the stove. A LOUD
knocking interrupts her cooking. She sets down her spoon and
walks to the front door.

Before opening the door she peeks through the curtains of a
small side window. She sees Wydell and runs from the kitchen.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON

Wydell walks up the front steps.

INT. FARMHOUSE - HALLWAY - LATE AFTERNOON

Mother runs toward a door at the end of the hall. She swings
open the door.

INT. FARMHOUSE - OTIS'S ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

Mother bursts into the room.

MOTHER
Otis! Otis! Come quick, there's cops
outside.

OTIS
What! God damn, how many?

GRAMPA
(watching TV)
What? How many?

OTIS
Don't worry about it.

Otis jumps up and goes over to an old dresser and opens a
drawer and pulls out an automatic revolver.

MOTHER
I don't know. I only saw one.

OTIS
I'm sure there's more than that...
fucking pigs always travel in packs...
(handing the gun to
Mother)
...here, take this.

MOTHER
(takes the gun)
What should I do?

OTIS
Go down stairs and play nice... I'm
a gonna go 'round back and handle
things like I always fucking do.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - SAME

Naish and Willis move through the cluttered back yard of
garbage.

NAISH
Shit, don't these packrat hillbillies
throw anything away?

MR. WILLIS
Shhhh... you hear that?

The soft sound of moaning can be heard.

NAISH
Yeah, I hear it... where's it coming
from?

MR. WILLIS
Over here, inside the smokehouse.

Naish and Willis stand in front of a brick smokehouse. The
thick door is chained shut.

NAISH
(knocking on door)
Anybody in there?

The moaning gets louder.

MR. WILLIS
We gotta break it open.

NAISH
I ain't got a warrant.

Willis picks up a broken axe handle and begins prying open
the door.

MR. WILLIS
Tell it to my daughter.

NAISH
(grabbing hold to
help)
Shit... fuck procedure.

Together they struggle to open the door.

INT. FARMHOUSE - SAME

Mother slowly opens the front door. The revolver is behind
her back, tucked in her apron strings.

MOTHER
(trying to be sexy)
Well hello, officer.

WYDELL
(holding up his badge)
Excuse me, I'm sorry for disturbing
you this fine afternoon.

MOTHER
Aw, you ain't disturbing me, but it
kind of looks like rain, don't ya
think?

WYDELL
My name is Lt. Wydell, I'd like to
ask you a few questions.

MOTHER
Questions? Well, heck, I'll tell you
anything you want to know.

WYDELL
I appreciate your cooperation. I'm
looking for a missing girl...
(holds up picture)
...this girl here, Denise Willis...
have you seen her?

MOTHER
Well, I... mmmmm... no, I ain't seen
her, sorry.

She begins to close the door. Wydell stops her.

WYDELL
Please, could I please come in and
talk to you for a minute? Maybe you
could take a better look at the
picture... might stir up something.

MOTHER
I um... no, I don't think so...

WYDELL
Please, just a minute.

MOTHER
Oh, alright... I guess I can trust
you... being a man of the law and
all.

She opens the door.

WYDELL
Thank you.

MOTHER
Oh, you are very welcome... Lord
knows how I love a man in uniform.

She closes the door.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - SAME

Naish and Willis bust open the door to the smokehouse. Hanging
upside down inside is Mary. She hangs from ropes strapped to
the ceiling. Large hunks of meat hang around her in the
cramped room.

NAISH
Jesus Christ.

MR. WILLIS
Call Wydell.

INT. FARMHOUSE - SAME

Wydell and Mother sit opposite eachother at the kitchen table.
Pictures of Denise and her companions are spread on the table.
Wydell takes notes as Mother talks.

WYDELL
Think... do any of these kids look
familiar in any way?

MOTHER
No, I can't say that I ever seen 'em
before...
(points to the photo
of Bill)
...he looks familiar, is he on TV?

Suddenly, Naish's voice comes over Wydell's walkie-talkie.

NAISH
Wydell.

WYDELL
Excuse me for a second.

Pulls walkie-talkie from his belt to respond.

WYDELL
Over.

NAISH
We found one.

Click. Mother points the gun at Wydell's head and fires.

He falls dead to the floor.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - SAME

Naish hears the commotion over his walkie-talkie.

NAISH
(into walkie-talkie)
Wydell! Over! Wydell! Over!

No response.

NAISH
Fuck, go to the car... call for
backup. Tell 'em officer down.

MR. WILLIS
Right.

Willis runs to the car, he gets about halfway there before
he is hit in the back by a bullet. He stumbles and falls to
his knees.

He kneels silent, stunned. We hold on his face and watch as
his life passes before him.

A quick MONTAGE, we see the following images flash by:

A. A father and daughter together in happier times.

B. A child's birthday party.

C. A baby crying.

D. Willis and his deceased wife.

Otis fires another shot.

Willis falls forward into the mud, dead.

Naish sees Willis fall. Before he can react a voice calls
out from behind him.

OTIS
Hands up, bitch!

Naish raises his hands.

OTIS
Turn around, real slow... piggy-pie.

Naish turns around.

OTIS
Interlock your fingers behind your
head...
(Naish hesitates)
...do it!

Naish obeys.

OTIS
Kneel.

Naish kneels down.

From a distance we see Otis standing over Naish, execution
style. A white puff of smoke comes from Otis's gun and a
distant popping sound is heard. Naish falls over on his side.

The scene fades to blood red.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

The house stands silent in the darkness. Lightning crashes,
a heavy rain falls.

Burning JACK-O'-LANTERNS beam from every window. Smoke rises
from the chimney.

It is Halloween night.

INT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT

CLOSE-UP TV

Dr. Wolfenstein is on screen smashing pumpkins with a giant
hammer.

DR. WOLFENSTEIN
It is midnight my little boils and
ghouls, the witching hour. Time for
all monsters, murderers, maniacs and
madmen to go to work... so lock your
doors and bolt your windows, sit
back and prepare for a fright night
classic...
(lightning crashes)
...The House of Frankenstein.

The movie begins and we move off the TV to see:

Hundreds of CANDLES are lit, illuminating everything with a
flickering light. Music blares from a cheap stereo. BLACK
and ORANGE PAPER STREAMERS are draped from ceiling to floor.

Dead center is a LARGE OBJECT standing seven feet tall, it
is completely covered in paper Halloween decorations. A long
chain connects the object up into the rafters.

This is the Halloween party from Hell.

An intoxicated Grampa, dressed as FLASH GORDON, sits in his
wheelchair watching the TV, drinking MOONSHINE from an
unmarked bottle.

GRAMPA
(slurred drunken
yelling at the screen)
Get those motherfucker... those high
water bitches and rocketship
daisies... kill 'em, kill 'em.

CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! Tiny stands in a corner tunelessly
banging on a large oil drum. He is dressed like a low budget
BATMAN, in grey long johns and a black bat mask and cape.

A drunk Rufus, wearing a bloody police uniform, stands on a
table SHOUTING along to the music through a POLICE MEGAPHONE.

Mother and Baby, both dressed as SUPERHEROES, dance around
the covered object. Both are swigging moonshine from jugs.

RUFUS JR.
(shouting through
megaphone)
Show me, show me, show me, show me!

Mother and Baby start TEARING AWAY the paper covering from
the object in the middle of the room. They RIP at the paper,
spinning and dancing around in a wild pagan ritual.

As the shreds of colored paper fall to the floor we see:
Denise, Jerry and Mary tied back to back hanging from the
chain, each are dressed in a different animal costume. Denise
is a pig, Jerry is a donkey and Mary is a rabbit. They are
gagged.

Mother and Baby laugh at their helpless victims, splashing
moonshine in their faces.

BABY
Drink up, it's party time.

MOTHER
Enjoy your last night...
(looking around)
...where's Otis?

BABY
Oh, he's coming, he got something
real special this year.

Rufus jumps down, begins to spin the bound captives around
and around.

RUFUS JR.
Otis, Otis, Otis, Otis!

MOTHER
Quiet, quiet, you know he won't come
down with all this hoop-dee-doo
bouncing off the walls. Now, calm
down.

GRAMPA
I shot an elephant in my pajamas
this morning... how he got in my
pajamas I'll never know.

BABY
Grampa, shhhhhhhh.

GRAMPA
Then we tried to remove the tusks,
but they were embedded in so firmly
that we couldn't budge 'em.

MOTHER
(gesturing at Grampa)
Let him finish.

GRAMPA
Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa,
but that's entirely irrelephant.

The room goes silent. All eyes are focused on the stairs.

A robed figure, Otis, appears at the top of the stairs, he
begins to descend.

Rufus waits at the bottom of the stairs. As Otis reaches the
last step Rufus hands him the megaphone.

Denise, Mary and Jerry struggle to watch as they in turn
rotate past the scene unfolding.

OTIS
(through the megaphone)
I'm the one who brings the Christmas
candy... now tell me
(pauses and raises
his arms)
...Who's your Daddy?

Otis walks closer to the rotating captives.

OTIS
I'm the one who brings the devil's
brandy...
(waits)

MOTHER
Who's your Daddy!

OTIS
Yes! I'm the one who beats you when
you're bad...

BABY
Who's your Daddy!

MOTHER
Who's your Daddy!

Otis stops the spinning of his prisoners and stands directly
before Denise.

He drops his robe, underneath he is wearing a SUIT OF SKIN
sewn together from pieces of Denise's father.

Denise stares in horror, tears stream down her cheeks, barely
able to comprehend the madness around her.

Otis moves in close and licks her across the face.

OTIS
I'm the one who loves you when you're
fucking dead!

Everyone chants "Who's your Daddy?"

OTIS
(imitating Willis)
Now, I say my little darlings...
(rotates the chain to
Mary)
maybe prancing around where you don't
belong ain't such a winner of an
idea...
(slaps Mary across
the face)

Slowly turns the chain to face Jerry.

OTIS
And you, the great rusher of fools,
what were you after...
(slaps Jerry)
Huh, speak to me...
(slaps him again)
Oh, that's right, Dr. Satan...
everybody got to know about Dr. Satan,
Jesus Christ, let the old dog rest
for fuck sake, he's already got one
foot in the grave and the other's
tap dancing around the edge...
(gets nose to nose
with Jerry)
...well, I can see the disappointment
on your sad little puppy face... so
I'm gonna do you a favor, a big, big
favor. You owe me, boy. I'm gonna
let you meet the old bastard.

GRAMPA
That's a horse's ass alright, I told
you.

Jerry's eyes widen in fear.

OTIS
Baby, roll that old love machine
over here, so this boy can meet his
hero.

Baby rolls Grampa over to Jerry.

OTIS
(lifts his skin mask)
You see it's all true, the boogieman
is real and you found him...
(Jerry stares in shock)
...why so sad? Isn't this what you
begged for? There he is, the living
legend himself, ta da Dr. Satan.
Now, don't get shy on me... ask your
hero some questions, don't blow this
last in a lifetime opportunity.

GRAMPA
Zarkoff, I will conquer the sea, the
air, the earth... the universe.

Mother moves in close to Jerry.

MOTHER
Look at the way he lights up... Grampa
just loves meeting his fans.

Otis grabs Jerry's cheeks and makes his face move like a
ventriloquist dummy, provides Jerry's voice.

OTIS
Aw gee whiz, I'm so excited... I
really think you're the coolest...
you're tops on the playground, cooler
than the Fonzie.

Baby grabs Mary and does the same ventriloquist routine.

BABY
Oh, oh pick me, pick me... I have a
question.

Baby rotates Mary around to where Gramps is seated.

BABY
(squeezing Mary's
face, hard)
I was wondering Mr. Satan sir, do
you like to kiss on the first date
or is that considered slutty?

GRAMPA
What the fuck are you saying? Who
the hell is talking to me?

Tiny, growing restless, begins banging on his metal drum.
KLANG - KLANG - KLANG. Rufus joins in, clapping his hands.

MOTHER
Come on, my babies are getting
restless.

RUFUS JR.
Dump in the pit, dump in the pit,
dump in the pit.

Mother, Baby, Grampa join in chanting with Rufus.

OTIS
Alright, alright. Cut 'em down, it's
time they get what they came here
for.

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

The rain pounds down. A heavy fog hovers over the dense growth
of the field. In the distance, silhouetted by moonlight, a
gruesome caravan slowly moves through the night.

Otis, lantern in hand, leads the way. Followed by Baby and
Mother together under a large black umbrella. Next Rufus
holds the leash connected to Jerry, Denise and Mary.

Bringing up the rear, Tiny, shotgun focused on the prisoners,
and Grampa. Grampa is strapped to Tiny's back like a child.
He waves a flashlight back and forth like a search beam.

The group comes to a halt at a huge wooden structure.

OTIS
(handing Baby the
lantern)
Hold this. Point it over here.

Baby directs the light at Otis. We see that he is trying to
unlock a huge padlock attached to an iron door embedded in
the base of the wooden structure.

Otis unlocks the door and swings it open. He reaches down
into the blackness and pulls up an iron hook and wench,
attached to the hook is a chain.

Otis parts a section of the overgrown grass next to the pit
to reveal a rusty metal crank. He begins to turn the crank.
Slowly, from out of the pit, rises a coffin hanging from the
end of the chain.

Otis pulls the coffin over and lays it flat on the ground.
He flips open the lid.

OTIS
Hey happy-boy, step your ass up here.

Rufus cuts loose Jerry, but holds him steady by the neck.

BABY
Take his gag out, it's more fun with
the screaming.

MOTHER
Yeah, I like the screaming too...
it's so much more exciting.

Rufus cuts loose the gag.

JERRY
Please don't kill us, please don't
kill us.

BABY
(imitating Jerry)
Please don't kill us, please don't
kill us.

OTIS
Bitch, shut your mouth and get your
shit in the box.

JERRY
Let us go, please... let the girls
go.

BABY
(imitating Jerry)
Let us go, please... let the girls
go.

Otis pulls out a gun and points it at Jerry.

OTIS
Get in... now!

MOTHER
Wait, I want to say good-bye.

Mother grabs Jerry by the collar and gives him a big kiss.

MOTHER
Bye sweety, we could of been great
together.

JERRY
Please, let us go, we won't tell
anybody.

MOTHER
Aw, honey you know I can't do that.

BABY
We won't tell anybody.

Otis cocks the pistol. Jerry starts to slowly move towards
the coffin.

OTIS
Christ, ain't this fucking a hoot...
alright mamma, I ain't got all fucking
night.

JERRY
Please, please this is insane. You
can't do this.

Rufus pushes Jerry into the coffin.

OTIS
It is and I can... next.

Denise starts kicking and fighting with Rufus. Rufus tries
to hold her steady, when suddenly Mary breaks free and starts
to run.

OTIS
(laughs and raises
his pistol)
Where's she think she's a gonna get
to? She's gonna run all the way home.

BABY
No! Let me get her...
(turns to Mother)
...Ma, Otis is having all the fun...
can I get her?

MOTHER
That's true, Otis... not that we're
having a bad time, but...

OTIS
(rolls his eyes)
Well, go get her.

Baby jumps with excitement and runs off across the field
after Mary.

Mary trips and falls over a small gravestone. She gets up
and stumbles back into a wooden cross. She tears the gag
from her mouth and gasps for air.

BABY (O.S.)
There once was a woman who lived
with her daughter in a cabbage garden.

Mary turns toward the voice but sees nothing but wooden
crosses. She is in a homemade cemetery.

BABY (O.S.)
...along came a rabbit and ate up
all the cabbages. The woman said...

Mary turns 360 degrees, but finds nothing.

BABY (O.S.)
..."Go into the garden and drive out
the rabbit"...

THUD! Mary is hit from behind, she falls forward. Baby JUMPS
on top of her and sits on her back. Baby is holding a large
hunting knife.

BABY
"Shoo! Shoo!" said the maiden...

Mary screams in pain, as Baby PLUNGES the knife into her.
Baby STABS Mary again and again and again. Mary lets out a
long gurgling scream, then goes silent.

BABY
..."Come maiden," said the rabbit...
(leans down)
...sit on my tail and go with me to
my rabbit hutch.

Baby, covered in blood, licks the knife clean.

EXT. PIT - NIGHT

Otis shoves Denise into the coffin with Jerry and locks the
lid shut. Through a CROSS-SHAPED OPENING in the coffin we
see them crushed together.

Rufus LOWERS the coffin into the pit. Once the coffin is
inside Otis slams the door shut.

Otis opens a small window in the door and lowers in a lantern
and a small tape recorder playing music.

INT. PIT - NIGHT

Enter Hell. The dim light of the lantern shines off the slimy
wet filth of the rotted wood walls. The stench of death and
decay hangs heavy in the thin air.

Denise and Jerry, cold and shivering, hang half submerged in
thick maggot infested sludge. Bits of animal and human
skeletons float in the muck, broken bones lay in piles along
the walls.

INT. COFFIN - NIGHT

Through the dim light, we see the tightly packed forms of
Jerry and Denise.

DENISE
(hysterical)
We've got get out of here, we got
get out of here.

JERRY
Think, think. Try to open the lid,
try to kick a hole in the wood.

DENISE
(crying)
I can't... I can't move my arms. I
hurt so much.

JERRY
I know, but we can make it out of
here. We can do it.

Boom! A LOUD THUMP is heard against the side of the coffin.

JERRY
That was good babe, just keep doing
that.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.

DENISE
That's not me. I didn't... I'm not
doing that.

JERRY
Someone is out there...
(shouting)
...help, we're in here!

DENISE
Help, help us.

Suddenly, an arm breaks through the side of the coffin.
Another smashes through the top of the lid. The coffin begins
to violently shake. Denise screams.

Another reaches through, grabbing her feet. SMASH! The coffin
is ripped apart and Jerry is pulled away from the destruction.

He lets out a quick scream before disappearing into the
darkness.

DENISE
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

INT. FARMHOUSE - LIVINGROOM - NIGHT

The spastic light of TV static strobes across the sleeping
face of Grampa. Beside him, Mother sleeps peacefully.

EXT. BARN - NIGHT

The rain has stopped. Tiny opens the doors to the barn.

He goes inside. He exits a few moments later, dragging a
huge wooden stake. He sets the stake down carefully and closes
the barn doors. He then picks up the stake and drags it away.

EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Behind the farmhouse is a camouflage jungle, an intricate
system of ropes and netting is strung together to hide the
many automobiles beneath.

Rufus moves through the jungle. He stops and begins to remove
the netting from a car, it is Wydell's police cruiser. He
climbs inside the car, puts on Wydell's policeman's hat and
starts the engine. He drives off.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT

Rufus is driving like a maniac through the open farmland. He
turns on the overhead flashing lights.

EXT. FIELDS - NIGHT

The police cruiser twists and turns in the barren fields.

INT. PIT - NIGHT

Denise stands knee deep in the sludge. Broken bits of the
coffin's remains are scattered around her.

DENISE
Jerry please answer me.

A soft moaning sound is heard coming from the other end of
the pit.

DENISE
Jerry...
(moving slowly forward)
...is that you?

Denise cautiously makes her way to the bend at the end of
the tunnel. As she approaches, the moaning sound gets louder.
She turns the corner to see:

TWO PALE FIGURES in filthy hospital gowns hunched over a
shadowy object. Denise gasps. They turn towards Denise,
revealing the partially devoured dead body of Jerry.

The two bone-white ghouls are dripping with Jerry's blood,
they stare at Denise, then return to their prey.

Denise screams in horror and runs, turning down another twist
in the underground maze. She turns the corner and runs
straight into SEVERAL SLOW MOVING GHOULS. The ghouls are of
the same deathly white complexion, hair-less with flaked,
cracking skin. Their yellow eyes shine in the darkness.

They reach for her, but she breaks free and continues to run
into the endless stretch of tunnels before her.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT

Primitive wooden crosses form a circle around a burnt piece
of land, approximately twenty feet in diameter.

Laying flat in the center is the large stake, Mary's body is
draped across it. Tiny is securing her to the stake with
rope.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT

Through the windshield, we see Baby jumping and dancing in
the fields with several large dogs. She is firing a gun as
she dances.

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

Baby sees the car and raises her gun. She aims it at the car
driver. She waits, as the car gets closer she sees the face
of Rufus behind the wheel. She lowers the gun and begins to
laugh.

The car stops and Baby climbs into the passenger's seat. The
car drives off.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT

Tiny lifts the stake with Mary firmly strapped in place. He
implants it into the ground. Her body hangs like a doll.
Tiny opens a gasoline can and begins splashing gas onto the
stake.

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

Otis, face painted like a SKULL and wearing a priest's robe,
walks solemnly through the tall grass.

INT. PIT - NIGHT

Denise, waist high in sludge, wanders lost through the endless
tunnels of the pit. In the distance she hears high pitched
animal sounds.

A GHOUL rises up from the sludge behind Denise. It stands
silent. It reaches out a BONEY HAND with long curled
fingernails and grabs her hair. Denise screams and tries to
pull away. The ghoul grabs her with his other hand and pulls
her closer, CLAWING at her face.

Denise fights her way free, but loses her footing and falls
backwards, slipping under the sludge. She quickly resurfaces
and starts to run.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT

Otis stands in front of the bound Mary, holding a pumpkin.
Otis places the pumpkin over Mary's head.

Tiny stands behind him holding a lit torch.

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

The police car drives wildly through the fields.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT

Baby motions to Rufus to steer the car towards the fire.

INT. PIT - NIGHT

A beaten Denise struggles down a long tunnel. She gets to
the end to find that it is a dead-end. Behind her, FIVE GHOULS
move silently towards her, blocking her only exit.

The ghouls slosh through the muck, moving in closer. Denise
frantically looks for an escape, nailed into the wall next
to her are planks of wood forming a ladder.

The ghouls are only a few yards away. Denise climbs up the
ladder. They move in, clawing at her legs and feet, trying
to pull her down. Denise digs at the wood and mud ceiling
above her, trying to break free.

Denise is bleeding severely from the chunks of flesh being
torn from her legs. She digs wildly at the ceiling, suddenly
a board falls free and mud rains down to reveal:

STARS, the sky above shines through the hole. Denise smashes
her fists at the rotted wood planks, pulling free another
piece.

With all her might Denise grabs hold and pulls herself up
through the opening.

EXT. PIT - NIGHT

Denise fights her way through the earth and pulls her body
up into the night air. The cool air rushes to her lungs. She
crawls free of the hole, gasping for air.

She is safe. Suddenly... SMASH! A ghoul has broken through
the surface. He grabs Denise by the leg and begins to pull
her back into the hole.

Denise screams and begins kicking violently at the ghoul.
She breaks and crawls from the ghoul's reach.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT

Rufus and Baby have pulled the police cruiser up by the stake.
Rufus and Baby stand on the hood.

Otis finishes his sermon, he raises his arm. Tiny raises the
torch. Otis drops his arm, signaling Tiny. Tiny throws the
torch onto the stake. The stake ignites into a huge FIREBALL.

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

Denise pulls herself to her feet and begins to run.

The flaming object burns in the distance behind her.

Denise stumbles toward the road on two badly injured legs.

EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT

Rufus, Tiny and Baby jump up and down in celebration, smashing
the police car. Otis stands transfixed by the flames before
him.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Denise makes her way out onto the road. No cars are in sight.
In the distance headlights break through the darkness. Denise
stands in the middle of the road.

The TRUCK comes into view, it is a small cube truck.

Denise stands in the headlights, waving her arms for it to
stop. The truck comes to a halt.

She runs toward the passenger's side door and climbs in.

INT. TRUCK - NIGHT

Behind the wheel of the truck is Captain Spaulding.

Denise is shaking from shock.

DENISE
Go, go! Drive... drive!

CAPT. SPAULDING
Hold on, girly, what's the problem?

DENISE
(becoming hysterical)
Murdering... blood and Jerry...
(starts to cry
uncontrollably)
...monsters... I... I... I got away...

CAPT. SPAULDING
Well, I don't see what the fuck you're
getting at, but I got some friends
that live just up this road.

Starts to turn the truck up the road back towards the
farmhouse.

DENISE
(screaming)
No! No, that's it... that house is...
(tries to open the
truck door)
...I gotta get out, I gotta get out!

Boom! The metal door leading to the back of the truck slides
open. Ravelli grabs Denise and pulls her back into the back
of the truck.

SLAM! The metal door shuts.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

The truck quietly turns onto the dirt road leading up to the
farmhouse. The jack-o'-lanterns still burn in the windows,
grinning their evil grin.

THE END

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