EXT. ANDY'S FRONT PORCH - DAY
OPIE lies on his stomach, listening to Andy reading Sunday
comics aloud. Andy wears an open shirt and his Sunday
trousers. Opie is still in his pajamas and bathrobe.
And Orphan Annie she says: "Jumpin'
Jehosaphat. The crooks are headin'
for that nice Mr. Deacon's ranch!!...
We better go tell the Chief of
Police!!..." And Sandy, her dog,
"Arf"... You know, when he agrees
with her he says "Arf."
Oh... Paw, how old is Little Orphan
Oh, about forty-two, forty-three, I
Little Orphan Annie??
No, the comic strip's that old.
Little Orphan Annie's about your
age, I guess.
(continues to read)
So anyway, the dog Sandy says "Arf"
AUNT BEE sticks her head out the door.
Opie! You should be getting dressed.
And Andy... you're not going to sit
there reading the paper. We should
Aunt Bee, preachin' don't begin till
But we want to get a good seat. And
it's bound to be crowded with that
Just 'cause he's from New York?
It's because he's famous, and
everybody's read his book.
Well, you. All you read...
Aunt Bee, I hold with Reverend Tucker.
He's good enough for me.
We been takin' from Reverend Tucker
a good many years now, and I ain't
about to change.
Andy, they're on the same side.
Reverend Tucker invited him. And he
wants a big turnout so we'll make a
good impression. Opie, go get dressed
--Andy... You, too.
With resignation, he drags himself up.
I'll tell Clara we'll pick her up.
I want to find out what she's going
Now you know what she's going to
(crossing to door)
I know, but I want to find out if
she's going to wear it.
Andy considers the logic of this, find none. Aunt Bee shoos
him into the house.
QUICK DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Aunt Bee is on the telephone. She is dressed for church and
wears a hat and pearl earrings, and caries gloves. Andy is
coming down the stairs, wearing his Sunday suit.
... she didn't... But how could she
deny it? Everyone knows she's been
henna-rinsing for years... Oh, natural
red-head my foot. Why, she's been
rinsing so long her temples are henna-
Aunt Bee... You still on with Clara?
Opie comes down stairs. He, too, is all slicked up.
Let's see, what was it I called you
about? Oh yes... We're going to
church and we'll pick you up. By
the way, Clara, what are you going
to be wearing?
Come on Aunt Bee...
Clara, what do you think about
earrings? Do you think they're too
Come on Aunt Bee.
Of course, it is Sunday. But this
preacher's from New York.
Come on Aunt Bee.
Well I haven't been there either,
but I always imagine them with
Aunt Bee, let's go.
Well, I don't want to wear them if
you're not going to wear them.
Me and Opie ain't wearin' any.
Well, what do you think? I know
Reverend Tucker wants us to make a
Play it safe and just wear one.
You're right. And if we see the
others don't, we'll go behind the
bushes and take them off. Now what
Aunt Bee! You can talk it over at
church--if you ever get there!
Excuse me, Clara. Andy's shouting
She turns to Andy.
I'm goin' to preachin'. You coming?
I have to go, Clara. Call me later
in the week, Clara. Oh, no! I'll
be seeing you. We'll be right over.
She puts the phone down.
Can we go now?
Well, I've been sitting here waiting
EXT. CHURCH - DAY - CLOSE SHOT - CHURCH BILLBOARD
From the church come the voices of the CONGREGATION singing
a hymn, accompanied by the organ. The billboard reads:
ALL SOULS CHURCH
Rev. Hobart M. Tucker, D.D.
"What's Your Hurry?"
Dr. Harrison Everett Breen
of New York City
INT. CHURCH - DAY - CLOSE SHOT - FRONT PEW
Barney is next to the aisle, sharing a hymnal with Andy.
Beside them in the pew are Opie, Aunt Bee, and Clara. Behind
them is Gomer. All are singing earnestly. Clara nudges
Aunt Bee and points across the aisle, without pausing in her
singing. Aunt Bee turns to look.
MED. SHOT - PEW ACROSS AISLE - AUNT BEE'S POINT OF VIEW
An ACQUAINTANCE smiles and nods to Aunt Bee, and in pantomime
compliments her on her hat--without missing a word from the
CLOSE SHOT - FRONT PEW
Aunt Bee smiles in acknowledgment, and return the compliment.
Barney is distracted by a woman across aisle, loses his place
in hymnal. Andy helps him find it.
MED. SHOT - DR. TUCKER
Dr. Tucker, the local minister, has crossed to the lectern.
He is easy-going, benign. Congregation sits.
We are greatly honored today. It is
out happy privilege to welcome to
our midst a very dear friend of mine,
Dr. Harrison Everett Breen, of New
He turns to bow to DR. BREEN, who is seated at one side of
the chancel. Dr. Breen nods and smiles. He is younger than
Dr. Tucker, and a more forceful type.
Dr. Breen has interrupted his vacation
to join us in worship this morning
and to bring us, I know, an inspiring
message. Dr. Breen...
Dr. Breen rises and crosses to the pulpit, as Dr. Tucker
CLOSE SHOT - FRONT PEW - BARNEY AND ANDY
Barney is about to applaud. Andy catches his hand and shakes
MED. SHOT - DR. BREEN
Dr. Breen enters the pulpit, grasps it with both hands, and
CLOSE SHOT - FRONT PEW - ANDY AND AUNT BEE
Andy and Aunt Bee slap at a fly that is annoying them, then
settle back to give Dr. Breen their earnest attention. Aunt
Bee fans herself with her program.
MED. SHOT - DR. BREEN
He waits for the throat-clearing to stop and the congregation
to settle down. Then he begins. His delivery is dynamic.
Every word is significant. He makes the pauses count, too.
As I stood here, during the singing
of the hymn, I asked myself, "What
message have I to bring to these
good people of Mayberry?" And I was
reminded of an incident. A young
man came to me recently, and said
he, "Dr. Breen... what is the meaning
of it all?" And I said to him, "Young
man... I'm glad you asked!"
TWO SHOT - AUNT BEE AND ANDY
They turn to each other and nod. Aunt Bee notices a bit of
lint on Andy's lapel and picks it off, then turns back to
give he attention to Dr. Breen. During this:
My friends, I wish more of us found
the time to ask that question!
MED. SHOT - DR. BREEN
Whither? Whither are we headed?
And why? Why this senseless rush,
this mad pursuit, this frantic
competition, this pace that kills?
Why do we drive ourselves as we do?
TWO SHOT - ANDY AND BARNEY
Andy turns to Barney and nods emphatically. Barney is caught
in the midst of a yawn, but he stifles it and nods in
agreement. Andy frowns, but the yawn is contagious, and he
struggles with it himself. This bounces it back to Barney,
who lets go with a real jaw-stretcher. Andy frowns again
and shakes his head. Barney pantomimes his innocence.
Through all this the voice of Dr. Breen continues:
In our furious race these days to
conquer outer space, are we not,
perhaps, neglecting inner space?
Shall we hope to find the secret of
the universe by hurtling through it?
Shall we find the true meaning of
life by fleeing from it?
CLOSE SHOT - GOMER
Gomer is sound asleep. He lets out a loud snore. Opie turns
around to look. The man next to Gomer, whose head has been
nodding too, snaps it up. He jabs Gomer with his elbow.
Gomer comes to with a start and almost falls out of his seat.
Through this the voice of Dr. Breen continues without
Consider how we live our lives today.
Everything is "run, run, run!" We
bolt our breakfast, we scan the
headlines, we race to the office.
The full schedule and the split second--
these are the gauges of success. We
drive ourselves from morn to night.
MED. SHOT - DR. BREEN
My friends, we've forgotten the
meaning of the word, "Relaxation!"
He pauses to survey the congregation, and slows down his
tempo. His delivery becomes soothing and mellifluous.
What has become of the old-fashioned
ways... the simple pleasures of the
past? Who can forget, for example,
the old-fashioned band concert at
twilight on the village green? The
joy and serenity of just sitting and
LONG - SHOT - SHOOTING OVER THE CONGREGATION TO PREACHER
Andy folds his arms and leans back reminiscently, with his
eyes on the ceiling. Barney's head is nodding.
This is lost to us today, and this
we should strive to recapture. A
simple, innocent pleasure. And so I
say to you dear friends: "Relax,
slow down, take it easy. What's
your hurry? What, indeed, friends,
is your hurry?..."
EXT. CHURCH - DAY
Inside, the organ is still playing the recessional. Dr.
Tucker stands at the door, with Dr. Breen, greeting the
parishioners as they come out. Gomer leads Opie off.
A lovely service, Dr. Tucker. Just
(turns to Breen)
And I thought the sermon was
Well, thank you.
Dr. Breen, may I introduce Sheriff
Taylor... his Aunt Bee... Mrs. Johnson
and Deputy Fife.
They ad lib greetings and shake hands.
Oh, Dr. Breen, your sermon has such
a wonderful lesson for us.
Yes, sir, you really hit the nail
right on the head there.
Yes, sir, that's one subject you
just can't talk enough about... SIN.
They all look at him. Barney shifts uneasily.
Well, thank you.
Will you be around long? We'd be
very honored to have you come to
I wish I could but I did promise to
drive over to Mt. Pilot this afternoon
to preach a service. But on my way
back this evening, I'll stop and
have coffee with you, if I may.
Oh, we do hope you will.
Oh, that'd be mighty nice. We'll
look forward to seeing you.
Ad lib goodbyes. They start out. Bee and Clara comment
about Dr. Breen to themselves. As Andy and Barney pass
Talk about sin!
They exit shot.
EXT. ANDY'S FRONT PORCH - DAY
Andy and Barney seated in rocking chairs.
Man, we really packed it away, didn't
Fortunately, none of mine goes to
fat. All goes to muscle.
It's a mark of us Fifes. Everything
we eat goes to muscle.
My mother was the same way. She
could eat and eat and eat...
Never went to fat...
Know where it went?
It was a mark of us Fifes...
You know what I believe I'll do?
Run down to the drugstore and get
some ice cream for later.
You want me to go? I'll go.
No, I'll go.
I don't mind going.
I don't either. I can go.
You're probably tired... Why don't
you let me go?
No, I'm not tired. I'll go.
I sure don't mind going.
Why don't we both just go?
Now both rise slowly.
Where we goin'?
Down to the drugstore to get some
ice cream for later.
Aunt Bee comes out on porch.
Andy, where you boys going?
We thought we'd run down to the
drugstore to get some ice cream for
Well, why do you want to run to the
drugstore, as if it can't wait...
That's exactly what the preacher was
talking about this morning. Seems
as if nothing can wait. Everything
is rush rush rush!
Both sit down.
Andy spies Gomer over shoulder.
Hey Gomer! Where are you headed?
Now Gomer comes up on porch, his jacket slung over his
Oh, I just thought I'd run over to
Cousin Goober's and watch him wash
See? There's another example. Run
run run. Exactly what Dr. Breen was
talking about this morning. People
just don't know how to relax.
She's right, you know that?
Sit down, Gomer!
Crazy. I guess I just wasn't
'Member when we used to have them
band concerts Dr. Breen was talkin'
Yes, that was relaxing, wasn't it?
Sitting around on a Sunday evening
listening to music...
Yeah... I'm kind of sorry we don't
have the town band anymore.
Sure wish we had it again.
Andy, do you think you could?
Organize the band again?
Well, I don't know.
I bet you could if you put your mind
You know, the boys might enjoy getting
Of course they would.
Uniforms need a bit 'o repairin',
but I could call Clara to help me
fix them up.
I'd hafta get the boys together.
Well, the band stand's all busted
and layin' over there in the junk
heap. It'll need some carpenterin'.
I'll lend you a hand with it.
You know the way we're talkin', we're
talkin' about gettin' up a band
concert by tonight.
Yeah, why not? If we all pitch in,
Gomer'n me'll get started on the
I'll borrow us some tools.
I'll call Clara. We can get started
on the uniforms.
I'll just go out to the garage and
get my horn.
Now they are all up and buzzing with excitement over their
(on way to the door)
Oh, we're actually gonna have a band
And they scurry to their tasks in different directions, as
- END OF ACT ONE -
- ACT TWO -
EXT. AREA BEHIND SHERIFF'S OFFICE - DAY
The bandstand is a smallish platform, big enough to
accommodate about six musicians. Andy is sawing a two-by-
four. Barney walks into scene carrying a large poster.
Andy wipes brow.
Bandstand's gonna be a lot more work
than we thought, huh?
Yeah, but if we stick with it, we
can get 're done. Then we'll just
haul 're over to the square... Whatcha
Poster I made to put on the back of
the squad car. You know--let folks
Andy turns poster around and reads:
MUSIC UNDER THE STARS."
Ya like that? I made it up.
(looks up at sky)
Might be cloudin' up, though.
Well... I could change it to "Music
Under the Clouds"?
Andy shakes his head.
"Music Under the Sky"?
It's outdoors... That's obvious.
How about I just leave that part out
Well, what have ya got left here:
"Concert Tonight Relax To"?
How about just "Concert Tonight"?
When they hear the music, they'll
know it's a concert.
And they'll know it's tonight too,
Forget the poster, huh?
Now Gomer comes into scene carrying hammer and saw.
You get Goober?
Goober wouldn't come, but he borrowed
us these tools. Only thing is I'm
the only one can use 'em. He don't
want strangers usin' 'em. Only a
No... it don't hafta be. Can be a
cousin like me.
I meant--oh, skip it.
Why wouldn't Goober come? He still
washin' his car?
I begged him but him and his maw are
goin' visitn', and he said he wouldn't
put his mother in a dirty car.
(shakes his head)
Just like Dr. Breen said--everything's
rush, rush, rush.
Goober says hey, though.
Hey to Goober... Come on, grab hold.
Lend us a hand.
Grab hold o' what?
Andy crosses to the bandstand.
Well, we've got to prop up those
timbers, and get that sag out o' the
Yeah, if she's goin' to go, that's
where she goin' to go.
Have to crawl in under there somehow
and heave up on those timbers, so's
to wedge this in.
He indicates the two-by-four he has cut.
Why don't we use a jack. We got one
in the car.
Barn! That's an inspiration! Here,
I've got to go see how Aunt Bee's
comin' with the uniforms. I promised
I'd get her another sewing machine.
Take charge here.
Andy departs, and Barney takes over. He folds his arms and
leans against the bandstand, prepared to supervise.
Okay, Gomer, you heard what Andy
said. I'm in charge. Let's get
cuttin' here... You crawl in under
there, and I'll go get the jack.
Gomer squats down and peers dubiously under the bandstand.
Damp under there. Could be spiders.
Now what makes you think there's
spiders under there?
Cause... if I was a spider, that's
where I'd go.
Gomer, there are no spiders under
there. Now let's get movin'.
I don't know. Sure looks spidery to
There are no spiders under there.
Now will ya stop worryin'?
But, Barney, if I crawl under there...
Look... Are we gonna do this or ain't
we? We all agreed we wanted to have
a band concert tonight. Well, it
ain't gonna happen if you just stand
around. Now let's get moving.
But, Barney, I'm sure that...
Gomer, get down there with them
spiders and start workin'!
QUICK DISSOLVE TO
EXT. ANDY'S PORCH - DAY
Andy enters to go into house. He carries a portable sewing
INT. ANDY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Aunt Bee and Clara are busily and noisily engaged in fitting
uniform on a model. They part as Andy enters and we see
they have been covering Opie, who stands on a footstool acting
as a model. Opie wears a jacket that reaches to his ankles,
also a cap that covers his eyes.
Somebody I know under there?
He lifts cap off Opie's eyes.
Paw, can I go now? I'm tired of
bein' a tailor's dummy.
In a little while... Land sakes,
don't be so impatient.
Got ya another machine over at Louise
Well, I hope it'll do some good.
These uniforms are in terrible shape.
But we'll do the best we can.
You need me for anythin' else. Aunt
Bee? I got to get on with band
No, you run along.
Call me if ya need anything.
He exits. Clara comes to her.
Bee, I think we're going to have to
restitch every one of those seams.
Cheap thread, that's what it is.
Clara holds up jacket.
And will you look at that: mildew.
You can't expect me to do anything
Well, don't blame me for it. It's
not my fault these uniforms are in
such bad condition. I didn't store
them, you know.
Well, neither did I, Bee.
I didn't say you did... But we aren't
going to get any work done if we
stand around arguing like this.
We have been working, Bee. We just
can't perform miracles.
Can I go now, Aunt Bee?
(turning on him)
No you cannot! Now just hold still!
And they fall to work again.
QUICK DISSOLVE TO
INT. COURTHOUSE - DAY
Andy is in front of desk playing tuba faces four musicians
seated in front of music stands. They are just finishing
"The Skater's Waltz," which is hardly recognizable. At finish
I knew we was outa practice, But I
didn't know we was that much outa
Luther, you're a little late now and
I say you're late... you're draggin'.
Sounded real good to me, too.
No... it was off, way off.
(hand to ear)
It was off. Boys, we just got to
get with it. Let's take "The Skater's
Waltz" once more. And let's do it
better this time.
What'd ya say, Andy?
I say let's do it again, and do it
Sounded real good to me.
Ready? One, two...
They play. It sounds horrible. Andy stops. He waves his
hands to stop the others. Intent on their music, and unable
to hear him, they keep right on.
Hold it!... Whoa!... Fellers!
All stop except saxophonist, who blissfully plays on.
Luther! Hold it! Hold it!
Luther stops. Looks around.
What'd ya say, Andy? What'd ya stop
us for? We was goin' real good that
We got the spirit all right. We
just got to get together on the tune.
I'm together. It's him.
He points to the trombonist.
Don't tell me! I'm playing what's
wrote here. Look at the notes!
You read 'em. You're the one that's
Don't tell me!
Ad lib argument. During this Aunt Bee and Clara enter arguing
as they come in. Aunt Bee holds the torn, mildewed jacket.
Bee, I told you before we started,
we couldn't do it.
I know what you told me, Clara. But
it didn't hurt to try, did it?
If you ask me, it was just a waste
Well, I don't think so.
Wait a minute, ladies, wait a minute.
Oh, it's no use, Andy. These uniforms
are just too far gone. Look at this.
(holds up jacket)
And the others are even worse.
I told you it was a waste of time.
Yes, I know you said that, Clara.
We worked and worked, but we just
couldn't do it.
That's a shame, boys... looks like
Well, I wished I'd a known, Andy. I
sure can't play without a uniform.
You sure can't play with one.
That supposed to be funny?
Ad lib argument. During it, Barney and Gomer enter,
Wasn't my fault. It was you and
Oh, pipe down, Gomer. Just pipe
The others have stopped their argument and now turn to Barney
Don't tell me you got bad news, too.
Well, it's about the bandstand.
What about it?
You tell him. You did it.
I didn't do nothin'.
You and Goober's hammer.
You and your jack! I told you I
heard somethin' give.
Ad lib argument between them.
Wait... Hold it! What happened?
Well, was was under there, see, and
you know how dark it is. Spiders
I don't know what he hit, but it
musta' been holdin' up the whole
I didn't go to hit nothin'! Just
took a whack at a spider. I told ya
there was spiders under there.
Anyways, she begun to creak and
(makes a crashing
The whole thing?
Well, is there any chance of proppin'
it up again?
It's a whole day's work, and I'm
just too pooped to start.
Well, I'm too pooped, I'll tell you
that. I don't see how you're going
to have a band concert without a
And then, I've no uniforms.
Oh, I knew they weren't going to
Now all parties fall to arguing with each other. Andy tries
to stop them.
Wait a minute, wait a minute! Hold
it! We can still practice! Listen!
Practice? You ready to go again,
And Luther starts to play his saxophone to add to the din.
Andy sags defeated.
- END OF ACT TWO -
- TAG -
EXT. ANDY'S PORCH - DAY
Opie lying on stomach with one arm hanging over the edge of
porch. Barney sits soaking feet in a pail of water. Aunt
Bee sits exhausted fanning herself. Clara is there. Andy
is spread out on chair and rubs salve in palms of his hands.
Gomer sits on top step with head propped against porch post.
He rubs his neck.
Well... nobody can say we didn't at
least try to have a band concert.
Sure can't say that.
Gomer is looking at his hand.
(he looks at Barney
about to say something--)
At this point Dr. Breen drive into driveway, gets out, crosses
Good evening, folks...
All ad lib greetings.
Well, I said I'd stop by on my way
back and have coffee with you, but
now I'm afraid I won't even be able
to do that.
Oh--what a shame!
Well, it seems as if my sermon this
morning had some effect.
Look at you all... nice and relaxed.
A picture of contentment. Yes, you
all look as serene and relaxed as
if... as if you just finished
listening to a pleasant band
All look at each other.
Good, good... I'm happy to see it.
Well, if you'll all excuse me, I
have to rush back to New York now...
He starts toward car. Gomer calls after him.
Oh, reverend, we ain't relaxed. As
a matter of fact, we're pooped...
See, we tried to organize a--
Dr. Breen has stopped and taken a step back to them.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, nothin', Reverend... Gomer was
uh... Gomer was just sayin: "What's
Hm?... Oh... Yes... yes.
He smiles, slows his move to the car, as all wearily wave
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