"xXx" by Rich Wilkes August 26, 2001 Third Draft FADE IN: EXT. PRAGUE - NIGHT On a hill above the city is an old CATHEDRAL. The night is spooky, with harsh shadows playing across the cobblestones and medieval walls. A NERVOUS YOUNG HACKER makes his way down an alley. There is a DOOR at the end of the alley. MUSIC can be faintly heard from inside. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT High above the street an INTRUDER DRESSED ALL IN BLACK spies from the roof. He's watching with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES. He pulls out a CROSSBOW and FIRES. A BOLT flies, trailing CABLE. THUNK! It sticks into the alley wall below. EXT. THE ALLEY - NIGHT As he passes by the ominous Cathedral, the Hacker spins, sure he's heard something. But there's nothing there. He continues on. Then the Intruder comes sliding down the ZIP-LINE from above. WHAM! He kicks the Hacker into the wall, knocking him out. The Intruder pulls off his mask, revealing the chiseled features of a dashing BRITISH SECRET AGENT. His name is STERLING. STERLING I hate to drop in unexpectedly. Sterling searches the Hacker and pulls a SMALL BLACK CASE from his coat. Inside the case is a DATA CHIP. Sterling tucks it away. Sterling unzips his black jumpsuit, revealing a crisp TUXEDO underneath. He pulls out CAR KEYS. In a quick insert we see the "ASTON-MARTIN" LOGO. As he strolls back out the alley, he HEARS something and flattens against the wall. A BLACKED OUT SUV screeches to a stop, blocking his exit. The SUV's HEADLIGHTS illuminate the slumped Hacker. BAD GUYS get out to investigate, pulling out weapons. Cornered, Sterling heads deeper into the alley, staying in the shadows. He gets to that DOOR the Hacker was heading towards. As he PICKS THE LOCK Sterling can hear MUSIC from inside. He smooths his hair and prepares to "blend in" with the crowd. INT. CONCERT HALL - NIGHT Sterling comes through the door and his face falls. He's stepped into a loud METAL CONCERT. We see a GO-GO DANCER in LATEX. Onstage is RAMMSTEIN, a bizarre German industrial-metal band. The tattooed YOUNG CROWD slam dances and swings glo-stix over their heads. Some wear rubber BRAIN SKULLCAPS outfitted with fiber optic lights. It's a sea of SPIKED HAIR and BONDAGE OUTFITS. Sterling squares his jaw and starts pushing through the crowd. With his tuxedo he sticks out like a penguin in a chicken coop. ON THE BALCONY ABOVE THE CROWD stands a wild haired young GANGSTER with PIERCED BROWS. With him is a STREET-TOUGH GIRL with multi-colored hair. They look like a post-Apocalyptic Bonnie & Clyde. They are YORGI and PETRA. Yorgi checks his watch. His delivery is late. Then his CELL PHONE rings. He's getting the news from outside. He looks down, spots Sterling amidst the moshing crowd. With that look, that tux, there's no mistaking what he is. They make EYE CONTACT and Sterling gives a little nod. Yorgi calmly issues orders into his phone. Immediately VIKTOR starts moving in Sterling's direction. Viktor is huge, with a MOHAWK and a six-inch GOATEE. Sterling sees him advancing and makes for the exit, pushing through the freaky crowd. EXT. CONCERT HALL - NIGHT Sterling's ASTON-MARTIN VANTAGE screeches away from the curb. INT. ASTON-MARTIN - MOVING - NIGHT Sterling is at the wheel of his spy car. He plugs the DATA CHIP into the dash and punches buttons. A computer screen says "DATA DOWNLOADING". He sees a BLACKED-OUT SUV racing up behind him. He accelerates and hits a SWITCH. ARMORED PLATING slides up over the rear window. EXT. COBBLESTONE STREET - NIGHT The SUV is right behind him. Viktor rolls down the passenger window, readies his PISTOL. The rear bumper of the spy car opens. SMOKE BOMBS drop out. They explode in MASSIVE CLOUDS, obscuring the narrow, street. Sterling skids around a corner. The blinded bad guys drive straight into a STOREFRONT. Glass and merchandise flies as the SUV gets stuck. The Aston-Martin rounds another corner and slides to a stop. Blocking the road ahead are two more SUV's. A MOTORCYCLE slides to a stop in front of them. The rider is ANDERS, a leather clad biker who looks half Viking. Anders pulls out a SILENCED SUB-MACHINE GUN and starts BLASTING. BULLETS SLAM into the Aston-Martin, cracking the bullet-proof glass, shattering headlights, and BLOWING OUT THE FRONT TIRES! Sterling jams it into reverse and backs around the corner on the RIMS. INT. ASTON-MARTIN - IDLING - NIGHT Sterling notices an ERROR MESSAGE now flashing on his computer screen: "TRANSMISSION ERROR: - DATA PARTIALLY SENT". Sterling looks around desperately. Somehow he's got to get this data out of here. Straight ahead is the RIVER. Chugging up the river: a PARTY BARGE. PARTYGOERS in formal attire dance to an orchestra. A SWIMMING POOL is in the middle of the deck for a perfect water landing. STERLING Time for a slow boat to China. He hits a BUTTON. EXT. COBBLESTONE STREET - NIGHT The rear license plate folds down, revealing a ROCKET ENGINE. Flames spew as he jams down the accelerator. Sterling is pushed back into his seat by the G-forces. SPARKS fly from the rims as he skips across the pavement at ever increasing speed. Anders FIRES with his gun, but Sterling is getting away! But then KIRILL steps around the corner. He's academic looking, a CHAIN SMOKING intellectual with COKE-BOTTLE GLASSES. He's also a highly proficient and cold-blooded SNIPER. Kirill puts his lit cigarette behind his ear and unslings a SURFACE-TO-AIR MISSILE LAUNCHER from his shoulder. The Aston-Martin reaches the riverbank and goes AIRBORNE. It ROCKETS through the air towards the party barge. We see the car REFLECTED in Kirill's glasses as he AIMS. On a little SCREEN we see the missile launcher HOME IN on the HEAT SOURCE of the jet engine. The missile locks-in and FIRES... HEATSEEKER P.O.V. - we see a GREEN CAR with all its hot spots GLOWING RED. Camera ROARS towards the flying car. INT. ASTON-MARTIN - FLYING - NIGHT Sterling sees the missile streaking at him. STERLING Oh bloody hell! EXT. THE RIVER - NIGKT WHOOMPH! The Aston-Martin EXPLODES in mid-air. Partygoers shriek as the AXLE and FLAMING RIMS rain down on the deck. Kirill takes the cigarette from his ear, PUFFS IT. Finally, Sterling's flaming BOW TIE flutters down and lands on a LEAPING SALMON ICE-SCULPTURE above a tantalizing SEAFOOD BUFFET. CUT TO: EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. A STRAFING SHOT over the city. We make a sudden left turn and SPEED OUT OF TOWN. We shoot over to the BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAINS of VIRGINIA. In the middle of NOWHERE we dive towards a COMPLEX OF BLACK BUILDINGS. INT. UNDERGROUND HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY - NIGHT Inside it's modern, cold and high tech. An elevator COUNTS DOWN to a deep basement level. The doors open and a TALL MAN man with a PROSTHETIC LEG strides down the empty hall. AGENT GIBBONS is African- American, a battle-scarred WARRIOR. Even with a limp he looks sturdy, confident, deadly. At the end of the hall is a METAL DOOR. INT. ULTIMATE INFORMATION ROOM - NIGHT Gibbons walks into the INFORMATION ROOM of the NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY (NSA). There are WORLD MAPS, SATELLITE IMAGES on COMPUTER SCREENS, TECHIES monitoring everything. If a nuclear war broke out, you could run the country from down here. Gibbons takes an elevator up. INT. SAM TANNICK'S OFFICE - NIGHT The office is expensive yet devoid of personality, reflecting the shadowy nature of it's owner. One wall is GLASS, looking down on the information room. SAM TANNICK, grizzled NSA chief, looks down at the activity below. SAM TANNICK Come. Gibbons enters, stands by the desk. GIBBONS Evening, Sam. Sam remains in shadow. SAM TANNICK What do you have? GIBBONS Not a whole helluva lot. His final transmission was mangled. About something or someone called "Ahab". Whatever it is, it cost him his life. SAM TANNICK He was the best there was. That makes three agents lost. GIBBONS They're ruthless and they have a lot of firepower. It's only a matter of time before they figure out how to deploy Silent Night. Then we're gonna have a catastrophe on our hands. SAM TANNICK Silent Night in the hands of a bunch of impertinent cowboys GIBBONS We're gonna have to step in, Sam. Those CIA boys couldn't find a clown in a field of cactus. Let me take care of it. SAM TANNICK How will you fix it? GIBBONS I'll go in with a team. But first I'm going to need some intel. I'll have to put someone inside, someone new, someone they won't see coming. One of their own. SAM TANNICK So you'll dredge the bottom again. You've done that before. The results were... uneven. GIBBONS You wanna find out about rats, ask a rat. I've had my people put together a talent pool. I downloaded it to your desktop. Gibbons snaps on the giant FLATSCREEN on Sam's desk. He starts cycling through PHOTO AFTER PHOTO of TOUGH LOOKING MEN. GIBBONS The usual prospects. Convicts, contract killers, murde... SAM TANNICK The scum of the Earth. GIBBONS But programmable. And expendable. SAM TANNICK I've seen enough. Turn it off. Gibbons clicks off the screen. SAM TANNICK They're degenerates. There's not a man in there that would give a damn if the Chinese took over. GIBBONS That's exactly why we need them. Sam sighs, stares out at the information room. SAM TANNICK Get these "scum", Mr. Gibbons, bring them in. Test them. Train them. Find your man. CUT TO: EXT. SKYSCRAPER - DOWNTOWN LA - NIGHT The huge ARCO TOWER rises up towards a moonlit sky. We see ACCOMPLICE #1 (TRAVIS PASTRANA) sneak up and take position behind a FOUNTAIN. ACCOMPLICE #2 (CAREY HART) sneaks across a roof and takes position overlooking the fountain position of #1. ACCOMPLICE #3 (DAVE MIRRA) takes up position in the second story window of a FLOPHOUSE HOTEL down the street. A MESSENGER (BOB BURNQUIST) skates up to the front of the skyscraper with a PACKAGE. He gets the attention of the SECURITY GUARD inside. The Security Guard unlocks the door and lets him in. Just then a VAN pulls up and ACCOMPLICES #4 (SHAUN PALMER) and #5 (MAT HOFFMAN) hop out. They open up the back and a BICYCLE is rolled out of the back by a MAN IN A HOODED JACKET. Jacket Man rolls the bike to the skyscraper and enters the lobby. INT. SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - NIGHT The Security Guard is checking his computer. SECURITY GUARD Crump... I'm sorry, no one by that name. K The Guard glances up as Jacket Man gets into an ELEVATOR. SECURITY GUARD Hey! You can't go up there! The Security Guard rushes to intercept him. The Messenger kicks his skateboard out, TRIPPING UP the Security Guard. The Messenger hauls ass out the door. The Security Guard pulls out his WALKIE-TALKIE. SECURITY GUARD We've got an intruder in the express elevator! INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT The button for "91 - ROOF ACCESS" is lit up. Jacket Man waits patiently. INT. 91ST FLOOR - NIGHT This fancy office is empty for the night. The STAIRWELL DOOR opens and a PLATOON of SECURITY GUARDS rushes in. They take Up position in front of the elevator doors armed with BILLY CLUBS and TASERS. DING! The elevator arrives and the door swings open. But there's NOBODY INSIDE. One Guard steps forward and suddenly a bicycle SWINGS DOWN from the ceiling, TAGGING HIM IN THE FACE. He falls back, TASERING another Guard. Jacket Man drops down onto his bike and pedals through the chaos before the Guards know what hit them. There's a CURVY PIECE OF ART in the room, some kind of modern art statue. Jacket Man rides up the artwork like a ramp and does a TABLETOP AERIAL over a DIVIDER. He hits the ground pedalling, the Guards hot after him. Jacket Man enters a HUGE OPEN ROOM with a FIELD OF CUBICLES in the middle. He bunny hops onto a desk and SLIDES TO A STOP. He tosses back his hood and we get a good look at him for the first time. He is XANDER CAGE. He's got a shaved head, bizarre TATTOOS all over his body and multiple PIERCINGS. He's lean and heavily cut, even dangerous looking. The Guards charge at him and he HOPS up onto the top of the CUBICLE WALL. This thing is maybe FOUR INCHES WIDE and FIVE FEET TALL. He pedals across the top of the cubicle wall, the Guards scrambling after him. Xander bunny hops over one guy's head onto the next set of cubicles and pedals hard. The Guards fall all over themselves trying to catch him. At the other end Xander catches air and lands on a CONFERENCE TABLE. He does a WHEELIE across it's length with Guards closing in. Xander springs up and does a TAIL WHIP, knocking them back with his rear wheel. He lands and pedals to the stairwell untouched. EXT. THE ROOF - NIGHT Xander bursts out of the stairwell to the top of the TALLEST BUILDING IN DOWNTOWN LA. He climbs on a RAISED PLATFORM. From here he can drop down onto another level that is strewn with SATELLITE DISHES and MICROWAVE RELAYS. Guards rush onto the roof and try to corral him. Xander tears off his jacket, revealing a BACKPACK on his back and VIDEO CAMERA on his chest. He pulls out a ROAD FLARE and SPARKS IT. We see there are SOAKED RAGS tied to his SPOKES. He LIGHTS THEM with the flare. Then he TOSSES THE FLARE off the building. EXT. STREET LEVEL - NIGHT The Accomplices see the flare drop. #'s 1, 2 & 3 pull CAMERAS OUT and start filming. EXT. THE ROOF - NIGHT Xander races around the roof like a trapped animal. He evades Security Guards, picking up speed. With Guards right behind, he drops off the TOP PLATFORM and lands on a massive SATELLITE DISH. Using the dish as a ramp, Xander LAUNCHES himself OFF THE TOP OF THE BUILDING. We're talking 90 some stories here. He spins through the air, his bike on fire. He's doing end over end backflips. One... Two... Three... Four... He's looping through space on his bike, a crazy man on a flaming bike against a backdrop of sleek skyscrapers and night lights. The stunt is covered by the various Accomplices and Xander's own chest camera, in SUPER 8 and DIGITAL VIDEO, from four different angles. Xander ditches the bike, kicking it away from him and plummets towards the ground. At the last moment he throws out a "bucket" and his PARACHUTE OPENS. EXT. STREET LEVEL - NIGHT The bicycle comes flying down and SMASHES into the pavement. It bounces a full TWO STORIES back up before coming to rest. Xander glides down and makes his landing. Accomplices #4 and #5 rush out to help him gather up his chute and jump in the van. SIRENS APPROACH as the van makes it's escape. As COP CARS screech up to the skyscraper, one of them RUNS OVER the smoking wreckage of the bike. SLAM TO: TITLE SEQUENCE - HARDCORE MUSIC plays as we see a flowing TAPESTRY OF FLORID TATTOOS. SILHOUETTED against this backdrop we see the OUTLINES of NUDE WOMEN riding BMX BIKES in a HALF- PIPE, BLADING ever obstacles, SKY SURFING and doing street SKATE TRICKS. It's a collision of outlandish imagery that tells you one thing: This ain't your daddy's spy movie. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. CITY STREETS - NIGHT Xander, now on a MOTORCYCLE, zips through traffic. He's smiling, leaning it way over on the turns. He's got another BACKPACK on his back. EXT. LOFT DISTRICT - DOWNTOWN - NIGHT Xander drives his motorcycle into the garage of his building. INT. XANDER'S LOFT APARTMENT - NIGHT A FREIGHT ELEVATOR rises up, bringing Xander and his motorcycle into the loft. There are EXTREME SPORTS ACTION POSTERS on the walls, MOTORCYCLE PARTS and BARBELLS on the floor, and everywhere there's EXTREME SPORTS EQUIPMENT of every description. XANDER Sky, you there? Start packin' cause we are out of here! There's a NEATLY FOLDED FLAG hanging in a slightly crooked FRAME on the wall. Xander straightens it as he goes by. He hears her in the sectioned off "bedroom" and heads back there. XANDER Did I promise you a fat vacation or what? Get ready to get down in paradise. He comes into the bedroom to find SKY, his long-suffering girlfriend. She's a wannabe artist type. She's got SUITCASES and BOXES scattered around and she's PACKING. XANDER Hey, you don't need all this just to go on vacation. Unless this ain't for going on vacation... SKY I'm through, Xander. XANDER I can see that. Why? SKY You run around with maniacs jumping motorcycles in the desert, you break 36 bones crashing wave runners and snowboarding off cliffs, all with no health insurance... It's insane, I can't take it anymore. XANDER I'm having fun, what's the problem? SKY You have all this talent, and you waste it. You won't take a single endorsement deal. Meanwhile those other guys have their own video games! But no, you've got too much "integrity" for that. XANDER I don't wanna go mersh, you know that. But hey, if this is about money... He opens up the backpack, revealing WADS OF CASH. XANDER I got an advance on the next bootleg. Let's get out of here, just you and me. We'll chill out in Bora Bora for a couple months. She sorts through the money. SKY French Polynesia? This wouldn't last us a week in a cheap hotel. Do you know how expensive it is down there? XANDER Alright, so I'll get more. SKY It's not about the money, X! You never plan for anything. I can't live like that anymore, I need some stability. XANDER Well if you're bailing, I guess I'd better give you your surprise now. He pulls off his shirt. Pierced through his nipple is a DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING. SKY What...? XANDER I was gonna wait till the islands, but... SKY You're serious? XANDER Of course I'm serious. I bought it, didn't I? SKY (shakes her head) This is so typical. I can't believe you. I've barely seen you for the last three weeks and now this? Are you out of your mind? XANDER I don't know. I thought this is what you wanted. You want stability, here it is. SKY You can't just propose to me out of nowhere. You think that's going to solve our problems? I'm sorry, X. It was a kick for a while, but it's over. You're just not going anywhere. XANDER You're not exactly "going anywhere" yourself. SKY You're wrong about that. I'm heading out that door right now. She heads towards the front door. Just then the door BLOWS IN. CRASH! -- the windows SMASH IN too. Then the LIGHTS GO OUT as STORMTROOPERS in black body armor rush in, weapons drawn. It's a blur of FLASHLIGHTS, PISTOLS and JACK BOOTS. It's scary as hell. A professional take-down. They slam Xander against the wall. Just like that it's quiet again. Sky hyperventilates, a gun in her face. XANDER She had nothing to do with the tower jump. She's nobody. I just met her last night. Tell them. (with meaning) I hardly know you. The Stormtrooper looks at Sky. She nods. The Stormtroopers take their guns off her. Sky grabs up here stuff. She looks back at Xander. SKY Keep the ring. It looks better on you anyways. She heads out. XANDER God, I hate cops. What's the charges this time? The Stormtrooper pulls out a DART GUN and SHOOTS Xander. He pulls a CHROME DART from his chest, examines it. XANDER (groggy) You... pussies... Xander slides to the floor. FADE TO BLACK. INT. PAN'S DINER - DAY A SIDEWAYS IMAGE: an out of focus COFFEE CREAMER. Xander wakes up with his head on the counter of a DINER. He shakes out the cobwebs. XANDER What the hell? WHIP PAN as a WAITRESS walks by. Xander blinks. XANDER Hey. Where am I? How did I get here? WAITRESS I don't know, you wandered in ten minutes ago and put your head down. I told you we were closing. Xander looks around, sees a TRUCKER chewing with his mouth open. A SALESMAN buried in his NEWSPAPER. Xander gets up. Where the hell is he? He takes a step towards the door. WAITRESS Want some coffee? XANDER Huh? The Waitress pours him coffee. QUICK PUSH TO: her hands are shaking. XANDER You alright? WAITRESS (smiles) Fine, just fine. Come on and sit. I'll get you something to eat. XANDER Yeah, sure. Xander sits. When he swigs his coffee, he notices something written on his napkin in shaky ballpoint: "S.O.S." What the hell? He looks at the Trucker. The Trucker's staring at the waitress. QUICK PUSH TO: The Trucker has a BULGE underneath his vest... then PUSH TO: The Salesman's eyes darting about suspiciously, newspaper pulled up to his nose. Something is going down... He hears a SLOWED DOWN VOICE and glances back at the Trucker, who's now fixing him with a DEATH STARE. Xander snaps from his reverie. XANDER What? TRUCKER I said, you got a problem, boy? XANDER Problem? No, no problem. You go right ahead. TRUCKER With what? I said, go right on ahead with what? XANDER Whatever, dude. The Trucker and the Salesman look at each other. Suddenly they jump up. The Trucker pulls a PISTOL from his vest, the Salesman brandishes the SHOTGUN he had behind the paper. The Waitress cringes. TRUCKER Alright, nobody make a move! (to Xander) Shoulda walked away when you had the chance, dumb shit. SALESMAN Forget him, Buck, let's just do it. TRUCKER Shut up! (in Xander's face) You keep still or I'm gonna make damn sure you stop breathing today. Got that? Xander stays strangely calm, his senses now fully focused. XANDER (shrugs) Alright, "Buck", whatever you say. The Waitress let's out a whimper. TRUCKER Keep your gotdam mouth shut and empty that register! Couldn't just let him leave, could ya! You know what I'm gonna do to ya for that? Huh? Do ya?! She goes to open the register and knocks a tray of glasses on the floor. Xander springs into action. He CHOPS down on the Trucker's arm and ELBOWS him in the face. Xander twists the gun out of his hand and kicks his legs out from under him. The Salesman pumps on his shotgun, but it seems to be jammed. XANDER Better shoot me quick. The Salesman fights with his gun but can't get it to work. Xander advances on him. XANDER Too late! He unleashes with a series of rapid front kicks to the jaw. The Salesman goes crashing through the kitchen doors. Xander turns to the terrified Waitress. XANDER Alright, bitch, what's going on? She stares at him, unable to speak. He raises the gun. XANDER Talk! What's the game? Who are you people? The front door bell JINGLES. A guy with an impeccably tailored suit and a cane hobbles in. It's Gibbons. There a problem, Mr. Cage? XANDER Who the hell are you? GIBBONS The name's Gibbons. You were saying? XANDER What is this place? GIBBONS Looks like a diner. XANDER Diner, huh? Let me tell you what the problem is. I wake up drugged to find what? You've got a "salesman" over here reading a three week old newspaper. He's pulling a 211 with a "trucker", who happens to be packing a cop issue H&K 9mm. I get tipped that something is going down when she passes me a note. How's that for twisted logic? How did she know there was trouble unless they pulled the guns before I "walked" in? And if that's true, why'd they stop and wait until I woke up to gaffle the money? Then I notice how beefy they both are. Hell, even the waitress is cut. All three of them look like they went through the same training program. Ergo they ain't strangers and this isn't what it seems. That's how I knew yo-yo wouldn't get a round off even if I gave him all day. Why? He aims at the Waitress and FIRES! She's startled, but unhurt. XANDER Cuz there's nothing but blanks in these guns. And no offense, but their performances were terrible. Xander tosses the gun on the counter. Gibbons gives a sly smile. GIBBONS Not bad. Not bad at all. Have a seat. Gibbons sits in a booth. Xander sits across from him. In the background the Waitress helps the Trucker and Salesman up. GIBBONS Most guys we ran through this either took off or helped them rob the place. I expected you to do the same. XANDER That shows me already that you don't have a clue. What's it to you, anyway? GIBBONS Whether you thought this was for real or not, you jumped in and helped the waitress on instinct. That tells me something about your character. XANDER Good for you. Now why don't you stop wasting my time and tell me what you want. You didn't go through all this for my benefit. GIBBONS It's your lucky day. You just might get the chance to pay back our wonderful country for all the freedom you enjoy. XANDER A Fed, I shoulda known. Who else would have this kind of budget? Now you're gonna hit me with the sales pitch. GIBBONS Alright, Cage, you've got me. This is one of those moments. "Many are called, few are chosen", that kind of thing. Your government needs you. Are you up for the challenge? XANDER ..If you're trolling around for narcs, man, have you got the wrong guy. GIBBONS Why is that? XANDER Look at me, dude, do I look like a fan of law enforcement? Forget the tests, you shoulda just asked me. I woulda saved you a lot of trouble. GIBBONS Oh I don't know, I think the tests work pretty well. Sometimes they give me answers you wouldn't admit to in a million years. XANDER Are we done now? You've got nothing on me. So if you ain't booking me, I'm walking. GIBBONS You've got this wrong. You're not under arrest, you've been abducted. And until I say different, you belong to me. XANDER Is that a fact? GIBBONS Sure as gravity. I've had a feeling about you from the start, Cage. It's nausea. XANDER (smiles) You know what I hate? Any scumbag with a clean shirt and a bad haircut can get one of those tin stars and suddenly they think they're God. GIBBONS (smiles) You know what I hate? It's always the assholes that pass the tests. There's a POP and Xander clutches his stomach. Gibbons tosses his DART GUN onto the table. Xander blinks at him. He pulls another CHROME DART from his gut and examines it. XANDER You bastards love to see me sleep. WHACK! He goes face down on the table. CUT TO BLACK: CLOSE ON - XANDER'S FACE He comes to, blinking in low RED LIGHT. He's shocked to find that he's... INT. AIRPLANE - TWILIGHT Xander's on the floor of a military aircraft. TWO OTHER TOUGH GUYS are waking up next to him. One's a greaser named VIRG, the other is T.J., ex-Navy. Xander notices as they each pull out CHROME DARTS. They sit up, looking at each other. Xander chuckles. VIRG What's so damn funny? XANDER Been to any good diners lately? The three laugh, realizing they're all in the same boat. T.J. We must be the final "candidates". They quiet down as they notice for the first time, THEY ARE NOT ALONE. Sitting silently on benches facing them are SOLDIERS DRESSED IN BLACK. They wear BLACK MASKS over their faces. They are a nasty looking BLACK OPS TEAM. XANDER Nobody told me this was a costume party. The Black Ops Team, just stares. T.J. I've worked with guys like this before. Black Ops. Serious government spooks. Virg notices something STRAPPED TO HIS BODY. They all have them. VIRG Heads up, man. What's this thing on my back? XANDER A parachute. This does not argue well. Then the red light switches to GREEN. One of the Soldiers opens the JUMP DOOR. The rest of the team advances on Xander, Virg and T.J. VIRG This is bullshit! Hey! They drag Virg to the door and THROW HIM OUT. T.J. goes next, kicking and fighting. Then they turn on Xander. XANDER I get the picture. Xander jumps out on his own. We see him tumbling away from the airplane. Far below his chute BLOSSOMS OPEN. EXT. A FIELD - TWILIGHT We see three chutes coming down. The first two HIT HARD. We ROCKET IN on the last chute as Xander lands like a pro. The other guys run up to him. Then they hear SHOUTING in SPANISH. VIRG Jee-zus, man! What the hell now? Another damn test? T.J. We should head for those trees. XANDER Don't look at me, brother. It's every man for himself. They wrestle out of their chutes and push past each other as they TAKE OFF IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. Xander runs low down a culvert. There's SHOUTING all around. He flattens down and crawls up over the rise. What he sees stuns him. XANDER You gotta be kidding me. We crane up to reveal A FIELD OF POT PLANTS. There's a COCAINE PROCESSING PLANT along the field's edge. The whole place looks exactly like a Central American DRUG FARM. NARCO TERRORISTS run around with AK-47's. Xander sneaks past EQUIPMENT covered in CAMOUFLAGE NETTING. A squad of Narcos runs by and Xander makes his move. He rounds another pile of equipment and comes right into the HEADLIGHTS of a truck. Narcos hop out and charge forward. Xander raises his hands. XANDER You boys are too good for me. Guess I failed this one, huh? They grab him and haul him away. INT. TORTURE ROOM - NIGHT We see a RUSTY MEAT HOOK. A CHAIN is wrapped around it. Attached to the chain, his arms over his head, is Xander. He's in the middle of a bleak looking room. There are BLOODSTAINS on the wooden walls, the floor strewn with filthy HAY. Behind him against the wall Xander sees T.J. and Virg both HOG-TIED. XANDER So much for "every man for himself". Nice to see you again, fellas. T.J. They really went all out on this one. This is a pretty gnarly setup. VIRG Check the table in the corner. There's a BLOOD STAINED TOWEL COVERING a TABLE near the door. XANDER This oughta be good. Then they hear talking outside and the door is UNLOCKED. A very nasty looking Marco comes in. By his look he's the LEADER. XANDER This must be el jefe. How's it goin' jefe? Some weather we're havin'. Narco Guards bring in one of their PARACHUTES and toss it on the floor. They exit, closing the door behind them. Jefe goes to the table throws back the towel. Beneath it are HIDEOUS, BLOOD ENCRUSTED TORTURE DEVICES: a HACK SAW, a BOLT CUTTERS, KNIVES, CHISELS, a BLOW TORCH. XANDER What's on the menu tonight? The old blowtorch-to-the-family jewels routine, I'll bet. Hey, you want roasted nuts, let's break out the Planters. T.J. and Virg both crack up. Jefe gives them a withering look. JEFE Do you know what we do with people come round here? You know what we do with people come in our business? Jefe passes his hand over the various tools. He finally settles on a crude MACHETE. He walks amongst them brandishing it. JEFE We cut the Achilles tendon. Your feet flop around like a marionette. You ain't walkin' nowhere no more. Sound good, tough guy? Or maybe instead you wanna tell me something. He stops in front of Xander. JEFE Whatchu doing here? XANDER Oh, I don't know. It was an accident. JEFE That's some accident, hombre. You accidentally fall out of a plane in the middle of the night and land up in my back yard. He BACKHANDS Xander across the face. JEFE We seen this kind of parachutes before, you know. U.S. Army. You got some friends here, jump out with you guys? XANDER We're anti-social. We don't have any friends. Jefe SLAPS him again. JEFE No friends, huh? That's funny, I don't know no U.S. Army that comes without no friends. That's cuz U.S. Army is pussies. They always come with the five hundred guys and the helicopters and the see-in-the-dark glasses. So don't you tell me you all alone out here, my friend. You bullshitting the wrong guy. Xander looks over at T.J. and Virg. XANDER Who's writing this dude's dialogue? VIRG He's a pretty good actor, though. T.J. Makes the diner look like a sixth grade play. He's even got them crazy eyes. JEFE You ain't begun to see crazy yet, amigo. XANDER We're on to the game, ese. You got the fake blood splattered all over the walls, you got your torture tools... It's all very cute. But come on, let's quit while you're ahead. I'm only trying to save you a beatin'. JEFE You saving me? You talking pretty tough for a guy got himself chained to the ceiling. XANDER (shrugs) Alright. You wanna eat through a tube, be my guest. JEFE Now you're gonna make me enjoy this, funny guy. Now I'm gonna take the whole foot off. Whatchu think of that? A low THUMPING is heard outside. It's the sound of approaching HELICOPTERS, lots of them. Then the night ERUPTS in GUNFIRE. It sounds like a full scale assault outside. JEFE What's that, eh? I thought you didn't have no friends! Jefe goes into a fury. He SWINGS his machete at Xander's legs. Xander JUMPS UP, grabbing on to the chain above, and KICKS Jefe in the chest. Jefe falls back and Xander climbs up to the roof BEAM. He grabs onto the beam with his legs and UNHOOKS his chain from the meat hook. He drops down, six feet of chain still hanging from his cuffed wrists, and Jefe comes charging at him. Xander dodges a few wild swings. He grabs Jefe's PANT CUFF and dumps him on his ass. Jefe scrambles to his feet, drawing his PISTOL. Xander swings his chain and WHIPS the gun out of Jefe's hand. With another swing he WRAPS the chain around Jefe's neck and pulls it taught. XANDER Keys. You got 'em? Jefe nods, choking, and reaches into his pocket. XANDER Hand 'em to me. Instead Jefe hurls them out the window. XANDER I hope you're getting paid extra for this. Xander jerks the chain, slamming Jefe head first into the wall. Jefe drops, knocked out. Outside it sounds like a full scale FIREFIGHT. Xander gets the machete and CUTS the ropes holding T.J. and Virg. Then a HAIL OF BULLETS sprays through the room. All three guys hit the deck but T.J. gets shot. He clutches his side, BLOOD all over his hands. T.J. I'm hit! I'm hit! VIRG They're shooting for real! This is all real. Xander knows this is true. XANDER Aw shit. He checks out T.J.'s wound. XANDER Help me with this guy. VIRG It's like you said, every man for himself. Virg bolts for the door. XANDER That only works if you're a man! EXT. DRUG FARM - NIGHT Narcos are shouting, running to and fro. TRACER ROUNDS cut through the air. They are trying to repel an UNSEEN ASSAULT FORCE. Overhead SIX MILITARY HELICOPTERS buzz the compound like Apocalypse Now, their NIGHT SUNS lighting up the place. Xander comes out of the torture building holding T.J. in a fireman's carry. His hands are still CUFFED, the length of chain dragging. Xander crouches behind some equipment, putting T.J. on the ground. XANDER You alright? T.J. I used to be a SEAL, it's not the first time I've been shot. Thanks, man. XANDER Keep your head down, I'll be right back. I'm gonna steal us some wheels. Xander moves on, finds cover under the camouflage netting. He can see Narcos shooting into the trees at the UNSEEN ENEMY. Looking the other way, he spots Virg running back his way. He's been corralled by one of the Helicopters. He's zigzagging, trying to stay out of the beam of it's Night Sun. Xander darts out and GRABS him, pulling him under the camouflage netting. VIRG They're all over the place! What the hell's going on? XANDER Looks like we're in the middle of the drug war. The Helicopter lights up the camouflage netting. They're pinned down. XANDER Alright Mr. free-for-all, you go that way, I'm gonna go this way. They can't follow us both. They squat down in runners stances, the helicopter kicking up DUST all around them. XANDER Go! They jet off in opposite directions. Xander books, running for all he's worth. His cuffed hands and the dangling chain make it difficult. He's heading straight into the FIELD OF POT PLANTS. Suddenly the massive SPOTLIGHT picks him out. XANDER Shit! The CHOPPER swoops down after him. Its big GATLING GUNS turn, aiming right at him. BRAAAAAAAAPPP! The guns cut loose, tearing up the ground right behind him. Xander sprints, the chopper after him like Cary Grant in "North By Northwest", except instead of corn fields, Xander's running through a field of HUGE MARIJUANA PLANTS. Xander hits the deck and the chopper soars over him. Xander cuts over a couple rows and hunkers down amongst the plants. All around him it's a chaos of Helicopters and GUNFIRE. Two choppers attack the factory building, BLASTING it with their guns. Narcos run terrified. Xander notices a FAT PURPLE BUD on the plant right in front of him. He SNAPS IT OFF. XANDER I'm gonna need to hit the trees after a night like this. He tucks it-into his shirt and takes off through the POT FOREST. Xander finally spots a vehicle. It's a TRUCK LADEN WITH BAILS OF COCAINE. He heads for it. Then the SPOTLIGHT finds him again and the Chopper swings around. The gatling guns RIP the plants to pieces all around him. Xander hauls ass, heading for the truck. Bullets chew up the dirt all around him. As the helicopter passes overhead, it's guns RAKE THE TRUCK. There is a FLASH as the GAS TANK goes up. WHOOOOPPHH! A SUPERNOVA OF FIRE AND HIGH-GRADE COKE erupts into the night air. Xander dives into a DRAINAGE DITCH. He tumbles down into FILTHY WATER. A powdery cloud washes over him, dusting the trees white. Near him is a big DRAINPIPE leeching sewage. Xander crawls inside. The Chopper makes another pass overhead. The big spotlight plays over the area, then moves on. Xander gives a sigh of relief. He crawls out of the drainpipe. JEEPS race by on the road right above him as MILITARY MEN flood the compound. There's no going back. Xander turns and makes his way along the tree line. The chopper and gunfire are in the distance now. Things are quieter here and he starts to relax. Bad idea. As he goes by, one of the TREES moves. He takes a few more steps and the grass he just walked on EXPLODES UPWARDS. ARMS reach out, tackling Xander from behind. Another TEAM of BLACK OPS SOLDIERS bursts from the weeds, the bushes, all perfectly camouflaged like the landscape. They fall on him like a curtain. XANDER'S P.O.V. - Soldiers hold him down while a BLACK HOOD is pulled over his head. FADE TO BLACK. INT. AIRPLANE HANGER - DAY As the MASSIVE HANGER DOORS CLOSE we can see CHOPPERS taking off and landing. MEXICAN SOLDIERS load Jefe and his Narcos onto a FEDERALE BUS. Virg resists and is BEATEN. T.J. can be seen being loaded into an AMBULANCE. The hanger doors slide shut with a THUD. We see Xander's HANDS as the CHAINS are cut away. Xander sits in a chair with the BLACK HOOD still over his head. He blinks when the hood is torn off. A Black Ops Soldier smirks as he walks away. Xander looks around, sees the Black Ops Team unpacking some STRANGE GEAR. Two of them are dumping bottles of a CLEAR LIQUID into a RUSTY CLAWFOOT BATHTUB. XANDER Nice of you to draw me a bath. Is it Saturday already? The Black Ops guys grin knowingly. On the other side, Xander sees a FLIGHT CREW readying a GULFSTREAM for travel. Gibbons steps up from behind him. GIBBONS Congratulations, you've just graduated at the head of your class. XANDER You're a cold piece of work. You almost got three people killed out there. GIBBONS Good thing you were there to save the day. Come walk with me. Xander gets up and Gibbons leads him on a stroll around the GIBBONS You've really got me confused, Cage. On the one hand you showed leadership, courage under fire, a willingness to protect men you hardly knew... and on the other you have an arrest record that pegs you as near sociopathic. Help me out here. I'm not following your evolution. XANDER You want the cheap backstory? The runaway mom, the suicide dad and the foster homes? Gimme a break. You're not interested in my past, you're interested in my future as some kind of spy. GIBBONS You're perceptive too. I forgot to add that to the list of surprises. I'm with the National Security Agency. And unlikely as it may sound, I need your help. XANDER I'm not interested. I've already got a job. GIBBONS You're an adrenaline junkie with one foot in the penitentiary. You risk your ass building a daredevil myth that means nothing and you're not getting any younger. XANDER I plan on getting a lot older. And playing spy games sounds like a quick way to get yourself dead. GIBBONS That's too bad. I thought a guy like you would appreciate the challenge. As they walk by the Black Ops guys, Xander sees they're getting busy. One spreads out a plastic DROPCLOTH. Another plugs in a BONE SAW. XANDER What's this? You're gonna try to scare me now? Gibbons grabs a CHICKEN LEG from a guy eating lunch. GIBBONS Do you know the reason why I try to recruit guys like you? There's no risk. He tosses it into the tub. Instantly it starts to SIZZLE and BUBBLE. The tub is full of ACID. GIBBONS There's nobody back home who's gonna ask questions if you just... disappear for a while. In seconds the entire leg has been consumed, leaving only a oily cloud of residue. Gibbons eyes him coldly, nailing the point home. XANDER Now I'm the one who's nauseous. So what's the deal? What do you need me for? GIBBONS There's some folks I want to keep tabs on. Dirty, tattooed, uncivilized. Your kind of people. XANDER What do I get out of it? GIBBONS If you find out what I want to know, and if I'm able to successfully use that information, you get to go back to your degenerate little life. If not, you take a bath. XANDER You're one sick bastard. A sadist with a badge looking to rope me in to a suicide mission. I think no matter which way I go I'm likely to wind up face down on a sheet of plastic. So here's my answer: kiss my ass, Hop-along. Gibbons kicks the back of Xander's leg and dumps him on his ass. Gibbons was so quick, Xander never saw it coming. The Black Ops guys clap and cheer, always interested in a fight. XANDER Not bad for a gimp. GIBBONS What's with that "X" on the back of your head? Does that mean you're "extreme"? I've got some news for you, Mr. X, you're a three time loser. So maybe you should tattoo another couple of X's on your head. Xander gets up. XANDER I'll take that under advisement. Maybe I can be like you and lose a leg for the old Stars and Bars. I bet the flag's a great comfort every time you need help climbing stairs. Gibbons lunges and grabs Xander's throat in the vice-like grip of his thumb and middle finger. GIBBONS One twitch and my finger and thumb will meet inside your esophagus. Believe me, Mr. X, I've put foot to ass for my country on many occasions and I don't feel the urge to stop just yet. So think carefully before you tell me: Is "kiss my ass, Hop- along" your final answer? The fingers are so powerful that Xander is paralysed. He looks over, sees the bone saw start revving. XANDER (choking) No. Gibbons releases his grip. GIBBONS I thought you might see it my way. Then Xander starts walking away. GIBBONS Where you going, X? I said where you going? The Black Ops guys grab weapons, ready to stop him. XANDER You tell me. Xander climbs up the steps of the Gulfstream. XANDER There better be a movie on this Goddam flight. INT. GULFSTREAM - DAY Xander sits with Gibbons in big leather chairs. They are surrounded by NSA AGENTS in suits. A NERDY AGENT snaps an ANKLET around Xander's ankle. XANDER How about a pedicure as long as you're down there. What's this? Lo-Jack? GIBBONS Wherever you go on the planet, I'll find you. There's no quitting. If you try to take it off, a ring of needles will inject enough curare into your bloodstream to kill you before you hit the ground. Is all that clear? XANDER Yeah, I spy or I die. INT. EMPTY FIRST CLASS LOUNGE - SUNSET Orange light floods this beautiful airline lounge. There's a fully stocked bar, a snack table, all unused. That's because it's been sealed off for NSA use. (NOTE: perfect product placement opportunity for an AIRLINE). Xander, Gibbons and his Men are all silhouetted against the smoked glass windows. The Nerdy Agent hands Xander a Palm Pilot sized ELECTRONIC DEVICE. NERDY AGENT This is your communicator. You'll identify yourself by a call sign. From here on out you're Bulldog Omega 5. XANDER You must stay up late to come up with shit like that. GIBBONS I expect you to call in regularly with progress reports. XANDER Fine, but I'm not gonna be no Bulldog Omega 5. Gibbons checks his watch. They get up and start walking. INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - SUNSET The phalanx of Agents surrounds Xander and Gibbons as they walk to the gate. The Nerdy Agent hurries to catch up. AGENT Uh... Call signs derive from the parameters of the mission. GIBBONS If he doesn't like it, we can make an exception just this once. We'll call him "Triple X". They walk past the gate, down the jet-way, the Agents FLASH BADGES to the GATE WORKERS. XANDER Up yours. GIBBONS Crude and defiant as always, Triple X. It fits so well because you're obscene. Xander is the last one to board the plane. XANDER Is that all? GIBBONS Just remember, I'll be watching. As the door closes, he looks back at Gibbons and his phalanx of Agents. XANDER I've got something for you to chew on. Next time you send someone to save the world, make sure they like the planet the way it is. The jet's door CLOSES. INT. COMMERCIAL JET - NIGHT Xander is in the last row against the bulkhead. He's got a personal DVD player and headphones and he's reviewing his mission. The high-tech screen shows photos, maps, cool graphics. The KID sitting across the aisle leans over for a look. KID What game is that? XANDER Slick graphics, huh? See these dudes? They're called "Anarchy 99", they're the bad guy bosses. KID Do they have any special powers? The bosses always have special powers. XANDER You wanna check it out? Come here. The kid moves to the seat next to Xander. Onscreen see photos of the FIVE BAD GUYS from the opening sequence. We DIVE IN to the computer as Xander describes them. For each of the baddies, we'll see 3-D PHOTOS and VIDEO CLIPS, all enhanced with COMPUTER GRAPHICS and POP-UP MENUS. XANDER First we've got Anders, the psycho looking biker. In charge of transportation and smuggling. Controls every trucking union in Eastern Europe. Don't look too clean, either. We see ANDERS, the wild-eyed and unclean Swedish biker, against a backdrop of MOTORCYCLES and MUSCLE CARS. XANDER Next we got a Siberian redneck, Viktor. Into snowmobiles and snowboarding. So naturally, he covers prostitution and the drug trade. KID Naturally. We see Viktor, with the goatee and belly, doing some hairy snowboarding. KID This guy's kinda dorky lookin'. XANDER Kirill, the sniper. Looks like a bookworm, but he had 72 confirmed kills in Chechnya, they called him the "Finger of God". Assassination and weapons. We see Kirill in UNIFORM with his well used SNIPER RIFLE. KID Who's the hottie? He indicates Petra, the tough gangster chick. With her LEATHER and TATTOOS she looks like she could mop up the floor with Lara Croft. XANDER You like her, huh? Petra. She runs their finances, money laundering, computers. Joined the gang after spending some time as the girlfriend of this dude, Yorgi Azar Zimin. Capo of Anarchy 99. Finally we see YORGI, the unlikely looking Mafiya Don. We see CRIME SCENE PHOTOS that illustrate his exploits. XANDER Yorgi masterminded the take-over of three Red Mafiya clans. Cops called it "blood week". He combined all of their global enterprises into one huge crime syndicate: Anarchy 99. KID (skeptically) "Anarchy" 99"? XANDER What are you gonna do? They're Euro- trash. KID What weapons do you have? Xander clicks on "INVENTORY". He scrolls through a staggering array of WEAPONS and VEHICLES. XANDER Just about anything I want, it looks like. This is gonna be tough, though. There's no way to save this game. I gotta get it right the first time through. KID What do you get if you finish? XANDER Nothing, really. My guy is just doing it to stay alive. KID Oh. I bet by the end he gets something out of it. XANDER Like what? KID He gets to be the hero. The Kid's mom calls him back to his seat. Xander looks at the kid, then gets back to his research. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PRAGUE - DAY We CRANE UP from the COBBLESTONE STREET as a BEAT-UP CAR races by. We rise up, revealing PRAGUE in all it's glory. INT. BEAT-UP CAR - MOVING Xander sits in the back, wedged between TWO IDENTICAL LOOKING TOUGH GUYS. If you were to call Central Casting and ask for a couple of cold war spy types, this is what they'd send. They're both 6' 4", have sloppily cut hair, square jaws, wrinkled overcoats. XANDER This is bullshit, man, I wanna see some ID. The two tough guys flash their COP ID's. Xander studies them. "IVAN PEDGRAG" and "IVAN PODROV". XANDER You're both named Ivan? That's gotta be confusing on Valentine's Day. So where we headed? Fellas, I said where we headed? (beat) Yeah, whatever. He looks out the window, sees a GRAND HOTEL. They drive right on by. EXT. DIRTY APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY It's a crumbling old dump in a nasty part of town. Xander shakes his head. XANDER James Bond never had to put up with this shit. Ivan 1 pulls Xander's gear bag from the trunk and throws it on the sidewalk. Xander picks it up and carries it into the building. INT. DIRTY APARTMENT - DAY Dumpy furniture, roaches, cracked windows. Xander is ushered in. There's another GUY in a UGLY SUIT waiting. He is DETECTIVE MILAN SLOVO. SLOVO Sit down. XANDER I've been on a plane for twelve hours, I think I'll stand. Ivan 1 shoves him into a chair. SLOVO My name is Slovo, Czech secret police. When you are here you are under my jurisdiction, you take my orders, you do what I say. If you become any kind of an inconvenience, I'll shoot you. XANDER Here we go again. SLOVO You're here because your government is putting pressure on my government. This is an internal affair, a Czech affair, that you are interfering with. I will warn you once: Don't shit in my lawn. Get whatever information your government seeks and get our. XANDER First of all, you should kill whoever sold you that suit. Two, I don't wanna be here either, so just step off. Three, if you had the authority to shoot me you would've done it by now, so just ease up on the machismo, bitch. Now that we've got that sorted out, I'm gonna get some rest. Xander lays down on the bed. Slovo stares, burning with hatred. He heads to the door. SLOVO Be ready in three hours. Slovo exits. Ivans 1 & 2 stay, staring at Xander. EXT. HALF-PIPE DISCO - NIGHT A fancy, flashy disco with an extreme sports theme. A big bouncer in a leather coat works the door. This is a highclass, expensive joint but it still looks seedy and dangerous. Xander and Slovo walk up to the place. Xander's wearing a Tshirt that says "RON JEREMY: AMERICAN LEGEND" complete with a photo of the Hedgehog. INT. HALF-PIPE DISCO - NIGHT A STRIPPER that looks like a runway model SLIDES across the stage on SKATEBOARD KNEE-PADS while PATRONS cheer. The disco is a combination STRIP-CLUB and CONCERT VENUE. All the STRIPPERS are outfitted in HELMETS, ELBOW PADS, G-STRINGS and BELLY SHIRTS. There's a WARPED TOUR BAND playing on a STAGE. On either side of the stage are two MINI-HALF PIPES that the GIRLS are cutting back and forth on. WEALTHY BUSINESSMEN sit in plush booths getting table dances while the dance floor is packed with sexily dressed YOUNG HIPSTERS. Xander gets a beer from a BUXOM COCKTAIL WAITRESS on IN-LINE SKATES. XANDER Nice hops. SLOVO The corner. Anarchy 99. Slovo points them out in the far corner. They're surrounded by straight faced BODYGUARDS. What ANARCHY 99 is doing in their booth with the STRIPPERS looks like Led Zeppelin on tour. Booze, broads, good times... These guys are living like rock stars. They're all here: Anders the biker, Viktor, Kirill. In the middle sit Yorgi and Petra. Petra's wearing an "I AM EVIL" Tshirt. SLOVO See the one with the funny colored hair? Crazy bitch stabbed one of my men in the knee-cap. There they are, American. The low-rent millionaire criminals. And you thought only your country had white trash. American? He looks around but Xander is gone. He heads for the exit, pushing his way through the crowd. But then he spots him, not by the door but deeper in the club. SLOVO Oh no! He sees Xander walk right up to the Anarchy 99 booth and start talking to them. SLOVO Jesus Christ! Slovo can't hear a thing, but they're obviously interested in what he has to say. Next thing he knows Xander is pointing at him and waving him over. SLOVO (horrified) What the hell...? Slovo makes his way through the crowd to the booth. Yorgi looks him up and down. XANDER That's the guy. YORGI This pizda? Never seen him before. XANDER (to Slovo) Who you workin' for? What do you do for a living, dickhead? SLOVO Uh... I am... I work in insurance. Xander grabs Slovo and starts searching him. SLOVO (panicked whisper) What the hell are you doing? He slams Slovo up against the wall and pulls out Slovo's police badge. XANDER Look what we have here. Czech 5-0 on the mack. The Bodyguards pull out guns and Slovo rushes for the emergency exit in a panic. In seconds he's out and gone. YORGI Cops. Like a plague. No matter how many you pay there's always another with his hand out. How did you pick him out? XANDER He flashed his badge to half the bar when he bought his drink. YORGI I appreciate you bringing this to our attention. Whatever you want, the rest of the night, consider it on the house. Yorgi waves over some strippers. XANDER Thanks, but I'm here on business. I heard you're the G around here. I'm looking for some cars, expensive ones. A lot of them. YORGI Sorry, man, don't know what you're talking about. XANDER I'm talking about the sports cars that disappear off the docks in Genoa and wind up here. If you don't know about 'em, who does? Yorgi nods and the Bodyguards step in front of Xander. XANDER I guess I heard wrong. Xander turns to leave. That's when Anders notices the "X" tattoo on the back of Xander's head. He gets excited and alerts Yorgi. YORGI Xander Cage! Xander turns. Suddenly their whole demeanor changes. All five guys get up, awed, and push the Bodyguards out of the way. ANDERS The X man! We seen your bootleg videos! VIKTOR You sick! You sick crazy on a board, on a bike! Everything! YORGI This is insane, man. Xander Cage in Prague. Come on, sit. Sit with us. Yorgi signals for more drinks. YORGI I remember that one where you jump the motorcycle over the freeway at rush hour. XANDER When else are you gonna do it? VIKTOR You almost died on that one. XANDER Cops arrested me while I was still in surgery. Did two months. YORGI We seen all your shit! So you want cars? We get whatever cars you need. What are you looking for? XANDER Ferrari's, Lamborghini's... high end pasta rockets. Ten to start. ANDERS Ten! No problem! We do that no problem! Petra elbows Anders. PETRA Ten is hardly worth the effort. We're talking a lousy million five U.S. XANDER I have Japanese buyers who are looking to move a fleet, if you have the quality of merchandise they're after. And it's a mil two, max. Petra glances at Yorgi who nods. PETRA Do you know what a wire transfer is? XANDER Is she for real? Honey, maybe you should quiet down and let the grownups have a conversation. PETRA My goodness, a word with four syllables. I should get some ice before your brain gets too hot. XANDER Sure. Just chisel some off your heart. PETRA (smiles) So cute. He shows up for a battle of wits with a mental butter knife. Xander looks to Yorgi. YORGI (laughing) Don't look at me, X, she handles all the details. XANDER It'll work faster if I have an account number. Petra scrawls numbers on a cocktail napkin. PETRA You'll have forty-eight hours to complete the transfer. Don't waste our time. Xander snatches the napkin. XANDER Wouldn't dream of it. I'm even gonna throw in a few extra bucks to send you to charm school. Petra glares at him. YORGI Alright, now that business is finished, we party! Bitches, come! We have a drink and toast the deal! Yorgi claps and a flock of strippers descends on the booth. Anarchy 99 lifts their glasses. Xander joins in the toast. XANDER I believe I can hang with you fellas for a while. INT. UNDERGROUND HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY - MORNING We see the FEET of AGENT POLK sprinting down the hallway. INT. ULTIMATE INFORMATION ROOM - MORNING Agent Polk looks around, spots Gibbons. He rushes to him, waving a COMMUNIQUÉ. Gibbons grabs the communiqué, reads it. He looks up, stunned. INT. DIRTY APARTMENT - DAY Xander is having coffee at his window when his communicator RINGS. XANDER (into phone) I guess you got my E-mail. I set up a purchase. Ten cars. INTERCUT WITH GIBBONS IN INFORMATION ROOM GIBBONS If you're trying to push my buttons, you're on the right track. Don't make me question my own judgment, X. XANDER Buddy, you sent me here to get close to their organization, that costs money. GIBBONS One point two million dollars? I did not authorize you to spend one point two million dollars! XANDER I'm already on a first name basis with these dudes, I got a deal set up, you want me to hammer it or not? GIBBONS We're not after car thieves here. XANDER What the hell am I after? You're telling me dick. GIBBONS That information is classified. You're there to gather information on their operations, period. XANDER Call me crazy, but I thought hooking up a million dollar deal was a great way to get on their good side. What else? You gonna hassle me about the weapons and spy stuff too? GIBBONS My friend, if you're planning on crossing me... XANDER I know, poison needles in my shins. You've got 36 hours. Peace, out. Xander hangs up. INT. SAM TANNICK'S OFFICE - DAY Gibbons stands before Sam's desk. Sam scans over the communiqué. SAM TANNICK Ridiculous. Cut him off. I'm sorry Gibbons, you pulled up a shark this time. GIBBONS I think we should send him whatever he wants. SAM TANNICK You what? A wire transfer of this size? GIBBONS If it means getting Silent Night back, absolutely. SAM TANNICK You're talking about a very expensive risk here. GIBBONS He's gotten closer in 24 hours than all of the other operatives combined. He got us an account number to boot. Now even if he's just dumb and lucky, I say we back his play. (beat) I put him out there, Sam. If he doesn't come up with the money, they'll kill him. I can't let that happen. SAM TANNICK Why not? You were going to throw him in a tub full of acid, weren't you? Gibbons smiles. SAM TANNICK Alright, do what you want. But keep the screws on him. He's a wild card. That could be either good or bad. GIBBONS So the odds are up to fifty-fifty? I can deal with that. CUT TO: EXT. CZECH POLICE BUILDING - ROOFTOP - DAY A HELICOPTER comes flying in, a MAN standing out on the strut. He's a disgruntled GADGET WRANGLER from the NSA. His name is TOBY LEE SHAVERS. Slovo and Xander watch from a distance as a series of METAL CASES is unloaded by CZECH COPS. Slovo lets out a low whistle. SLOVO Your government must know something we don't. Shavers walks up to them. SHAVERS Hate those Russkie choppers. Rattle- trap pieces of garbage. I'm agent Shavers. Toby Lee Shavers. I'm looking for what's his name. Three X' s. XANDER That's would be me. Shavers gives him a disapproving look. SHAVERS Figures. You got someplace we can spread out my gear or what? I mean today. Slovo gestures towards the stairs and Shavers marches off, muttering to himself. SLOVO I'll leave you two alone to talk. XANDER Yeah, thanks a lot. INT. CZECH POLICE BUILDING - BASEMENT TRAINING AREA - DAY Down in the basement there is a SHOOTING RANGE along one wall. A squad of CZECH COPS is BLASTING AWAY. They become distracted by the noise in the middle of the room. One of the metal boxes has been dropped by a Cop. The rest are spread out in front of Xander, Slovo and Shavers. SHAVERS Back off, just go away you klutz. Alright, here's the story. The items in these cases belong to me. I designed them, built them, and was going to use them in the field myself until you showed up. XANDER I stole your beat, huh? Guess you forgot to brown-nose the right people. SHAVERS Is that supposed to be funny? I'm not laughing. I've worked for ten years to get my shot at being a field agent, funny boy. And ar the last minute I get bumped by you, some reject from the Ozzfest. XANDER Why don't you show me some gear before you get hurt. SHAVERS Listen to you. Right away, sir, anything you say, sir. Shavers pops open the first metal case. Inside are various GADGETS laid into the molded carbon fiber lining. XANDER What is all this? I didn't even order some of this stuff. Shavers holds up a small METAL BALL. SHAVERS You're gonna need it, rookie, trust me. The metal ball unrolls into a six legged ROBOT INSECT. SHAVERS An all-terrain mobile video monitoring system for surveillance. I call it the "Roach Cam". See the little camera it's got for a head? Xander picks it up. XANDER Kinda looks like you. Shavers snatches it back. He puts on a METAL GLOVE, it's fingers are SHARP TALONS. SHAVERS "Terminator" climbing claws. He CLAMPS the claw onto the metal case. It holds fast. SHAVERS Miniature power cams set in on contact, giving you a sure grip on any surface. XANDER They come in any other styles or colors? He tosses the glove aside, pulls out a DART GUN. SHAVERS This is your standard dart gun. XANDER That one I'm real familiar with. Shavers displays a case of DARTS. SHAVERS You've got your chromium knock-out dart, microphone listening dart, explosive dart, even one with a splatter blood packet, whatever you need. They also come in a special 9mm casing for use with your service pistol. Xander pulls out some SUPER BINOCULARS. SHAVERS Multi-view binoculars. Nine different enhanced vision modes, plus a digital camera. Xander looks through them, starts cycling through the different modes. BINOCULAR P.O.V. - we see the various modes as Xander scans the grounds. SHAVERS Infrared, starlight... Even a special "penetrator" mode to see through walls, curtains, almost anything... Xander aims at the shooting range. BINOCULAR P.O.V. - we see through the clothes of the FEMALE COPS on the shooting range. (PG-13 style, of course). We can even see the INNER WORKINGS of their GUNS. One of the Female Cops turns and gives Xander an approving look. XANDER I think I'll hang on to these. SHAVERS Think again, that's government property. You have to sign for everything. I've got one more that wasn't on your list. Shavers pulls out a JUMPSUIT. XANDER From the Beastie Boys collection? SHAVERS It's a stakeout suit. It's got food, water, recording gear, anything you need for covert spying. It's all- weather, fire retardant, and if you give this buckle a sharp pull, the whole outfit deploys into a parachute. XANDER You're joking, right? Shavers just gives him a deadpan look. SHAVERS Now that I've given you the overview, we're going to spend the next couple hours going into extensive operational detail. XANDER I thought that was in detail. As Shavers drones on, Xander hangs his head. EXT. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT - DAY The TEN BLACK MARKET EUROPEAN SPORTS CARS are loaded on two TRANSPORT TRUCKS. Mafiya BODYGUARDS keep watch. The Ivans (in Teamster garb) inspect the cars while Xander supervises. Anders hovers around him. ANDERS So what you think? Beautiful! Sitting in an OFFICE watching are Yorgi, Kirill and Petra. Petra has a LAPTOP. YORGI Has it arrived yet? Petra checks her computer. ON SCREEN she's monitoring their BANK ACCOUNT. PETRA Nothing. He had two days. YORGI Perhaps he is not all he says he is. Outside the Ivans nod approval and Xander heads to the office. Yorgi looks to kirill, who puts his hand on his PISTOL. Xander opens the door. XANDER Very nice. I'm impressed. YORGI I'm somewhat less so. We seem to have a bit of a problem... Just then Petra's computer BEEPS and the MONEY floods into their account. Xander holds up a CELL PHONE and smiles. XANDER I had to inspect the merchandise first. YORGI Of course. He nods for Kirill to stand down. OUTSIDE - the two transport trucks are driven off by the Ivans. As they pull out they reveal ANOTHER CAR under a COVER. XANDER What's this? YORGI This is a gift. From me to you. Anders pulls off the cover, revealing a cherry '72 PONTIAC GTO. YORGI It's a little nothing, you take it. Xander checks out his new ride. Yorgi gets in the passenger seat. YORGI Come on, get in. Xander sits behind the wheel and STARTS IT UP. The big engine ROARS. XANDER You're alright, Yorgi. Next door to the warehouse sits an ABANDONED BUILDING. Up on the sloped roof, Slovo spies down on the transaction. He's got a camera with a big zoom lens. SLOVO Smile, bychara. Slovo snaps a few pictures but his view is obscured. To get a better vantage, he JUMPS DOWN onto a lower part of the roof. CRUNCH! His foot BREAKS THROUGH THE SHABBY ROOF TILE. Down below, Kirill hears the noise. KIRILL Yorgi! They all look to the abandoned building. Through the second floor window they can see Slovo's leg poking through the ceiling. Xander is taken aback. YORGI What in the hell...? Yorgi turns to Xander, goes for his pistol. Thinking fast, Xander does the same. They draw simultaneously and hold the guns to each other's heads as they sit in the car. Petra, Kirill and Anders draw as well, all of them covering Xander. YORGI What's going on, my friend? XANDER You tell me! You got a sniper up there or what? YORGI He's not with us, Xander. He must be with you. XANDER (he cocks the hammer) Bullshit! You get your boy off that roof or I swear to God I'm gonna give you another hole to breathe out of. Yorgi stares, finally believes him. He lowers his gun. YORGI Get him! Find out who he is! By now Slovo is down the fire escape. He hits the ground and goes running down the street. The Anarchy 99 crew heads for their cars. Xander SPINS the cylinder on his REVOLVER. XANDER I've got him. Buckle up. The GTO peels out. EXT. STREET - DAY Slovo is huffing and puffing as fast as he can when Xander comes skidding around the corner. He looks back and sees the speeding GTO. YORGI That's the cop from the club! Xander does the only thing he can. He puts the car sideways and aims out the window as he slides to a stop. Slovo turns and BLAM! Xander SHOOTS Slovo right in the chest. IN SLO-MO: a spray of BLOOD erupts from his chest and Slovo falls backwards, his face frozen in a look of shock and betrayal. The smoking shell clatters to the ground. Slovo blinks up at Xander, gasping for words, then lays still. Xander hops out, rifles through Slovo's pockets. The other Anarchy 99 cars pull up, the whole group looking on. YORGI What are you doing? Get in the car! Xander heads back to the GTO and the cars peel out. INT. GTO - MOVING - DAY The rest of Anarchy 99 follows behind the GTO. YORGI I don't believe it! You can't shoot a cop in the middle of the street! XANDER (grim) Had to do what I had to do. He pulls out the roll of FILM. Yorgi laughs. YORGI You say you get a million, you get the million. Some cop gives us shit, he's dead. Jesus Christ, man, you're hard-core! EXT. DEAD END STREET - DAY The Ivans pull up in their transport trucks. They see all the blood and rush towards Slovo. But something doesn't look right. Ivan 1 TASTES the blood and spits it out. IVAN 1 It's sweet. Ivan 2 pulls a CHROME DART from Slovo's chest. Slovo GROANS. INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT It's a crowded basement rave club. Hot and sweaty RAVERS dance in provocative outfits. The Anarchy 99 group is standing on the best booth, right on the packed dance floor. Surrounding them are a handful of MAFIYA BODYGUARDS who stand at attention like the Secret Service. Anders swings from a water pipe and then drops onto the table, smashing glass. A DRUNK GUY tries to pull Petra onto the dance floor and she PUNCHES him. The Bodyguards drag the dude out for a proper thrashing. Yorgi shatters a BOTTLE against the wall. YORGI Total chaos, man! Welcome to Anarchy 99! XANDER What's "Anarchy 99"? YORGI It's all this craziness! It's what we've been living since 99, when we left the Army. One of our brothers died in Grozny and we said the hell with this shit. What for? He dies for what? Politics? Who's politics? Not ours. XANDER You wanna see my politics? Xander shows him a TATTOO on his arm. It shows PLANET EARTH with a giant SCREW through it. XANDER Screw the world. If I'm gonna die for something, it better be bitches and money. YORGI That's what I'm talking about, man! That's why Anarchy 99 was born. Yorgi rolls up his sleeve, revealing an Anarchy 99 tat (a circled "A" with "99" underneath). YORGI To us it means no walls, no speed limits, no jails. It's everybody does what he wants. People think democracy is freedom but they don't have a clue. There's an old punk song. It says: "America stands for freedom, but if you think you're free..." XANDER "...try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese". 'Anarchy Burger' by the Vandals. YORGI You got it, man. It's stupid but it's true. True freedom is when you do whatever you want anytime you want. That's when you know you're living, man. XANDER How you gonna do that with government and rules everywhere? YORGI Easy. You get enough money that you grow an ass big enough for the whole world to kiss. Yorgi throws a fistful of money onto the dance floor. The Xed out ravers swat it around like confetti. YORGI You hang with us, buddy, taste some freedom! Petra! Dance with this guy! Yorgi melts into the dance floor crowd, leaving Xander alone with Petra. She gets up grumpily and starts dancing. Xander joins her, but she won't even look at him. XANDER This is great, dancing with the back of your head. She reluctantly turns around. XANDER If you got a problem with me, why are we dancing? PETRA Yorgi asked me to. XANDER You do everything Yorgi says? PETRA Go to hell. XANDER It's gonna be like that, huh? You got all bent out of shape as soon as he started dancing with someone else. Why's that? PETRA Mind your business. XANDER Did you guys used to date? That's it, right? He broke your heart and you're still soft on him. That's funny, it don't seem to fit with a tough broad like you. She glares at him and walks away. Xander follows. XANDER Where are you going? PETRA Why are you still hanging around? Your business is finished, you should go home. XANDER I was invited. What's your story? PETRA I don't know who you are or where you come from, but I don't like you. You ask too many questions. There's a big line outside the "ladies" and no line at the "men's". Petra heads into the Men's Room. Some DUDE whistles at her. She pushes him out of the way and enters a stall. Xander leans on the sink. XANDER Come on, don't front like that. You'll put a guy right off you. PETRA Don't even bother, X man, I'm not your type. XANDER That right? Why's that? The stall door flies open and Petra marches out. PETRA My chest is too small and my brain is too big. She shoves him to the door and stomps back to her stall. Xander walks back out, shaking his head and laughing. Across the room, Viktor shoves the D.J. out of the way and puts on "ANARCHY BURGER" by the Vandals. The rave dance is interrupted by the pounding punk beat. YORGI Xander, check it out! The revolution begins! Viktor and Anders swiftly turn the dance floor into a violent mosh pit. Xander can't help it, he actually likes these guys. YORGI Let's get some air, man. Yorgi and Xander head outside. A moment later, Kirill hurries out another door. EXT. PRAGUE RIVERFRONT - NIGHT It's late. Yorgi and Xander stroll along the river. XANDER You got a great set-up here Yorgi. You really know how to live. YORGI It's a beautiful town, Prague. It's been good to me. XANDER I've been here before, when I was a kid. My old man was in the service, we used to live on the Army base in Hamburg. YORGI You, an Army brat? I don't see that one at all. Did you join the service as well? XANDER Hell no. My dad was a straight up tin soldier. Somehow he pissed this general off and got himself dishonorably discharged. Had a court martial and everything. The charges were total bullshit, so he was sure he'd get his name cleared, but it didn't happen. YORGI Connections and politics, it's the same everywhere. XANDER My old man, he bought into the system, and it screwed him. So he swallowed a bullet. Me, I don't believe in nothing I can't see and touch. The camera suddenly ZOOMS across the city, flying over streets and houses until, half a mile away, it finds Kirill in a window with his SNIPER RIFLE. P.O.V. THROUGH SCOPE - Xander's head is in the crosshairs. The scope pans over to Yorgi, who looks INTO CAMERA and gives a small signal, calling off the hit. BACK ON YORGI AND XANDER Yorgi looks up at a "PRAGUE PEACE CONFERENCE" banner. YORGI Next week these idiots are having a peace conference here. What the hell are they going to talk about? It's the system itself that causes all the world's problems. You're okay, buddy. Come on, it's getting early. They stroll off and Kirill stands down. EXT. PRAGUE STREETS - SUNRISE A flotilla of VEHICLES (Xander's GTO among them) drives through the gate in a massive, stone wall. It's a big manor house in the middle of town. INT. MEDIEVAL MANOR - COURTYARD - PRAGUE - SUNRISE The GTO, sedans, SUV's park in the courtyard. Xander sees a row of MOTORCYCLES parked here as well. Xander also sees a Guard hit a switch that LOWERS the HEAVY WOODEN GATE. Yorgi corrals a bunch of STRIPPERS he's brought home. YORGI This way, girls, let's go! He leads the whole troop inside. INT. MEDIEVAL MANOR - HALLWAY - SUNRISE As they go down the hall/Xander sees ROOMS FULL OF OFFICE WORKERS and MAFIYA GOONS. VIKTOR Diversified global operations. The sun never sets on our empire. Xander takes in WORLD MAPS, FAX MACHINES, BANKS OF COMPUTERS. For all their screwing around, it's clear Anarchy 99 runs a large operation. INT. MEDIEVAL MANOR - MAIN HALL - SUNRISE With leaded glass windows overlooking the river, this place is beautiful. Inside it's done up more like the house from MTV's "Real World", except trashed. There's cool fish tanks, a pool table, PS2 on a flatscreen and spray paint and holes all over the walls. SERVANTS welcome them with food and Yorgi's SECRETARY gives him important messages. YORGI (sorting through messages) Not bad, yes? The original owners, they just one day decide to move out. Anders starts pounding on a drumset. Petra kicks a soccer ball at him. PETRA Yeb vas, z'opa. Shut up! Yorgi paws at a Stripper. YORGI I've got meetings this afternoon, I've got to get some sleep. Just pick a girl. XANDER That's alright, I'm kinda tired. YORGI You want to insult me? This is my hospitality. Pick one. Xander points at one of the Strippers. She's wearing a fashionable FLAK JACKET. YORGI Good, now find a room to crash in. Petra, show him. The surly Petra opens a door, revealing a hall of doors. Xander and Flak Jacket follow. XANDER You gonna tuck us in? She just gives him a nasty look, walks into her room and slams the door. Xander scratches his head and picks a room. The others shuffle off to their beds with their Strippers. INT. MEDIEVAL MANOR - XANDER'S ROOM - SUNRISE Flak Jacket is out of sight in the bathroom. Xander talks to her while he gets undressed. XANDER Listen, no offense, but I'm not in the market right now, okay? You can stay here, but let's not -- He trails off as she steps out of the bathroom. She's wearing just a G-string and the flak jacket. XANDER You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you? She just smiles at him sweetly and pulls his shirt off. She looks at the ENGAGEMENT RING still pierced through his nipple and gives a puzzled look. XANDER Stupid, right? That's what I was trying to tell you. I just got out of this heavy thing... She kisses him and lets the flak jacket fall (PG-13 style).