Matt Stone, Trey Parker & Philip Stark
EXT. OUTER SPACE
A large metal object drifts slowly through space.
TITLE: MIR SPACE STATION
INT. MIR SPACE STATION
A Russian cosmonaut floats around inside the cockpit.
Vlad nyet chakesfski. Bordat comrade
SUBTITLES: "Propulsion systems stable. No problems with MIR."
Suddenly, a green-faced monster with 6 eyes pops out from
behind the control panel.
The monster removes its mask, revealing it is actually
Porchat! Vlidit shtadecht!
SUBTITLES: "Gotcha! Happy Halloween!"
Shtadt bodit but shtad!
SUBTITLES: "You scared me you communist bastard!"
A red light on the control panel starts to flash. Yet another
cosmonaut floats into frame.
EXT. BUSSTOP - MORNING
The boys stand at the busstop.
They say nothing, just stare forward and blink.
Kyle sighs softly.
Cartman sniffles. Then --
SMACK!! The MIR Space Station drops from the sky and crushes
Kenny, killing him instantly.
OH MY GOD! They killed Kenny!
What the hell is that thing?
It looks like a UFO!
There's no such thing as UFOs!
Just then an ambulance pulls up. Two paramedics get out.
The boys watch as the paramedics place Kenny's crushed body
into a plastic body bag.
Let's get him to the Morgue.
They throw Kenny's body in the back, jump in the car and
drive away. The boys stand there for several seconds,
blinking. Then the school bus pulls up and they shuffle on.
Hey, wait 'till you guys see my
Halloween costume tomorrow! It kicks
Dude, it can't be cooler than mine!
Hey, man, we gotta get home and get
our costumes ready!
EXT. MORTUARY - NIGHT
Clouds pass in front of the moon behind a creepy building
ominously nestled between two large hills and surrounded by
a huge graveyard.
A large black bird swoops down and perches on a large sign
which reads: "SOUTH PARK Mortuary". The bird lets out a shrill
cry. Then it lets out a poop.
INT. MORTUARY - NIGHT
Kenny's dead body lies on an embalming table, surrounded by
tubes and medical instruments. The MORTICIAN and his ASSISTANT
stand nearby. On the wall behind them is a calendar which is
marked off up till the day "OCTOBER 30".
The Assistant sets the bottle down on a nearby shelf. The
Mortician takes an IV needle and sticks it into Kenny.
You know... I think death is least
funny when it happens to a child.
Oh Yeah, I know what you mean.
The Assistant pours some Worchestershire sauce onto a corn
dog and takes a bite.
Marty, do you have to put that stuff
I don't know. It just makes everything
taste so... English!
Well, let's let him drain.
The Mortician and his Assistant leave the room. The syringe
drains Kenny's blood into a bucket.
CREEPY MUSIC starts up as we see another tube which runs
embalming fluid into Kenny. We FOLLOW the tube up to a shelf,
past a row of bottles, up to a vat labeled "EMBALMING FLUID".
We MOVE UP to see that on the shelf above the vat sits the
bottle of Worchestershire sauce. As the music gets LOUDER,
the bottle starts to rock back and forth.
Suddenly, it FALLS over and begins to pour out into the vat
of embalming fluid!
As the music reaches a CRESCENDO, Kenny's eyes pop open!
EXT. MORTUARY - NIGHT
The Mortician and his Assistant stand by the back door,
So then the necrophiliac says, if
this ain't a cadaver, then I...
Kenny leaps onto the Mortician and clamps onto his head like
a velociraptor. A short melee ensues as Kenny claws and bites
both men and runs away.
(holding his head)
God damn, that little turd bit me!
(clutching his arm)
EXT. SOUTH PARK - EVENING
As CREEPY MUSIC plays, Kenny's zombie silhouette walks down
South Park avenue -- clouds drift in front of a bright, half
COMMERCIAL BREAK #1
EXT. BUSSTOP - MORNING
Kyle stands alone at the busstop, but we don't recognize
him. He is wearing a strange, furry mask.
Stan walks up dressed as Raggedy Andy.
Ha ha! You look like a pansy!
Shut up, Kyle!
What are you supposed to be?
I'm Raggedy Andy.
Why the hell did you dress up like
Raggedy Andy, dude?!
Wendy's going as Raggedy Anne. And
she said this way we'd win the costume
contest for sure.
No way, dude. I'm gonna win the
costume contest with this sweet
Wendy said that first prize is two
tons of candy!
Just then Cartman walks up dressed as Hitler.
Cartman... What kind of costume is
It's Adolph Hitler costume. SIEG
HIEL!! SIEG HIEL!!!
Where'd you get that?
My mom made it. Isn't it Cool?
NO IT'S NOT COOL!
What are you supposed to be, Stan?
No, I'm Raggedy Andy, fat ass!
Oh. Wow, you look pretty cool.
Long pause... Then Cartman and Kyle laugh loudly.
I'll kick your ass, Kyle!
Oh look out! Holly Hobby is all pissed
Kenny walks up. One of his ribs juts out. Dark circles ring
his eyes. He looks like a Zombie.
Hey look, Kenny's not dead.
Kenny slouches a little more.
You forgot to wear a costume Kenny.
Yea, what's the matter? Couldn't
your family afford a costume for
Yeah, why is your family so poor,
Kenny remains silent.
Kenny's family is so poor, that
yesterday they had to put their
cardboard box up for a second
The boys laugh and wait for a smart ass comeback from Kenny,
but Kenny just stands there.
I said your family had to put a
cardboard box up for a second
I'm talking to you, Kenny! Achtung!!
Poor piece of crap.
The school bus pulls up.
Come on, we're running late!
Ah, we're ALWAYS running late you
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I said I can't wait to own a fishing
Oh... neither can I.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
The Mortician and his Assistant sit on a little hospital
bed. The DOCTOR uses his stethoscope on their chests. The
Assistant moans softly.
What is it Doc?
The Doctor takes the stethoscope out of his ears.
Well, your temperature is only 55
degrees, you have no pulse, no
heartbeat, and your eyes are all
puffy and sticky.
Oh, no. You mean...
Yea, I'm afraid the two of you have
The Mortician and his Assistant gasp.
I'd give you topical medicine but I
don't want to touch you.
Oh I'm so hungry and all I can think
about eating is is... BRAINS!
Yeah, well, for God's sake don't
touch your eyes. I'll prescribe some
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
The boys walk into the classroom.
Just wait till everyone sees my sweet
Chewbacca costume! They're gonna be
so jealous --
The boys walk in and see:
The entire class is dressed up like Chewbacca.
EVERYONE came as Chewbacca?
MR. GARRISON (O.S.)
It sure does seem to be a popular
costume this year Kyle.
The boys turn to see MR. GARRISON dressed up like MARILYN
MONROE. He lifts up his hands to reveal MR. HAT, who is
dressed as Chewbacca.
Kyle removes his mask and throws it down.
The Chewbacca next to Stan takes off it's mask to reveal
that it's WENDY.
You said we were going to be Raggedy
Anne and Andy, remember?
We were going to enter the costume
contest as a pair!
I know, but then... I guess I just
realized how stupid we would look.
I thought you would reach the same
conclusion, so I came as Chewbacca.
Stan slams his head down on his desk.
Hey Stan, you look almost pretty
enough to kiss.
Yeah, you want to be my girlfrind?
You see? All of a sudden my costume
is pretty bad ass, huh?
Dude, dressing up like Hitler is NOT
You're just jealous. Why don't you
go back to Endor, you stupid Wookie!
Wookies don't live on Endor!
Mama ma mi mo momo!
At least my mom's not on the cover
of Crack Whore Magazine!
What? What did you say?!
Okay now, all you little Chewbaccas
take your seats.
The boys sit down.
Children, since today is Halloween,
I thought we should learn something
about the great horror writer Jackie
Collins. You see, when Jackie Collins
first wrote her novel..
Kenny's arm falls off and hits the floor.
Is there a problem Kenny? Let's try
to keep our hands and arms to
I'm never going to win that 2 tons
of candy looking like everyone else!
EXT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DAY
Ms. Cartman decorates the exterior of the house with Halloween
paraphernalia. It is already covered with plastic pumpkins,
skeletons, witches, vampires, graphic scenes from car crashes
and photos of mutilated bodies.
She hums happily as she hangs a photo of President Nixon.
Oh, I'm gonna decorate the house for
Halloween, With scary ghosts and
bats and creepy crawly things.
Just then the Mortician and his Assistant walk by, looking
Hello there! Happy Halloween!
Must... eat... brains... brains...
Another Townsperson walks past them and bumps into the
The Mortician and his Assistant immediately rip into the
Townsperson and gnaw on his head. The Townsperson SCREAMS
like a banshee.
Ms. Cartman continues to decorate, singing to herself happily.
It's the most wonderful time of the
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
The boys eat lunch.
I'm gonna make a new costume during
recess. I can STILL win that candy!
Hey Kenny, are you gonna eat your
Kenny sits there slumped over.
(in a different voice)
No, Eric, go ahead and take my pudding
if you like.
Why thank you, Kenny, how nice of
Cartman takes Kenny's pudding.
Aren't you hungry Kenny?
He hasn't moved an inch or said
CHEF approaches wearing a red white and blue jumpsuit.
Chef stops when he sees Cartman's costume.
What in the hell are you doing dressed
up like that?
Eating Kenny's pudding.
PRINCIPAL VICTORIA approaches.
Hello there, children. Oh, love the
Elvis costume, Chef.
Elvis? I'm Evil Knieval! Why the
hell would I dress up like Elvis?
Why the hell would you dress up like
Evil Knieval? Anyway, I hope that
you kids are --
She stops when she sees Cartman's costume.
AAAGH!! Eric! God bless it. What do
you think you're doing?
Hey, he SAID I could have his pudding!
Ask him yourself!
(in a different voice)
That's right Principal Victoria,
it's okay with me 'cause Eric is
Where did you get that costume young
My mom made it.
SEIG HIEL!! SEIG HIEL!!
Oh, God bless America. You get into
my office before anyone else sees
you! I have to show you an educational
She drags Cartman away from the table. He squeals like a
Squueeee!! I don't want to see an
Kenny leans over and bites into Clyde's arm -- CHOMP!
Clyde SCREAMS in agony.
OWWW! You bit my arm.
Oh Good! Kenny's back to normal!
INT. PRINCIPAL VICTORIA'S OFFICE - DAY
Cartman sits in a tiny chair opposite the Principal's desk,
watching a video monitor.
Watch the video Eric.
Adolf Hitler was a very, very naughty
The image on the TV becomes one of those famous shots from
WW2 footage of Hitler addressing a mass of Nazis.
Sfinen! Loobin der Bruce Leeben! Ala
mencian verden brooder! Tauchter aus
elisium! Ala mention vereden brooder
vaus de modem stragal tout!
Cartman's smile grows. He seems impressed and intrigued.
He looks closely at the screen, but now the image of Hitler
has been replaced by Cartman on the stage.
Juden est forbideen! Est una scrava
uts cafiga hoda!!
Juden est forbideen! goddamit!
Now a little Smokey Bear type creature steps in front of the
So remember kids, dressing up like
Hitler in school isn't cool.
These words appear across the screen as Smokey Bear says
them. Principal Victoria shuts the TV off.
Now, do you have any questions?
Can I see that again? That was cool!
You must remove that costume
I can't, I have to win those two
tons of candy.
Well how about we make you a new
costume? Let's see now...
She looks around the office and spots a white sheet on a
Aha! Though of something. How about
we make you a nice scary ghost
I don't wanna be a stupid scary ghost!
ANGLE ON: Principal Victoria, as she throws the sheet over
Cartman and starts SNIPPING away with a pair of scissors.
(as she works)
And lemme just make a few quickie
alterations and... there you go young
FULL SHOT OF CARTMAN, WHO NOW LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE KLANSMAN
IN HIS WHITE ROBE AND HOOD.
EXT. SOUTH PARK
The Mortican Zombie and his Assistant Zombie-walk down the
They come across a pair of Joggers.
Ooh, looks like they got a touch of
that pink eye that's going around...
The Zombies attack the joggers. The Joggers SCREAM
INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY
The gym is decorated for Halloween. A large banner reads
The Chewbacca children all stand in line. At the end are KKK
Cartman, Stan (still as Raggedy Andy) and Zombie Kenny.
Boo! I'm a ghost!
Oh man, I feel like a total chode.
Oh c'mon Stan. Maybe that's just
because you LOOK like a total chode.
Chef turns around and JUMPS when he sees Cartman.
Chef runs away.
Whoa, Chef's really scared of ghosts
Hey, where's Kyle?
Just then, the gym doors fly open and Kyle walks in wearing
a HUGE solar system costume.
Check THIS out!
What is that?
I'm the whole solar system!! The
planets even all revolve the right
way! That tub of candy is as good as
Mr. Garrison tweets on a little whistle.
Okay children, let's get you lined
up so the judge can get a good look
at your stupid little costumes.
The kids line up.
Children, this year we have a
celebrity judge. The star of 'Family
Ties'... Miss Tina Yothers!
Tina Yothers prances out on stage. The kids are unimpressed.
Dude, I thought she was dead.
Yea, me too.
Tina Yothers approaches Mr. Garrison and hands him an
Thank you, Miss Yothers.
Mr. Garrison opens the envelope.
Okay, The Second Place award for
best costume goes to... Kenny, for
his Edward James Olmos costume!
Tina Yothers pins a red ribbon on Kenny. He drools.
And the award for the Very Best
Costume goes to....
Kyle's eyes widen.
WENDY! For her Chewbacca costume!
Wendy walks past all the other identical Chewbaccas and
receives the blue ribbon.
WHAT?! But she looks just like
Wendy receives her two tons of candy.
Up yours Tina Yothers!!!!
And the award for the WORST costume
this year goes to... STAN for his
stupid little clown thing costume.
Let's all point at Stan and laugh children.
Everybody points and laughs at Stan.
Wendy stands next to Stan.
Thanks a lot, Wendy. You RUINED my
Relax Stan, You'll feel better once
we're out trick or treating.
Stan can't believe it. He looks bitch-slapped.
I don't want to trick or treat with
you! You lied to me!!
Okay, children let's all gather around
and bob for stupid apples now.
The kids gather around a large barrel of water.
You go first bebe...
Bebe steps up and dunks her head in the water.
That's good, just use those mouth
muscles like the girls in Beijing.
Just then, a little zombie Clyde steps up next to zombie
Clyde dunks his head in after Bebe's head. Bebe screams in
Wait your turn, Clyde!!
EXT. CHEF'S HOUSE - DUSK
Chef walk up to his house with a bag of groceries under his
arm. He pulls out his keys, when suddenly --
BAM!! A townsperson, JOHNSON, throws himself against the
door. He is a Zombie.
Chef drops his groceries.
Damn, Johnson, what the hell's gotten
Johnson lunges at Chef. Chef dodges and unlocks the front
Get the hell out of here, Johnson! I
don't want no God damn pink eye!
Chef goes inside and slams the door shut.
INT. CHEF'S HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER
Chef sits in front of the TV, squeezing one of those
...and the President responded to
the incident by saying, quote, "Screw
those commie bastards, and screw
their little wussy space station".
The Anchorman turns to another camera.
In other news, a pink eye epidemic
is now sweeping the town of South
Park. Here with a live report is a
midget wearing a bikini.
A midget wearing a bikini stands in front of South Park
Thanks, Tom. Already more than half
of the townspeople here in South
Park have been infected with the
pink eye virus.
Footage of townspeople walking around lik Zombies, arms
outstretched, attacking people and eating their brains.
Symptoms include a complete loss of
heart functions, blood pressure,
lung activity, and of course, sticky,
Chef puts down the remote control.
Pink eye my ass! I've seen this kind
of thing before...
EXT. SOUTH PARK - NIGHT
Stan and Cartman stand on the sidewalk, ready to trick or
Where the hell is Kyle? We don't
have all night to wait for him!
I bet I get more candy than you,
Are you crazy? I'm the Candy Master!
No no, you're the ASS Master. There's
Hey, I'm not the one who walked around
all day looking like Pippi
Oh yeah?! Well, at least MY mom's
not on the cover of Crack Whore
God Dammit! My mom is NOT on the
cover of Crack whore magazine!!!
Kyle walks in dressed as a little vampire.
Oh good you're here. Now, let's make
sure we've got everything. Flashlight?
Plastic pumpkin pails?
For shocking people who try to give
us granola treats or something.
Yeah, granola pisses me off!
Kenny approaches, looking completely Zombified.
STAN & KYLE
Whew! You stink, Kenny!
The boys consider him for a moment.
You STILL didn't get a costume, Kenny?
Kenny doesn't respond.
Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying
job or else Kenny's dad would be a
Kenny doesn't respond.
I said YOUR DAD WOULD BE A
MILLIONAIRE!! KENNY!!! Kenny your
family is poor!! Kenny your family's
I don't like Kenny anymore. He just
The boys start to walk away. Just then, Wendy shows up.
How's your barrel full of candy,
Oh, I didn't want all that sweet
stuff. I gave it away to hungry
children in Narobi.
YOU WHAT?! ARE YOU INSANE?!
Let's go trick or treats!
I don't think so, Wendy. I think
you've had enough candy for one day!
Stan, I'm awful sorry you got dressed
up like Raggedy Andy. Please don't
How can he be mad with such pretty
hair and rosy cheeks?
Trick or treat with yourself, Wendy!
No buts Wendy, I wish you were dead!
The boys walk away. Wendy looks sad. She stands there alone,
when suddenly a shadow looms over her. Wendy turns around
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Chef rushes into the office, where the Doctor is examining a
Why hello Chef. Let me guess -- pink
No, Doctor! I've seen this type of
Chef pulls the Doctor aside.
This ain't no pink eye... It's THE
What the hell are you talking about?
Think about it! Dead people getting
up and walking around... and Tina
Yothers comes to town! Coincidence?
Oh I don't think so!
Chef, I think maybe the pink eye has
made you a little delirious. Let me
give you some topical cream --
Damnit! Don't you see? These people
have been Zombified! They got no
heartbeat, no feeling... I'll show
Chef goes over to the patient and rips off his arm. Blood
spews everywhere as the patient SCREAMS in agony.
Uh Mr. Torres was here for a routine
Mr. Torres collapses to the ground.
Oh. Sorry. But my point is that
topical cream ain't gonna fix what's
Hey... Hey now, there have been a
lot of incredible advances in topical
creams over the last few years!
The patient passes out from loss of blood.
Doctor, who was the first person to
come in here with the sickness?
Well, it was the Mortician and his
assistant at the Morgue yea.
Just then four Zombies burst into the office!!
Chef jumps out the window and escapes.
Now now, fellas, let's form a line.
I've got enough topical cream for
The Zombies attack the doctor, who SCREAMS out in pain.
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys stand on the front porch. The door opens revealing
an older lady.
Trick or Treat!
Kenny's other arm falls off.
Oh, how cute!
The lady takes a handful of candy and starts to put it in
Cartman's bag --
Suddenly, Kenny lashes out and bites the woman's arm almost
Blood spews everywhere.
OH MY GOD!
She slams the door shut. From inside we hear hear muffled
CALL 911! CALL 911!! CALL 911! CALL
Oh nice going, Kenny! She was about
to give us the candy!
Yeah! She had Sweetie Pops!
Cartman slaps him in the head.
You owe me a Sweetie Pop, asshole!
INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Chef bursts into the office.
Mayor, we've got a BIG problem --
Barbrady stands in front of the desk in women's underwear.
The Mayor pops up from behind her desk.
Why... Why Chef, what a surprise!
You're probably wondering why we're
standing here with a pile of money
and no pants on.
Well, I can assure you that it has
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the
Not a thingy dingy.
I don't really give a crap. We've
got to do something about THE LIVING
You mean Tina Yothers?
The Mayor and Officer Barbrady LAUGH hysterically.
No, dammit! I'm talking about the
Zombies that have taken over South
Well, Evil Knieval, why don't you
jump over them with your rocket cycle?
The Mayor and Officer Barbrady laugh even harder.
Aw, to hell with you both!
Chef leaves, slamming the door behind him.
The Mayor and Officer Barbrady laugh for a moment more, then
Well, let's get back to it.
EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE - NIGHT
The front door opens revealing an obese man.
Trick or Treat!
The man holds out some candy.
Hope you kids like chocolate peanut
butter cream puffies --
Kenny JUMPS onto the man's back and SLASHES at his face.
The man tries unsuccessfully to pull him off.
AAGH! GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF ME!!!
Kenny rides the man as he spins around and COLLAPSES.
The boys look on with blank expressions.
Kenny bites into the man's skull and digs into his brains.
Dammit! We'll never get any candy if
Kenny keeps eating people!
Yeah! That's it, Kenny! You can't
trick or treat with us anymore!
The boys leave Kenny eating the man's brains.
EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - NIGHT
The boys walk down the street. Behind them, several zombies
tear down a house, we HEAR screaming coming from inside.
EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE - NIGHT
Kyle rings the doorbell. The door opens to reveal a huge man
in a KKK robe. Behind him stand several other Klansmen.
The Klansmen look down at Cartman in his KKK costume.
Trick or Treat.
Hey... They're all dressed up like
The Klansman throws something into Cartman's pumpkin pail
and slams the door.
Cartman pulls it out and looks at it.
ONE Tootie bar?! You cheap bastards!
EXT. CHEF'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys stand at the front door of Chef's house. Stan rings
ANGLE ON: The boys, as the door opens.
Trick or --
The boys SCREAM as they see:
Chef burst out at them, wielding two chainsaws.
GET OFF MY PROPERTY YOU BRAIN EATIN'
AHHH! CHEF!! NO!!!!
Chef realizes that the boys look normal.
Oh, sorry children, I thought you
were one of them!
Can we have candy now, please?
Chef frowns when he sees Cartman.
Dammit boy, what the hell are you
doing dressed up like that?
I'm TRYING to trick or treat God
Remind me to whup your ass good next
time I see you. Now get in here before
those Zombies get you!
INT. CHEF'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys sit on the couch while Chef talks to them.
What are you talking about Chef?
Zombies, children! South Park is
overrun with THE LIVING DEAD! Haven't
you noticed anything strange lately?
Well, not really, except that Kenny
keeps eating peoples' brains...
Don't you children see? Kenny's turned
into a zombie, along with everyone
else in town!
Oh my God! That means...
...if everyone has been turned into
(having an epiphany)
...then there won't be anyone to
give US CANDY!!!!!!!!!
All the boys gasp at the same time.
Chef! You've got to help us!
I'm working on it, children.
Chef throws a bunch of chainsaws and other assorted weapons
into a duffel bag.
Wait, where are we going?
The Doctor said the first people he
treated were the Mortician and his
Assistant. Now, I've got a hunch
we'll get to the bottom of this at...
The children sit on the couch frightened until Cartman farts.
It was Kyle.
COMMERCIAL BREAK #2
EXT. MORTUARY - NIGHT
Chef, clutching the duffel bag, leads the children up the
path to the Mortuary.
I don't know about this, Chef.
Yeah. I'm scared.
Remember candy. Focus on the candy.
INT. MORTUARY - NIGHT
Chef and the boys look around the room.
What are we doing here, Chef?
Just look for anything suspicious.
Everybody looks around.
I found it!! I found it!!!
Kyle pulls out a porno magazine. Bold letters on the cover
read: "CRACK WHORE MAGAZINE". On the cover is Cartman's mom,
posing in lingerie with a glass pipe in one hand and a butane
torch in the other.
See Cartman?! Your mom IS on the
Cartman's eyes bug out.
We TOLD you, dude!!
You better let me take that, Kyle.
Hey Chef, look!
Chef comes over to Stan, who stands by the embalming table.
ANGLE ON: The plastic tubing. We FOLLOW it up onto the shelf,
past the row of bottles, up to the vat of embalming fluid,
then up to the empty bottle of Worchestershire sauce.
Chef grabs the empty bottle and reads the label. It says:
"WARNING: NOT TO BE USED AS EMBALMING FLUID. EMERGENCY
Uh oh... We gotta call this hotline
Just then, a window CRASHES open!! It is ZOMBIE PIP!!
PIIIINK EYYYEEE... PIIIINK EYYYEEE...
It's the British kid!! He's a little
limy zombie now!!
Several other windows crash in. A horde of zombies is breaking
into the room!!
LOOK OUT, CHILDREN!!!
The zombies come at Stan and Kyle. Stan grabs a baseball bat
and smashes their heads in.
(FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT)
Okay, Chef, dial the hotline number!!
WHIP PAN around the room and STOP on Chef -- who looks just
like Michael Jackson in 'Thriller'.
Chef starts dancing and getting funky with the zombies.
I'm gonna make love, even when I'm
dead. My body might get cold, but
it's always hot in my bed! Make love,
don't you be afraid. Just because my
heart ain't beating don't mean you
wont get laid.
Let's get outta here!!
The boys run away.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
The boys gulp nervously, look at each other, then SCREAM and
run away from the Zombies, who give chase.
We gotta call that Worchestershire
Hey! There's a payphone!!
The boys stop at a little payphone. Stan hands Kyle the
You call the number, Kyle!
But the zombies are coming!
We'll hold 'em off!!
Stan and Cartman grab their weapons and head towards the
Kyle dials the number and An AUTOMATED VOICE comes on.
Welcome to the Worchestershire sauce
customer service hotline! For
Worchestershire sauce recipes please
press 1 followed by the pound sign.
For Worchestershire sauce product
placement please press 2. If
Worchestershire sauce has been used
as embalming please press --
BEEP!! Kyle quickly presses 3.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
Nobody screws up my Trick or Treats
and gets away with it.
An EPIC battles rages. Stan and Cartman stand together as
the Zombies come at them.
Cartman cuts off both arms and the head of a Zombie.
Stan cuts off the heads of two Zombies in one fell swoop.
We see a MONTAGE of Zombies getting beheaded from all
different angles. The chainsaws WHIR hellishly as Cartman
and Stan are sprayed with purple blood and bits of gore.
ANGLE ON: A photograph of three lovely ladies fondling each
other on a king-sized bed.
Zombie Chef sits at the table, quietly flipping through the
EXT. PAY PHONE - CONTINUOUS
ANNOYING HOLD MUSIC plays. After a moment, a voice.
Worchestershire sauce emergency
hotline, this call might be monitored
to ensure you the highest quality
service, how may I help you?
There's a bunch a zombies here!!
The HOLD MUSIC starts up again.
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
Cartman slams his chainsaw into the gut of a Zombie and lifts
him up off the ground, the chainsaw WHIRRING.
Stan finishes decapitating another Zombie, then turns to
Finish her, dude! She's a Zombie
I know, but... but
Come on, Stan! Remember how she dissed
you at the costume contest!
Wendy slowly advances on Stan.
INT. WORCHESTERSHIRE HQ - NIGHT
With the regular sauce, the first
thing you need to do is make sure
that you DO NOT just go out and start
decapitating Zombies left and right,
do you understand? DO NOT start
decapitating Zombies left and right!
EXT. PAY PHONE - CONTINUOUS
Kyle looks out and sees Stan and Cartman killing Zombies
left and right.
Uh... okay. Then what?
Zombie Wendy continues to advance on Stan.
Wendy! I know we had a fight, and I
did wish that you were dead, but I
didn't mean it!
Zombie Wendy pauses for a moment, but then continues towards
Kill her, Stan!!
INT. WORCHESTERSHIRE HQ
All you have to do is kill the
original Zombie, the one that started
the whole mess. Once you kill the
original Zombie all the other Zombies
will turn back to normal.
EXT. PAY PHONE - CONTINUOUS
Original Zombie? Well, how the hell
do we know who the original Zombie
We realize you have a choice in
Worchestershire sauces. We are
Kyle hangs up the phone.
Wait a minute... That thing landed
on Kenny... And they took HIM to the
I... I can't!
Everyone stops and watches as Kyle runs up with his mule
chainsaw. He approaches Kenny and SLAMS the chainsaw down on
top of his head.
He pushes down until the chainsaw gets caught in Kenny's
neck. GRUNTING, Chef pushes harder, until the saw goes clear
down to Kenny's feet, cutting him in half.
Immediately Wendy turns back to normal and collapses into
Oh my god I killed Kenny! You
Oh. What happened... Stan?
Don't worry, babe. Everything's gonna
It's working! They're turning back
SFX: CHEESY MAGIC-WAND SOUND as the many Zombie corpses all
over the place lose their Zombie features and turn into
You did it, children!
Okay let's go trick or treating now
I'm sorry I dissed you at school
like that, Stan. I guess I just wasn't
very considerate of your feelings.
That's okay, Wendy. I'm sorry I wished
you were dead.
They smile, gazing into each other's eyes.
Maybe we could... Actually kiss
They lean forward and are about to kiss when Stan VOMITS on
Eww! Gross Stan, Sick!! Barf is gross.
Wendy steps through the rotting corpses to run away.
COMMERCIAL BREAK #3
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
Stan, Kyle and Cartman, in normal clothes, are standing in
front of a tombstone.
Oh, man... I can't believe he's
The small grave reads 'Kenny McCormick' and then 'Sleep well,
little child, the Lord holds thee now'.
Yeah... He was too young to be taken
Dude, you're the one who cut him in
half with a chainsaw.
Cartman pulls out a small Kleenex and wipes his eyes.
Let us remember the good times...
Kenny would have wanted it that way.
Cartman chokes himself up saying this. He really starts to
weep. Kyle puts his arm around him.
All the boys appear to be sobbing. But then, suddenly, Cartman
pops out of it.
You know I've really learned something
today... Halloween isn't about
costumes or candy... It's about being
good to one another and giving and
No, dude, that's Christmas.
Oh... Then what's Halloween about?
Costumes and candy.
Well, let's get home and start eating
The boys smile and start to walk away.
We can eat it at Cartman's house and
see more naughty pictures of his
Knock it off, you guys!! She said
she was young and she needed the
Cartman! The pictures were taken
like last month!!
Screw you guys!!
The boys fully exit frame, and we are left alone in the
The camera TILTS DOWN to Kenny's grave...
Suddenly a brown gloved hand BURSTS through the ground!!!
As Horrific MUSIC plays, Kenny slowly pulls himself out of
Finally, the music reaches a CRESCENDO as Kenny stands above
his grave and gives out a muted cry!!
Just then, a large statue from the grave next-door falls on
top of Kenny, killing him instantly.
Music ends, all is silent...
After a few seconds, a small plane crashes on top of that...
As if that were necessary.
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