"SIDEWAYS" Screenplay by Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor Based on the novel by Rex Pickett May 29, 2003 UNDER THE STUDIO LOGO: KNOCKING at a door and distant dog BARKING. NOW UNDER BLACK, a CARD -- SATURDAY The rapping, at first tentative and polite, grows insistent. Then we hear someone get out of bed. MILES (O.S.) ...the fuck... A DOOR is opened, and the black gives way to BLINDING WHITE LIGHT, the way one experiences the first glimpse of day amid, say, a hangover. A WORKER is there. MILES (O.S.) Yeah? WORKER Hi, Miles. Can you move your car, please? MILES (O.S.) Why? WORKER The painters got to put the truck in, and you didn't park too good. MILES (O.S.) (a sigh, then --) Yeah, hold on. He closes the door with a SLAM. EXT. MILES'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY SUPERIMPOSE -- SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA Wearing only underwear, a bathrobe and clogs, MILES RAYMOND comes out of his unit and heads toward the street. He passes some SIX MEXICANS waiting to work. He climbs into his twelve-year-old CONVERTIBLE SAAB, parked far from the curb and blocking part of the driveway. The car starts fitfully. As he pulls away, the guys begin backing up the truck. EXT. STREET - DAY Miles rounds the corner and finds a new parking spot. INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS He cuts the engine, exhales a long breath and brings his hands to his head in a gesture of headache pain or just anguish. He leans back in his seat, closes his eyes, and soon NODS OFF. INT. MILES'S APARTMENT - DAY The door bursts open. Miles runs into the kitchen, looking just past camera. MILES Fuck! WHIP PAN TO -- THE MICROWAVE CLOCK that reads 10:50. ON THE PHONE -- Miles hurriedly throws clothes into a suitcase. MILES Yeah, no, I know I said I'd be there by noon, but there's been all this work going on at my building, and it's like a total nightmare, and I had a bunch of stuff to deal with this morning. But I'm on my way. I'm out the door right this second. It's going to be great. Yeah. Bye. INT. MILES'S BATHROOM - DAY ON THE TOILET -- Miles has a BOOK propped open on his knees. He turns a page, lost in his reading. LATER -- Miles SHOWERS. IN THE MIRROR -- Miles FLOSSES. INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY Miles finally makes it to the front of the line. BARISTA Hey, Miles. MILES Hey, Simon. Triple espresso, please. BARISTA Rough night, huh? (ringing it up) For here? MILES No, I'm running late. Make it to go. And give me a New York Times and... (scanning the display case) ...a spinach croissant. EXT. 5 FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMP - DAY Miles's Saab chugs up the ramp and merges. INSERT - NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD PUZZLE -- -- pressed against the STEERING WHEEL. The puzzle is about 1/3 finished. EXT. 5 FREEWAY - DAY As though from an adjacent car, we see Miles driving while carefully filling in an answer. INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD -- A SIGN reads: RANCHO PALOS VERDES PALOS VERDES ESTATES 1/4 MILE PAN TO MILES as he signals to change lanes. The finished puzzle lies on the passenger seat. EXT. PALOS VERDES STREET - DAY The houses on this block are blandly palatial as in so many affluent Southern California suburbs. Miles's car pull into the driveway behind an older BMW and two LEXI. He gets out and trots toward the front door. INT. ERGANIAN HOUSE - DAY A GIANT PROJECTION TV -- In a large split-level living room displays a GOLF TOURNAMENT. WIDE -- Watching from the ultra-comfortable furniture are MIKE ERGANIAN, a tanned, silver-haired real estate caudillo; bride- to-be CHRISTINE ERGANIAN, his oldest daughter; and JACK LOPATE, wearing bowling shirt, shorts and flip-flops. MRS. ERGANIAN, a warm and elegant housewife, shows Miles into the room. MRS. ERGANIAN Look what the cat dragged! MILES Hi, everybody. Mr. Erganian and Jack get to their feet and shake hands with Miles. Jack remains affable, but we can discern his genuine irritation. JACK About time you got here, bud. Mr. Prompt. MR. ERGANIAN We were thinking maybe you took the wrong way and went to Tijuana and they didn't let you back in. The Erganians laugh. Miles works up a smile too. MILES I had to bribe them. More lame laughter. CHRISTINE Hey, Miles. MILES (leaning in to kiss Christine) Seriously though, the freeway was unbelievable today. Unbelievable. Bumper to bumper the whole way. People getting an early start on the weekend, I guess. Granted I got a late start, but still. Although Mr. Erganian presses MUTE on the remote, he keeps watching for an extended moment, as do Jack and Miles. MRS. ERGANIAN Christine, why don't you ask Miles about the cake? CHRISTINE Oh, good idea. Here, Miles, come to the kitchen with me. JACK Don't bother him with that. We got to get going. CHRISTINE (taking Miles's hand) It'll just take a second. INT. ERGANIAN KITCHEN - DAY Jack and the Erganians surround Miles as he eats from a plate with two pieces of CAKE -- one white, one dark. MRS. ERGANIAN Jack tells us you are publishing a book. Congratulations. MR. ERGANIAN Yes, congratulations. Miles shoots Jack a look. Mr. Erganian gets some ice cubes from the refrigerator door. MILES Yeah, well, it's not exactly finalized yet, but, um, there has been some interest and -- MRS. ERGANIAN (to Jack) Your friend is modest. JACK Yeah, Miles, don't be so modest. Indulge them. Don't make me out to be a liar. MR. ERGANIAN What subject is your book? Non- fiction? MILES No, it's a novel. Fiction. Although there's a lot from my own life, so I guess technically some of it is non- fiction. MR. ERGANIAN Good, I like non-fiction. There is so much to know about the world that I think reading a story someone just invented is kind of a waste of time. CHRISTINE So which one do you like better? MILES I like them both, but if pressed I'd have to say I prefer the dark. JACK (to Christine) See? INT. SAAB - CONTINUOUS IN A REAR VIEW MIRROR -- The Erganians wave good-bye. INSIDE THE CAR -- Miles accelerates as he and Jack wave back. JACK Where the fuck were you, man? I was dying in there. We were supposed to be a hundred miles away by now. MILES I can't help the traffic. JACK Come on. You're fucking hungover. MILES Okay, there was a tasting last night. But I wanted to get us some stuff for the ride up. Check out the box. Jack turns around, and starts rooting around in a CARDBOARD WINE BOX. MILES Why did you tell them my book was being published? JACK You said you had it all lined up. MILES No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum... JACK Yeah, Conundrum. MILES ...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already. JACK I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me. MILES It's a long shot, all right? And Conundrum is just a small specialty press anyway. I'm not getting my hopes up. I've stopped caring. That's it. I've stopped caring. Jack sits back in his seat holding up a bottle of CHAMPAGNE and TWO GLASSES. JACK But I know it's going to happen this time. I can feel it. This is the one. I'm proud of you, man. You're the smartest guy I know. Jack now begins to remove the foil from the champagne bottle. MILES Don't open that now. It's warm. JACK Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it. MILES That's a 1992 Byron. It's really rare. Don't open it now. I've been saving it! Jack untwists the wire. Instantly the cork pops off, and a fountain of champagne erupts. MILES For Christ's Sake, Jack! You just wasted like half of it! Jack begins pouring two glasses. JACK Shut up. (handing Miles a glass) Here's to a great week. MILES (coming around) Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together. JACK Yeah. MILES You know how long I've been begging to take you on the wine tour. I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. They clink and drink. JACK Oh, that's tasty. MILES 100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore. JACK Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark? MILES Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron. JACK Just tell me. MILES Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color. JACK (not really listening) Sure is tasty. EXT. FREEWAY - DAY The Saab heads north. INT. SAAB - DAY The boys continue to drink and drive. MILES Did you read the latest draft, by the way? JACK Oh, yeah. Yeah. MILES And? JACK I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something. MILES How about the new ending? Did you like that? JACK Oh yeah. Much better. MILES There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same. JACK Well, then I guess it must have felt new because everything leading up to it was so different. INT. GAS STATION #1 - DAY Miles is pumping gas. Jack is stretching his legs nearby or perhaps cleaning the windshield. A CELLPHONE RINGS. Jack reaches into his pocket. JACK (looking at the phone) It's Christine. (snapping it open) Hey you. CHRISTINE (ON PHONE) You guys having fun? Christine's voice is so loud that Jack has to hold the phone away from his ear. JACK Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have been a blast. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Good. That's good. A silence, then -- JACK So what's up? CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Just seeing how you're doing. And, um, Mom and I were starting to look over the seating charts again, and we're wondering if you wanted Tony Levin to sit next to the Feldmans, or should he be at one of the singles tables? Jack looks at Miles in a mute appeal for sympathy. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) So what do you think? With the Feldmans? Jack hasn't even really heard the question. JACK Yeah. The Feldmans. As the conversation continues, Miles replaces the GAS PUMP, screws the GAS CAP back on, and together the guys get back into the car. We DRIVE AWAY WITH THEM. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Really? Because I don't know, I was thinking that -- JACK Well, then put him at the singles table. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) The problem with that is that then there's one extra -- JACK Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend. JACK I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important. JACK Honey, I'm just saying you know I need a little space before the wedding. Isn't that the point of this? Isn't that what we talked about with Dr. Gertler? A silence. Then -- CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Why are you being so defensive? JACK I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you. JACK Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay? CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Bye. JACK I love you. CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE) Bye. Jack SLAMS his cellphone shut, momentarily blinded with rage. MILES Tony Levin? Why did you fucking invite Tony Levin? EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON The Saab heads north -- now passing through LOS ANGELES. INT./EXT. SAAB - LATE AFTERNOON Miles signals and begins to head for an EXIT. JACK Whoa, why are we getting off? MILES I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second. JACK What? MILES I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother. JACK Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago. MILES It's her birthday tomorrow. And I don't feel right driving by her house and not stopping in, okay? It'll just take a second. She's right off the freeway. EXT. 101 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON The Saab takes an EXIT. JACK (O.S.) How old's she going to be? MILES (O.S.) Um... seventy... something. JACK (O.S.) That's a good age. OMIT. OMIT. EXT. CONDO COMMUNITY STREET - DUSK The Saab rounds a corner and parks in front of a modest CONDO. SUPERIMPOSE: OXNARD, CALIFORNIA EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - DUSK Approaching the front door, Miles pulls a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS out of a plastic grocery store bag. Jack carries a bottle of CHAMPAGNE. Miles pulls a BIRTHDAY CARD out of the bag too. MILES Wait a second. He pulls a PEN from his pocket and signs it. As he licks the envelope, Jack rings the bell. Moments later PHYLLIS comes to the door. She is a matronly older woman in a nightgown and housecoat. MILES AND JACK Surprise! Happy Birthday! The boys offer up the flowers and champagne. Phyllis slurs slightly as she speaks -- she's been doing some celebrating of her own. PHYLLIS My God. Miles. And Jack! What a surprise. I can't remember the last time you brought me flowers. They hug. JACK They're from both of us. PHYLLIS A famous actor bringing me flowers on my birthday. Don't I feel special? MILES A famous actor who's getting married next week. PHYLLIS Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I hope that girls knows how lucky she is, marrying no less than Derek Summersby. The boys follow her inside. INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS JACK Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven years ago. PHYLLIS Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin. JACK Yeah, well, you should be my agent. PHYLLIS If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on. JACK You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond. PHYLLIS (over her shoulder) Oh, stop it. Make yourselves comfortable. (now around the corner) You boys hungry? MILES Yeah, I'm hungry. Jack gives Miles a look. MILES (low) Just a snack. Calm down. Miles leads Jack into this small condo. The TV is on, and it's MESSY. Amid the newspapers and junk mail and dishes, an AB-ROLLER and an ancient SCHWINN EXER-CYCLE sit forgotten in a corner. INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S KITCHEN - NIGHT Miles finishes twisting ice trays into a MOP BUCKET as it fills with water in the sink. He puts the champagne in and carries it into the -- INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS He takes a seat on the sofa next to Jack, who is watching WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? MILES Let me show you something. The secret to opening champagne is that once the cork is released, you keep pressure on it so you don't -- JACK (concentrated on the TV) Just a second. Guy's going for $2500. Miles finishes opening the bottle with an elegant silence. PHYLLIS (O.S.) Ready for my close up! The boys turn to see Phyllis now dolled up in thick make-up and a PANTSUIT. Her eyebrows are painted and cock-eyed. Overall she looks much worse than before. PHYLLIS Oh, champagne! Miles, why don't you bring that out onto the lanai? I thought we could eat on the lanai. EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT Miles and Jack are seated in webbed chairs around a circular glass table. They are mid-meal. Everyone is more than a little lubricated, especially the birthday girl as she returns from the kitchen with another plate of food. JACK Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious. Absolutely delicious. PHYLLIS (sitting) They're just leftovers. JACK Is it chicken? PHYLLIS I could have made something fancier if a certain someone had let me know that a certain someone was coming for a visit with a certain special friend. Could have made a pork roast. MILES It was a surprise, Mom. PHYLLIS And I could have already put clean sheets on the other bed and the fold- out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and the twins are picking us up at 11:30 to go to brunch at the Sheraton. They do a magnificent job there. Wendy is so excited you're coming. Silence. Jack freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth. MILES You talked to Wendy? PHYLLIS Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids. MILES (trying to be chipper) Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes. PHYLLIS Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday. MILES Uh-huh. (wiping his mouth) I'll be right back. He gets up and heads into the house. INT. MILES'S APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT Miles heads toward... INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT ...and goes directly to her dresser, opening a drawer filled with bras, panties and stockings. He burrows through his mother's lingerie until locating a CAN OF RAID. A can of Raid? He twists open the bottom and pulls it apart, revealing it to be a SECRET STASH for valuables disguised as a common household product. Inside are stacks of ONE-HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. MILES (quickly peeling some off) ...six, seven, eight,... (one more for good luck) Nine. His task complete, he closes the drawer, and as he stuffs the bills in his pocket, his glance falls upon FRAMED PHOTOS atop the dresser -- -- A proud NINE-YEAR-OLD MILES poses in front of his childhood San Diego home, showing off a WAGON filled with freshly harvested lettuce. On the wagon is a hand-lettered sign -- "10 cents a bunch." -- A Sears portrait shows the RAYMOND FAMILY: a much younger Phyllis, her husband, and their two children -- a 12-year- old Miles and seven-year-old Wendy. -- Miles at his wedding. He and his bride VICTORIA look young and attractive, their faces radiant and hopeful. INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT Miles enters, flushes the toilet and leaves. EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT As Miles slides open the door and takes his seat again, Jack is pouring Phyllis another glass. PHYLLIS And what was that other one you did, the one where you're the jogger? JACK Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash. PHYLLIS Spray and Wash. That's the one. JACK Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something. PHYLLIS I just remember you jogging. So when's the wedding? MILES (irritated) This Saturday, Mom, remember? We told you. JACK And Miles is my best man, Mrs. Raymond. My main man. PHYLLIS (another drink of wine) Miles, when are you going to get married again? MILES I just got divorced. Phyllis. JACK Two years ago, buddy. PHYLLIS You should get back together with Victoria. She was good for you. Embarrassed for his friend, Jack just stares at his food. PHYLLIS She was good for you. (turning to Jack) And so beautiful and intelligent. You knew her, right? JACK Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do. PHYLLIS I'm worried about you, Miles. Do you need some money? MILES I'm fine. Miles takes another drink of wine. CUT TO BLACK: UNDER BLACK, a CARD -- SUNDAY MILES (O.S.) Jack. Jack. INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY Jack finally awakens with a start and finds Miles standing above him, shaking him. WIDE -- As Jack gets up, we see he has crashed on Phyllis's bed adorned with all her decorative PILLOWS. INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - DAY Still in her pantsuit and smeared makeup, Phyllis lies sprawled and snoring on the sofa. On the TV, ostensibly never turned off the night before, is an inane CARTOON. As Miles opens the front door, he spots Jack heading toward the TV to turn it off. Miles waves him off. MILES (a loud whisper) She'll wake up. As they leave and Miles closes the front door quietly behind him, we PAN to the flowers still wrapped and forgotten on a side table. INT. ROADSIDE IHOP - DAY TWO PLATES OF FOOD float in front of two breasts tucked inside a zippered uniform. WIDER -- Disheveled and unshaven, Jack and Miles are served breakfast by a young, innocently sexy WAITRESS. Jack leers after her. JACK Fuck, man. Too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean? MILES She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore. JACK That's your problem, Miles. MILES As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place. JACK Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages. MILES It's not worth it. You pay too big a price. It's never free. They eat in silence a moment. JACK You need to get laid. Miles shrugs off the comment. JACK It'd be the best thing for you. You know what? I'm going to get you laid this week. That's going to be my best man gift to you. I'm not going to give you a pen knife or a gift certificate or any of that other horseshit. MILES I'd rather have a knife. JACK No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books. MILES I'm working on it. Miles concentrates on his eggs and hash browns JACK You still seeing that shrink? MILES I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer. JACK Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax? MILES And Lexapro, yes. JACK Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need. MILES Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style. JACK And get your bone smooched. Jack spots the waitress coming out of the kitchen and motions for more coffee. She nods and smiles, indicating she'll be right over. Jack returns the smile and holds up a hand to signal he'll wait. Jack turns back to see Miles watching him. JACK What? EXT. CENTRAL COAST - DAY In a series of shots, the Saab -- now with its TOP DOWN -- makes its way onto the 101 and travels past landmarks that those familiar with the Santa Barbara area might recognize. MUSIC accompanies this sequence that anchors us into the rhythm of a road trip. INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY The car now descends the Santa Ynez Mountains and heads toward Buellton. Miles and Jack must SHOUT to be heard in the open car. MILES You know what? Let's take the Santa Rosa turnoff and hit Sanford first. JACK Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass. MILES These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. (looking out the window) Look how beautiful this view is. What a day! JACK I thought you hated Chardonnay. MILES I like all varietals. I just don't generally like the way they manipulate Chardonnay in California -- too much oak and secondary malolactic fermentation. EXT. SANTA ROSA TURN-OFF - DAY The Saab passes over the 101 and turns onto SANTA ROSA road. INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY The boys now pass vineyards of immaculate grapevines. MILES Jesus, what a day! Isn't it gorgeous? And the ocean's just right over that ridge. See, the reason this region's great for Pinot is that the cold air off the Pacific flows in at night through these transverse valleys and cools down the berries. Pinot's a very thin-skinned grape and doesn't like heat or humidity. Jack looks at Miles, admiring his friend's vast learning and articulateness. The Saab now pulls of the road and makes its way down a long gravel DRIVEWAY. JACK Hey, Miles. I really hope your novel sells. MILES Thanks, Jack. So do I. (noticing) Here we are. EXT. SANFORD TASTING ROOM - DAY Miles brings the car to a stop in the parking lot. As they get out and walk -- MILES So what'd you guys finally decide on for the menu? JACK I told you. Filet and salmon. MILES Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry? JACK I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish? MILES Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference. JACK (taking out his phone) Let me call Christine. MILES Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste. JACK I owe her a call anyway. Miles must curb his eagerness to go inside the tasting room as Jack SPEED DIALS. JACK Hey, honey. So we're up here about to taste some whites, and we need to know how the caterers are going to make the salmon. Jack listens, then grows suddenly impatient. JACK No, I know, I didn't forget, but we wound up at Miles's mom's house, and it got really late, and it was hard to call, so I'm calling you now. I said I was sorry. Yes, I did. (to Miles) You heard me say I was sorry, right? Miles just shrugs. JACK Miles heard me say I was sorry. As Jack gets more and more involved with the phone call, he wanders off across the parking lot, progressively out of earshot. JACK Give me a break, will you? I just called to find out about the salmon -- for our wedding -- to be more involved, like you said -- and all you want to do is get into it about last night and, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't call. You're totally right. I know, but I'm trying to make this the best wedding I can with the best wine we can find. Don't I get any credit for that? Okay. Look, I've got to go. I'm out here in the parking lot, and Miles is waiting for me... And so it goes, Jack's voice rising and falling. Miles decides to head inside. INT. SANFORD TASTING ROOM - DAY Miles is at the bar, TWO GLASSES in front of him. Jack walks in and bellies up next to him. JACK (proudly) Baked with a butter-lime glaze. MILES Now we're talking. CHRIS BURROUGHS, a POURER in a cowboy hat and ponytail, comes over. CHRIS This is the condemned man? MILES Here he is. Jack, Chris. Chris, Jack. Chris and Jack shake hands. JACK How you doing? CHRIS You guys want to start with the Vin Gris? JACK Sounds good. TWO GLASSES are filled with small amounts of PINOT NOIR VIN GRIS. JACK This is rose, right? MILES Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir. JACK Pinot noir? Not again! (joking, to Chris) You know, not all Pinots are noir. They laugh. Miles swirls his glass in tight circles on the bar, then lifts it to smell. Jack clumsily imitates Miles, perhaps even spilling some wine in the process. MILES Let me show you. We see details of what Miles now describes. MILES First take your glass and examine the wine against the light. You're looking at color and clarity. JACK What color is it supposed to be? MILES Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever... JACK Huh. MILES Now tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins toward the rim. Tells you how old it is, among other things, usually more important with reds. This is a very young wine, so it's going to retain its color pretty solidly. Now stick your nose in it. Jack waves the glass under his nose as if it were a perfume bottle. MILES Don't be shy. Get your nose in there. Jack now buries his nose in the glass. MILES What do you smell? JACK I don't know. Wine? Fermented grapes? Miles smells. MILES There's not much there yet, but you can still find... (more sniffs) ...a little citrus... maybe some strawberry... passion fruit... and there's even a hint of like asparagus... or like a nutty Edam cheese. Jack smells again and begins to brighten. JACK Huh. Maybe a little strawberry. Yeah, strawberry. I'm not so sure about the cheese. MILES Now set your glass down and get some air into it. Miles expertly swirls the wine. Jack follows suit. MILES Oxygenating it opens it up, unlocks the aroma and the flavors. Very important. Now we smell again. They do so. Jack smiles. MILES That's what you do with every one. JACK When do we get to drink it? MILES Now. Jack gulps his wine down in one shot. Miles chews his before swallowing. JACK How would you rate this one? MILES Usually they start you on the wines with learning disabilities, but this one's pretty damn good. (to Chris) This is the new one, right, Chris? CHRIS Released it about two months ago. MILES Nice job. CHRIS We like it. JACK (to Miles) You know, you could work in a wine store. MILES Yeah, that would be a good move. Now Miles notices something about Jack. MILES Are you chewing gum? JACK Want some? EXT. SOLVANG, CALIFORNIA - DAY The Saab passes through this Danish-themed tourist town. SUPERIMPOSE -- SOLVANG EXT. BUELLTON, CALIFORNIA - DAY The Saab makes its way into this very average-looking Central coast town right off the freeway. SUPERIMPOSE -- BUELLTON EXT. WINDMILL INN - DAY The Saab pulls into the parking lot of this motel. And look -- there's the WINDMILL itself, its decorative blades motionless. INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY Miles and Jack enter the room and throw their suitcases onto their respective beds. LATER -- The sounds of a SHOWER and OFF-KEY SINGING come from the bathroom while Miles sits impatiently on the bed. He pounds on the wall. MILES Hey Jack, hurry up! JACK (O.S.) Just a minute! Opening the bedside drawer, Miles finds a GIDEON'S BIBLE and tosses it in the trash -- apparently his hotel routine. EXT. HIGHWAY 246 - DUSK Freshly showered and dressed for dinner, Miles and Jack amble along the shoulder of this busy local two-lane highway. They pass a mall and a car dealership. JACK I thought you said it was close. Now I'm all pitted out. MILES It's not even a mile. JACK We should have driven. MILES Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back. JACK You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine? MILES Whoa. JACK Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it. MILES Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life. JACK Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff. MILES So you're going to stop acting? JACK No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along. MILES Uh-huh. JACK We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down. MILES If that's what feels right. JACK (convincing himself) It does. Feels right. MILES Then it's a good thing. JACK (nodding, feeling better) Yeah. It's good. Feels good. Miles leads them away from the road and across a parking lot. The camera PANS to reveal -- THE HITCHING POST, a local institution. INT. HITCHING POST BAR - DUSK Miles and Jack belly up. GARY, the Samoan bartender, spots Miles and extends a welcoming hand. GARY Hey, Miles. Long time no see. MILES Gary. GARY When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it. MILES Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week. GARY (shaking Jack's hand) My condolences. MILES What are you pouring tonight? GARY Lot of good stuff. (looking at a row of bottles) Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste? MILES Absolutement. (to Jack) They have their own label that's just outstanding. Gary pours Jack and Miles a generous sample and the two men swirl, sniff and taste. Jack is beginning to get the hang of things. GARY What do you think? MILES Tight as a nun's asshole but qood concentration. Nice fruit. JACK Yeah. Tight. MILES (to Gary) Pour us a couple. Gary fills their glasses and corks the bottle. Jack raises his glass to toast. JACK Here's to my last week of freedom. MILES It's going to be great. Here's to us. They clink their glasses and take a drink. We linger on them as Miles retreats inward and a restless Jack scans the room. INT. HITCHING POST DINING ROOM - NIGHT Jack and Miles review their menus. Jack looks up and spots a PRETTY WAITRESS placing an order at the bar. JACK Miles. Check it out. Miles glances at the waitress and returns to his menu. MILES Oh, yeah. That's Maya. JACK You know her? MILES Sure I know Maya. JACK You know that chick? MILES Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half. JACK She is very hot. MILES And very nice. And very married. Check out the rock. Jack leans forward and squints. JACK Doesn't mean shit. When Christine was a hostess at Sushi Roku, she wore a big engagement ring to keep guys from hitting on her. Think it worked? Fuck no. How do you think I met her? MILES This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara. JACK So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over. MILES You don't know anything about this woman. Calm down. Let's just eat, okay? (focusing on the menu) The duck is excellent and pairs nicely with the Highliner Pinot. Just then Maya comes by carrying a tray of food on her way to another table. MAYA Hey, Miles. Good to see you. MILES Maya, how are you? MAYA I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight? MILES Oh, no, actually. Busy night. MAYA Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today? MILES You know it. This is my friend Jack. Jack, Maya. JACK (big smile) Hiya. MAYA (smiling back) Hi. Well, nice to see you guys here. Bye, Miles. She goes. JACK Jesus, she's jammin'. And she likes you. What else do you know about her? MILES Well, she does know a lot about wine. JACK Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere. MILES And she likes Pinot. JACK Perfect. MILES Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work? JACK Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you? MILES She works for tips! JACK You're blind, dude. Blind. Miles focuses again on the menu. MILES I also recommend the ostrich. Very lean. Locally raised. INT. HITCHING POST BAR - NIGHT TWO BURGUNDY GLASSES -- are refilled with the contents of yet another bottle of Hitching Post Pinot Noir. Jack and Miles are enjoying a post-prandial drink. MILES Looks like he's thinking about something. Then -- MILES I hate Tony Levin. Jack swirls his wine and downs it in one gulp. Just then -- MAYA Walks into the bar and takes a seat a few stools down. She has changed into a black cashmere sweater and corduroys, lovely but tired. MAYA (to Gary) Highliner, please. JACK That's on us. Maya looks over and smiles as Gary pours her a glass from their bottle. MAYA Hey, guys. Maya gets an American Spirit Yellow out of her purse and lights it while Gary pours her a glass. MILES You want to join us? MAYA (polite) Sure. In no hurry, she takes a long sip of her wine, gets up and comes down the bar. MAYA So how's that book of yours going, Miles? I think you were almost done with it last time we talked. MILES I finished it. MAYA Good for you. JACK It's getting published. That's what we're up here celebrating. Miles shoots Jack a look. Jack responds with a "don't-fuck- it-up-brother" glower. MAYA That's fantastic. Congratulations. She offers her glass, and all clink. MAYA (to Jack) Are you a writer too? JACK No, I'm an actor. MAYA Oh yeah? What kind of stuff? JACK A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly. MAYA Anything I'd know? JACK Maybe. Recognize this? Jack takes a deep breath, and out comes a perfect VOICE-OVER VOICE. JACK "Now with low, low 5.8% APR financing." Maya's mouth drops open and curves into a big smile. MAYA That's hilarious. You sound just like one of those guys. JACK I am one of those guys. MAYA You are not. MILES He is. Jack launches into another one of his sure-fire hits. JACK (very fast) Consult your doctor before using this product. Side effects may include oily discharge, dizziness, hives, loss of appetite, difficulty breathing and low blood pressure. If you have diabetes or a history of kidney trouble... you're fucked! This makes Maya laugh a big throaty laugh. Jack joins in. Nervous about Jack's aggressive flirtatiousness, Miles musters a tight courtesy smile. MAYA (winding down) Oh. I needed that. Thank you. They all take a drink of wine. MAYA So what are you guys up to tonight? Before Jack has a chance to speak -- MILES We're pretty wiped. Probably go back to the hotel and crash. This makes Maya slightly embarrassed at her apparent availability, but she recovers quickly, remains breezy. MAYA Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a long drive up here. Where're you staying? MILES The Windmill. JACK Windmill. Maya downs the rest of her wine, stamps out her smoke, and picks up her jean jacket and purse. MAYA Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack. MILES See you. As she leaves -- JACK We'll catch up with you later, okay? But she's gone. Jack gives Miles a slow burn look. JACK We'll probably go back to the hotel and crash? EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT The guys walk drunkenly along the shoulder as CARS WHIZ BY. JACK The girl is looking to party, and you tell her we're going to go back to our motel room and crash? Jesus, Miles! MILES Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired? JACK The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published. MILES Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack. JACK I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit. MILES Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her. JACK Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married. MILES How do you know? JACK No rock. When she came to the bar, sans rock. INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT The screen is absolutely BLACK. JACK Single. Waitress. Getting off work. Looking for love. A little slap and tickle. MILES Shut up. JACK She probably went home, lit some candles, put on some relaxing music, took a nice hot bath, and laid down on her bed with her favorite vibrator. Jack begins to make a soft BUZZING noise, growing gradually louder and more rhythmic. MILES Have you no shame? JACK Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles. MILES Fuck you. There's now a rustling noise and footsteps. Then a LIGHT is flipped on in the BATHROOM. Miles closes the door behind him, and the only light visible is at the bottom of the bathroom door. Miles PEES -- a series of semi-forced SHORT SQUIRTS. Then a FLUSH as a door opens and the light goes off. Jack starts BUZZING again. MILES Shut the fuck up! Jack stops and Miles climbs into bed. Silence. Then -- JACK You need to get your prostate checked. UNDER BLACK -- MONDAY EXT. BREAKFAST CAFE - DAY Establishing. INT. BREAKFAST CAFE - DAY Miles and Jack are glancing at the menus. For some reason Jack is humorless and grumpy. MILES So what're we going to have? Pigs in a blanket? The "rancher's special breakfast"? Or maybe just some grease and fat with a side of lard? JACK (not amused) So what's the plan today? MILES We head north, begin the grape tour up there, make our way south so the more we drink the closer we get to the motel. Jack sarcastically taps an index finger to his temple. MILES What's your problem? Jack exhales and looks away, as though he doesn't want to get into it. MILES What is it? Jack sucks his teeth a moment searching for the right words. Then the dam bursts. JACK I am going to get my nut on this trip, Miles. And you are not going to fuck it up for me with all your depression and anxiety and neg-head downer shit. MILES Ooooh, now the cards are on the table. JACK Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me? MILES Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back. JACK No, see, I want both of us to get crazy. We should both be cutting loose. I mean, this is our last chance. This is our week! It should be something we share. The older WAITRESS comes over. WAITRESS Can I take your order? JACK But I am warning you. MILES Oatmeal, one poached egg, and rye toast. Dry. WAITRESS Okay. And you? JACK (glaring at Miles) Pigs in a blanket. With extra syrup. EXT. LOVELY HIGHWAY - DAY The Saab winds along this beautiful road that meanders through large open vineyards. DISSOLVE TO: INSERT -- A MAP and a MOVING LINE show the boys' route. DISSOLVE TO: INSERT -- GRAPES growing on the vine. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. VINEYARD - DAY Framed by foreground grapevines, the Saab passes in the distance. DISSOLVE TO: INT. FOXEN WINERY - DAY Miles has just downed a taste of red wine. MILES How much skin and stem contact? POURER About four weeks. MILES Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak? POURER About a year. MILES French or American? POURER Both. MILES Good stuff. JACK Yeah, oak. That's a good wood. Just as the pourer turns away toward other TASTERS, Jack GRABS the bottle and helps himself and Miles to another glass. They slam back their drinks like tequila. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. LOVELY AREA ON A HILL - DAY Miles brings the Saab to a stop, and the guys get out. Before them lies an incredible view of endless vineyards. MILES Nice, huh? JACK Beautiful. MILES Victoria and I used to like this view. (lost in nostalgia) Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care. JACK Miles. MILES She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines. JACK Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding. MILES I know. You told me. I'm okay with it. JACK Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried. MILES She what? (long pause) When? JACK About a month ago. Six weeks. MILES To that guy? That guy with the restaurant... Jack nods. Miles looks down at his shoes and draws a long breath. Then he stiffly gets back in the open car and closes the door. JACK Miles... MILES... Miles continues to stare straight ahead. JACK (exploding) Jesus Christ, Miles. Get out! MILES I want to go home now. JACK You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something. MILES Is she bringing him to the wedding? JACK What do you think? MILES You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before? JACK Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party! MILES (undeterred) I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin? JACK No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool. MILES (horrified) You've all been talking about it? Behind my back? Talking about it? Miles turns and locates an open BOTTLE of wine in the back seat. He uncorks it and begins to swig. JACK Hey, hey, hey. No, you don't! Jack tries unsuccessfully to grab the bottle from Miles, but Miles bolts out of the car. A VERY WIDE SHOT -- Pursued by Jack, Miles dashes down the hill, all the while taking huge swigs from the bottle. OMIT. EXT. LOVELY VINEYARD - CONTINUOUS Miles slows to walk between rows of GRAPEVINES. He polishes off the bottle and tosses it. A painting Jack catches up with him in the adjacent grapevine corridor. Miles's face crumbles as though he were about to cry. Then he collapses to the ground and closes his eyes tight. Jack looks around impatiently for a moment. Then he squats down so he can see Miles underneath the vines. JACK Miles? Miles ignores Jack and focuses on the beautiful RIPE GRAPES that surround him. They seem to distract him from his pain. JACK You going to be okay? Miles looks up and shakes his head a definitive NO. Jack can't help but LAUGH. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. KALYRA WINERY PARKING LOT - DAY The sun hangs low as the Saab pulls into the parking lot, Jack at the wheel. INT. KALYRA TASTING ROOM - DAY The pourer, a brunette in her early thirties, breaks away from a BORING COUPLE down the bar. This is STEPHANIE. STEPHANIE Hey, guys. How's it going? JACK Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah. STEPHANIE That's what people say. MILES (slurring slightly) You gotta excuse him. Yesterday he didn't know Pinot Noir from film noir. JACK I'm a quick learner. Stephanie laughs. She apparently likes big good-natured lunks like Jack. MILES I'm trying to teach my friend here some basics about wine over the next few days before he goes off and -- WHOOMP! Under the bar Jack stomps on Miles's foot. Miles winces. Stephanie slides TWO GLASSES in front of them. JACK That's right -- I'm here to learn. I never had that much interest in wine before, but this trip has been very enlightening. Always like wine, of course, but I don't know. More of a beer man, really. Microbreweries. She THUMPS the cork off a bottle of Chardonnay. STEPHANIE Well, no better way to learn than tasting. She pours almost flirtatious amounts. JACK Now there's a girl who knows how to pour. What's your name? STEPHANIE Stephanie. JACK Nice. Jack swirls the wine as though he were by now a sommelier. They look, they smell, they taste. STEPHANIE So what do you think? MILES Quaffable but far from transcendent. JACK I like it. Tastes great. Oaky. Stephanie reaches for another bottle and pours. Jack's eyes never leave her. STEPHANIE Cabernet Franc. (as they taste) This is only the fifth year we've made this varietal. Very few wineries around here do a straight Cabernet Franc. It's from our vineyard up in Santa Maria. And it was a Silver Medal winner at Paso Robles last year. MILES Well, I've come to never expect greatness from a Cab Franc, and this one's no exception. Sort of a flabby, overripe -- JACK (ignoring him) Tastes good to me. You live around here, Stephanie? STEPHANIE In Santa Ynez. (low, to Miles) And I agree with you about Cab Franc. JACK Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn. STEPHANIE Oh yeah. JACK You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post? STEPHANIE Sure I know Maya. Real well. JACK No shit. We just had a drink with her last night. Miles knows her. MILES Could we move on to the Syrah, please? As she turns to reach for the right bottle, Jack winks at Miles. Miles shakes his head. STEPHANIE This is our Estate Syrah... She pours each of them a full HALF GLASS. JACK You're a bad, bad girl, Stephanie. STEPHANIE I know. I might need to be spanked. She notices the boring couple, visibly annoyed that she has been monopolized. STEPHANIE Excuse me. As she wanders down the bar, Jack turns to Miles, his mouth wide open. JACK A bad girl, Miles. She might need to be spanked. MILES Do you know how often these pourers get hit on? They glance down the bar at Stepanie. She smiles back. EXT. KALYRA WINERY PARKING LOT - DAY Miles is killing time by the car staring at his shoes. He looks over and sees Jack waddling over from the tasting room with TWO CASES OF WINE. JACK Get the trunk. MILES You have the keys. Jack puts the cases down and glances back at the building. JACK We're on. MILES What? JACK She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out. MILES With Maya? JACK Been divorced for a year now, bud. Jack puts the wine in the trunk, and they get in the car. JACK Stephanie, holy shit. Chick had it all going on. MILES Well, she is cute. JACK Cute? She's a fucking hottie. And you almost tell her I'm getting married. What's the matter with you? (drumming on the steering wheel) Gotta love it. Gotta love it. INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY THE TV -- GOLF on ESPN. MILES AND JACK sit transfixed, each on his own bed. The curtains are drawn. Then out of nowhere -- JACK (mocking) You know how often these pourers get hit on? (getting up) I'm going for a swim. Get the blood flowing. Want to come? MILES Nah. I want to watch this. CLOSE ON THE TV -- A guy gets ready to putt. The announcer whispers what an important moment this is. The guy misses. FADE TO BLACK. UNDER BLACK -- The sound of an AEROSOL CAN. JACK Miles. Hey, Miles. Time to get up. WE OPEN OUR EYES TO SEE -- Jack spraying his feet with some Dr. Scholl's product. WIDE -- Miles pulls himself out of bed and slouches toward his suitcase. JACK Fucking chick in the Jacuzzi -- goddamn, Miles, fucking going nuts up here. Whole place is wide open. Assylvania. Jack does some actor's weird warm-up stretch. MILES So what should I wear? JACK I don't know. Casual but nice. They think you're a writer. As Miles begins to dig through his suitcase, Jack flips open his cellphone and speed-dials. JACK Don't you have any other shoes? Miles glances as his shoes sitting sadly on the floor. JACK (into the phone) Hello? Oh hey, baby, just checking in. Not much. We're about to go out for dinner, probably be out pretty late, so I thought I'd say goodnight now. I know, I love you too. I miss you. EXT. LOS OLIVOS - NIGHT The boys get out of the car and walk along a timbered sidewalk in this tourist town with wine tasting rooms and gourmet restaurants. JACK Please just try to be your normal humorous self, okay? Like who you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy. And don't forget -- your novel is coming out in the fall. MILES Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called? JACK Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me. MILES Aye-aye, captain. JACK And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot. MILES (dead serious) If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot! JACK Okay, okay. Relax, Miles, Jesus. No Merlot. Did you bring your Xanax? Miles takes a SMALL BOTTLE from his pocket and rattles it. JACK And don't drink too much. I don't want you going to the dark side or passing out. Do you hear me? No going to the dark side. MILES Okay! Fuck! Miles quickly POPS A XANAX. Jack gives him a final look in the eye. JACK We're going in. INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - NIGHT The boys enter this cozy if crowded restaurant and exchange words with the HOSTESS. Then they notice -- MAYA AND STEPHANIE at a booth waving at them. They look great. MILES AND JACK make their way to the table, Jack wearing a broad, confident SMILE. AT THE TABLE -- Jack plops down next to Stephanie, while Miles politely eases in on Maya's side. Jack touches a hand to Stephanie's bare neck and massages it meaningfully. JACK How you doin' tonight, beautiful? STEPHANIE Good. How're you? JACK Great. You look great. (including Maya) You both do. STEPHANIE Not so bad yourself. Meanwhile Miles looks over at Maya and purses his lips in an affable if uncomfortable smile. Then -- MILES What are you drinking? MAYA A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc. MILES Oh yeah? How is it? MAYA (sliding the glass) Try it. As Miles swirls the wine and takes a sip, he begins to relax. MILES Nice. Very nice. MAYA Twelve months in oak. MILES On a Sauvignon Blanc? MAYA I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time. MILES This is good. Little hints of clove. MAYA I know. I love that. LATER -- A WAITER finishes listing off the specials. WAITER ...medallions of pork with a dusting of black truffles served with a root vegetable foulon and wasabi-whipped potatoes. And finally a Copper River salmon grilled on an alder wood plank. And that comes with roasted new potatoes and steamed watercress. The four diners exchange looks of delight. WAITER And who gets the wine list? Miles raises his hand and takes the leather-bound book. MAYA (teasing) I guess Miles wants it. Jack glares at Miles, who immediately gets the hint. MILES Nope. You ladies choose. Jack smiles and nods his approval. Jack takes the book out of Miles's hands and offers it to the girls. MAYA You choose, Stephanie. STEPHANIE (opening it) So what does everyone feel like? JACK Whatever you girls want. It's on us tonight. Sky's the limit. MAYA No, we're paying for the wine. JACK I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal. MAYA Well, in that case... Miles draws a long breath. STEPHANIE What's everyone ordering? Then we can sort out the wine. MILES Exactement! Jack shoots Miles a look. MAYA I'm having the salmon. MILES That's what I'm having. STEPHANIE (still scanning the wines) I'm thinking about the duck breast. JACK (slapping his menu shut) Me too. MAYA Well, that narrows things down. Stephanie lowers the menu so that only her eyes peer over the top. She looks at the others, and they look back at her. STEPHANIE Sounds like... Pinot Noir to me. Jack looks at Miles and raises one hand for a HIGH-FIVE. JACK Pinot! Miles reluctantly slaps Jack's hand. This causes the girls to laugh. MUSIC STARTS -- they're OFF! DINNER is improvised, but includes: -- The arrival of the FIRST WINE. -- The SALADS. -- Maya takes a turn with the wine list. Miles pushes her finger down into the prices with THREE DIGITS. -- New stemware is provided with the arrival of the SECOND WINE. -- The four of them DRINK. Particularly Miles. -- Stephanie and Jack get cozier and cozier. -- The SALMON and DUCK arrive. -- Miles is too shy to look into Maya's eyes. She's interested and available -- it's too much for him. -- As Miles gets DRUNKER, the camera angles become sloppier, the cutting choppier. -- Miles PONTIFICATES about some aspect of wine that Maya and Stephanie find interesting. Left out in the cold, his jaw tight, Jack wants to find a way in but can't. -- Miles reaches over to refill his glass, but Jack's arm shoots out to stop him -- "Slow down." CLOSE ON MILES as a distant RUMBLE begins to sound, the rumble of an oncoming ANXIETY ATTACK. By now he has drunk so much that he spaces out, descending into -- INT. UNDERWORLD - DARK AND TIMELESS Miles is boarding an OPEN BOAT atop this underground river, the River Styx. Just beyond a ghoulish HUMAN CARGO the hooded boatman CHARON wields a long staff. Miles is crossing over to the dark side. INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - BACK AGAIN Miles returns to earth to find Jack and Stephanie now in their own little world -- Jack explaining something to Stephanie that she finds fascinating, just FASCINATING. -- Miles converses with Maya, but it's clear from her bemused expression that he's being charming if not entirely coherent. -- ANOTHER WINE reaches the table -- a Comte Armand Pornrnard. -- Miles looks over at Jack and Stephanie. They share a short but sensual kiss. MOMENTS LATER -- Miles is on his feet threading his way through the tables. He is very unsteady, and we cut between first and third person perspectives. AT THE BATHROOMS -- He tries the MEN'S ROOM door but it's locked. He pulls the XANAX out his pocket and pops one in his mouth, swallowing it dry. He notices a PAYPHONE nearby. Thinking better of it for a moment, Miles makes a drunken bee-line for the receiver. CLOSE ON THE KEYPAD -- as many numbers are dialed, and we HEAR the TONES, completely out of sync, along with a sound melange of interior phone RINGING and a PICKUP. THE RECEIVER -- As Miles presses it desperately to his head. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Hello? MILES Victoria. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Miles? Miles feigns an implausible upbeat tone. MILES Victoria! How the hell are you? VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind? MILES Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Oh, Miles. You're drunk. MILES Just some local Pinot, you know, then a little Burgundy. That old Cotes de Beaune! Miles laughs at his own non-existent joke. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Where are you? MILES A little place in Los Olivos. New owners. Cozy ambiance. Excellent food too -- you should try it. Thought of you at the Hitching Post last night. Silence. MILES (CONT' D) Hello? VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Miles, don't call me when you're drunk. MILES I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name? VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) (silence, then --) Ken. MILES Ken. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not. MILES Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun. VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) I'm going to hang up now, Miles. MILES (rushing to keep her on) You see, Vicki, I just heard about this today, you getting married that is, and I was kind of taken aback. Kind of hard to believe. Silence. MILES I guess I just thought there was still some hope for us somewhere down the road and I just, I just -- VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE) Miles, maybe it is better if you don't come to the wedding. Miles sucks something from between his two front teeth. MILES Whatever you say, Vicki. You're the boss. He HANGS UP as nonchalantly as if it had been a sales call and heads back to the table. EXT. DEEP CANYON - DAY For a flash, Miles is walking an unstable, narrow ROPE BRIDGE extending vertiginously across a great CHASM. INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - BACK AGAIN Miles reaches the table, tries to sit and SLIPS ONTO THE FLOOR. Although at first Jack blinks heavily in disgust, the girls burst into hysterical LAUGHTER. Jack then laughs too, perhaps OVER-LAUGHING. JACK Easy, boy. Easy. Maya helps him back into the booth. MAYA Are you all right? MILES Fine. Just slipped. (picking up his glass) This is my blood. Miles drinks. Stephanie makes a head gesture to Maya, who nods in return. STEPHANIE (to the guys) Excuse us. MAYA Sorry to make you get up again, Miles. MILES That's okay. Miles and Jack allow the girls to pass. Then -- JACK What the fuck, man? What is up? Miles reaches for his wine glass, but Jack moves it away. JACK Pull yourself together, man. MILES I'm fine! But in throwing open his arms for emphasis, he spills a WATER GLASS. Jack rights it and throws a napkin on the tablecloth. JACK Where were you? MILES Bathroom. JACK Did you drink and dial? Miles's silence confirms his guilt and shame. JACK Why do you always do this? Victoria's gone, man. Gone. Poof. Miles looks down and squeezes his eyes tight while pushing out an exhale through his nose. JACK Stop it. You are blowing a great opportunity here, Miles. Fucking Maya, man. She's great. She's cool. She's funny. She knows wine. What is this morose come-down bullshit? These girls want to party. And what was that fucking ten-minute lecture on, what was it, Vouvrays? I mean, come on! MILES Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario. JACK Oh Jesus, Miles. Miles belligerently reaches for his Comte Armand. Jack lets it pass. JACK And don't forget all the bad times you had with Victoria. How small she make you feel. That's why you had the affair in the first place. MILES Shut up. Shut your face. JACK Don't you see how Maya's looking at you? You got her on the hook. Reel her in! Come on, let's rachet this up a notch. You know how to to do it. Here. (passing a glass) Drink some agua. Miles looks at the water, takes it and drains it. The girls now return to the table. The guys slide over. MILES (trying to appear sober) Should we get dessert? STEPHANIE We were thinking. Why don't we go back to my place? I've got wine, some insane cheeses, music, whatever. Jack raises both arms like a football referee. JACK Excellent idea. Waiter! INT. SAAB - NIGHT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD -- Trees and bushes lit by the headlights show us we're headed into the woods. INSIDE -- Jack drives. Miles blinks heavily as he tries to make a sense of A HAND-DRAWN MAP. JACK (grabbing the map) Let me see that. EXT. STEPHANIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT The Saab pulls into a gravel DRIVEWAY and comes to a stop outside this wood-framed cottage. Jack and Miles get out and head for the front door. On the way, Jack reaches into his coat pocket and produces a string of FOUR CONDOMS. JACK (tearing) Here. One for you, three for me. Miles wordlessly takes his. Just before they climb the porch steps -- MILES You sure you want to do this? Jack stops and looks at him for a moment with almost hostile incredulity. THE FRONT DOOR is open. Jack knocks twice on the SCREEN DOOR before going in. INT. STEPHANIE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS The boys enter this modest living room furnished with weathered but charming old furniture. Scattered here and there are CHILDREN'S TOYS. FINGER-PAINTINGS are taped to the walls. CANDLES are lit, and MUSIC is playing. JACK We're here! Stephanie sails in. STEPHANIE What happened to you guys? JACK Couple of wrong turns. (pointing a thumb at Miles) Thanks to Magellan, here. After a brief hug, Stephanie and Jack peck-kiss. JACK Hi. STEPHANIE Hi. (to Miles) Maya's in the kitchen. Miles hesitates a moment before Jack elbows him toward -- EXT. STEPHANIE'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Miles wanders in to find Maya squatting in front of a little temperature-controlled WINE STORAGE UNIT. MILES Hi. MAYA Hey. MILES She got anything good? MAYA Oh, yeah. Steph's way into Pinots and Syrahs. (calling out) Hey, Steph? You sure we can open anything? Anything we want? STEPHANIE (V.O.) Anything but the Jayer Richebourg! MILES She has a Richebourg? Mon dieu. I have completely underestimated Stephanie. MAYA Who do you think you're dealing with here? Maya slips out a bottle of ESCHEVAUX. MAYA How about this? Miles nods vigorously. Maya looks back and forth between Miles and the wine, her eyes narrowed. Then she slides it back in. MAYA Nope. I don't think we know each other well enough. (picking out another bottle) I'd say this guy's more our speed. They rise, and Miles glances at the ANDREW MURRAY SYRAH and, raising his eyebrows, agrees. Maya begins opening it. MAYA So what gems do you have in your collection? MILES Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc. MAYA You've got a '61 Cheval Blanc that's just sitting there? Go get it. (pushing him, playfully stern) Right now. Hurry up... Miles laughs, fights back a bit. MAYA Seriously, the '61s are peaking, aren't they? At least that's what I've read. MILES Yeah, I know. MAYA It might be too late already. What are you waiting for? MILES I don't know. Special occasion. With the right person. It was supposed to be for my tenth wedding anniversary. Understanding, Maya considers her response. MAYA The day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc, that's the special occasion. MILES How long have you been into wine? MAYA I started to get serious about seven years ago. MILES What was the bottle that did it? MAYA Eighty-eight Sassicaia. Miles whistles and raises his eyebrows. Maya pours, and they clink their glasses together before savoring the wine. MILES Wow. We gotta give it a moment, but this is tasty. Really good. How about you? MAYA (tastes again) I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit. MILES (tasting again, impressed) Yeah, I'd say you're right on the money. Then Miles absently scans the REFRIGERATOR DOOR and spots a PHOTO of Stephanie holding a LITTLE GIRL. MILES Is this Stephanie's kid? Sure is cute. MAYA Yeah, Siena's a sweetie. MILES Is she sleeping or...? MAYA She's with her grandmother. She's with Steph's mom. She spends a lot of time over there. Steph's... well, she's Stephanie. Jack's voice-over voice from the other room... JACK (O.S.) "And now for a low, low 4.8% APR..." ...is followed by PEALS OF LAUGHTER. MAYA You got kids? MILES Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids. MAYA Yeah, same here. Maya nods as she sips again, looking distant for a moment, thinking about something else. MAYA Let's go in there. Maya takes the bottle, and they wander into -- INT. STEPHANIE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Jack and Stephanie are gone. From a distant bedroom comes more laughter. MAYA Looks like our friends are hitting it off. While Maya goes to turn down the STEREO, Miles sits on the couch. Maya's shirt rides up as she crouches, giving Miles a glimpse of the small of HER BACK. She takes a seat opposite Miles on the couch. They look at each other without speaking. Just what is the vibe here? MAYA It's kind of weird sitting here with you in Stephanie's house. All those times you came into the restaurant. It's like you're a real person now. Almost. MILES Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context. MAYA Yeah, weird. But great. MILES Yeah. Definitely. An awkward silence, broken by Maya. MAYA So what's your novel about? MILES Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a str