"NINOTCHKA" Screenplay by Charles Brackett, Billy Wilder And Walter Reisch Story by Melchior Lengyel SHOOTING DRAFT 1939 FADE IN ON: AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF PARIS IN THE MONTH OF APRIL DISSOLVE TO: THE LUXURIOUS LOBBY OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE CAMERA MOVES to a CLOSE SHOT of the desk. In the background is a revolving door leading to the street. Through the revolving door comes a strangely dressed individual, obviously one who doesn't belong in such surroundings. It is Comrade Buljanoff, a member of the Russian Board of Trade. Despite the spring climate of Paris, he still wears his typical Russian clothes, consisting of a coat with a fur collar, a fur cap, and heavy boots. Buljanoff glances around the lobby, obviously over-whelmed by its magnificence. The Manager, puzzled by Buljanoff's strange appearance, approaches him. MANAGER (politely) Is there anything I can do for you, monsieur? BULJANOFF No, no. He exits toward the street. The Manager returns to his customary duties, when suddenly a second Russian, similarly dressed, pushes his way through the door and gazes around. It is Comrade Iranoff. The Manager, definitely mystified by now, approaches him. MANAGER Yes, monsieur? IRANOFF Just looking around. Iranoff exits. Again the Manager returns to his duties, when suddenly he sees that a third man, dressed in the same fashion, has appeared in the revolving door. It is Comrade Kopalski. Kopalski doesn't leave the revolving door at all but as it turns, drinks in the whole spectacle of the lobby. The Manager is by now dumfounded. STREET IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE A taxi stands at the curb. Buljanoff and Iranoff are waiting beside it, Iranoff holding a suitcase. Kopalski, returning from the hotel, joins the group. KOPALSKI Comrades, why should we lie to each other? It's wonderful. IRANOFF Let's be honest. Have we anything like it in Russia? ALL THREE (agreeing with him) No, no, no. IRANOFF Can you imagine what the beds would be in a hotel like that? KOPALSKI They tell me when you ring once the valet comes in; when you ring twice you get the waiter; and do you know what happens when you ring three times? A maid comes in -- a French maid. IRANOFF (with a gleam in his eye) Comrades, if we ring nine times... let's go in. BULJANOFF (stopping him) Just a minute -- just a minute -- I have nothing against the idea but I still say let's go back to the Hotel Terminus. Moscow made our reservations there, we are on an official mission, and we have no right to change the orders of our superior. IRANOFF Where is your courage, Comrade Buljanoff? KOPALSKI Are you the Buljanoff who fought on the barricades? And now you are afraid to take a room with a bath? BULJANOFF (stepping back into the taxi) I don't want to go to Siberia. Iranoff and Kopalski follow him reluctantly. IRANOFF I don't want to go to the Hotel Terminus. KOPALSKI If Lenin were alive he would say, "Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times." IRANOFF He wouldn't say that. What he would say is "Buljanoff, you can't afford to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn't the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean anything to you? Do you want to live in a hotel where you press for the hot water and cold water comes and when you press for the cold water nothing comes out at all? Phooey, Buljanoff!" BULJANOFF (weakening) I still say our place is with the common people, but who am I to contradict Lenin? Let's go in. All three start to leave the taxi, as we DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- AT THE DESK Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski are approaching the Manager, their only suitcase carried by two of them. KOPALSKI Are you the manager? MANAGER (eyeing the three suspiciously) Yes. KOPALSKI Pardon me for introducing Comrade Iranoff, member of the Russian Board of Trade. MANAGER (bowing with strained politeness) Monsieur. IRANOFF This is Comrade Kopalski. MANAGER Monsieur. BULJANOFF I am Comrade Buljanoff. MANAGER Monsieur. BULJANOFF May I ask how much your rooms are? MANAGER (trying to get rid of them) Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. BULJANOFF Why should you be afraid? The other two nod their agreement. The Manager has noted the single suitcase. MANAGER (haughtily) I might be able to accommodate you. Is there some more luggage? IRANOFF Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? MANAGER I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... IRANOFF That's even better. MANAGER But, gentlemen, I am afraid... BULJANOFF He's always afraid. The other two exchange a look of agreement again. MANAGER (a little annoyed) I just wanted to explain. The apartment may suit your convenience but I doubt that it will fit your convictions. It's the Royal Suite. The mention of the Royal Suite startles the three. BULJANOFF Royal Suite! (To the manager) Just a minute. The Three Russians take a step away from the manager and go into a huddle. BULJANOFF (in a low voice) Now Comrades, I warn you... if it gets out in Moscow that we stay in the Royal Suite we will get into terrible trouble. IRANOFF (defending his right to a good time) We'll just say we had to take it on account of the safe. That's a perfect excuse. There was no other safe big enough. The other two welcome the suggestion with relish. BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF That's right. Good, very good. Suddenly Buljanoff grows skeptical again. BULJANOFF Of course, we could take out the pieces and distribute them in three or four boxes in the vault and take a small room. That's an idea, isn't it? For a moment all three see their bright plans crumble. Then Iranoff comes to the rescue. IRANOFF Yes, it's an idea, but who says we have to have an idea? Buljanoff and Kopalski see the logic of this and their faces light up. BOTH That's right... that's right. BULJANOFF (turning to the Manager) Give us the Royal Suite. The Manager leads the three toward the elevator. The CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM and NARROWS DOWN to the suitcase carried by two of the Russians. DISSOLVE TO: DARK INTERIOR OF SAFE -- ROYAL SUITE We hear from the outside the turning of a key, the opening of a door, then the turning of the dial, and then we see the safe door open. Through the open door we now see the Royal Suite. The Three Russians are standing in front of the safe. One of them puts the suitcase into it. MEDIUM SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE Shooting from the interior of the room toward the safe. The Three Russians are standing around it. As Buljanoff and Iranoff close the safe door, Kopalski walks out of the shot. The CAMERA STAYS for a few seconds on Buljanoff and Iranoff, then PANS OVER to the center of the room, where a waiter is setting a breakfast table. He is the former Count Rakonin, a Russian exile employed by the Hotel Clarence. Rakonin is looking with great interest toward the safe, and as he does so we hear Kopalski's voice talking into the telephone. KOPALSKI'S VOICE Will you connect me with Mercier... yes, the jeweler... Rakonin pricks up his ears and looks toward the telephone. CLOSE SHOT -- KOPALSKI -- AT TELEPHONE KOPALSKI I want to speak with Monsieur Mercier personally... Hello, Monsieur Mercier? This is Kopalski of the Russian Board of Trade. We arrived this morning... Thank you. CLOSE SHOT -- RAKONIN As he sets the breakfast table, his interest in the telephone conversation increases. KOPALSKI'S VOICE Yes, everything is here. The necklace too. All fourteen pieces... What? No, Monsieur Mercier, the court jewels of the Duchess Swana consisted of fourteen pieces. Why don't you check on that? Naturally, we have all the necessary credentials. As the voice continues, we DISSOLVE TO: SERVICE STAIRCASE -- HOTEL CLARENCE Rakonin hurries down the stairs, buttoning his overcoat around him. He exits through a door to the street. STREET CORNER NEAR THE HOTEL CLARENCE WIPE TO: Rakonin is getting into a taxi. RAKONIN (to taxi driver) Eight Rue de Chalon. WIPE TO: INSERT the House Number "8" above the doorway of a Parisian apartment house. Camera pulls back to medium shot of the whole entrance. Into it is striding a typical Parisian playboy. He is Count Leon d'Algout. ENTRANCE HALL -- SWANA'S APARTMENT The door is being opened by Swana's maid. Leon enters like a man thoroughly at home. MAID Good morning, Count. LEON Good morning. MAID Her Highness is still dressing. LEON (as he walks toward Swana's door) That's all right. LONG SHOT -- SWANA'S ROOM Swana sits at her dressing table in a negligee. Leon enters with the easy air of an old friend. He kisses her lightly. SWANA Hello, Leon! LEON Good morning, Swana. During Swana's long speech he sits down, not paying much attention to her patter, lights a cigarette, and glances through a magazine. SWANA It's really a wretched morning... wretched. I can't get myself right. I wanted to look mellow and I look brittle. My face doesn't compose well... all highlights... how can I dim myself down, Leon? Suggest something. I am so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face. Whose face would you have if you had your choice? Oh, well, I guess one gets the face one deserves. LEON Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. SWANA Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? LEON Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. SWANA Did you win? LEON (enthusiastically) We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. SWANA (with humor) Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. (She kisses him) LEON We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. SWANA (contemptuously) Those newspaper people? LEON You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. SWANA What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! LEON Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. "The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia"! SWANA (protestingly) Oh, Leon! LEON Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! SWANA Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? LEON I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! SWANA Imagine two million clerks and shop girls peeking into my life for a sou! Think of my lovely life being wrapped around cheese and blood sausages! I can see a big grease spot in the midst of my most intimate moments! Leon knows on which note to play for Swana's benefit. LEON Well, I am the last person to persuade you, but don't do it blindly... if this is your decision, you must be prepared to face the consequences... (With the expression of a man ready to give his all) I will have to go to work. Swana rises and goes over to Leon. His method has been highly successful. SWANA My little Volga boatman! Stop threatening! I don't deserve this. (Embracing him) Are you my little Volga boatman? LEON Now, Swana... SWANA First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? LEON (anything to stop her) Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. SWANA (walking back to the dressing table) Well... two million readers... I know exactly what they want. Chapter One: "A Childhood behind Golden Bars. Lovely Little Princess Plays with Rasputin's Beard." Leon sits down next to her, growing enthusiastic. LEON I've got one chapter Guizot thinks is terrific. "Caviar and Blood." Swana escapes over the ice! SWANA A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. LEON (thinking of another idea) Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? SWANA (straining her memory) Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! LEON Too bad! Brings our price down ten thousand francs! There is a knock on the door. SWANA Come in. The Maid enters. MAID Count Rakonin asks the privilege of a few words, Your Highness. LEON Count Rakonin? SWANA He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor devil. You know him. LEON Oh, yes. SWANA Tell him I won't be able to see him for a half an hour. MAID The Count says if it could be as soon as possible. It is luncheon time and he is just between courses. The Maid exits. Swana walks toward the door of the living room. LIVING ROOM -- SWANA'S APARTMENT A charming room, which manages to create a little of the atmosphere of Old Russia. Rakonin stands, his overcoat still buttoned about him, waiting nervously. Swana enters, leaving the door ajar. Rakonin approaches her with the respect he would have paid her at the Imperial Court. RAKONIN Your Highness. SWANA How do you do, my friend. RAKONIN Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... SWANA What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? RAKONIN No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. SWANA My jewels?! RAKONIN I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. SWANA (puzzled) Why do you bring this up after so many years? RAKONIN They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! SWANA Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? RAKONIN This morning three Soviet agents arrived. I overheard a telephone conversation with Mercier, the jeweler. Your Highness, they are going to sell them! MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF BEDROOM From the door of the bedroom appears Leon, his face alert. LEON Did I hear something about jewels? SWANA Rakonin, bless him, has given me the most amazing news! MEDIUM CLOSE -- SWANA AND RAKONIN Swana goes to the telephone. SWANA (into phone) Balzac 2769... (to Leon) My lawyer... Leon steps to her side, highly interested. RAKONIN I am sorry... I have to leave. SWANA (to Rakonin) Thank you so much, my friend. I will get in touch with you. Count Rakonin leaves. SWANA (into phone) This is the Duchess Swana... I want to speak to Monsieur Cornillon... it's very important... please get him right away... Hello, Monsieur Cornillon? The most incredible thing has happened! My jewels are here in Paris! Three Bolshevik swine are trying to sell them! Yes... yes... we must act immediately!... Call the police... Have them arrested!... Well, then, get an injunction!... But do something, Monsieur Cornillon! (apparently the answer is some objection from Cornillon) ...But they are my jewels! There must be some way of getting them back! LEON (just as nervous as Swana) What does he say? SWANA (to Leon) Shhh! (into phone) ...But how can there be a question?... Are you my lawyer or theirs?... All right, I'll let you know! She hangs up, rises, the legal situation whirling around in her brain. LEON What did he say? SWANA (discouraged) It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! LEON (taking her in his arms) Darling, calm down. Why do you need a lawyer? Haven't you your little Volga boatman? Swana looks up at him, hope dawning in her eyes, as we INSERT OF THE JEWELS DISSOLVE TO: spread out on a table in the Royal Suite. Camera pulls back to a LONGER SHOT. We see Mercier, the jeweler, examining the jewels with an eyepiece screwed in his eye. Around him stand the Three Russians. Mercier, a middle-aged man of the greatest suavity and elegance, but a shrewd trader none the less, looks up. MERCIER Very good... superb... excellent... it would be foolish to belittle the quality of the merchandise but your terms are impossible. My counteroffer is the absolute maximum. KOPALSKI But, Monsieur Mercier... MERCIER (continuing) Gentlemen, I'll let you in on a little secret... we are only undertaking this deal for the prestige involved, and, quite frankly, we are expecting to take a loss. Iranoff draws Buljanoff aside and whispers in his ear. IRANOFF (whispering) Capitalistic methods... BULJANOFF They accumulate millions by taking loss after loss. The telephone rings. BULJANOFF (answering phone) Hello... this is Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski... Who?... Count d'Algout?... No, no... it must be a mistake... we can't be disturbed. MERCIER (continuing) I assure you no one else could meet the figure named by my syndicate... at least under the present economic conditions. KOPALSKI We can wait. IRANOFF (pompously) Do we give the impression of people who are pressed for money? MERCIER Yes. Gentlemen... let's put our cards face down. Right now there is a Russian commission in New York trying to sell fifteen Rembrandts. There is another in London mortgaging the oil fields in Baku. You need money and you need it quickly. I think my offer is fair and does not even take advantage of your situation. CLOSE-UP -- BULJANOFF, IRANOFF, AND KOPALSKI KOPALSKI (to Mercier) Just a minute. The Three Russians step to one side. IRANOFF (in a low voice) He's cutting our throat... BULJANOFF But what can we do?... We have to accept. KOPALSKI Comrades! Comrades! Don't let's give in so quickly. After all we have to uphold the prestige of Russia. BULJANOFF All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes. SHOT OF THE WHOLE GROUP There is a knock at the door. Iranoff walks toward it, unlocks it, opens it a little. In the door appears Leon. IRANOFF We don't want to be disturbed. LEON My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. IRANOFF If you want to see us you must come later. LEON I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. IRANOFF But you can't... Leon pushes his way in. He approaches Monsieur Mercier. The Russians get between him and the jewels and during the following scene put them back into the safe. LEON Monsieur Mercier. May I introduce myself? I am Count Leon d'Algout. I think I had the pleasure of meeting you in your beautiful shop. I was admiring a platinum watch with diamond numbers. MERCIER Oh, yes, yes... LEON (glancing at the jewels) Glorious, aren't they? KOPALSKI Now, monsieur, you have no right... LEON (very charmingly) Just a moment. (to Mercier) I hope you haven't closed this deal, Monsieur Mercier. It might bring you into serious difficulties. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Who are you? What do you want? What is this? LEON These jewels are the property of the Duchess Swana of Russia, and were seized illegally by the Soviet Government. I am acting for Her Highness, the Duchess. Here is my power of attorney. He hands it to Mercier, who reads it. IRANOFF (excitedly) You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is all non-sense. KOPALSKI These may have been the jewels of the Duchess Swana, but, like all private property, they were confiscated by the State. LEON We'll leave the problem of their ownership to the French courts. Meanwhile I have filed a petition for an injunction to prohibit you from either selling or removing the jewels. Here is a copy. The Russians take the copy of the injunction, read it flabbergasted. As they do so, Leon turns to Monsieur Mercier. LEON I thought it my duty to warn you. I would hate to see you get in any trouble, monsieur. MERCIER Thank you. (he turns to the Russians) Gentlemen, this introduces a new element into our negotiations. Until this claim is completely settled... KOPALSKI We can call our ambassador. IRANOFF I give you my word! They were confiscated legally! MERCIER Please try to understand my position. I am not with-drawing. My offer stands and as soon as you produce a clear title, approved by the French courts, the deal is settled. Until then, good day. He bows and starts toward the door. Leon accompanies him, opening the door as though he were the host. LEON (intimately) I hope you will forgive me, Monsieur Mercier. MERCIER (in a low voice) On the contrary. I consider myself very lucky. Good day. He bows. LEON (bowing) Good day, monsieur. Mercier leaves. Leon closes the door and turns back into the room to the three outraged Russians. LEON (jauntily) Well, gentlemen... how about a little lunch? IRANOFF Get out of here! LEON Don't look so gloomy, gentlemen. All is not lost. You may have a chance. KOPALSKI (bursting forth) We may have a chance. LEON Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. KOPALSKI We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! LEON All right -- go ahead... you talk to the lawyer and I'll talk to the judge! IRANOFF That won't help you! You can't intimidate us! KOPALSKI Soviet Russia will put all its might behind this case. BULJANOFF You think because you represent the former Duchess... LEON The Duchess... BULJANOFF The former Duchess! LEON In any case, gentlemen, a charming, beautiful, exquisite woman. I warn you, if this case comes to trial it will be before a French court, and when the Duchess takes the stand... IRANOFF All right, go ahead, get her on the witness stand! What can she say? LEON But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? IRANOFF I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? LEON Oh, no, no. I am not a highwayman, I'm just a nuisance. All I'm trying to do is make things as difficult as possible. BULJANOFF Not that we are giving in one inch, but tell us... what is in your mind? LEON Well, gentlemen, how about my proposition? IRANOFF What proposition? LEON I just said let's have a little lunch. (picking up the telephone) Room service. MEDIUM SHOT -- CORRIDOR OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE DISSOLVE TO: shooting toward door leading to the Royal Suite. Two waiters are wheeling in a table on which is a block of ice filled with caviar and a collection of the most delicious hors d'oeuvres. They enter the room. After the door is closed we hear from within loud SOUNDS of approval from Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski. The CAMERA STAYS on the door. After a few seconds a very good-looking cigarette girl enters the room and from within we HEAR even louder SOUNDS of approval. Next a waiter enters carrying champagne and another with glasses on a tray. As they are going into the room, the cigarette girl comes out and runs excitedly down the corridor. Camera pans with her away from the door as she starts down the staircase. MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF THE ROYAL SUITE Some of the waiters come out, others go in, carrying further delicacies. MEDIUM SHOT -- HEAD OF STAIRCASE Up the staircase pants the cigarette girl, followed by two other cigarette girls. Camera pans with them as they rush toward the door of the Royal Suite and enter. From within we HEAR terrific greetings. The CAMERA REMAINS ON THE DOOR as we SLOWLY DISSOLVE INTO EVENING. The electric lights are lit and a band of five Hungarian musicians enters carrying typical Hungarian instruments, including a cimbalom. LONG SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE The orchestra is playing; the Three Russians, very high by now, are dancing with the girls. One of them is wearing the cigarette tray of one of the girls. It is a harmless but loud and hilarious party. Apart from all the hullabaloo sits Leon at the desk, a telegraph blank before him. LEON Hey, Sascha! Serge! Misha! The three come to him, all in the gayest, most agreeable mood. KOPALSKI Yes, Leon... IRANOFF (pawing him) What is it, my boy? LEON About this telegram to Moscow. Why should you bother? I'll write it for you. BULJANOFF Leon... Leonitchka... (he embraces Leon) Why are you so good to us? (he kisses Leon) IRANOFF (kissing Leon too) Leon, my little boy. KOPALSKI (joining them) Oh, Leon, you are so good. LEON (freeing himself as best he can) What's the name of that Commissar on the Board of Trade? IRANOFF Razinin. LEON (writing) Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. KOPALSKI You wouldn't like Razinin. BULJANOFF He's a bad man. Sends people to Siberia! IRANOFF We don't like Razinin. BULJANOFF (again pawing Leon) We like you, Leon -- don't we like Leon? The others join him and kiss Leon. IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI Yes, we like Leon... little Leonitchka. This brings on a new frenzy of Russian affection. Leon frees himself and rises. LEON How does this strike you? Commissar Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. Unexpected situation here. Duchess Swana in Paris claims jewels, and has already brought injunction against sale or removal. After long and careful study we suggest in the interest of our beloved country a fifty-fifty settlement as best solution. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski. KOPALSKI If we say that, Leon... we'll be sent to Siberia! IRANOFF And if we have to go to Siberia... LEON (still looking over the telegram) I'll send you a muff. BULJANOFF Oh, why are you so good to us? IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI Yes, you are so good, Leon. Again they overwhelm Leon with an avalanche of Russian affection. At this moment Rakonin enters with some new bottles of champagne. The Russians immediately leave Leon and direct their affection toward Rakonin, embracing and kissing him. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Comrade waiter, dear waiteritchka!... Why are you so good to us? You good waiter! After Rakonin has turned over the champagne to the Russians, Leon takes him aside. LEON Take this telegram to the telegraph office at once! RAKONIN Yes, monsieur. He leaves the room. CLOSE SHOT -- DOOR LEADING TO CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE Rakonin comes out with the telegram. The CAMERA PANS with him as he hurries down the corridor, reading it. The CAMERA NARROWS DOWN on an insert of the telegram as we DISSOLVE TO: TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER A WIDE SWEEP OF COUNTRY DISSOLVE TO: TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER THE ROOFS OF MOSCOW Pan down past the roof of an official building to a CLOSE SHOT of a window. Behind it stands Razinin, reading the telegram. He is a violent, militant Bolshevik. The telegram fills him with rage. As he crumples it, and stares into space, his expression bodes ill for Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski. FADE OUT: MEDIUM SHOT -- UPPER CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE FADE IN: shooting toward door of elevator. The elevator comes up and stops, the door opens, and the Three Russians step out. They are very smartly dressed and look like any urbane gentlemen coming from the races. Two of them have racing glasses. As they walk toward the Royal Suite, Lady Lavenham, an elderly English aristocrat, comes out of her room. LADY LAVENHAM Good afternoon, messieurs, mes Comrades. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Good afternoon, Lady Lavenham. KOPALSKI And how is Lord Lavenham? BULJANOFF ...and little Lady Beatrice? LADY LAVENHAM Very well. Did fortune favor you at the races? IRANOFF Comme ci, comme ca. LADY LAVENHAM I understand... nothing to write home about. BULJANOFF (alarmed) Who wants to write home about it? LADY LAVENHAM It's just a saying. How about joining us Saturday night for dinner? We're having a few friends. KOPALSKI Are we free, Buljanoff? BULJANOFF Possibly. IRANOFF We'll manage. LADY LAVENHAM Then let's say at nine. BULJANOFF Black tie or white tie? LADY LAVENHAM Oh, let's make it white. BULJANOFF Certainly! LADY LAVENHAM Au revoir. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Au revoir. As they walk into the Royal Suite, Buljanoff tosses off an urbane comment. BULJANOFF Nice people. ANTEROOM OF ROYAL SUITE As the three enter, the telephone rings. Buljanoff and Kopalski go into the living room. Iranoff answers the telephone. IRANOFF (into telephone) Yes, Leon... (a little bit annoyed) What is it, Leon?... You can't hurry such things... You must give Moscow a little time... There's nothing we can do about it... why don't you drop in later?... Au revoir... He steps into the living room. LIVING ROOM As Iranoff enters Buljanoff rushes toward him. BULJANOFF Misha! Misha! IRANOFF What is it? BULJANOFF A telegram from Moscow! It must have been here all day! KOPALSKI (joining them and reading telegram) Halt negotiations immediately. Envoy extraordinary arrives Thursday six ten with full power. Your authority cancelled herewith. Razinin. IRANOFF It is Thursday! BULJANOFF It's six o'clock already! They rush into the bedroom. KOPALSKI I always said it would be Siberia! DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE Manager at desk. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski rush from the direction of the elevator. Iranoff pauses at the desk. The others go on to the door and wait for him there. IRANOFF (to Manager) A Special Envoy is coming from Moscow. He'll occupy the Royal Suite. Move our things to the smallest room you've got. MANAGER Yes, monsieur. IRANOFF Right away... instantly! From the door Buljanoff and Kopalski call impatiently. BULJANOFF AND KOPALSKI Iranoff! IRANOFF I'm coming! As he starts toward the door, we DISSOLVE TO: PLATFORM -- PARIS RAILROAD STATION The train has already arrived as the Three Russians hurry down the platform. Neither do they know the name of the Envoy Extraordinary, nor his appearance, and they are searching the crowd for some clue. IRANOFF This is a fine thing. Maybe we've missed him already. KOPALSKI How can you find somebody without knowing what he looks like? Iranoff points to a bearded man with a knapsack. IRANOFF That must be the one! BULJANOFF Yes, he looks like a comrade! They follow the man, but just as they are ready to approach him he is greeted by a German Girl. Both raise their hands in the Nazi salute. BEARDED MAN AND GIRL Heil Hitler! As the two embrace, the Three Russians stop in their tracks. KOPALSKI No, that's not him... BULJANOFF Positively not! By now the platform is almost empty. As the Russians in the foreground look around helplessly, we see in the background a woman who obviously is also looking for someone. It is Ninotchka Yakushova, the Envoy Extraordinary. The Russians exchange troubled looks and go toward her. Ninotchka comes forward. As they meet she speaks. NINOTCHKA (to Iranoff) I am looking for Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. IRANOFF I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. NINOTCHKA I am Nina Ivanovna Yakushova, Envoy Extraordinary, acting under direct orders of Comrade Commissar Razinin. Present me to your colleagues. They shake hands. Ninotchka's grip is strong as a man's. IRANOFF Comrade Buljanoff... NINOTCHKA Comrade. IRANOFF Comrade Kopalski... NINOTCHKA Comrade. IRANOFF What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a lady comrade. KOPALSKI If we had known we would have greeted you with flowers. NINOTCHKA (sternly) Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We are here for work... all of us. Let's not waste time. Shall we go? The Russians are taken aback. As Ninotchka bends down to lift her two suitcases, Iranoff calls: IRANOFF Porter! A Porter steps up to them. PORTER Here, please... NINOTCHKA What do you want? PORTER May I have your bags, madame? NINOTCHKA Why? KOPALSKI He is a porter. He wants to carry them. NINOTCHKA (to Porter) Why?... Why should you carry other people's bags? PORTER Well... that's my business, madame. NINOTCHKA That's no business... that's a social injustice. PORTER That depends on the tip. KOPALSKI (trying to take Ninotchka's bags) Allow me, Comrade. NINOTCHKA No, thank you. Ninotchka takes both suitcases and walks away with the Three Russians, whose nervousness has increased with every word from the Envoy Extraordinary. BULJANOFF How are things in Moscow? NINOTCHKA Very good. The last mass trials were a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians. The hearts of the Three Russians drop to their boots, as we DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE Ninotchka, followed by the Russians, comes through the lobby, observing every detail of these unfamiliar surroundings. Suddenly she stops. In the showcase of a hat shop in the lobby is displayed a hat of the John-Frederic's type. NINOTCHKA What's that? KOPALSKI It's a hat, Comrade, a woman's hat. Ninotchka shakes her head. NINOTCHKA Tsk, tsk, tsk, how can such a civilization survive which permits women to put things like that on their heads. It won't be long now, Comrades. She walks out of the shot toward the elevator, followed by the Three Russians, as we DISSOLVE TO: ROYAL SUITE Ninotchka enters, followed by the Three Russians, who by now are frightened to death. BULJANOFF This is the apartment we have reserved for you, Comrade Yakushova. I hope you like it. NINOTCHKA (glancing around the tremendous room) Which part of the room is mine? IRANOFF You see... it is a little different here. They don't rent rooms in pieces. We had to take the whole suite. Ninotchka begins to unpack her things and puts her typewriter on the desk. NINOTCHKA How much does this cost? IRANOFF Two thousand francs. NINOTCHKA A week? IRANOFF A day. NINOTCHKA Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? IRANOFF A cow? NINOTCHKA Two thousand francs. If I stay here a week I will cost the Russian people seven cows. (with an outburst of emotion) Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows? BULJANOFF We had to take it on account of the safe. IRANOFF For ourselves... we are much happier now since we moved to a little room next to the servants' quarters. Ninotchka takes Lenin's picture from her bags. NINOTCHKA I am ashamed to put the picture of Lenin in a room like this. (she puts the photograph on the desk) Comrades, your telegram was received with great disfavor in Moscow. KOPALSKI We did our best, Comrade. NINOTCHKA I hope so for your sake. (she sits at her desk and starts to type her report) Let us examine the case. What does the lawyer say? BULJANOFF Which lawyer? NINOTCHKA You didn't get legal advice? BULJANOFF We didn't want to get mixed up with lawyers. They are very expensive here. If you just say hello to a lawyer... well, there goes another cow. KOPALSKI We dealt directly with the representative of the Grand Duchess. I am sure if we call him he will give you a very clear picture. NINOTCHKA I will not repeat your mistake. I will have no dealings with the Grand Duchess nor her representative. Ninotchka continues to type. The Three Russians watch her nervously. Each click pounds on their consciences. NINOTCHKA (looking up) Comrade Buljanoff... BULJANOFF Yes, Comrade? NINOTCHKA Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? BULJANOFF (with fright in his voice) With two f's, if you please. Ninotchka goes on with her typing. Suddenly she looks up at Iranoff, who becomes self-conscious and fixes his tie. As he does so he sees that Ninotchka's glance is concentrated on the spats which he was wearing and in his hurry forgot to remove. He knows it is too late to do anything about it except to stand one foot behind the other, as Ninotchka types faster, the clicking of her keys twice as loud. Ninotchka picks up the telephone. NINOTCHKA (into phone) Will you send me some cigarettes, please? (suddenly getting up) Comrades, I am not in a position to pass final judgment but at best you have been careless in your duty to the State. (with utmost gravity) You were entrusted with more than a mere sale of jewelry. Why are we peddling our precious possessions to the world at this time? Our next year's crop is in danger and you know it. Unless we can get foreign currency to buy tractors there will not be enough bread for our people. And you three comrades... KOPALSKI We did it with the best intentions... NINOTCHKA We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. KOPALSKI Yes, Comrade. NINOTCHKA You, Comrade Iranoff, go to the Public Library and get me the section of the Civil Code on property. BULJANOFF Is there anything I can do, Comrade? NINOTCHKA You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. BULJANOFF Yes, Comrade. The buzzer rings. NINOTCHKA Come in. The three Cigarette Girls enter. CIGARETTE GIRLS (gaily) Hello! Hello! Cigarettes? Ninotchka looks up astonished. Seeing her, the Cigarette Girls freeze. The Russians stand by quietly. NINOTCHKA (looking at the Russians) Comrades, you seem to have been smoking a lot. FADE OUT: MEDIUM SHOT -- LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- EVENING FADE IN: shooting past the desk toward the revolving door. The telephone rings and the Desk Clerk answers. DESK CLERK Desk... yes, Monsieur Kopalski... (he writes down the message) ...you are expecting Count d'Algout... uh huh... but he is not to go to the Royal Suite under any circumstances. He should go to your new room, 985? Thank you, monsieur. (he hangs up the receiver) A few seconds later Ninotchka, naturally completely unaware of the telephone conversation, passes by. She carries a map in her hand. DESK CLERK Good evening, madame. NINOTCHKA Good evening. She exits out the door. EXTERIOR, HOTEL CLARENCE Ninotchka emerges, unfolds the map. CLOSE-UP -- MAP OF PARIS in the hands of Ninotchka. The CAMERA ZOOMS down to a CLOSE- UP of the little drawing of the Hotel Clarence on the map. The CAMERA then PANS OVER from the Clarence toward the opposite side of the street, but before we reach the opposite side we see that in the center of the street is a little isle of safety. The CAMERA proceeds PANNING to the opposite side of the square and we DISSOLVE TO: The Real Location Corresponding to That Seen on the Map and seen from the same ANGLE. It is evening, and along the street comes Leon on his way to the hotel. The CAMERA PANS with him as he crosses the street. He reaches the isle of safety and there passes Ninotchka, who has come from the other side. They pass on the little isle without noticing each other. Suddenly we hear the whistle of a traffic policeman and both Ninotchka and Leon have to step back to the little isle. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND LEON on the little isle. Wanting some information Ninotchka turns to him -- completely impersonal. NINOTCHKA You, please. LEON Me? NINOTCHKA Yes. Could you give me some information? LEON Gladly. NINOTCHKA How long do we have to wait here? LEON Well -- until the policeman whistles again. NINOTCHKA At what intervals does he whistle? LEON What? NINOTCHKA How many minutes between the first and second whistle? LEON That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. NINOTCHKA Have you never been caught in a similar situation? LEON Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. NINOTCHKA In other words you don't know. LEON No. NINOTCHKA Thank you. LEON You're welcome. Ninotchka gets out her map, starts to unfold it. LEON Can I help you? NINOTCHKA You might hold this for me. LEON Love to. NINOTCHKA (engrossed in her geography) Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? LEON (bewildered) Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? NINOTCHKA No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. LEON Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... NINOTCHKA I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. LEON Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. NINOTCHKA How long does it take a man to land? LEON Now, isn't that too bad! The last time I jumped I forgot to clock it! (looks at map) Let me see... Eiffel Tower... Your finger, please. He takes her finger and points to the map with it. NINOTCHKA (skeptically) Why do you need my finger? LEON Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. NINOTCHKA And where are we? LEON (shifting her finger back to the hotel) Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? NINOTCHKA I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? LEON I don't have to but I find it natural. NINOTCHKA Suppress it. LEON I'll try. Ninotchka starts to fold her map. NINOTCHKA For my own information would you call your approach toward me typical of the local morale? LEON Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. NINOTCHKA You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? LEON Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. NINOTCHKA I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. LEON A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! NINOTCHKA Your type will soon be extinct. She walks away from him coldly. Leon stares after her, fascinated. ENTRANCE -- GROUND FLOOR OF THE EIFFEL TOWER DISSOLVE TO: Camera moves with Ninotchka as she enters. She approaches an Attendant. NINOTCHKA Please... can you tell me the exact width of the foundation on which the piers are resting?... and the depth? ATTENDANT You don't have to worry. The thing is safe. NINOTCHKA I am not afraid... I want to know... Leon, who apparently has taken a taxi and prepared himself otherwise, enters the scene, reading from a book. LEON (reading) The foundation is one hundred and forty-one yards square... (he tips his hat and interjects) I hope you'll forgive me but I thought you'd... NINOTCHKA (interrupting) Go ahead. The CAMERA goes with Ninotchka and Leon as they walk toward the steps. LEON (continuing) Four massive piers of masonry are sunk to a depth of forty-six feet on the side of the Seine, and twenty- nine and one-half feet on the other side. The girders of interlaced iron- work which stay the structure have an inclination of fifty-four degrees... NINOTCHKA That's a strange angle. LEON Yes, very strange. By now they have reached the staircase. They start up. LEON (continuing to read) Ascending to the tower is a staircase consisting of eight hundred and twenty- nine steps... (this disclosure frightens Leon as he realizes the climb ahead of him. He reads on as they walk up) ...and an additional two hundred and fifty-four steps to the very top... (now Leon stops but Ninotchka proceeds on out of the picture. Leon calls after her and reads from his book in a loud voice) There is an elevator included in the price of admission! Ninotchka continues to climb. MEDIUM SHOT -- STAIRS (FROM LEON'S ANGLE) Ninotchka, paying no attention to him, walks up the stairs, two at a time. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON He looks after Ninotchka, then makes up his mind and returns down the stairs. GROUND FLOOR -- EIFFEL TOWER, shooting toward the elevator door. The elevator with several passengers is just about to leave when Leon hurries into it. The door closes and the elevator starts to ascend quickly. DISSOLVE TO: HIGHEST PLATFORM -- EIFFEL TOWER The CAMERA ANGLE includes the elevator door and a beautiful background view of Paris. The elevator door opens and Leon emerges leisurely. He is just about to step to the top of the staircase, when suddenly, to his great amazement, he sees Ninotchka, who stands at the balustrade overlooking Paris. She has climbed the tower faster than he despite the elevator. Dumbfounded, Leon approaches her. Ninotchka turns, very matter-of-fact. NINOTCHKA You gave me some very valuable information. Thank you. LEON (looking at the dazzling view) And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? NINOTCHKA Yes, it is. LEON I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. NINOTCHKA Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. (she looks him up and down) As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. LEON You must admit that this doomed old civilization sparkles... It glitters! Night View of Paris with Its Lights Ablaze, as seen from the Eiffel Tower. NINOTCHKA AND LEON NINOTCHKA I do not deny its beauty, but it is a waste of electricity. LEON What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! (he steps to a telescope and, taking some money from his pocket, drops a coin in the slot) It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. (he adjusts the telescope) The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... (she looks in telescope) What do you see? NINOTCHKA I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? LEON It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. NINOTCHKA So that is your house? LEON Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... NINOTCHKA (straight from the shoulder) Does that mean that you want me to go there? LEON (feeling that he has offended her) Please don't misunderstand me... NINOTCHKA Then you don't want me to go there. LEON (in a pickle) Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. NINOTCHKA (simply) Then why don't we go? (looking at him) You might be an interesting subject of study. LEON I will do my best. They walk toward the elevator as we DISSOLVE TO: INTERIOR, ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT In the foreground stands a console on which is a telephone. Gaston, Leon's elderly, dignified butler, is answering the phone. GASTON (into phone) No... Count d'Algout is still out. Yes, as soon as he returns I'll tell him. Yes... I'll tell him Monsieur Buljanoff. He puts down the receiver as Leon opens the door with his key. Ninotchka and Leon enter. Ninotchka, during the following scene, is studying every detail of the apartment with the eye of a technical expert. LEON Good evening, Gaston. GASTON Good evening, Monsieur. NINOTCHKA Is this what you call the "butler"? LEON Yes. NINOTCHKA (takes Gaston's hand) Good evening, comrade. (to Leon) This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. LEON He takes good care of that. NINOTCHKA He looks sad. Do you whip him? LEON No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. NINOTCHKA (to the completely flabbergasted Gaston) The day will come when you will be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone. Leon opens the door to the living room. Ninotchka enters. Just as he is about to follow her, Gaston addresses him. GASTON (in a low voice) Count d'Algout, there have been several telephone... LEON Go to bed. INTERIOR, LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT Leon enters the room. Closes the door. Ninotchka is examining the room. LEON Well, may I offer you a drink, or how about something to eat? NINOTCHKA Thank you. I've had all the calories necessary for today. Leon feels a little uncertain as to how to approach this creature. NINOTCHKA What do we do now? LEON We take off our hat and coat. (he takes her things) We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. (Ninotchka doesn't respond) Well... we don't smile. How about some music? NINOTCHKA Is that customary? LEON It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. NINOTCHKA (the observer) I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. LEON Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? NINOTCHKA I will start with you. LEON That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. NINOTCHKA And what is your profession? LEON Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. NINOTCHKA And what do you do for mankind? LEON For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. NINOTCHKA You are something we do not have in Russia. LEON Thank you. Thank you. NINOTCHKA That is why I believe in the future of my country. LEON I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. LEON Ni-notchka. NINOTCHKA That is correct. LEON Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? NINOTCHKA Your general appearance is not distasteful. LEON Thank you. NINOTCHKA Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. LEON Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? NINOTCHKA You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. LEON Oh, I see. What do you use instead? NINOTCHKA I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. LEON What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? NINOTCHKA You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. LEON (bewildered, and yet completely intrigued) You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... NINOTCHKA You repeat yourself. LEON I'd like to say it a thousand times. NINOTCHKA Don't do it, please. LEON I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. NINOTCHKA It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. LEON (bewildered) The bayonet? Did you really? NINOTCHKA I was wounded before Warsaw. LEON Wounded? How? NINOTCHKA I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? LEON (dumfounded) I'd love to. (she pulls the blouse off her shoulder and shows him her scar) Tsk, tsk, tsk. NINOTCHKA A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. LEON Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA (readjusting her blouse) Don't pity me. Pity the Polish lancer. After all, I'm alive. More and more puzzled and fascinated, Leon sits down close to her. LEON What kind of a girl are you, anyway? NINOTCHKA Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. LEON You're the most adorable cog I ever saw in my life. Ninotchka, Cogitska, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant. A clock strikes. LEON Do you hear that? NINOTCHKA It's twelve o'clock. LEON It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? NINOTCHKA That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. LEON I can't possibly think of a better reason. NINOTCHKA It's false sentimentality. LEON (trying desperately to make her mood more romantic) You analyze everything out of existence. You analyze me out of existence. I won't let you. Love is not so simple. Ninotchka, Ninotchka, why do doves bill and coo? Why do snails, coldest of all creatures, circle interminably around each other? Why do moths fly hundreds of miles to find their mates? Why do flowers open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka, Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight symptom of the divine passion... a general warmth in the palms of your hands... a strange heaviness in your limbs... a burning of the lips that is not thirst but a thousand times more tantalizing, more exalting, than thirst? He pauses, waiting for the results of his speech. NINOTCHKA You are very talkative. That is too much for Leon. He takes her into his arms and kisses her. LEON Was that talkative? NINOTCHKA No, that was restful. Again. Leon kisses her again. NINOTCHKA Thank you. LEON Oh, my barbaric Ninotchka. My impossible, unromantic, statistical... The telephone rings. LEON (continuing) Glorious, analytical... NINOTCHKA The telephone is ringing. LEON Oh, let it ring. NINOTCHKA But one of your friends may be in need of you. You must answer. Leon exits out of shot to answer telephone. CLOSE SHOT -- AT DESK Leon enters, sits down, takes the telephone. LEON (into phone) Hello?... Yes... I'm sorry but I couldn't make it. I ran into a friend from the army... What?... The deal is off! Are you crazy, Buljanoff?... CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA She is startled by the name. LEON -- AT TELEPHONE LEON ...A special envoy arrived... What?... That sounds better. I'll be glad to see her any time she wants... Oh, she doesn't want to see me? What do you know about that? Why?... Well, I'll get in touch with her myself. What's her name?... (he takes a pencil and a piece of paper) ...What?... Yaku... How do you spell it?... Heavens! those Russian names! (he starts to write it down) ...I... Oh, Y... Camera pulls back and Ninotchka enters the shot. She takes pencil from Leon's hand, writes out the name, and leaves again. At first Leon is not aware of the full significance of her action. Then it dawns on him. LEON (continuing) Yakushova... Ninotch... At last the situation is entirely clear to him. LEON (into phone) All right. Thank you. He hangs up and stares at Ninotchka. She is putting on her jacket. LEON (camera panning with him as he walks over to her) Ninotchka... He takes her arm. NINOTCHKA I must go. LEON Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... NINOTCHKA Let's forget that we ever met. LEON I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... NINOTCHKA (firmly) I was sent here by my country to fight you. LEON All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. NINOTCHKA (uncompromisingly) As a representative of Moscow... LEON Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. NINOTCHKA It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... LEON You know I want to... NINOTCHKA Then do it through my lawyer! LEON (desperate) Ninotchka, you can't walk out like this... I'm crazy about you, and I thought I'd made an impression on you. You liked the white of my eye. Ninotchka looks at him for a second, then pulls herself together. NINOTCHKA I must go. She starts for the door. LEON But, Ninotchka, I held you in my arms. You kissed me! NINOTCHKA I kissed the Polish lancer too... before he died. As she goes out, we FADE OUT: THE ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT FADE IN: (Note: We have to invent some brief scene to indicate that three days have gone by. From this we) DISSOLVE TO: The butler opens the door. Swana enters, her manner showing her complete familiarity with the place. GASTON Good morning, Your Highness. SWANA Good morning, Gaston. GASTON Count d'Algout is still asleep. SWANA (as she walks toward Leon's room) That's all right. LEON'S BEDROOM The curtains are drawn. The night light is still on. Leon, a dressing gown over his pajamas, is sound asleep in a big arm chair. As Swana enters, she sees him with some alarm. SWANA Leon! What in heaven's name...! LEON Huh? SWANA Is anything wrong? Are you ill? LEON No. SWANA Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. LEON I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! SWANA Darling, you're taking my business affairs far too seriously. Much as I'd love to rob the Bolsheviks of their filthy money, I won't do it at the expense of your health. Particularly as we know we won't get much. (tenderly) You look so pale... pale but interesting. There is a knock at the door. SWANA Come in. Gaston enters with a breakfast tray. GASTON Your breakfast, monsieur. LEON I don't feel like any breakfast. SWANA Nonsense. How can you fight the Reds and make yourself agreeable to the Whites if you don't keep up your strength. GASTON Shall I draw your bath, sir? LEON Make it ice cold. SWANA Not in your condition. (to Gaston) Make it tepid, Gaston... tepid and tender. And lay out his gray suit. (to Leon) Afterwards I'll drive you through the Bois. Slowly... in Waltz time. GASTON A blue shirt, perhaps? SWANA Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. GASTON Very well, Your Highness. Gaston disappears into the bath-dressing room. Swana makes Leon sit down and seats herself beside him. SWANA Now... here we have two very handsome soft-boiled eggs. Do you suppose hens mind what happens to their eggs? Probably not. They have such unfeeling eyes. We'll put in a great nugget of butter, plenty of pepper and salt... Darling, I haven't seen you for three livelong days... seventy-two hours! LEON (irritably) Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. SWANA You haven't seen her yet? LEON No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... SWANA That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. LEON That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. (forgetting himself) She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. SWANA You just told me you hadn't seen her. LEON Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. SWANA Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? LEON You can't imagine. SWANA That bad? (Leon nods) Old or young? LEON Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. SWANA You saw all that in one glimpse? LEON (getting up) Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! (he walks over to the bathroom) SWANA Now, darling, soak in your beautiful pine bath and let Gaston shave you. Leon exits into the bathroom. As he does so a bell rings. SWANA Gaston! There is no answer. After a slight pause she herself goes to answer the bell. DISSOLVE TO: MEDIUM SHOT -- ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT, shooting toward the door. Swana goes to the door and opens it. The Three Russians stand outside. Seeing Swana, they are a little intimidated. THE THREE RUSSIANS How do you do? Swana suspects that for the first time she is being confronted by representatives of the Soviet government. SWANA Yes? KOPALSKI We want to talk to Count d'Algout. My name is Kopalski. SWANA Oh... you are the three gentlemen from Moscow? KOPALSKI Yes. SWANA (icily) You may wait. She closes the door. STAIRCASE HALL -- IN FRONT OF LEON'S DOOR The Three Russians, very impressed, stand looking at the door which has just been closed. BULJANOFF That's her. KOPALSKI Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. BULJANOFF Once in Petersburg I was driving down the Nevsky Prospect in my cart and Her Highness in her troika swept down from the opposite direction, and when I couldn't make way quick enough she spat in my face. IRANOFF Now look here, Buljanoff. You never were in Petersburg, you never owned a cart, and she never spat in your face. Who are you trying to impress? At this moment the door is opened by Leon in his bathrobe. LEON Hello, boys. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Leon! LEON Come in, come in. They enter. LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT Leon and the Three Russians enter. LEON What's new? KOPALSKI (excitedly) Leon, Leonitchka, she is not going to negotiate! She is going to fight that injunction. She's going to make a precedent of it! IRANOFF She says she won't be intimidated by parasites. She called the Duchess a blood-sucking aristocrat and a blackmailer. LEON (eagerly) What did she say about me? IRANOFF (after a moment's consideration) I think she covered you with the parasites. Leon is disappointed. BULJANOFF And Leonitchka! What she said about us...! IRANOFF And they might believe her in Moscow. BULJANOFF What do you mean they might -- they will! KOPALSKI We don't blame you, Leon, but when we came from Russia we believed in simplicity... IRANOFF We avoided luxury and extravagance and today... well, if you were to offer us a glass of champagne, we wouldn't say no. Leon is so engrossed in his thoughts that he overlooks the hint. LEON Well, boys, I'd like to help you but what can I do? Yesterday I waited six hours in the lobby! KOPALSKI She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! LEON All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! KOPALSKI We can't... but you are so ingenious, Leon... IRANOFF You found your way to us and we weren't easy to reach, were we? LEON No, no. BULJANOFF Didn't we put up a strong resistance? LEON Oh, yes, yes. KOPALSKI You must help us, Leon... if you don't win her over we're on our way to Siberia! BULJANOFF Or it might be the firing squad! KOPALSKI Or we can't go back to Russia! An idea dawns on Iranoff. IRANOFF What's wrong with that? Kopalski and Buljanoff seize on the same idea. BULJANOFF Yes! We could stay with Leon! IRANOFF Leon, how would you like to have three lifelong friends? LEON Boys, boys... don't forget Russia is your mother country. Three sons walking out all at once... that's too much for any mother. BULJANOFF Well, if your mother turns against you, you have to look for someone to adopt you. Swana's voice comes from the next room. SWANA Leon! Just a minute... Leon goes back to the other room. LEON'S BEDROOM -- CLOSE SHOT, shooting toward the door of the living room. Swana stands putting on her gloves. SWANA I'm leaving, dear. I'm lunching at Fouquet's if you can make it, and... Leon, remember, a man should think it over twice before he decides to become a mother. She kisses him lightly and walks out. LIV