"BIG FISH" Written by John August Based on the novel by Daniel Wallace Final Production Draft This is a Southern story, full of lies and fabrications, but truer for their inclusion. FADE IN: A RIVER. We're underwater, watching a fat catfish swim along. This is The Beast. EDWARD (V.O.) There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra. Call it luck. Call it grace. One such fish was The Beast. The Beast's journey takes it past a dangling fish hook, baited with worms. Past a tempting lure, sparkling in the sun. Past a swiping bear claw. The Beast isn't worried. EDWARD (V.O.) By the time I was born, he was already a legend. He'd taken more hundred- dollar lures than any fish in Alabama. Some said that fish was the ghost of Henry Walls, a thief who'd drowned in that river 60 years before. Others claimed he was a lesser dinosaur, left over from the Cretaceous period. INT. WILL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (1973) WILL BLOOM, AGE 3, listens wide-eyed as his father EDWARD BLOOM, 40's and handsome, tells the story. In every gesture, Edward is bigger than life, describing each detail with absolute conviction. EDWARD I didn't put any stock into such speculation or superstition. All I knew was I'd been trying to catch that fish since I was a boy no bigger than you. (closer) And on the day you were born, that was the day I finally caught him. EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT (1977) A few years later, and Will sits with the other INDIAN GUIDES as Edward continues telling the story to the tribe. EDWARD Now, I'd tried everything on it: worms, lures, peanut butter, peanut butter-and-cheese. But on that day I had a revelation: if that fish was the ghost of a thief, the usual bait wasn't going to work. I would have to use something he truly desired. Edward points to his wedding band, glinting in the firelight. LITTLE BRAVE (confused) Your finger? Edward slips his ring off. EDWARD Gold. While the other boys are rapt with attention, Will looks bored. He's heard this story before. EDWARD I tied my ring to the strongest line they made -- strong enough to hold up a bridge, they said, if just for a few minutes -- and I cast upriver. INT. BLOOM FRONT HALL - NIGHT (1987) Edward is chatting up Will's pretty DATE to the homecoming dance. She is enjoying the story, but also the force of Edward's charisma. He's hypnotizing. EDWARD (CONT'D) The Beast jumped up and grabbed it before the ring even hit the water. And just as fast, he snapped clean through that line. WILL, now 17 with braces, is fuming and ready to leave. His mother SANDRA -- from whom he gets his good looks and practicality -- stands with him at the door. EDWARD You can see my predicament. My wedding ring, the symbol of fidelity to my wife, soon to be the mother of my child, was now lost in the gut of an uncatchable fish. ON WILL AND SANDRA WILL (low but insistent) Make him stop. His mother pats him sympathetically, then adjusts his tie. WILL'S DATE What did you do? EDWARD I followed that fish up-river and down-river for three days and three nights, until I finally had him boxed in. Will regards his father with exasperated contempt. EDWARD With these two hands, I reached in and snatched that fish out of the river. I looked him straight in the eye. And I made a remarkable discovery. INT. TINY PARIS RESTAURANT (LA RUE 14°) - NIGHT (1998) WILL, now 28, sits with his gorgeous bride JOSEPHINE. This is their wedding reception, crowded with their friends and family. They should be joyful, but Will is furious. Edward has the floor, ostensibly for a toast. The room is cozy and drunk. EDWARD This fish, the Beast. The whole time we were calling it a him, when in fact it was a her. It was fat with eggs, and was going to lay them any day. Over near the doorway, we spot Sandra, just returned from the restrooms. She looks gorgeous. She couldn't be any happier if this were her own wedding. EDWARD Now, I was in a situation. I could gut that fish and get my ring back, but doing so I would be killing the smartest catfish in the Ashton River, soon to be mother of a hundred others. Will can't take any more. Josephine tries to hold him back, but he gets up and leaves. Edward doesn't even notice. EDWARD Did I want to deprive my soon-to-be- born son the chance to catch a fish like this of his own? This lady fish and I, well, we had the same destiny. As he leaves, Will mutters in perfect unison with his father -- EDWARD AND WILL We were part of the same equation. Will reaches the door, where his mother intercepts him. SANDRA Honey, it's still your night. Will can't articulate his anger. He just leaves. EDWARD Now, you may well ask, since this lady fish wasn't the ghost of a thief, why did it strike so quick on gold when nothing else would attract it? (closer; he holds up his ring) That was the lesson I learned that day, the day my son was born. He focuses his words on Sandra. This story is -- and has always been -- about her more than anyone. EDWARD Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring. A LAUGH from the crowd. Edward motions for Sandra to get up here with him. As she crosses, we can see that thirty years of marriage has not lessened their affection for each other. As they kiss, Edward tweaks her chin a special little way. The crowd APPLAUDS. Edward toasts the happy couple. Josephine covers well for her absent husband, a smile as warm as summer. Edward downs his champagne in a gulp. EXT. OUTSIDE LA RUE 14° - NIGHT We come into the middle of an argument on the sidewalk. Occasional PASSERSBY take notice, especially as it gets more heated. Both men are a little drunk. EDWARD What, a father's not allowed to talk about his son? WILL (disbelieving) I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born. EDWARD (shaking his head) Jesus Christ. WILL Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind? EDWARD Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story. WILL No Dad, they don't. I do not like the story. Not anymore, not after a thousand times. I know all the punchlines, Dad. I can tell them as well as you can. (closer) For one night, one night in your entire life, the universe does not revolve around Edward Bloom. It revolves around me and my wife. How can you not understand that? A long beat, then... EDWARD (low) Sorry to embarrass you. Will won't let him get the last word. WILL You're embarrassing yourself, Dad. You just don't see it. ANGLE ON Edward. Fine. A hand to wave, enough of you. He walks away. ANGLE ON Will, still fuming with righteous anger. It's then we FREEZE FRAME. WILL (V.O.) After that night, I didn't speak to my father again for three years. INT. A.P. NEWSROOM (PARIS) - DAY A typically busy day. On hold with the phone cradled under an ear, Will sorts through a bundle of mail dropped on his desk. WILL (ON PHONE) (without pauses) William Bloom with the Associated Press if I could just... He's put back on hold. Returning to the mail, he finds a hand-addressed envelope. Rips it open. WILL (V.O.) We communicated indirectly I guess. In her letters and Christmas cards, my mother would write for both of them. INT. BLOOM HOUSE KITCHEN - DAY At the table, Sandra talks on the phone while Edward fixes a sandwich. WILL (V.O.) When I'd call, Mom would say that Dad was out driving. Or swimming in the pool. Edward takes a seat, starting to eat his sandwich. WILL True to form, we never talked about our not talking. INT. BLOOM HOUSE MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT Sandra stands by the window, watching as... EXT. BLOOM BACK YARD - NIGHT [CONTINUOUS] Edward swims laps in the family pool. He's born to the water. WILL (V.O.) The truth is, I didn't see anything of myself in my father, and I don't think he saw anything of himself in me. We were like strangers who knew each other very well. EXT. RIVER - DAY Edward stares intently into the water, a lion in wait. WILL (V.O.) In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate the fact from the fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me. We LOOK DOWN at the river, where Edward's reflection is caught in the dark water. As the water ripples past, something changes. Sure enough, as we LOOK UP again, it's a younger EDWARD BLOOM, 20's, staring into the water. He's not just handsome, not just charming. It's as if all the forces of the natural world had conspired to create him. WILL (V.O.) It doesn't always make sense, and most of it never happened. Suddenly, this Edward thrusts both hands into the water, grabbing hold of THE BEAST. He brings the catfish up to his face. Looks it right in the eye. A beat, then the Beast spits out Edward's gold ring. WILL (V.O.) But that's what kind of story this is. Smiling, Edward takes the ring, then throws the Beast back into the water with a splash. TITLE OVER: BIG FISH INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Young Dr. Bennett stands between the Wife's legs. She's flustered and sweating, but the doctor has a comforting bedside manner... YOUNG DR. BENNETT Now, Mrs. Bloom, I'll need you to give me one good push. On three. One... Suddenly, we hear a POP as a slimy mass of human being rockets into the doctor's unprepared hands. Bennett tries to hold tight, but the infant is slippery like a fish. It shoots up into air. The NURSES and the Husband try to grab the baby, but no one can hold it. As the newborn sails upward TOWARDS CAMERA, we can see a GIGGLING SMILE on its face. As it falls, the newborn knocks over a tray, which provides it a ramp to slide right out of the room. Everyone races after it. INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY Bursting through the doors -- YOUNG DR. BENNETT Grab that baby! A NURSE finally scoops up the slippery baby. Everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief. WILL (V.O.) My father's birth would set the pace for his unlikely life. No longer than most men's, but larger. And as strange as his stories got, the endings were always the most surprising of all. INT. HALF-DARK PARIS APARTMENT - (PRESENT) DAY Over the sound of rain, a phone RINGS on a chair. By the tone of the ring, we know we're not in the U.S. -- it has that insistent European sound. As it keeps RINGING, we look to see the apartment is mostly empty, just a few half-unpacked boxes. A cradle is still in its carton. KEYS in the lock. LAUGHTER in the hallway. The door swings open to reveal a drenched Will (29) carrying four sacks of groceries, the bottoms collapsing from the rain. His wife Josephine (28) pushes past him to get the phone. JOSEPHINE Allo oui? Will begins stripping out of his wet clothes, each layer unleashing a new drizzle. He plays it up, trying to get a reaction out of Josephine. JOSEPHINE (on phone) Yes, he's here. She hands the phone to Will, concerned. JOSEPHINE It's your mother. Half-stripped, Will takes the phone. This won't be good news. WILL (on phone) Hi. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. As Josephine takes off her rain coat, we see she is very, very pregnant. She listens carefully to Will's side of the conversation, trying to gauge how bad the news is. WILL (CONT'D) What does Dr. Bennett say? Okay. No, sure, let me talk to him. I'll wait. He covers the mouthpiece. Looks over to Josephine. JOSEPHINE It's bad. WILL It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo. JOSEPHINE You need to go. WILL Probably tonight. A beat. JOSEPHINE I'm going with you. WILL You don't have to. JOSEPHINE (a simple fact) I'm going with you. INT. AIR FRANCE 747 - NIGHT As the plane continues boarding, a STEWARDESS recites the welcome spiel in French. Will has a window seat in coach. Josephine sits beside him, putting on hand lotion. Taking his hands, she rubs the excess into him. There's an effortless intimacy between them. She can pinpoint what he's feeling before he can. INT. 747 / FLYING - NIGHT Hours later, and the lights are dimmed. Most of the PASSENGERS are asleep, including Josephine. Her head is propped against Will's shoulder, her hands tucked under her belly. Will watches her sleep, brushing back her hair. A beat, then he notices a BORED BOY in the next row over. Off the glow of the reading light, the boy is using his hands to cast shadows on the seat back. The kid is pretty good, making a convincing bird, a passable monkey, and finally a dog. We PUSH IN on the silhouettes. EDWARD (O.S., PRELAP) So which one's it gonna be? The Monkey in the Barn, the Dog in the Road? Focusing on the final shadow, we... MATCH CUT TO: INT. BLOOM HOUSE - NIGHT ...come to find Edward making the shapes. Will (6) sits in his pajamas on the floor next to him. The endtable lamp lies between them, its shade off to cast big shadows on the wall. WILL The one about the witch. EDWARD Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares. WILL I'm not scared. Edward looks around for a beat, seeing if his wife is in earshot. He then leans in, complicitous. EDWARD Neither was I. At first. Will smiles, excited to hear the forbidden story. EDWARD This all happened in the swamp outside of Ashton. Kids weren't supposed to go out in the swamp, on account of the snakes and spiders and quicksand that would swallow you up before you could even scream. But there were five of us out there that night: Me, Ruthie, Wilbur Freely, and the Price Brothers, Don and Zacky. Edward holds up his hand, counting the names on his fingers. EDWARD Not a one of us knew what was in store. As his hand moves past the light, we COME TO: A flashlight SWEEPS past. We are... EXT. FIELD AT THE SWAMP EDGE - NIGHT The night is WHIRRING and BREATHING, alive. The moon hangs low, casting long shadows. Five kids walk past in silhouette. Four have flashlights on. The fifth keeps tripping, crashing into YOUNG EDWARD (10). EDWARD Zacky, turn your flashlight on! ZACKY I don't got any batteries! Red-headed ZACKY PRICE is 10. His brother DON PRICE is 12, and a lot bigger than the others. DON PRICE Then why'd you bring it? ZACKY I don't want to be in the swamp with a witch and no flashlight. WILBUR FREELY, also 10, is the black asthmatic son of a sharecropper. Redheaded RUTHIE MACKLIN, 8, is happy just to be there. EDWARD Is it true she got a glass eye? WILBUR FREELY I heard she got it from Gypsies. EDWARD What's a Gypsy? ZACKY Your momma's a Gypsy. DON PRICE Your momma's a bitch. RUTHIE You shouldn't swear. There's ladies present. DON PRICE Shit. ZACKY Damn. WILBUR FREELY Screw. EDWARD (whispering) Turn off your flashlights! She'll see 'em. MOVING UP behind the kids, we find ourselves at the gates of... EXT. A CREEPY OLD HOUSE - NIGHT ADULT EDWARD (V.O.) Now, it's common knowledge that most towns of a certain size have a witch, if only to eat misbehaving children and the occasional puppy who wanders into her yard. Witches use those bones to cast spells and curses that make the land infertile. We PULL BACK, and BACK, revealing more of the Gothically creepy house: its broken windows, strangling vines, and eerie gargoyles half-buried in the dirt. Even bats are afraid to fly over it. In the moonlight, the house is especially sinister. Who knows what is lurking in the shadows? ADULT EDWARD (V.O.) Yet of the all the witches in Alabama, there was one who was the most feared. For she had one glass eye, which was said to contain mystical powers. We finally come to the kids, staring in through the gate. WILBUR FREELY I hear if you look right at it, you can see how you're gonna die. EDWARD That's bull-s-h-i-t, that is. She's not even a real witch. DON PRICE You're so sure, why don't you go in and get that eye? I heard she keeps it in a box on her nighttable. Edward looks back at the spooky house. DON PRICE Or are you too scared? EDWARD I'll go in right now and get that eye. DON PRICE Then do it. EDWARD Fine, I will. DON PRICE Fine, you do it. EDWARD Fine, I'm doing it. He hands Zacky his flashlight, then starts climbing the gate. RUTHIE Edward, don't! WILBUR FREELY She'll make soap out of you! (to Ruthie) That's what she does, she makes soap out of people. Edward drops down on the far side of the gate. Truth be told, Edward is scared, but he forges ahead anyway. Wilbur looks to Ruthie, and they're in complete agreement. They get the hell out of there. Zacky would run too, but Don holds him by the collar. EXT. APPROACHING THE HOUSE Edward curves around the tall bushes that hide the front door. Anything could jump out of them. He steps on the porch. The boards SQUEAL and CREAK, but he continues on. A cat SCREAMS OUT from a broken wicker rocker. Catching his breath, Edward reaches the front door. The doorknob is ancient brass, two projections that look like horns. Yet Edward extends his hand, reaching closer and closer before he finally RINGS THE DOORBELL. Impossibly fast, the door opens, revealing an OLD WOMAN with a patch over her left eye. She looks like she's been dead for years, but too stubborn to lie down. EDWARD (calm and straightforward) Ma'am, my name is Edward Bloom, and there's some folks'd like to see your eye. EXT. BACK AT THE GATE - NIGHT Zacky and Don Price wait for Edward, each moment more convinced he's already dead. But suddenly, he's back at the gate. DON PRICE You get the eye? EDWARD I brought it. DON PRICE (dubious) Let's see it. The Old Woman steps out of the shadows behind Edward, flipping up her eye patch. When their flashlight beam hits her left eye, it shines with a hellish glow. We RUSH IN on Zacky, who is paralyzed by what he sees. CUT TO: EXT. FRONT PORCH OF HOUSE - DAY An OLD MAN -- Zacky -- stands on a wobbly stepladder, changing a lightbulb. Suddenly, the ladder gives way and he falls. Dead. EXT. AT THE GATE - NIGHT We RUSH IN on Don Price. CUT TO: INT. FRATERNITY HOUSE BATHROOM - DAY Twenty-year old Don Price falls face-forward on the tile, face mushed in the grout. Very much dead. EXT. AT THE GATE - NIGHT Don and Zacky both tremble with fear. The latter has tears in his eyes. ZACKY I saw how I was gonna die. I was old, and I fell. DON PRICE I wasn't old at all. The brothers suddenly bolt. Still standing next to the Old Woman, Edward smiles. EXT. AT THE OLD WOMAN'S DOOR - NIGHT Edward helps her back inside. He could leave now, but curiosity gets the better of him. EDWARD I was thinking about death and all. About seeing how you're gonna die. The Old Woman turns to him slightly, still not facing him. EDWARD I mean, on one hand, if dying was all you thought about, it could kind of screw you up. But it could kind of help you, couldn't it? Because you'd know that everything else you can survive. The Old Woman smiles a little, a crooked grin of broken teeth. EDWARD I guess I'm saying, I'd like to know. The Old Woman turns leaning her face right in front of his. And on a silent count of one, two, three -- Edward looks into The Eye. This time we don't cut. Instead, we HOLD ON Edward as he witnesses his death. He stares transfixed, perplexed and amused. Whatever he sees, it's not as dire as the other boys. His future has something strange in store. EDWARD Huh. That's how I go? The Old Woman nods. Still a little overwhelmed, Edward turns and leaves. ADULT EDWARD (V.O.) From that moment on, I no longer feared death. And for that, I was as good as immortal. As Edward leaves, the door swings SHUT on its own. MATCH CUT TO: INT./EXT. BLOOM HOUSE - (PRESENT) DAY The front door opens to reveal Will and Josephine on the porch with their bags. REVERSE to Will's mother Sandra (53), surprised and a little annoyed. SANDRA How did you get here? WILL We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really. SANDRA Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport. WILL We rented a car. SANDRA (simply) You didn't need to do that. You just didn't. A beat. Starting over... WILL Hi, Mom. He leans in and hugs her. She surrenders, squeezing her son tight. Will and his mother are cut from the same cloth -- strong-willed but practical. They've always been close. SANDRA I'm so glad you're here. That hug finished, Sandra pushes past her son to her daughter- in-law. Seeing the size of her belly -- SANDRA You shouldn't have flown. But... They hug. JOSEPHINE It's good to see you. You look beautiful. It's not flattery. It's the truth. SANDRA Thank you. I'll bet you need to -- JOSEPHINE Yes. SANDRA Down the hall on the right. The door sticks. You have to really pull it. Josephine squeezes past, a smile to her husband -- be nice. Will heads back to the rental car to retrieve luggage. Sandra follows him. Coming down the driveway, we get to see the house for the first time: an older suburban home, three bedrooms, big for the neighborhood, and nicely grown into the lot. KIDS are playing on the street. WILL Is that Dr. Bennett's car? SANDRA He's up with your father. Heading back to the house... WILL How is he? SANDRA He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat. WILL How much time does he have left? SANDRA You don't talk about those things. Not yet. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Sandra is pouring iced tea for Will and Josephine. DR. JULIUS BENNETT (85) enters from the foyer, still winded from coming down the stairs. He was the town's first Black physician. He's still the town's best physician. DR. BENNETT Will. WILL Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. (they shake) My wife, Josephine. DR. BENNETT A pleasure. He judges her belly. DR. BENNETT You're seven months. JOSEPHINE (impressed) To the day. He leans close to her, whispering in her ear... DR. BENNETT It's a boy. She smiles, surprised but not doubting. Will looks over -- what did he say? Josephine shakes her head. Back to the main subject... SANDRA You don't think he looks any worse. DR. BENNETT No. I would say he's the same. And in the silence that follows, a lot is said. It wasn't the upbeat reply Sandra was hoping for. WILL Can I see him? DR. BENNETT Absolutely. Be good for you to talk to him. A moment of awkwardness -- everyone here knows they haven't spoken in years. Sandra hands Will a squat can of Ensure from the case on the counter. SANDRA Get him to drink one of these. He won't, but tell him he has to. INT. FOYER - DAY Coming out from the kitchen, Will slowly climbs the stairs. They CREAK with every step. The wall is filled with family photos, happier times. Most of the pictures are of Will, starting when he was an infant and ending at his wedding. As he climbs the stairs, we can see him growing up with every step. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY A crack of sunlight spills around the half-open door at the end of the hallway. Will walks towards it, running a hand along the wallpaper. Almost at the door, he stops for a beat. Gets his breath. Then goes inside. INT. GUEST ROOM - DAY Edward Bloom, 61, lies asleep on the bed. Although he's not the vibrant man we've seen before, it's not as bad we feared. The illness has been quick, and left him largely intact. There are no I.V.'s, no monitors, nothing. Coming up to the bed -- WILL Dad? Edward cracks open an eye, a beat before he focuses. He tries to say something, but no words come out. He looks over at a pitcher on the nightstand. Will pours him a glass of water, helping him hold it to his parched lips. Finished, Edward sets down the glass by himself. A very long, tense beat. Will almost speaks again to fill the silence. Finally... EDWARD You -- (he points) -- are in for a surprise. WILL Am I? EDWARD Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings... WILL Did you do any of that? EDWARD No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine. WILL You think I'm up for it? EDWARD You learned from the best. Will doesn't rise to the challenge. A beat, then he remembers the can of Ensure. Holds it up. Edward recoils. WILL Just drink half the can. I'll tell her you drank the whole thing. Everyone wins. A beat, then Edward rolls his eyes. Fine. Will cracks open the can, finding a straw on the nightstand. EDWARD People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This isn't how I go. WILL Really. EDWARD Truly. I saw it in The Eye. WILL The Old Lady by the swamp. EDWARD She was a witch. WILL No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic. EDWARD I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens. WILL So how does it happen? EDWARD Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you. Edward slurps down as much of the Ensure as he can stand, then pushes the can away. He swallows with difficulty. EDWARD There was this panhandler who used to stop me every morning when I came out of this coffee shop near the office. WILL Okay. EDWARD And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said? WILL What did he say? EDWARD You owe me three-fifty. WILL Really. EDWARD True story. A beat. WILL When did you ever work in an office? EDWARD There's a lot you don't know about me. WILL You're right. Edward gives a wry smile. He walked into that. EDWARD Your mother was worried we wouldn't talk again. And look at us. We're talking fine. We're storytellers, both of us. I speak mine out, you write yours down. Same thing. Will won't commit to Edward's assessment. WILL Dad, I'm hoping we can talk about some things while I'm here. EDWARD You mean, while I'm here. WILL I'd just like to know the true versions of things. Events. Stories. You. Edward LAUGHS a little, which becomes a COUGH. The HACKING escalates until another drink of water gets it under control. It's not clear whether any of this was an act to keep from talking. EDWARD Your mother hasn't been keeping up the pool. If you wanted to you could... WILL I will. EDWARD You know where the chemicals are? WILL I used to do it when you were gone, remember? I used to do it a lot. He didn't mean for that to sound so pointed. Taking the half- empty Ensure, Will gets up to go. He's at the door when... EDWARD I was never much for being at home, Will. It's too confining. And this, here. Being stuck in bed. Dying is the worst thing that ever happened to me. He smiles at his joke. WILL I thought you weren't dying. EDWARD I said this isn't how I go. The last part is much more unusual. Trust me on that. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY Shutting the door behind himself, Will drinks the rest of the Ensure himself. Edward was right. It tastes horrible. Heading for the stairs, Will walks past an open door. As he leaves frame, we STAY BEHIND to look inside... INT. WILL'S BEDROOM - DAY [FLASHBACK] ...where an eight-year old Will is propped up in bed, his face covered with chicken pox and pink calamine lotion. He's showing Edward how many bumps there are on his arm. YOUNG WILL Dr. Bennett says I'm going to have to be home for a week. EDWARD That's nothing. I once had to stay in bed for three years. YOUNG WILL Did you have chicken pox? EDWARD I wish. CUT TO: INT. TINY CHURCH - DAY Wearing a white shirt and tie, YOUNG EDWARD -- still about 10 -- sings "Down to the River My Lord" along with the CONGREGATION. His voice is high and thin, but he gives it his all. Suddenly, his voice CRACKS and DROPS a half-octave. And then another. His friends Wilbur Freeley and Ruthie look over, wondering what's wrong. Embarrassed, Edward just keeps SINGING, trying to follow along with the baritone part. He pulls at his collar. Then pulls again, his face getting red. Starting to panic, he loosens his tie. He's starting to undo the collar button when it POPS off by itself. Two more buttons fly off. One hits a CHUBBY WOMAN in the neck. ON HIS SHOES As we watch, Edward's pant cuffs rise inch by inch -- that's how fast he's growing. EDWARD (V.O.) Truth is, no one quite knew what was wrong. Most times, a person grows up gradually. I found myself in a hurry. INT. YOUNG EDWARD'S BEDROOM - DAY Young Edward lies in bed, his limbs connected to various pulleys and levers to support his weight. He has a dozen encyclopedias around him, and another dozen on the floor. EDWARD (V.O.) My muscles couldn't keep up with my bones, and my bones couldn't keep up with my body's ambition. So I spent the better part of three years confined to my bed, with the World Book Encyclopedia being my only means of exploration. I had made it all the way to the "G's," hoping to find an answer to my gigantificationism, when I uncovered an article about the common goldfish. INSERT: The encyclopedia article, complete with drawings. YOUNG EDWARD (reading) "Kept in a small bowl, the goldfish will remain small. With more space, the fish can grow double, triple, or quadruple its size." Young Edward thinks this through. EDWARD (V.O.) It occurred to me then, that perhaps the reason for my growth was that I was intended for larger things. After all, a giant man can't have an ordinary-sized life. EXT. BASEBALL FIELD - DAY The CRACK of a bat announces the game-winning home run. The crowd CHEERS the swing, and especially the batter as he rounds the bases. Although we've seen him briefly before, this is our first real exposure to GROWN-UP EDWARD, who we'll follow from roughly the ages of 18 to 30. EDWARD (V.O.) As soon as my bones had settled in their adult configuration, I set upon my plan to make a bigger place for myself in Ashton. EXT. SCHOOL FIELDS - DAY SINGLE SHOTS: Football hero Edward leads his team to victory. On the sidelines, a PRETTY GIRL admits the name of her secret love: GIRL Edward Bloom! The other GIRLS SQUEAL in agreement. Don Price looks over, glowers. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY SINGLE SHOT: A lawnmower ROARS along the grass. We LOOK UP to see who's pushing it, but it's not Edward. It's one of his teenage EMPLOYEES. Edward is back at the truck, which is painted to read, "Bloom Landscaping." He has workers on every lawn. He signs an autograph for an ADMIRING CUB SCOUT. INT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY Edward takes an impossible shot at the buzzer from the other end of the court. Naturally, he makes it, winning the game. As the crowd goes wild for Edward, Don Price is the only teammate who doesn't mob him. EXT. TOWN - DAY Edward carries a dog out of a burning house. INT. SCIENCE FAIR - DAY Edward wins a blue ribbon for his invention, a machine labelled "Perpetual Motion." He and the JUDGE pose for a photograph. A FLASH. Pissed, Don Price throws his crappy lima bean plants in the trash. INT. HIGH SCHOOL STAGE - DAY A dashingly handsome Edward leads the CAST out for a curtain call. He's the star of the show. Off to the side, we see Don Price is the ass-end of a horse costume. Edward soaks in his applause, smiling and gracious. EXT. GRADUATION STAGE - DAY Edward accepts his diploma. The PRINCIPAL hugs him tight. EDWARD (V.O.) I was the biggest thing Ashton had ever seen. Until one day, a stranger arrived. EXT. FARM - DAY As two FARMERS shake their heads, we REVERSE to a show a massive hole punched through the side of a barn. It's roughly the shape of man, but no human could be that large. EXT. SHEEP PEN - DAY Two fat ewes look up, a shadow falling across them. They BLEAT in panic as TWO OVERSIZED HANDS reach in and scoop them up. Their protests continue as they're carried away, one under each arm. We still haven't seen the full stranger. EXT. COURT HOUSE - DAY A MOB of about 50 have gathered, many of them with shotguns. Amid the crowd we see Don Price. SHARECROPPER He ate an entire cornfield! LITTLE GIRL He ate my dog! HOT-BLOODED SHOTGUN TOTER If you ain't gonna stop him Mayor, we will! MAYOR I won't have mob violence in this town. Now, has someone tried talking to him? SOME FARMER You can't reason with 'im! SHEPHARD He's a monster! Agreement from the crowd. And then... A VOICE (O.S.) I'll do it. Everyone turns to see who said that. The crowd parts to reveal none other than Edward Bloom. Don Price glowers. EDWARD I'll talk to him. See if I can get him to move on. MAYOR Son, that creature could crush you without trying. EDWARD Trust me, he'll have to try. EXT. HILL OUTSIDE ASHTON - DAY Edward climbs up the last bit of the steep hillside, reaching the mouth of a cave. Outside, buzzards squabble over the remains of the giant's feast: broken barrels, bones picked clean. In his most serious voice, Edward calls out: EDWARD Hello! There's no answer. EDWARD My name is Edward Bloom! I want to talk to you! From deep in a cave, a thunderous voice: VOICE (O.S.) GO AWAY! The giant's voice has such force, it blows Edward's hair back. EDWARD I'm not going anywhere until you show yourself. A beat, then we hear a RUMBLE, like a train coming. Edward braces himself, fists ready for a fight, if that's what it's going to take. As the RUMBLE gets louder, the ground starts to shake. Even Edward starts to worry. Just how big is this guy? EDWARD (V.O.) Armed with the foreknowledge of my own death, I knew the giant couldn't kill me. All the same, I preferred to keep my bones unbroken. Edward picks up a stone, ready to play David to Goliath. Then suddenly, the giant bursts forth. Hunched over, he slams into a stunned Edward, knocking him halfway down the hill. KARL THE GIANT is bigger than any man you've ever seen. Not just tall, but massive. He's completely feral, with a beard to his elbow and skin scratched and blistered. What remains of his clothes are ragged and muddy. God knows what's living in his matted hair. Karl leans over Edward, blocking the sun. Edward throws his rock, but it just bounces off. The giant didn't even notice it. KARL Why are you here? Edward ponders the best response, settling on... EDWARD So you can eat me. The town decided to send a human sacrifice, and I volunteered. Karl's eyes narrow, confused. Edward stands up. EDWARD My arms are a little stringy, but there's some good eating on my legs. I mean, I'd be tempted to eat them myself. (beat) So I guess, just, if you could get it over with quick. Because I'm not much for pain, really. Edward closes his eyes, hands at his side, ready to be eaten. Karl just stares at him, not sure what to do. After a beat, Edward opens his eyes a tiny bit, just to see what the giant is doing. Relieved to see he's not licking his chops -- EDWARD Look, I can't go back. I'm a human sacrifice. If I go back, everyone will think I'm a coward. And I'd rather be dinner than a coward. Karl sits down with a BOOM, dejected. EDWARD Here, start with my hand. It'll be an appetizer. Reaching up, Edward shoves his hand into Karl's mouth. But the giant spits it back out. KARL I don't want to eat you. I don't want to eat anybody. It's just I get so hungry. I'm too big. And that's the sad truth. Karl is less a monster than a freak -- a giant man, but in the end, just a man. Edward takes a seat beside him. EDWARD Did you ever think maybe you're not too big? Maybe this town's just too small. I mean, look at it. Circling behind them, we look down at Ashton -- a tiny town in a tiny valley. EDWARD Hardly two stories in the whole place. Now I've heard in real cities, they've got buildings so tall you can't even see the tops of 'em. KARL Really? EDWARD Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you? KARL I can. EDWARD So why are you wasting your time in a small town? You're a big man. You should be in the big city. Karl smiles, but then it fades. A certain sad suspicion -- KARL You're just trying to get me to leave, aren't you? That's why they sent you here. EDWARD What's your name, Giant? KARL Karl. EDWARD Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. (closer) You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer. KARL You don't like it? EDWARD I love every square inch of it. But I can feel the edges closing in on me. A man's life can only grow to a certain size in a place like this. (beat) So what do you say? Join me? Karl thinks a moment. Then -- KARL Okay. EDWARD Okay. They shake on it. EDWARD Now first, we gotta get you ready for the city. EXT. RIVER - DAY IN A SINGLE SHOT, Karl cuts his hair with hedge clippers, while Edward cuts up a surplus army tent to make him a shirt. EXT. MAIN STREET OF ASHTON - DAY Spirits buoyed by the high school MARCHING BAND, all the good CITIZENS of Ashton are gathered to see off Edward and Karl. There's a few tears amid the familiar faces. MAYOR (loudly, for the crowd) Edward Bloom, first son of Ashton, it's with a heavy heart we see you go. But take with you this Key to the City, and know that any time you want to come back, all our doors are open to you. Edward ducks a bit so the Mayor can put the key around his neck. The crowd CHEERS. And with that, Edward and Karl start walking, waving as they go. Only DON PRICE, smoking on the corner, isn't sad to see Edward go. He crushes his cigarette under his heel. He wishes he could crush Edward. Many of the townfolk come onto the street to hug Edward or shake his hand. EDWARD (V.O.) That afternoon as I left Ashton, everyone seemed to have advice. VARIOUS TOWNFOLK Find yourself a nice girl! Don't trust anyone in Kentucky! Watch your pride, Edward Bloom! EDWARD (V.O.) But there was one person whose counsel I held above all others. As the crowd parts, he finds himself face to face with THE OLD WOMAN. The ruckus slows and quiets, as if a strange spell has been cast. She motions for Edward to lean down, so she can whisper something to him. Although we're VERY CLOSE, we can't hear her voice. EDWARD (V.O.) She said that the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught. The advice only succeeds in confusing Edward. EDWARD (to the Old Woman) Okay. Thanks. Edward and Karl keep walking. The Old Woman shuffles off, somehow knowing her advice will go unheeded. KARL What did she say? EDWARD Beats me. EXT. ROAD - DAY We TILT UP from the road to reveal Edward and Karl walking out of Ashton. Each wears a backpack with all his earthly possessions. EDWARD (V.O.) There were two roads out of Ashton, a new one which was paved, and an older one that wasn't. People didn't use the old road anymore, and it had developed the reputation of being haunted. Edward and Karl come to a bend, where the paved road veers left and an overgrown dirt road runs straight. The old road is blocked with signs and warnings of danger. EDWARD (V.O.) Since I had no intention of ever returning to Ashton, this seemed as good a time as any to find out what lay down that old road. Karl looks at the dirt road, wary. KARL You know anyone's who's taken it? EDWARD That poet, Norther Winslow did. He was going to Paris, France. He must have liked it, because no one ever heard from him again. (beat) Tell you what. You take the other way and I'll cut through here. Meet you on the far side. A little paranoid... KARL You're not trying to run away? EDWARD Just to be sure, you can take my pack. Karl perks up, even though it means more for him to carry. EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY The road is overgrown, but not altogether creepy. The sun is still shining, and the birds still CHIRPING. Spinning the Key to the City, Edward WHISTLES, because it's a day meant for whistling. EXT. FURTHER ALONG - ROUGH PATH The road has narrowed to a rough path. Spikes of sunlight break through the thick canopy, catching particles in the air. Still, Edward WHISTLES. Coming around a bend, his PITCH DROPS as he sees thick, thorny vines growing across the path. He stops. For the first time, he realizes the birds have stopped singing. The forest is dead quiet. He looks back the way he came. It's tempting to go back. It would be easier to go back. But Edward presses on. He carefully steps through the thorns. His trouser legs catch on the barbs. We can hear the fabric TEAR. FURTHER ALONG A scratched and sweaty Edward waves off various STINGING BUGS flying at him, finally whipping off his hat to swat at them. Just then a CAWING crow swoops down and grabs the hat right out of his hands. EDWARD You stupid sonofa... He stops his swearing, but grabs a rock and throws it. The stone ricochets off a tree and into a BEE'S NEST. The swarm roars out. Edward high-tails it, each step still precarious. EXT. THE DARK FOREST - DAY [LATER] Edward is bruised, battered and bee-stung. A half-broken sign lies in the road. Edward picks it up. Reads it: WARNING! JUMPING SPIDERS! Sure enough, up ahead he sees the path is overgrown with thick cobwebs, heavy from the rain. EDWARD (V.O.) There comes a point where a reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he's made a terrible mistake. The truth is, I was never a reasonable man. Edward tosses the sign and forges ahead, into the spiderwebs. EDWARD And what I recalled of Sunday School was that the more difficult something became, the more rewarding it was in the end. EXT. CLEARING / THE ROAD - DAY Edward emerges from the forest, brushing the last cobwebs off and shaking the spiders from his shirt. One is stuck in his sleeve, and he has to dance to get it out. Even then, he still keeps twitching, convinced another one is left behind. At his feet, the gravel road has returned, smooth and dusty and comforting. Ahead lies a tiny one-street town -- smaller even than Ashton -- with powerlines emerging from the woods to feed it. Dangling from the line above he sees two dozen pairs of shoes, their laces tied together. He passes a sign that reads "Welcome To Spectre!" EXT. THE TOWN OF SPECTRE - DAY It's a main street with stores on each side: Cole's Pharmacy, Talbot's Five and Dime, Al's Country Store. Everything is old, but this isn't a ghost town. In fact, there's a group of about 20 CITIZENS spilling out to see Edward approach. Most are smiling. There are even a few tears of joy. What's more, all of these people are barefoot. MAN'S VOICE Friend! A forty-year old man named BEAMEN comes out of the seed store to greet Edward. Friendly but a little drunk, he's the closest thing the town has to a mayor. He's carrying a clipboard. BEAMEN Welcome to ya. What's your name? EDWARD Edward Bloom. Beamen checks the clipboard. Not finding the name, he flips forward a few pages. Still looking... BEAMEN Bloom like a flower? EDWARD Yes. BEAMEN Oh. Here! Right here. Edward Bloom. We weren't expecting you yet. Still confused... EDWARD You were expecting me? BEAMEN Not yet. A helpful woman named MILDRED chimes in: MILDRED You must have taken a shortcut. EDWARD I did. It nearly killed me. BEAMEN Mmm-hmm. Life'll do that to you. And truthfully, the long way is easier, but it's longer. MILDRED Much longer. BEAMEN And you're here now, and that's what matters. Beamen's daughter JENNY (8) hides behind her father, peering around to look at the handsome stranger. EDWARD What is this place? BEAMEN The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow. EDWARD The poet? What ever happened to him? BEAMEN He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you. EDWARD No. I've gotta meet somebody. I'm already running late. He didn't mean it as a joke, but for some reason, everyone's laughing. BEAMEN Son, I already told you. You're early. INT. BEAMEN'S HOUSE - DAY Sitting at the kitchen table, Edward takes a second slice of apple pie. He and Beamen are joined by NORTHER WINSLOW (30), who fancies himself a cultured artist, though he's never left the state. BEAMEN Now tell me if that isn't the best pie you ever ate. EDWARD It truly is. UNDER THE TABLE Young Jenny is stealthily untying the laces on Edward's shoes. NORTHER WINSLOW Everything here tastes better. Even the water is sweet. Never gets too hot, too cold, too humid. At night the wind goes through the trees and you'd swear there was a whole symphony out there, playing just for you. Suddenly, Jenny YANKS OFF Edward's shoes. She races for the door. EDWARD Hey! He chases after her. EXT. TOWN / MAIN STREET - DAY As she runs, Jenny ties Edward's laces together. Reaching the edge of town, she tosses the shoes up and around the power line -- a perfect throw. There's no way he's ever getting them down. The gathered citizens of Spectre CHEER for Edward, who is confused and overwhelmed. The women hug him. Men shake his hand. Still focused on his shoes... EDWARD Wait! I need those! NORTHER WINSLOW There is no softer ground than town. MILDRED That rhymes! BEAMEN He is our poet laureate. The townsfolk continue to congratulate Edward... EDWARD (V.O.) Sometimes in a dream, you'll visit places that seem instantly familiar, filled with friends you've never met. EXT. UNDER A TREE - DUSK Edward sits with Norther Winslow. The fireflies are out. Thousands of them. EDWARD (V.O.) A man might travel his entire life and never find a place so inviting. My journey had scarcely begun, and I had arrived. Norther hands him his noteboook. NORTHER WINSLOW I've been working on this poem for 12 years. EDWARD Really. NORTHER WINSLOW There's a lot of expectation. I don't want to disappoint my fans. A beat. EDWARD It's only three lines long. Norther grabs his notebook back. NORTHER WINSLOW This is why you don't show work in progress. EDWARD Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris? NORTHER WINSLOW I can't imagine any place better than here. EDWARD You're a poet. You oughta be able to. And maybe if you'd seen more, you could. Norther doesn't answer. Just goes back to his notebook. EXT. BY THE RIVER - NIGHT By the light of the full moon, Edward soaks his feet in the water, trying to make sense of it all. The Key to the City dangles around his neck. He stares at himself in the reflection. He smiles. It's then that a WOMAN emerges at the far side of the river. No telling where she came from -- she must have been swimming underwater. We never see her face. She stands in the river with her bare back to Edward, squeezing the water out of her golden hair, oblivious to his presence. Edward is breathless. It's the first woman he's seen in her natural state, and he doesn't dare move lest he frighten her away. Then he sees the snake. It's a cottonmouth, has to be. It leaves a break in the water, its small reptilian head aiming for her flesh. There's no decision to be made. On pure instinct, Edward dives in. He swims as hard as can, GRABBING THE SNAKE just as it's about to strike. The woman dives back underwater, understandably terrified that a man is coming at her. EDWARD No, it's okay! I got it. I got the snake. As the splashing subsides, Edward looks at what he holds in his hands. Which isn't a snake at all, but rather a common stick. And a non-threatening one at that. While Edward ponders his mistake, he looks around to discover that the Girl in the River is gone. He never even saw her face. EDWARD Wait! I'm sorry. Hello?! Edward keeps expecting her to surface, somewhere, but she never does. He stands alone in the river, wondering what tricks his eyes are playing on him. EXT. BY THE RIVER - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS A GIRL'S VOICE (O.S.) There's leeches in there! Edward looks to the bank, where young Jenny Hill is watching him. EDWARD Did you see that woman? JENNY What did she look like? EDWARD Well, she... uh... JENNY Was she nekkid? Embarrassed to admit it... EDWARD Yeah. JENNY (matter-of-fact) It's not a woman, it's a fish. No one ever catches her. Given the day he's had so far, Edward isn't inclined to follow up on the issue. He starts to wade back to the bank. JENNY (CONT'D) Fish looks diff'rent to diff'rent people. My daddy said it looked like the coon dog he had when he was kid, back from the dead. Edward climbs up onto the shore, completely drenched. He pulls up his pant legs to reveal three shiny leeches clinging to his skin. EDWARD Shoot. He starts to work pulling them off. EXT. PATH BACK TO TOWN - NIGHT Edward and Jenny walk back. JENNY How old are you? EDWARD Eighteen. JENNY I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38. EDWARD (a little wary) You're pretty good at arithmetic. JENNY And when I'm 38, you'll be 48. And that's not much difference at all. Eager to get off this subject... EDWARD Sure is a lot now, though, huh? EXT. MAIN STREET - NIGHT As Edward and Jenny approach Main Street, they find "downtown" has been transformed. Lanterns and streamers hang on cables across the street, and a small stage has been built at one end to hold FIDDLERS. The whole town is there in celebration of its newest citizen, Edward Bloom. Before he can protest, two WOMEN have grabbed him by the arms, pulling him in to dance with them. The resulting dance number seems both choreographed and complete chaos. From FARMER to BAKER'S WIFE, everyone wants to dance with Edward, who finds himself tossed around like a stick caught in a whirlpool. Still, he's having a blast. Jenny grabs both his hands, and they spin wildly. Beamen plucks his LAUGHING daughter away to dance with her. Then Mildred cuts in to dance with Edward. It's hard to hear over the MUSIC. MILDRED Jenny thinks you're quite a catch. We all do. EDWARD (not hearing) What? MILDRED I said you're quite a catch! Edward stops dancing. A beat, then he heads for the edge of the crowd. Beamen is there, with Jenny on his shoulders. EDWARD I have to leave. Tonight. BEAMEN Why? EDWARD This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere. BEAMEN No one's ever left. JENNY How are you gonna make it without your shoes? EDWARD I suspect it will hurt a lot. And with that, Edward walks down Main Street. The townspeople stop dancing, disbelieving, some shaking their heads. Poor Edward Bloom's gone crazy. BEAMEN (calling after him) You won't find a better place! EDWARD I don't expect to. Jenny runs to him. She'd tackle him if she could. JENNY Promise me you'll come back. EDWARD I promise. Someday. When I'm really supposed to. It's not good enough, but it will have to do. Edward keeps walking. EXT. THE DARK FOREST - NIGHT VARIOUS SHOTS: Edward negotiates the thorns in his bare feet. It's horrible. Almost unendurable. And then it gets worse. The trees ahead are moving. At first, it just seems to be the wind blowing the branches, but as we hear the wood CRACKING and GROANING, there's no mistaking it: they're trying to block him. Snake-like WHITE ROOTS shoot out of the ground, grabbing for his ankles. He leaps up, kicking off one tree trunk to grab another one's branches. He swings off, lands and rolls. Now all the trees are moving to block him, their dark shapes towering over him in the flashes of LIGHTNING. EDWARD (V.O.) As difficult as it was to reach Spectre, I was fated to get there eventually. After all, no man can avoid reaching the end of his life. As he ducks under branches, the chain holding the Key to the City gets caught. He's almost strangled, but the chain finally breaks. The silver key disappears into the mud. Scrambling forward, he looks for a way out. But the trees have encircled him, their spiky crowns bending down to crush him. He SCREAMS up at the night, until his breath is gone. EDWARD And then I realized, this wasn't the end of my life. With a sudden calm... EDWARD (aloud) This isn't how I die. Another lightning FLASH, and suddenly the trees are back where they've always been. Edward is lying shoeless and torn in a muddy puddle, staring up at the rain. And LAUGHING. EXT. THE ROAD - DAY His bare foot steps onto asphalt. A DEEP VOICE Friend! Edward turns to see KARL to his right, coming down the larger, paved road. KARL What happened to your shoes? Edward looks down at his muddy, bloody feet. EDWARD They got ahead of me. With that, the men start walking down the larger road. CROSSFADE TO: INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT Edward and Will sit at opposite ends of the table, with Sandra and Josephine in the middle. Although Edward has a small plate of food in front of him, he hasn't touched it. He's exhausted from the trip downstairs, but determined to maintain the family dinner ritual. The other three eat awkwardly, each CLINK and SCRAPE of a knife or fork resonating. Will finally breaks the silence. WILL I don't know if you've seen it, but Josephine has some photos in the most recent Newsweek. SANDRA Really! That's wonderful. JOSEPHINE I spent a week in Morocco for the story. It was incredible. SANDRA We'll have to pick up a copy. A beat. As Will scoops out another serving of potatoes, Edward suddenly speaks: EDWARD I don't know if you're aware of this, Josephine, but African parrots, in their native home of the Congo -- they speak only French. All three stop to listen. JOSEPHINE (amused) Really. EDWARD You're lucky to get four words out of them in English. But if you were to walk through the jungle, you'd hear them speaking the most elaborate French. Those parrots talk about everything: politics, movies, fashion -- everything but religion. Taking the bait... WILL Why not religion, Dad? EDWARD It's rude to talk about religion. You never know who you're going to offend. A beat. WILL Josephine actually went to the Congo last year. EDWARD Oh, so you know. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Will shakes a shopping cart free from the pile-up while his mother checks her list. AT THE PRODUCE SECTION Sandra starts to bag string beans. WILL Mom, would you say you understand Dad? SANDRA Of course. WILL What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head? SANDRA Yes. WILL How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. (decidedly) You can't honestly say you know him. SANDRA Yes, Will, I do. And don't presume things you don't know. She's more amused than annoyed, but Will is entering dangerous territory. SANDRA Would you say you understand Josephine? WILL Yes. But that's a different... SANDRA No it's not. It's exactly the same. Your father and I met, we dated, and we married -- we chose each other -- because we understood each other on some fundamental level. Just the same as you two. She moves on to the carrots. WILL Josephine and I have a lot in common. SANDRA Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. (beat) The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that. WILL True. But I've known him my whole life, and I don't feel like I know him at all. Or ever will. With a look, Sandra acknowledges the stakes. SANDRA I know it's not easy. Just remember, he didn't choose to be your father and you didn't choose to be his son. You just ended up together. You could pick numbers out of a dark bag and it'd be just the same. If you ask me, it's a wonder parents and children can stand each other at all. WILL But I understand you, Mom. I always have. SANDRA Well, clearly you don't. But I'm not the mystery you're trying to solve right now. INT. AT THE CHECKOUT - NIGHT Reaching the CASHIER, Sandra hands over her coupons. Will is approaching with a Newsweek magazine. Two checkstands over, an ATTRACTIVE BLONDE WOMAN in her 50's is getting her change. Though she's Sandra's generation, she carries herself like a much younger woman, with blue jeans and sneakers. She accidentally makes eye contact with Will as he passes. We HOLD ON the woman, who tracks Will as he reaches Sandra. It's hard to read her reaction: does she recognize him, or just find him attractive? Will notices the gaze. The woman turns away. Will racks his brain -- does he know this woman? SANDRA Before I forget, your father has papers in the basement I'd like you to go through. I wouldn't know what's important. WILL (distracted) Mom, do you know who that is? Blonde hair. Sandra looks. After a beat, the Blonde Woman turns again, semi-casually. Noticing that both Will and Sandra are looking, she smiles a little before taking her cart to leave. SANDRA (no idea) Was she one of your teachers? WILL No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me. SANDRA (to the cashier) Do you know who that is? The Cashier turns to look. He can only get a profile as the woman leaves. CASHIER Never seen her before. Pretty, though. INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT A portable fan quietly WHIRRS in the corner. Turned low, the RADIO on the nightstand is playing a call-in AM sports show, just a wash of background chatter. Edward lies asleep on his back. At the window, Josephine quietly lowers the shade. She reaches over Edward to switch off the radio. He stirs from the silence -- he wasn't fully asleep -- and sees Josephine stretched over him. EDWARD (playfully lecherous) Hello. She smiles. JOSEPHINE Hi. How are you feeling? EDWARD I was dreaming. JOSEPHINE What were you dreaming about? He tries to recollect, but it's already gone. Josephine motions, is it okay for her to sit on the bed? He nods. EDWARD I don't usually remember unless they're especially portentous. You know what that word means, portentous? She shakes her head. EDWARD Means when you dream about something that's going to happen. (beat, gathering) Like one night, I had a dream where this crow came and told me, "Your Aunt is going to die." I was so scared I woke up my parents. They told me it was just a dream, to go back to bed. But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead. JOSEPHINE That's terrible. EDWARD Terrible for her, but think about me, young boy with that kind of power. Wasn't three weeks later that the crow came back to me in a dream and said, "Your Grampa is going to die." Well, I ran right back to my parents. My father said, no, Gramps is fine, but I could see there was trepidation. And true enough, that next morning my Grampa was dead. He sits up a bit in bed, his strength returning. EDWARD For the next couple weeks, I didn't have another dream. Until one night the crow came back and said, "Your Daddy is going to die." (beat) Well, I didn't know what to do. But finally I told my father. And he said not to worry, but I could tell he was rattled. That next day, he wasn't himself, always looking around, waiting for something to drop on his head. Because the crow didn't tell how it was going to happen, just those words: your Daddy is going to die. Well, he went into town early and was gone for a long time. And when he finally came back, he looked terrible, like he was waiting for the axe to fall all day. He said to my mother, "Good God. I just had the worst day of my life." (beat) "You think you've had a bad day," she said. "This morning the milkman dropped dead on the porch!" Josephine smiles, a half-laugh, which gets him smiling too. A long beat. Then, deadpan... EDWARD Because see, my mother was banging the milkman. JOSEPHINE No, I understand. EDWARD He was slipping her a little extra cream. She nods, a bit more of a laugh. EDWARD He was filling her basket. He was making deliveries around back. As Edward continues, she can't help but laugh harder, especially as the metaphors get more vulgar. EDWARD He was buttering her rolls. Pumping her churn. Splashing milk in her box. JOSEPHINE Stop. EDWARD They were squeezing the cheese. Clanking the bottles. Licking the popsicle. She's starting to cry from laughing. EDWARD Cracking the eggs and making an omelet. With that, he stops. She regains her composure. EDWARD Spooning the sherbet. JOSEPHINE (interrupting) Can I take your picture? EDWARD You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary. JOSEPHINE Please? He rolls his eyes, why not. Josephine leaves, heading down the hall to get her camera. We STAY WITH Edward in bed. JOSEPHINE (O.S.) I have photos from the wedding to show you. There's a great one of you and my father. I had an extra print made. Edward grimaces, a flash of pain. Around others, he's hiding how much it hurts, but alone we can see how bad it is. He controls his breathing, trying to push through it. JOSEPHINE I want to see pictures of your wedding. I've never seen any. She returns with her camera. Edward smiles, doing a good job masking the pain. EDWARD That's because we didn't have a wedding. Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me. She was engaged to somebody else. JOSEPHINE (loading film) I never knew. EDWARD Will never told you that? (she shakes her head) Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor. JOSEPHINE Oh, so this is a tall tale? EDWARD Well, it's not a short one. A devilish smile. Pushing past Edward, we settle on the whirling fan. MATCH CUT TO: SPINNING PINWHEEL held by a LITTLE BOY. He's slumped over his FATHER's shoulder, being carried towards a big-top tent. We are... EXT. OLYMPIA CIRCUS - NIGHT ...where the second-rate carnival is parked for the moment in an Alabama field. To the left, we spot Edward, 20-ish, halfway through a bag of peanuts. He's still carrying the backpack we saw earlier, and scratched up from his trip through Spectre. EDWARD (V.O.) I had just left Ashton, and was on my way to discover my destiny. Not knowing what that would be exactly, I explored every opportunity that presented itself. Joining the crowd, he heads into the big-top. INT. BIG TOP - NIGHT A troupe of STILT-WALKING FIREBREATHERS finishes their act to tremendous APPLAUSE. As the performers clear away, the circus' owner-and-ringmaster AMOS CALLOWAY (50) approaches the stands. He may only be four feet tall, but Amos has a titanic presence. AMOS Ladies and Gentlemen, you may think you've seen the unusual. You may think you've seen the bizarre. But I've travelled to the five corners of the world, and let me tell you, I've never seen anything like this. From behind Amos, CARNIES start rolling a massive ball towards the crowd. AMOS When I found this man, he was picking oranges in Florida. His fellow workers called him El Penumbra -- The Shadow -- because when you were working beside him, he blocked out the daylight. He could take a whole tree in his hands and shake off the fruit. I had to pay his crew boss $10,000 just so I could take him with me. Amos comes up to a MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN in the first row, a quieter moment. AMOS Not to alarm you, Ma'am. But if this man wanted to, he could crush your head between his toes. (she trembles) But he won't. (a long beat) He's not going to hurt her, folks, because he's our own Gentle Giant. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Colossus! The carnies back away from the ball as a deep DRUM ROLL begins. A moment, then the ball starts to bulge from inside. A foot suddenly bursts out from within. GASPS from the crowd. That foot is massive. In the stands, Edward looks closer. Intrigued. As the drum beat intensifies, a second foot breaks out. Followed by hands. Shoulders. Finally, the head. This is COLOSSUS. From a very LOW ANGLE, we look up to see just how massive he is. He seems to fill the Heavens. With his shaved head and giant club, he seems more ogre than man. In the bandstands, a YOUNG BOY's jaw drops in awe. Colossus walks down the row, letting the crowd get a better look at him. Some reach out to touch him, disbelieving. A tight spotlight follows him, revealing faces in the crowd. Colossus passes Edward, who seems unimpressed. He leans with the spotlight, WHISTLING to get the big man's attention. He points to the edge of the stands, where his friend is sitting on the dirt -- KARL THE GIANT stands up, so big the spotlight has to widen just to hold him. He's a good foot taller than Colossus. There's a GASP from the crowd, along with nervous anticipation -- what will happen next? ANGLE ON Amos, stunned, megaphone dangling. ANGLE ON Colossus, realizing the gig is up. With a resigned shrug, he rests his club on his shoulder and walks away into the shadows. CUT TO: INT. BIG-TOP - NIGHT / LATER As the stands empty, Edward and Karl talk to Amos. AMOS What's his name? Does he talk? It's not important. KARL Karl. AMOS Tell me Karl, have you ever heard of the term "involuntary servitude?" Karl shakes his head. AMOS "Unconscionable contract?" Nope. AMOS Great, great. That's fantastic. EDWARD (V.O.) It was on that night Karl met his destiny. And I met mine. Almost. INT. BIG TOP - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS As Amos pulls Karl aside to give him the hard sell, Edward notices a BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN (16) leaving with her family. She's wearing a blue dress and hat. For no good reason, she looks back at Edward. The two make eye contact. And as they do, all motion FREEZES. A fiery baton remains mid-twirl, flames locked in place. A spilled box of popcorn hangs in mid-air, each kernel like a snowflake. Even the elephant is mid-poop. Only Edward is free to move, winding his way between the frozen bodies, ducking underneath arms to get closer and closer to this woman. EDWARD (V.O.) They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops. And that's true. What they don't tell you, is that once time starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up. Suddenly, everything RUSHES. The crowd becomes a blur, and the young woman is lost in its wake. Now it's Edward who's frozen, helpless in time. EXT. DIRT PARKING LOT - NIGHT Edward checks in windows as cars pull out, searching for his fated love. Not finding her, he becomes more frantic, running down the rows. CROSSFADE TO: THE EMPTY LOT Colossus is thumbing for a ride. The last pickup truck stops and lets him climb in back. As the truck pulls out, it passes a dejected Edward. He'll never find that girl, the love of his life. INT. BIG-TOP - NIGHT Amos leans over so Karl can sign a contract on his back. He spots Edward walking back into the tent. AMOS Hey kid! Your friend just made himself a star. EDWARD That's great. Amos hands off the contract to a CLOWN. (INTRODUCING) My attorney, Mr. Soggybottom. EDWARD Good to meet you. Mr. Soggybottom HONKS his horn, then waddles off. AMOS What's the matter with you, kid? I haven't seen a customer so depressed since the elephant sat on that farmer's wife. (beat) Get it? "Depressed?" Karl chuckles. AMOS See! The big guy likes it. EDWARD I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her. AMOS Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives. EDWARD (with absolute conviction) I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone. AMOS Jesus, kid. (realizing) Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat? EDWARD Yes! AMOS I know her uncle. Friends of the family. EDWARD Who is she? Where does she live? AMOS Kid. Don't waste your time. She's out of your league. As Amos starts to walk away, Edward hurries to catch up with him. Karl follows as well. EDWARD What do you mean? You don't even know me. AMOS Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. EDWARD I've got a whole backpack full of clothes! He points to the bleachers, where no backpack is to be found. EDWARD (realizing) Someone stole my backpack. AMOS Kid, you were a big fish in a small pond. This here is the ocean, and you're drowning. Take my advice and go back to Puddleville. You'll be happy there. Getting in front of Amos, Edward stops him. EDWARD Wait. You said I don't have a plan. I do. I'm going to find that girl and marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. Amos smiles, amused. EDWARD I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one. And I may not have much, but I have more determination than any man you're ever going to meet. AMOS Sorry, kid. I don't do charity. EDWARD I'll work night and day, and you won't have to pay me. You just have to tell me who she is. Amos takes a long look at him. Ultimately, there's no way he can say no. He shrugs. What the hell. AMOS Every month you work for me, I'll tell you one thing about her. That's my final offer. Edward shakes Amos's hand before he can retract the offer. We move into a MONTAGE: INT. BIG TOP CENTER RING - NIGHT CLOSE ON Edward, smiling nervously. His head is tilted to the side, and as we PULL BACK, we see why: he's holding it in a MASSIVE LION's open mouth. The beast's sharp teeth are just poking his skin. If the lion so much as flinches, Edward is dead. The CROWD applauds, which makes the lion antsy. Which makes Edward antsier. EDWARD (V.O.) From that moment on, I did everything Mr. Calloway asked, and a lot of things he didn't. I'd go three days without stopping to eat, and four days without sleeping. EXT. THE HYDRA - DAY His eyes droopy from lack of sleep, Edward mans the whirling amusement park ride. EDWARD (V.O.) The only thing that kept me going was the promise of meeting the girl who would be my wife. Nodding off, Edward falls backward, into the path of the spinning arms. One of the Hydra cars hits him square in the gut, throwing him up and away, sailing 200 feet through the air. EXT. FIELD - DAY Edward chases a costumed pig, tripping over tent cords, falling in the mud. His hunt leads him through the back of a tent, where he's unwittingly stepped in front of a line of motorized birds. To the left, CUSTOMERS are shooting with rifles. He dodges four SHOTS that knock down the birds around him. He catches his breath, lucky. Then a half-blind OLD WOMAN pulls her trigger, hitting him in the shoulder. EXT. BEHIND A TENT - DAY Karl the Giant bandages Edward's arm as well as he can. Amos is walking past. EDWARD Mr. Calloway! It's been a month today. Amos stops, looks at the young man. Finally... AMOS This girl, the love of your life. Her favorite flower is daffodils. He walks away. We PUSH IN on Edward, enraptured by the concept. EDWARD Daffodils. (to Karl) Daffodils! INT. STABLES - DAY Edward shovels shit in the nastiest stables you've ever seen. But all he can think about is... EDWARD (to himself) Daffodils! The wonder of it. He goes back to shoveling, a smile on his face. EDWARD (V.O.) True to his word, every month Amos would tell me something new about the woman of my dreams. INT. A DARK PLACE - NIGHT CLOSE ON Edward, lost in quiet reverie, pondering his latest bit of information. EDWARD College! She's going to college! A sudden EXPLOSION as Edward is shot... INT. BIG TOP - NIGHT [CONTINUOUS] ...out of a giant cannon. INT. STABLES - NIGHT Under a full moon, Edward feeds the animals. EDWARD (to himself) Music! She likes music. I like music too! EDWARD (V.O.) Over the months, I learned a lot about the woman I was going to marry, but not her name, and not where to find her. That time had come. I couldn't wait any longer. EXT. AMOS CALLOWAY'S TRAILER - NIGHT Under a full moon, Edward walks up to the battered camper, and is about to knock when he notices it's rocking. A lot. Not just that, there's MOANING coming from inside. But Edward KNOCKS anyway. EDWARD Mr. Calloway! It's Edward Bloom. I need to talk to you. Suddenly, the rocking and moaning stop. A beat, then the door handle begins to RATTLE. It seems to be stuck. Edward turns the knob. Suddenly, the door BURSTS OPEN. Edward is knocked down by a massive black dog, biggest you've ever seen. It has green glowing eyes and a lick of fire for a tongue. Edward wrestles with the beast, its mouth snapping at his throat. Blocking with an arm, Edward tries to push himself free, but the creature's hands -- it has hands instead of paws -- hold on tight. Entwined, they roll across the dirt. The other nearby CARNIES scatter for cover. Mr. Soggybottom pulls a revolver out of his clown suit. Loads a silver bullet. Edward finally succeeds in throwing the beast off. He rolls to his feet. The hell hound squares back on its haunches, GROWLING, ready for another leap. Mr. Soggybottom sheds a clown tear, aiming the revolver at the dog. At the last moment... EDWARD No, wait! Edward moves just as Mr. Soggybottom FIRES. The bullet catches Edward in the shoulder, knocking him down. The carnies GASP. Licking its chops, the dog approaches the helpless Edward, who feels the ground around him, looking for some kind of weapon. He finds only a small stick. He waves it at the dog, ready to strike it. Like magic, the dog's whole demeanor changes. It bounces excitedly, ready to play fetch. Seeing an opportunity, Edward throws the stick as far as he can. The dog bounds after it, SMASHING DOWN THREE CARS. It returns a beat later with the flaming stick, which it drops at Edward's feet. Its tail whips back and forth. EDWARD It was that night I discovered that most things you consider evil or wicked are simply lonely, and lacking in the social niceties. Edward throws the stick again. The dog takes off in a new direction. TRANSITION TO: EXT. FIELD - PRE-DAWN Exhausted from playing fetch all night, Edward throws the stick into the woods. The still-spry dog goes after it. It's gone for a long time, long enough that Edward becomes concerned. He follows it into the woods. INT. WOODS - DAWN Amos Calloway stands up behind a bush, buck naked and hairy. He still has the stick in his mouth, which he takes out as Edward approaches. AMOS Didn't kill anything, did I? EDWARD A few rabbits, but I think one of them w